星期天，陽曆三月二十，值農曆二月十二日，乃花朝節，百花生日。大家一起慶祝花草之美，欣賞自然之工。Sunday, March 20, is the 12^th day of the 3^rd month on the Chinese calendar, the Flowers’ Birthday. Join the world in celebrating the beauty of flowers and nature.

畫：明、項聖謨、卉花十開 Painting by Hsiang (Xiang) Shengmo, 1597 – 1658

九十三年三月十九，總統大選之前一下午，傳出驚駭全臺的新聞：陳總統遇刺！但幸無大礙。而有人注意到一個很奇怪的現象：當連戰得知消息，剎那間微笑了，立即嚴肅起來了。

當然，選舉一過就發現我們都上當了，根本就是演戲拉票。說子彈穿過玻璃、劃過陳總統肚皮、打到呂副總統大腿、又彈回總統西裝口袋裏，好靈活的子彈！很多人應該記得當時盛傳「子彈經過圖」，說子彈的路線，唯一合理的解釋，是呂副總統緊抱著陳總統，大腿還搭在總統肚皮上：現在找不到那張圖，可是很好笑。

四年後，謝長廷落選，宣布要抖出假刺殺的真相。但馬英九軟弱，搞政治需要心狠手辣，他沒追究。而我後來想，連戰那一笑，也許他事先知道要演這齣戲，得知消息，心想，好小子，你真敢！

今年很不可思議的巧合，總統大選前兩天傳出可憐美女道歉影片，美女一下子紅了，「我們要支持她！」，蔡英文更穩定地當選，「我們要支持她！」據說美國刑警的座右銘是：不要相信「巧合」。

March 19, 2004, the afternoon before Taiwan’s Presidential election, there was shocking news: there had been an attempt on President Chen’s life! Somebody told me that he noticed that on television news, when the KMT candidate, Lien Chan, was told about the assassination attempt, a smile flitted across his face, but he quickly became serious. Strange.

What was not strange was that with the sympathy vote, Chen squeaked through for reelection. It quickly became obvious that we had been had. The assassin’s bullet allegedly went through the windshield of Chen’s jeep, creased his stomach, hit VP Lu in the leg, and then landed neatly in the pocket of Chen’s suit. Uh-huh, a very gymnastic bullet.

When he lost the 2008 Presidential election, DPP candidate Hsieh was so sore that he said he was going to spill the beans on the fake assassination attempt. Ma didn’t follow through, because he’s not vengeful enough to be a good politician. But that made me wonder, that smile on Lien’s face? Maybe Lien was in on it, or at least had heard about it, so when he heard the news, he thought, Aha!

Then by an AMAZING coincidence, just before this year’s election, a beautiful young singer nobody had ever heard of made this touching video that catapulted her into fame and coincidentally made sure the DPP’s Tsai won by a good margin. Don’t you just love these coincidences? Tricky Dick Nixon would be green with envy. 

世說新語、棲逸

康僧淵在豫章，去郭數十里立精舍，旁連嶺，帶長川，芳林列於軒庭，清流激於堂宇。乃閒居研講，希心理味。庾公諸人，多往看之，觀其運用吐納，風流轉佳；加處之怡然，亦有以自得；聲名乃興。後不堪，遂出。

Kang Sengyuan (active around 300AD) built a retreat a distance from the city, next to joined ridges, beside a long river, with fragrant woods along the building, and clear waters flowing in front of the hall. He lived leisurely studying the dao. Powerful politicians came to see him, and watched his exercises. He took it all in stride, which added to his fame. Eventually he caved in to pressure and took a position in the government.

This section struck me for several reasons. First, the story tells a great deal about the times. Second, it is beautifully written. Third, the shape of the characters used lends it to writing; the only one I would rather have left out was the 乃, which in the script I chose doesn’t seem to jibe. Also, this is a good example of the succinctness of Chinese literature, a whole story clearly developed, beautifully described, in less than a hundred words.

An archery contest featuring Robin Hood, William Tell, apples, and others.

今天早上日偏食，猜也猜得出來，北部下雨，看不到：請參攷這張日蝕正盛時的照片。

日光顯然黯淡，有一種特殊寧靜：沒有風、鳥不叫，只有烏鴉叫兩聲。

漸漸天稍亮，一隻松鼠爬上楠樹叫了幾聲，鳥逐漸又鳴了。

A partial solar eclipse was predicted for this morning, 

so very predictably it rained. 

But the sky was noticeably dimmer, and aside from a crow that cawed a couple times, the birds were all quiet. 

Then the sky gradually brightened. A squirrel climbed a tree and chattered, and the birds resumed singing.

Here’s a photo of the eclipse at the maximum.

今年第一朵鳶尾花 the first iris of the year

When we think of the European migrant problem, we usually don’t think of minors, just kids, really, traveling by themselves.

