A lady wearing a tee shirt that had a picture of a cat and underneath said:

Come play

with

my pussy

Overheard near NTU/臺大

女：上英國文學，還是臺灣老師比較好。

男：怎麼說？

女：文化不同，英國老師講很多我們不懂的東西。可是臺灣老師講的，我們都知道。

She: For English Lit, it’s better to have a Taiwanese teacher.

He: How so?

She: Cultural difference. The English teacher tells us things we don’t know, but the Taiwanese teacher tells us things we already know.

是啊，萬一上課學到新東西怎麼辦呢？That makes sense. What would happen if a teacher told you something you didn’t know?

唐、段成式著筆記小說集「酉陽雜俎」，說不定清朝以來沒出版過。想看，無書，幾年前史國興教授給我「四部備要」中「酉陽雜俎」的PDF檔，而現在Wikisources也有。可是電腦看，不過癮：半夜睡不著不想開電腦，清閒更不想看電腦。前幾天剛好無聊，看著Wikisources，想搜尋一下，很意外地發現，今年七月中華書局出版了！四冊，而最開心的是，用正體直書。毫不猶豫訂了一套，今日收到了，樂矣! YouYang Tzatzu is a collection of miscellaneous stories from the Tang dynasty, the 9^th century. It hasn’t been published for centuries, but fortunately, Curtis Smith sent me a PDF copy and it’s on Wikisources. But reading on a computer isn’t so much fun. The other day I just happened to google it, and found out that just this July, a new version was published! Wonderful! Four volumes, in traditional script, top to bottom, right to left, what more can you ask for (okay, no punctuation would be nice, but good enough!)

You probably have never heard of this collection, but there is one story in it that everybody knows: it is the earliest recorded version of the story of 葉限link Yeh Hsien link, which traveled thousands of kilometers for over a thousand years to become better known as Cinderella. 

This morning a mosquito whining by my ear woke me up. I wondered, why do mosquitoes always whine?
I guess they’re whining about their bloody line of work.

孔子不是個孔子主義者，他複雜太多、有意思太多了。

--唐諾：眼前

在羅斯福路，從萬隆往景美，早就注意到有一間小小的打鐵店。最近去看看。師傅姓謝，苗栗客家人，在這裏打鐵已經四、五十年。他剛來時，羅斯福路旁都是竹林。現在是大樓林立。Some years ago I noticed a small smithy on Roosevelt Road, so recently I finally went to take a look. The smith is Mr Hsieh, a Hakka from Miaoli. He has been working here for 40 or 50 years. When he set up shop here, this was outside the city, but now it’s crowded with buildings.

問他打鐵店的店名。他說，「沒有名字。…以前有，可是被颱風吹走，所以現在沒有名字…。…反正，景美只有這麼一個打鐵店。」I asked him the name of the smithy. He said, “It doesn’t have a name…. It used to have a name, but it blew away in a typhoon, so now the smithy doesn’t have a name… There’s only one smith in this area anyway.” 

他用廢車彈簧的鋼為我做了這把刀。手感很好，刃背很重，適合砍樹砍竹。He made this knife for me out of steel from a scavenged car spring. 

羅斯福路六段九十二巷口 

Come unto me, my brethren and sistren, and I shall tell unto you the story of Joseph and the Goat of Many Colors.

In days of yore*, there lived a man named Jacob and he didn’t believe in planned parenthood, so he had boy child after boy child after boy child until finally he got one he liked. He liked this child so much that he named him Joseph, which in the language of the Israelites means Joseph. One day he found a goat with many colors, and as a sign of his special preference, gave said goat unto Joseph, which caused Joseph to put on airs. His brethren, sorely vexed, sold Joseph to a caravan for twenty shekels, killed the goat, cooked it, and told their father that alas, Joseph and the goat were murdered by some crazy Baptists from Westboro for eating figs, that they had buried Joseph and retrieved the remains of the goat. Jacob asked for a second serving.

