One day, Frederick Trump gave his little son Donald an axe. It was studded with diamonds and made out of solid gold, but it had a very thin handle so little Donald could wrap his little hands around it. As he had his servants give his son the axe, Frederick told his son Donald, “Don’t you dare chop down my cherry tree with your little axe!”
So Donald tried to chop down the cherry tree with his hatchet, but cherry wood is very hard, so Donald could not chop it down with his little axe and his little hands. So he hired a dozen illegal immigrants from Mexico to chop it down for him.
When Frederick came home, he saw his cherry tree had been chopped down, and he flew into a wrath. He told his servants to bring Donald to him.
Donald stood before his wrathful parent. “Donald,” cried the father, “Who chopped down my cherry tree?”
“Father,” said little Donald, “I cannot tell the truth. I chopped down your cherry tree with my little axe, and I saw thousands of Muslims in New Jersey cheering as it fell, because I am very intelligent, and I know the best words, like bigly, and I don’t like soldiers who surrender, because I am rich enough to get out of military service with fake medical problems. But Father, I will build a wall around your cherry tree, and the length of the wall shall be three hundred cubits, its width fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits. And I shall make the Mexican government pay for it, and if they refuse, I will make the American tax payers pay for it and tell them that if they think the Mexicans didn’t pay, they have been tricked by the liberal media. And I will do all that my master Putin tells me to do, for he will raise me to great heights. I will fill the Cabinet with toadies and thieves, and we will acquire vast riches, offend common decency, trample on the little guy, and do all within our power to defile the Constitution.”
“Oh, come to my arms,” the joyous parent said, “Truly you are destined for greatness and the largest crowd ever to attend an inauguration and other alternative facts.” And they hugged as the great United States went swiftly down the drain.