LINK

深夜奇光 an uncanny light (English follows)

昨晚天上出現了一坨很詭異的光，全村雞犬不寧、嬰孩哭、少年號、眾生不安、丈人哀、夫人泣。有人說，二二九閏日，祖靈垂惡相，將啟不祥。我看到雷棍跪在地上求祖靈，老淚縱橫，我于心不忍，想著辦法，突然從記憶庫浮現了一個很久很久以前看過的東西。我搖搖雷棍的肩膀，問他，「麻禡，想一想！這坨光，我們以前是有看過的，你不記得嗎？」他頭轉向我了，徐徐說，「由紺，你這樣講，我好像看過，可是我忘了是甚麼，因為實在太久以前。」旁邊的哈鹿斯聽到了，慢慢站起來了，說，「你們這樣講，我想起來了，很久很久以前看過夜晚天上有一樣的光……這是不是我們以前講的『月亮』？」「對！對！就是『月亮』！太久沒看到她了，所以實在忘記是甚麼！」皆大歡喜，轉悲為歡，大家回家睡覺去了。

冬雨真的下了很久，終于停了。這個故事只有一點點加油添醋。

Late last night an uncanny light appeared in the sky. The whole village was in an uproar. Dogs were howling and brave men were trembling. People were saying, It was February 29, Leap Day, the ancestors were warning of disaster to come. I saw Legun on his knees, tears streaming down his face, begging the ancestors to spare us. I had to do something. Suddenly, a long buried memory surfaced: I had seen something like this before! I shook Legun’s shoulder. “Mama! Think back! We’ve seen a light in the sky like this before, don’t you remember?” He looked at me and slowly said, “Yugan, now that you mention it, yes, I have seen a light like this before, but it was so long ago, I had forgotten!” Halus nearby also got to his feet and said, “Yes, now I remember, long, long ago, I saw something similar! Could this be the thing we used to call ‘the moon’?” “Yes, yes, that’s right! It’s the ‘moon’! We haven’t seen it for so long that we totally forgot about it!” Everybody became happy again and went to bed with smiles on their faces.

The winter rain finally let up and we got some clear weather. This story is embroidered only a wee bit. 

大概民國六十一、二年吧，一次從花蓮要到天祥，當時都是搭便車旅遊，又自由、又省錢、又可以跟很多司機聊，多有趣！但是那天早上從臺東出發，過了花蓮，搭的車要往蘇澳走，不是到天祥，所以我在中橫太魯閣入口下車，開始往山裏走。

一片矗立的峭壁一直吸引我，很想爬，可是當年在臺灣，怎麼問也找不到攀岩的人。連「攀岩」這個詞都沒有人知道。一個人不能爬，所以只好望崖興嘆。我往天祥走，到了那裏馵步，索性坐下來好好看崖，研究，如果哪一天找到攀岩的人，怎麼爬？剛好夕陽斜光，可以把石面看得很清楚，我真的是流連忘返。等天黑了我才猛然想到，我還有十幾公里要走。安安靜靜的，走起路來很舒服，一台車也沒有。嗯，一台車也沒有，那我搭甚麼便車？這是問題。

走了一個小時左右，有點餓，有點累，可是雙向都沒有車。有了！我聽到聲音！有卡車來，而且是往天祥方向走！太好了！車慢慢靠近，我開始倒著走，擺出我熟練的搭便車姿勢。可是司機沒有要停的樣子，所以我開始揮手 。等車子快要過的時候，我想到我真的有點累，不想再走一個小時，所以我乾脆不客氣，跑了幾步跳上踏板，問司機，「請問，可以送我到天祥嗎？」司機眼睛瞪很大，嘴巴開了，嗯嗯兩聲，微微點了頭，不講話。我很大方地開了門上了車，謝謝你，我到天祥就下車。

說也很奇怪。一班卡車司機很喜歡開車有人可以聊天，可是那個司機好像很內向，不管我怎麼想辦法跟他聊天，他就是雙眼盯得直直的，專心看前面的路，一副很緊張的樣子，一句也不回我。好吧，不是所有人都愛聊天，可是這個司機有點怪，他給我的感覺是，他不敢看我。好吧，有人天生害羞吧。好吧，不要勉強他了，不想聊就不要聊，我有靜靜地看著黑黑的 山景。

沒有很久，天祥到了。我跟司機先生說，「到了，我到天祥就好了，我下車了，謝謝你！」又一個很奇怪的感覺，司機好像鬆了一口氣，可是還是不看我，嗯嗯兩聲。我開門下車，幾乎來不及落地、來不及說謝謝，司機已經全力踩油門，向前衝，開很快！我很訝異看著他的車全速往洛韶跑。搖頭兩下，就往天主堂投宿去了。