Time passed. Many years later, Joseph, having been sold into servitude in Egypt, worked his way up to the ladder until he was CEO of Egypt. Whereupon there was a great famine in the land of Israel, whereupon the brothers decided to try their luck begging in Egypt, whereupon they were arrested for loitering and taken before the CEO, whereupon they recognized him not but he recognized them, whereupon he forgave them and fed them and everybody was happy again.

This story teaches us that selling your little brother into servitude is a shrewd investment, because you can not only earn twenty shekels, but many years later, in time of need, he will show his magnanimity by feeding your starving carcass. Smart move, big brothers. 

* In the days of yore mama’s mama’s mama’s to the Nth power mama.

In the aftermath of a shooting at a school, The National Rifle Association, that bastion of level-headed, impartial analysis, strategic foresight, and great compassion, proposed that that all schools should have armed guards, and that teachers should be armed, too. Now we see the wisdom of their viewpoint. Please examine this clip.

LINK

Apparently the girl was texting in class and refused to comply with her teacher’s directions, so the guard was called, and after knocking the sitting girl and her chair over, threw her on the floor. Very inefficient, sir, that will not teach her proper respect for authority. Now, if the guard had been armed NRA fashion, he could have simply shot the recalcitrant girl and saved everybody a lot of trouble.

Also remember that jihadists are lurking everywhere, just waiting to leap out and die in a flurry of bullets from our heroically armed citizens, so it stands to reason that teachers should carry loaded guns to class. In such a situation as shown in this clip, we can even hope that the teacher and the armed guard would engage in a gunfight, giving any surviving students an invaluable lesson that in the United States, the only solution to any problem is violence. 

And if you don’t agree with that, you’ve been duped by the liberal media and want the terrorists to win.

This may need a little work, but here goes:

Q: What upset the pirate at his physical?
A: The nurse took his P and now he's irate.

Nut Korea, I’m sorry, North Korea has launched most of its submarine fleet, threatening South Korea and apparently attempting to force concessions. What, I wondered, is the PRC up to? A war there wouldn’t be in their interests: the PRC is still, in name, a communist state, so they ought to support NK, but financially they are very close to the South, and the South is much easier to get along with. Then I noticed that the People’s Liberation Army is massing troops on the NK border, and it became clear. The PRC isn’t saying anything to stop North Korea, because the moment North Korea makes a move on the South, PLA troops will pour across the border, and of course North Korea is no match for the PLA. In this event, the Chinese would depose Kim, get rid of him, and liberate North Korea. This would win them the gratitude of the world, build their prestige and international standing, add lots of territory (a new vassal state), give them a border with South Korea, and put them in an interesting position with regard to Vladivostok, the Russian Pacific fleet, Japan, and the American Pacific fleet. Stay tuned. 

LINK

The way I heard the story, the commander on the ground judged the situation too dangerous for medevac choppers, but Captain Freeman went in anyway with a regular military HUI. He flew back and forth through heavy machine gun fire, ferrying out the wounded. Only after he rescued all the wounded men did anybody know that he had been wounded four times. 

Too bad nobody paid attention to his passing. The chopper pilots in VN were all nuts, but they were heroes. Amitabha, rest in peace, sir.

雖有颱風要來，可是七日晚上八點回家，路面是乾的。回家後沒多久開始下雨，再過一段時間颳風。好吧，颱風夜就睡吧，沒甚麼。半夜醒，下雨刮風，颱風嘛，不以為意，繼續睡。老婆說清晨五點左右剛好醒，看到窗外亮亮一片，繼續睡。停電了，這也沒甚麼，颱風嘛，再睡。颱風到十點大體上已經過了，雖然還有幾陣風。看外面，幾棵樹斷了，地上水多，沒甚麼。唯一不尋常的是，風雨把紗窗洗乾淨了。

可是到中午還沒復電，就奇怪。午餐後，聽到前面溪水聲音大，出去看，到馬路才知道嚴重。柏油很多處被水沖壞、很多地方崩。問鄰居有沒有電？說，水淹到發電廠，發電廠爆了，沒電，外面路都斷了，沒電沒電話沒網路。也沒水：烏來的自來水，是自己找來的水，要自己找水源、排管子到自家的水塔；我們水塔很大，暫時沒問題，可是這要注意。(原來超看到的亮光，是發電廠爆炸的光。)