多年後，我跟一個開車的朋友偶然提到這個奇怪的司機，沒想到這位朋友仰天哈哈大笑，笑得不停。等他喘了氣，我問他，「這有甚麼好笑的呢？」他擦眼淚說，「那個司機一定認為有阿飄上了他的車！你想，中橫前不著村、後不著店的黑暗路段，突然看到一個奇怪相貌的像人的形狀的東西招他的車，不是鬼是甚麼？那個年代臺灣的外國人很少，那個司機應該平時沒有近距離見過外國人，怎麼可能在荒郊野外有外國人要上他的車？一定是鬼！他把你當作鬼，所以你當然認為他怪怪的！他以為你才奇怪！也難怪你下車他鬆了一口氣！他一定一路衝到廟裏收驚哈哈哈哈！」笑得不停。

好吧，大概是吧，反正我本來就是洋鬼子。

When I was in college, I hitchhiked all over Taiwan. It was a great way to see things and meet people.

One day I was going from Hualien to Tienhsiang, and got dropped off near the coast where the road enters the mountains, spectacular scenery you have to see to believe.

There is a cliff there that I really wanted to climb, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find another rock climber. People didn’t even know what rock climbing was. Why should you go to all that effort to climb up, fall off, and smash your brains all over a rock face? Well, yeah, but it’s fun, you see.

On the day in question, I walked up to a place where I could really admire the cliff and sat down to study the face. About a pitch, at most a pitch and a half, I guessed. The setting sun put the face in relief so I could see details I hadn’t seen before. Fantastic. More and more interesting.

But when the sun set, I realized I was still over ten kilometers from Tienhsiang, and it was dark. The nice thing was that there were no cars or trucks on the road, so it was serenely quiet. Uh, no cars or trucks on the road. Hmm. One of the prerequisites for hitchhiking is you need cars or trucks. Hmm. Okay, let’s start walking.

An hour later, I still hadn’t seen a single car, and I was getting a bit hungry and tired. Then I heard a sound, a motor, something coming, and in the right direction! From the sound I could tell it was a truck. Great! Truck drivers enjoy company and always stop. So when the truck came close enough, I started walking backward and thumbing.

But the truck didn’t seem to be slowing down, so I started waving. It still wasn’t slowing down, and just as it was passing, I realized I really didn’t want to walk another hour, so I ran and jumped on the running board. I stuck my head in the window and very politely asked the driver to take me to Tienhsiang. It is on the way, after all.

But something strange. The driver’s eyes bulged, his mouth opened, he nodded, but he didn’t say anything. Never mind that, I opened the door and climbed into the front seat.  Now, most truck drivers enjoy having someone to chat with, to break the monotony of driving, but this guy was different. I tried to strike up a conversation, but he wouldn’t say a thing to me. He kept his eyes glued on the road. Okay, some people are shy, they don’t like to talk. But he seemed tense, nervous in a way, and I got the impression that he didn’t even want to look at me. Kind of weird. Well, okay, I just watched the black shadows of the mountains in silence.

When we reached Tienhsiang, I said, “Here we are, this is as far as I go.” He seemed relieved, but he still wouldn’t look at me. I opened the door and jumped out. Almost as soon as I hit the ground, before I had a chance to thank him, he floored it and roared off. I watched in amazement for a while as he sped up the road.

Many years later, I happened to mention this strange encounter to a friend who’s also a driver. To my surprise, he threw back his head and guffawed. When he could control himself, I asked him, What’s so funny? He said, “That driver must have thought you were a ghost! Think of it, out in the middle of nowhere in the mountains, miles from any houses or buildings, this shape that looks like a human wants to get into his truck. If that’s not a ghost, what is it? There were very few foreigners in Taiwan at that time, and he had probably never seen a foreigner up close. He never imagined a foreigner would flag down his truck in the middle of the pitch black mountains, so he was probably sure you were a ghost! You thought he was weird, but he thought you were spooky! He probably didn’t stop until he found a temple hahahaha!”

That would explain it, but allow me to assure you, I am flesh and blood, living and breathing. Does that make anyone feel better?

Tom Cotton did his best to sabotage the nuclear deal with Iran. It is a total coincidence, I suppose, that he took US$1,000,000 from Israel (LINK). He went to Israel to swear fealty to his masters, but of course he always has the best interests of the US at heart. Or, to be more specific, the best interests of a certain US citizen named Tom Cotton. 

Oregon is dealing with the takeover of a public land by a group led by one Ammon Bundy. Bundy has benefited from decades of government subsidies on his ventures, including a loan of over US$500,000 which is subsidized by tax money (LINK). Now he says God has called him to go all the way to Oregon to protest and protect the Constitution. In short, he wants to own the land.

Unfortunately, if the land belongs to anybody, I would think the Paiute Indians would have a better claim than he (LINK). The local sheriff has asked him politely to leave and let the locals get on with their lives (LINK). But what is worse, he has irritated the birders, and if you think birders are a soft bunch, you have another thought coming. (LINK) The Bundy gang should really go home and try to do something worthwhile. 