這個颱風從頭到尾才十二小時左右，下了一千多毫釐雨。山崩、路斷，八十歲的耆老沒看過這麼嚴重的災害。這也是托消費者的福，很喜歡來烏來泡溫泉，所以外面資金流進來，亂開發，破壞水流、擋住水流；反正烏來只是他們投資的點而已，生意不好就拍拍屁股到別地方去吧，管它烏來怎麼樣。

可是我們居民不是這麼認為的。

We were expecting a typhoon. The news on the internet said it would be about as strong as Katrina, so I didn’t pay much attention to it. We get several larger than Katrina in an average year. Everything that can blow away, blew away long ago. We came home around eight on the evening of the seventh. The roads were dry.

It started to rain soon after we got home, and the wind came up to blow not much later. Ho hum, what better to do during a typhoon than sleep? I woke up during the night, the wind was blowing and the rain was raining, typical typhoon, back to sleep. Chao woke around first light and saw a bright flash in the sky, like lightning. The power was out, but that’s nothing unusual for a typhoon.

By ten in the morning, the typhoon had pretty well passed, except for some gusts. Some trees had broken, there was water everywhere, pretty much your typical typhoon. So far the only thing atypical was that it washed our window screens. I didn’t even bother to pay attention to the name of the typhoon, which was Soudelor.

After lunch, the power hadn’t come back on, which was unusual. The phone was dead, the cellphones didn’t have any signal, and we couldn’t go online. The stream out front seemed to be roaring especially loud, so we decided to go ask the neighbors if they had electricity.

When we got down to the road, we realized things were pretty bad. The road was all ripped up by the water. Neighbors told us that the stream overflowed into the power plant, which blew up: thus the flash Chao saw. There was no electricity, and the roads were all cut. Everybody’s water was cut (we lay our own pipes from spring to home). There were big and small slides everywhere. Wulai was out of touch with the outside world, even the neighboring tribal villages.

The typhoon was not particularly big, but it came all at once. Within about twelve hours, we got about four feet of rain. Roads were cut, landslides were everywhere, the oldest tribal elders had never seen such a mess in Wulai. For that, we have consumers to thank, people who flock to Wulai for the hotsprings, drawing investors, who care only about profits and nothing about local life. They built in places that cut off the flow of water. That proved disastrous.

I will be posting photos on Flickr. 

Contemporary Russian countour flying. In 1971, I was riding north on a winding road through the forests in the hills near Xuân Lộc, South Viet Nam, when suddenly a US Army LOH (pronounced Loach: Light Observation Helicopter) surprised us by appearing close overhead. He had flown up from behind us, about four meters off the road, and we had no idea he was coming. The pilot kept his LOH perfectly above the center of the road, the same height above the road up and down as it went through the hills, with forest hugging either side of the road. We were very impressed. Everybody knew all helicopter pilots were nuts, but that guy was good!!

This is what a LOH looks like.

You could knock one out of the air with a flyswatter.

Come unto me, my brethren and sistren, and I shall tell unto you the story of Joseph and the Goat of Many Colors.

In days of yore*, there lived a man named Jacob and he didn’t believe in planned parenthood, so he had boy child after boy child after boy child until finally he got one he liked. He liked this child so much that he named him Joseph, which in the language of the Israelites means Joseph. One day he found a goat with many colors, and as a sign of his special preference, gave said goat unto Joseph, which caused Joseph to put on airs. His brethren, sorely vexed, sold Joseph to a caravan for twenty shekels, killed the goat, cooked it, and told their father that alas, Joseph and the goat were murdered by some crazy Baptists from Westboro for eating figs, that they had buried Joseph and retrieved the remains of the goat. Jacob asked for a second serving.