Blaq ta kwara kawas na yungay! 

祝所有眾生猴年平安吉祥！

a happy monkey year to all!

Southern Taiwan was hit by a 6.4 earthquake early this morning. We are in the north, so we didn’t know anything about it until we woke up and saw the news online.

阿彌陀佛，猴年還沒正式登場就猴搞。祝大家猴年平安吉祥！

LINK

Shots are fired, bombs are exploded in Paris, in London, in Madrid, the world takes note, people march, candles are lit. Two thousand some people get slaughtered in Baga, Boko Haram butchers 86 people in Maiduguri, ho hum, those are in Nigeria, who cares, really? It’s not like anybody would change their FaceBook profile photo. Let’s see what the commentators have to say about the Super Bowl.

Je suis Nigeria? Not likely!

Interesting article about which states speak fastest, the least, and so forth.

LINK

Language is funny.

My Puyuma (Pinuyumayan) male friends address me as Ali, the proper way adult males address each other. But in Tayal, ‘ali means bamboo shoot, and at first it was confusing: why are they calling me bamboo shoot?

We were talking with Malivan, Puyuma tribe, about tradition and cultural transmission. He made a particularly good point, so Chao said, “Balay.”

He was a bit taken aback, and asked, “What did you say?”

She explained, “Balay is Tayal for truly, verily, well spoken.”

He smiled and said, “I thought you said Ngalay, Puyuma for spit, or nonsense.” 

迷彩車 Taitung style camouflage.

Slaqi Ulay! 太棒了！ 烏來下雪了！Incredible! Snow in Wulai!

被颱風摧殘不到半年後，烏來下雪了，真奇妙。Less than six months after a disastrous typhoon, it snows in Wulai. Bizarre, but welcome. 

LINK

眾所周知，由于臺灣社會、概念的變遷，二十年來出現了「外籍新娘」。有多少外籍新娘就有多少動聽的故事，有歡喜、有悲劇、有愛情、有憎恨、有和睦、有睽離。我一個鄰居每次開口，他的外籍新娘好像看著白馬王子，用愛慕的眼神看著他，十年來不變；我另一個鄰居常常被外籍新娘打，雖然婦比夫輕二十公斤、矮個頭，但是出手毒辣，又快又準。有的公婆把新娘當公主伺候，有的公婆將新娘當奴隸、野狗使喚。

外籍新娘必須完全入境隨俗，沒聽說過有任何一個家庭鼓勵新娘傳她的語言、習俗、想法，卻一律要求她們徹底融入中華文化的巨大川流。我認為很可惜，臺灣很喜歡說是「多元化的社會」，但是我看到的「多元化」是「與世界接軌」的同義詞，意思偏向沖淡固有文化傳統、盲目追從西方。如果重視外籍新娘的文化，可以讓我們社會更豐富；母親的血脈受尊重，孩子身心更健康；而且會培養出多少雙語的人才。(從小講兩三種語言的孩子平均智商很高。)

請想：如果義大利人移民美國拋棄自己文化，完全融入美國文化，我們現在就沒有pizzas可以吃，多可惜！(當然情形不完全相同，因為義大利移民美國比較少mail order brides或外籍新娘，比較多全家移民；但是新血總讓文化大放異彩。)

說穿了，外籍新娘本來就矮了一截，這大家都知道。比較少人知道的事情是，七八年前政府開始重視新住民的遭遇，開始注意新住民的適應、生活。我怎麼知道呢？因為我也算外籍配偶，常常被邀請參加國語、閩南語訓練班、烹飪班、剪裁班，甚至也被邀請參加土風舞班，合唱團，但是我回絕了，因為我知道沒有人想看到這種事情發生。我們外籍配偶常常被照顧，不定期電話訪問、登門探訪（有趣的是，有一次來訪的是我一位好友的女兒，我還記得她五、六歲的樣子，後來反而來看看我有沒有遇到家暴、虐待。放心，沒有!）

還有一件事情一般民眾比較漠然不關心，是這次選舉選出了第一屆新住民立委！生于柬埔寨，嫁到彰化的林麗蟬投入社會服務多年，現在當選了不分區新住民第一屆立委！這位了不起的女士將善用立法委員的身分為外籍配偶謀取福利，真是大好消息。

For a wide variety of reasons, over the last twenty years a large number of men in Taiwan have been marrying brides from overseas, especially Thailand, Indonesia, Viet Nam, and mainland China. Their stories run the gamut from my friend whose wife, even after ten years’ marriage, looks at him like he’s a knight in shining armor, to another one of my friends whose wife beats him every time she feels like it. Some families treat their foreign brides like imported treasures, others like slaves or dogs.

These wives are expected to conform to local norms. I have never heard of a family encouraging their foreign wife to speak her own language or carry on her original customs. I think this is a great loss. If America had forced its Italian immigrants to forsake their old habits, where would we find pizza to eat? (The situation is not entirely identical, since most Italians immigrated with their entire family. But new blood always makes a culture vigorous, with the obvious exception of the scion of German and Scottish immigrants, Donald Trump. But let’s not get started on that sorry piece of lard.)

Everybody knows that foreign wives in Taiwan do not occupy a very high position. What is less well known is that over the last six or seven years, the government has been making an effort to take care of foreign spouses. I know this because I have been invited many times to take lessons in Mandarin and Minnan, to learn how to cook, to learn how to sew, and even to join a folk dance club and a choir. I didn’t, probably much to the relief of the concerned authorities. But I have been visited by social workers to make sure I am not having trouble adjusting or being abused.

Something that has gone almost entirely neglected in the election last Saturday was that the first Foreign Spouse Legislator was elected, Ms Lin Lichan who married in to Taiwan from Cambodia (sorry, I do not know her Cambodian name; the news didn’t bother to report it.) This is wonderful news. I am confident she will do all in her ability to help foreign spouses in Taiwan. Just don’t ask me to sing in a choir. 

(PS: I wish to apologize to all pigs for calling Trump a piece of lard.) 

Got on board a westbound seven forty seven

Didn't think before deciding what to do

All that talk of 燒餅油條, 臭豆腐 and KTV

Rang true, sure rang true

Seems it always rains in northern Taiwan-oh

Seems I've often heard that kind of talk before

It always rains in Wulai, but girl, don't they warn ya

You’ll mold, man, you’ll mold

Off to work, umbrella overhead

Everything’s wet, I’m soaking wet

I'm getting fat, I'm overfed

I wanna get dry

It always rains in Taiwan-oh, but girl, don't they warn ya

You’ll mold, man, you’ll mold

Will you tell the folks back home I’m drying out?

Saw the sun for a few minutes yesterday

Please, don't tell 'em how wet I am

Don't tell 'em how wet I am

Gimme a break, gimme a break

Seems it always rains in northern Taiwan-oh

Seems I've often heard that kind of talk before

It always rains in Wulai, but girl, don't they warn ya

You’ll mold, man, you’ll mold~~

蔡英文當選了，中華民國第一任女總統，不簡單。未來四年的路不好走，祝她健康、平安。Tsai Yingwen has won the presidential election. I was amused by the New York Times headline, Taiwan votes for a new leader, widely expected to be female. They make it sound like somebody’s been doing ultrasound scans, oh, it’s going to be a female. We knew years ago that Tsai is a woman, thank you. She’s got a hard four years ahead of her. Good health and good luck to her. 

這次選舉有點怪。國民黨好像放水；中南部的情形我不了解，但至少在新北市、臺北市，到處都是蔡英文的宣傳，幾乎看不到朱立倫的。每次出門看到好幾台蔡英文的宣傳車，還沒看過朱立倫的。

民進黨是不是又在鬧派系？沒看到蘇貞昌、謝長廷、游錫堃等大老出來賣力支持，反而是自豪無黨籍的臺北市長柯先生出來幫她拉票。可能也是他們兩位微妙的關係，柯市長野心不小，不想得罪老英，蔡英文想拉攏他吧。(呂秀蓮與陳水扁也沒出來，大概只有朱立倫希望他們為蔡英文加油吧。)

臺灣老迷信被利用的很漂亮。幾十年來，不知道多少國家做過多少研究，證明賄選就是浪費錢，完全不會影響選舉，除非是很小規模的，例如村長、鄉民代表之類的。可是這個鬼在臺灣還是有賣點。前幾天從信箱裏掏出一張民進黨發的文宣，強調檢舉賄選獎金的龐大金額、提拱完整的檢舉賄選的表格，還幫你寫好了地址、免郵資，只差沒幫你填寫「賄選人：國民黨」。用意很清楚吧！我們有多清白！他們骯髒！他們賄選！他們骯髒！說實話，誰那麼白癡，會想浪費那個錢？

民進黨、國民黨無止盡的鬥，或許很多選民已經厭煩了，所以這次出現很多以前沒聽過的黨：不是新黨、親民黨、台聯這些，還很多甚麼軍公教黨、時代力量黨、民國黨、天宙和平統一家庭黨、陽光大聯盟、信心希望聯盟，真是五花八門。有天同黨、大同黨、中國大同民主黨、中國大同統一黨，有客家黨但是也有中華客家黨，需要分清楚！樹黨之外，還有個「虎黨」(不是胖虎黨)，可是好像沒有「狗黨」。但是有中華民國機車黨，我很不好意思問，你們很機車嗎? 但是這麼多小黨出來，一方面讓我想起以前臺灣的商界，沒有人要當職員，每一個人想當老闆；但另一方面，看藍綠僵局已經膩了，兩黨也沒甚麼人才，換換新人算了。

Tomorrow (January 16) Taiwan holds a presidential election. Tsai Yingwen (DPP) has been campaigning full time for five years, so she looks like a safe bet, especially since the KMT seems to have practically forgotten there’s an election. Taipei is covered with her posters, flags, and photos, but you can barely find one of Chu Lilun, the KMT candidate.