Time passed. Many years later, Joseph, having been sold into servitude in Egypt, worked his way up to the ladder until he was CEO of Egypt. Whereupon there was a great famine in the land of Israel, whereupon the brothers decided to try their luck begging in Egypt, whereupon they were arrested for loitering and taken before the CEO, whereupon they recognized him not but he recognized them, whereupon he forgave them and fed them and everybody was happy again.

This story teaches us that selling your little brother into servitude is a shrewd investment, because you can not only earn twenty shekels, but many years later, in time of need, he will show his magnanimity by feeding your starving carcass. Smart move, big brothers. 

עֵז פַּסִּים

 * In days of yore mama’s mama’s mama’s to the Nth power mama.

A very unfortunate juxtaposition on the Google News page:

“Kesha is a singer and songwriter. It's time to end this perverted excuse for entertainment.”

Actually, I believe that was not a criticism of Kesha’s musical abilities, but rather a call from Kesha for an end to big game hunting for "sport".

LINK

讀通鑑，到永嘉三十年(西元四五三年)，宋太子劭弒太祖，諸王伐之；蕭斌勸曰：「人情未離，尚可決力一戰」，一股涼風吹過心頭：解嚴以來，臺灣政治人物，盡力分離人情，至今民眾不談建設，只管賣力罵人，不努力解決問題，只努力想惡毒的詞來攻訐異己。

We should take Donald Trump to one of those beaches where sharks have been appearing and settle once and for all who has the most odious mouth in the Northern Hemisphere.

But no, sharks are an essential part of the ecosystem, and I wouldn’t want to wish Trump on them. 

李登輝在日本說，「臺灣的麻煩都來自中國」，這是一句可以刻石鏤金的銘言，千真萬確。「教改」斷送臺灣下一代的主人翁的前途與競爭力，這分明是中國陰謀。李登輝執政時，臺灣正準備更上一層樓，全世界看準臺灣即將成為二十一世紀全球金融重鎮，甚至很多專家預估臺灣將會超過瑞士；但是因為街頭運動、無止的抗爭，民眾的力量分散了、眼界封鎖了，不再談建樹，只管罵國內的人，于是臺灣美好、富裕的前途成為泡影；這也是中國削弱臺灣的陰謀。

進入二十一世紀，世界各國向前奔跑，陳總統水扁先生的建樹在于分化，這一定是遵從中國的命令，因為如果臺灣團結，比較容易與北京談條件。但事到如今，時移境遷，臺灣越來越弱、中國越來越強，陳總統為中國渡過那段危險期。

不能說陳總統讓臺灣空轉八年，他確實有建樹：當年他計畫禁止布農族在傳統獵場打獵，讓他們當有錢人的嚮導，開放獵場給有錢人玩鎗、打獵；雖然沒有成功，但可見他多麼用心。他還把中正紀念堂的牌樓改寫成「自由廣場」，雖然聽起來有點像跳蚤市場，也是很有作為的一項建樹。而且他還有一個很了不起的貢獻，他為了保留「反核」這個非常重要的爭權資本，所以八年完全沒有處理能源問題，以至于現在另類能源方面，臺灣還跟不上很多非洲落後國家；這一定也是中國的陰謀。還有呢，他開放重機車進口，讓山村的人被吵的生活不安寧，這當然也是中國人搞出來的。比起陳總統的政績，十大建設算甚麼？

馬英九上臺，來勢洶洶，如果讓臺灣站起來，對北京很不利，所以不管他說甚麼、不管他做甚麼，很多民眾不問青紅皂白只管放開喉嚨罵：因為他是馬英九，所以他是錯的。罵馬的風氣又很成功地削弱臺灣，想也知道這也是中國人搞出來的。

所以感謝李登輝的偉大指導，我們了解，一切事情都是別人的錯；只要手伸直直指著別人，大吼大罵，不需要為自己的行為負責，都是別人的錯。這個意義很深，應該頒發諾貝爾和平獎給李登輝；我想，只要有人提名，北京方面一定會全力支持將諾貝爾和平獎給李登輝，因為這種思維對中國大陸太有利。只要臺灣民眾習慣這種思路，大陸收復臺灣，不必費吹灰之力，垂手可得。