I still can’t figure out why candidates need English language slogans, since none of the electorate read only English and cannot read Chinese. Perhaps it indicates a lack of confidence in one’s own culture. Anyway, Tsai’s slogan, “Light up Taiwan” made a friend of mine think she was advocating arson. At first glance, I thought it was “Light up, Taiwan,” inviting everybody to have a smoke. If Chu has an English slogan, I haven’t seen it.

An interesting facet in a pretty boring election is the sudden appearance of a whole slue of little parties. I think that indicates people are sick of both the KMT and the DPP, their endless bickering, and lack of talent. Maybe another little party could inspire people. But the election is already a pretty foregone conclusion.

very peculiar indeed

前不久在萬隆打鐵店訂做了一把刀，現在我把鞘做好了。木頭是莫拉克颱風的漂流木，很細，但不知道甚麼木。鐵線槌平成條。帶子 指織孟加拉傳統麻線。Recently I had a knife made at a small smithy. Now I have finished the sheath. The wood is driftwood, I'm not sure what. I hammered wire flat for the holders. The belt is finger woven from hemp twine made in Bangladesh.

當過五年專職候選人、花下巨款，蔡英文競選總統勢在必得。不知道在這倒數幾天，她會不會停下來想一想：這真的是我要的嗎？

當總統沒那麼容易。在臉書常看到很多支持她的人說，只要國民黨下臺，臺灣的問題都解決了。一旦老英當了總統，問題沒有解決，他們能接受嗎？尤其這八年訓練民眾集體霸凌總統，如果已經養成習慣了，不管誰掌櫃、不問做得怎麼樣，就是照這八年的模式不問青紅皂白指著鼻子罵，怎麼辦？

臺灣許多問題很嚴重，沒有那麼容易解決。陸客已經是臺灣經濟一項很重要的財源，蔡英文「保證」她當選不會減少；她有甚麼把握？當然，如果到現在她還沒有跟北京協調，她根本沒有當總統的條件；可是支持她的人能接受嗎？

北京軍事策略遙遙領先美國，俄羅斯落後更多，而蔡英文說要臺灣自製潛水艇；這種二十世紀的軍事思想，先不談，要問，臺灣做不出潛水艇引擎，如何自製潛水艇？培養工程師、機械師，不是一兩年的事，潛水艇何時能做出來？莫非要做腳踏式潛水艇？

老英當了總統，臺灣還會有邦交嗎？聽說有邦交的二十幾個國家中，有二十個想要跟台灣斷交，是北京看在中華民國的面子上不准；不要說二十個，如果十個與中華民國斷交，我們再也不能在東門看到很多稀罕國旗，生活會少了一些滋味。

還很多教育、環保、就業、毒品、經濟等等問題，諸如此類，一旦她當選，全落在她的頭上。希望她有心理準備。天佑臺灣。

排灣+卑南木雕大師鹿樣年終出清存貨，我買了兩把小刀。有百步蛇的是排灣，另一個卑南。The Paiwan + Pinuyumayan master carver Ljuyan is holding an end of year clearance sale, so I bought two small knives. The one with the snake is Paiwan, the other Pinuyumayan.

跨年放煙火，放完拍拍屁股回去。其它污染不談，連紙盒子也不順手拿回去丟。People from the city shoot off fireworks for new year's and then just leave their rubbish.

Frankly, with all the hype, I’m a bit surprised that no optometrist has named their shop STARE WARES.

I was reading about people getting stabbed in Israel. I have no plans to visit Israel, but I was thinking, Wow, if I ever went, I wouldn’t want to be mistaken for a Jew and get stabbed. 

Then I came up with a great solution: I could wear a big 卍 on my back so everybody would know I’m a Buddhist.

A moment later I thought, No, that might not be such a great idea after all…

A lady wearing a tee shirt that had a picture of a cat and underneath said:

Come play

with

my pussy

Overheard near NTU/臺大

女：上英國文學，還是臺灣老師比較好。

男：怎麼說？

女：文化不同，英國老師講很多我們不懂的東西。可是臺灣老師講的，我們都知道。

She: For English Lit, it’s better to have a Taiwanese teacher.

He: How so?

She: Cultural difference. The English teacher tells us things we don’t know, but the Taiwanese teacher tells us things we already know.

是啊，萬一上課學到新東西怎麼辦呢？That makes sense. What would happen if a teacher told you something you didn’t know?

唐、段成式著筆記小說集「酉陽雜俎」，說不定清朝以來沒出版過。想看，無書，幾年前史國興教授給我「四部備要」中「酉陽雜俎」的PDF檔，而現在Wikisources也有。可是電腦看，不過癮：半夜睡不著不想開電腦，清閒更不想看電腦。前幾天剛好無聊，看著Wikisources，想搜尋一下，很意外地發現，今年七月中華書局出版了！四冊，而最開心的是，用正體直書。毫不猶豫訂了一套，今日收到了，樂矣! YouYang Tzatzu is a collection of miscellaneous stories from the Tang dynasty, the 9^th century. It hasn’t been published for centuries, but fortunately, Curtis Smith sent me a PDF copy and it’s on Wikisources. But reading on a computer isn’t so much fun. The other day I just happened to google it, and found out that just this July, a new version was published! Wonderful! Four volumes, in traditional script, top to bottom, right to left, what more can you ask for (okay, no punctuation would be nice, but good enough!)

You probably have never heard of this collection, but there is one story in it that everybody knows: it is the earliest recorded version of the story of 葉限link Yeh Hsien link, which traveled thousands of kilometers for over a thousand years to become better known as Cinderella. 

This morning a mosquito whining by my ear woke me up. I wondered, why do mosquitoes always whine?
I guess they’re whining about their bloody line of work.

孔子不是個孔子主義者，他複雜太多、有意思太多了。

--唐諾：眼前

在羅斯福路，從萬隆往景美，早就注意到有一間小小的打鐵店。最近去看看。師傅姓謝，苗栗客家人，在這裏打鐵已經四、五十年。他剛來時，羅斯福路旁都是竹林。現在是大樓林立。Some years ago I noticed a small smithy on Roosevelt Road, so recently I finally went to take a look. The smith is Mr Hsieh, a Hakka from Miaoli. He has been working here for 40 or 50 years. When he set up shop here, this was outside the city, but now it’s crowded with buildings.

問他打鐵店的店名。他說，「沒有名字。…以前有，可是被颱風吹走，所以現在沒有名字…。…反正，景美只有這麼一個打鐵店。」I asked him the name of the smithy. He said, “It doesn’t have a name…. It used to have a name, but it blew away in a typhoon, so now the smithy doesn’t have a name… There’s only one smith in this area anyway.” 

他用廢車彈簧的鋼為我做了這把刀。手感很好，刃背很重，適合砍樹砍竹。He made this knife for me out of steel from a scavenged car spring. 

羅斯福路六段九十二巷口 

Come unto me, my brethren and sistren, and I shall tell unto you the story of Joseph and the Goat of Many Colors.

In days of yore*, there lived a man named Jacob and he didn’t believe in planned parenthood, so he had boy child after boy child after boy child until finally he got one he liked. He liked this child so much that he named him Joseph, which in the language of the Israelites means Joseph. One day he found a goat with many colors, and as a sign of his special preference, gave said goat unto Joseph, which caused Joseph to put on airs. His brethren, sorely vexed, sold Joseph to a caravan for twenty shekels, killed the goat, cooked it, and told their father that alas, Joseph and the goat were murdered by some crazy Baptists from Westboro for eating figs, that they had buried Joseph and retrieved the remains of the goat. Jacob asked for a second serving.

Time passed. Many years later, Joseph, having been sold into servitude in Egypt, worked his way up to the ladder until he was CEO of Egypt. Whereupon there was a great famine in the land of Israel, whereupon the brothers decided to try their luck begging in Egypt, whereupon they were arrested for loitering and taken before the CEO, whereupon they recognized him not but he recognized them, whereupon he forgave them and fed them and everybody was happy again.

This story teaches us that selling your little brother into servitude is a shrewd investment, because you can not only earn twenty shekels, but many years later, in time of need, he will show his magnanimity by feeding your starving carcass. Smart move, big brothers. 

* In the days of yore mama’s mama’s mama’s to the Nth power mama.

In the aftermath of a shooting at a school, The National Rifle Association, that bastion of level-headed, impartial analysis, strategic foresight, and great compassion, proposed that that all schools should have armed guards, and that teachers should be armed, too. Now we see the wisdom of their viewpoint. Please examine this clip.

LINK

Apparently the girl was texting in class and refused to comply with her teacher’s directions, so the guard was called, and after knocking the sitting girl and her chair over, threw her on the floor. Very inefficient, sir, that will not teach her proper respect for authority. Now, if the guard had been armed NRA fashion, he could have simply shot the recalcitrant girl and saved everybody a lot of trouble.

Also remember that jihadists are lurking everywhere, just waiting to leap out and die in a flurry of bullets from our heroically armed citizens, so it stands to reason that teachers should carry loaded guns to class. In such a situation as shown in this clip, we can even hope that the teacher and the armed guard would engage in a gunfight, giving any surviving students an invaluable lesson that in the United States, the only solution to any problem is violence. 

And if you don’t agree with that, you’ve been duped by the liberal media and want the terrorists to win.

This may need a little work, but here goes:

Q: What upset the pirate at his physical?
A: The nurse took his P and now he's irate.

Nut Korea, I’m sorry, North Korea has launched most of its submarine fleet, threatening South Korea and apparently attempting to force concessions. What, I wondered, is the PRC up to? A war there wouldn’t be in their interests: the PRC is still, in name, a communist state, so they ought to support NK, but financially they are very close to the South, and the South is much easier to get along with. Then I noticed that the People’s Liberation Army is massing troops on the NK border, and it became clear. The PRC isn’t saying anything to stop North Korea, because the moment North Korea makes a move on the South, PLA troops will pour across the border, and of course North Korea is no match for the PLA. In this event, the Chinese would depose Kim, get rid of him, and liberate North Korea. This would win them the gratitude of the world, build their prestige and international standing, add lots of territory (a new vassal state), give them a border with South Korea, and put them in an interesting position with regard to Vladivostok, the Russian Pacific fleet, Japan, and the American Pacific fleet. Stay tuned. 

LINK

The way I heard the story, the commander on the ground judged the situation too dangerous for medevac choppers, but Captain Freeman went in anyway with a regular military HUI. He flew back and forth through heavy machine gun fire, ferrying out the wounded. Only after he rescued all the wounded men did anybody know that he had been wounded four times. 

Too bad nobody paid attention to his passing. The chopper pilots in VN were all nuts, but they were heroes. Amitabha, rest in peace, sir.

雖有颱風要來，可是七日晚上八點回家，路面是乾的。回家後沒多久開始下雨，再過一段時間颳風。好吧，颱風夜就睡吧，沒甚麼。半夜醒，下雨刮風，颱風嘛，不以為意，繼續睡。老婆說清晨五點左右剛好醒，看到窗外亮亮一片，繼續睡。停電了，這也沒甚麼，颱風嘛，再睡。颱風到十點大體上已經過了，雖然還有幾陣風。看外面，幾棵樹斷了，地上水多，沒甚麼。唯一不尋常的是，風雨把紗窗洗乾淨了。

可是到中午還沒復電，就奇怪。午餐後，聽到前面溪水聲音大，出去看，到馬路才知道嚴重。柏油很多處被水沖壞、很多地方崩。問鄰居有沒有電？說，水淹到發電廠，發電廠爆了，沒電，外面路都斷了，沒電沒電話沒網路。也沒水：烏來的自來水，是自己找來的水，要自己找水源、排管子到自家的水塔；我們水塔很大，暫時沒問題，可是這要注意。(原來超看到的亮光，是發電廠爆炸的光。)

這個颱風從頭到尾才十二小時左右，下了一千多毫釐雨。山崩、路斷，八十歲的耆老沒看過這麼嚴重的災害。這也是托消費者的福，很喜歡來烏來泡溫泉，所以外面資金流進來，亂開發，破壞水流、擋住水流；反正烏來只是他們投資的點而已，生意不好就拍拍屁股到別地方去吧，管它烏來怎麼樣。

可是我們居民不是這麼認為的。

We were expecting a typhoon. The news on the internet said it would be about as strong as Katrina, so I didn’t pay much attention to it. We get several larger than Katrina in an average year. Everything that can blow away, blew away long ago. We came home around eight on the evening of the seventh. The roads were dry.

It started to rain soon after we got home, and the wind came up to blow not much later. Ho hum, what better to do during a typhoon than sleep? I woke up during the night, the wind was blowing and the rain was raining, typical typhoon, back to sleep. Chao woke around first light and saw a bright flash in the sky, like lightning. The power was out, but that’s nothing unusual for a typhoon.

By ten in the morning, the typhoon had pretty well passed, except for some gusts. Some trees had broken, there was water everywhere, pretty much your typical typhoon. So far the only thing atypical was that it washed our window screens. I didn’t even bother to pay attention to the name of the typhoon, which was Soudelor.

After lunch, the power hadn’t come back on, which was unusual. The phone was dead, the cellphones didn’t have any signal, and we couldn’t go online. The stream out front seemed to be roaring especially loud, so we decided to go ask the neighbors if they had electricity.

When we got down to the road, we realized things were pretty bad. The road was all ripped up by the water. Neighbors told us that the stream overflowed into the power plant, which blew up: thus the flash Chao saw. There was no electricity, and the roads were all cut. Everybody’s water was cut (we lay our own pipes from spring to home). There were big and small slides everywhere. Wulai was out of touch with the outside world, even the neighboring tribal villages.

The typhoon was not particularly big, but it came all at once. Within about twelve hours, we got about four feet of rain. Roads were cut, landslides were everywhere, the oldest tribal elders had never seen such a mess in Wulai. For that, we have consumers to thank, people who flock to Wulai for the hotsprings, drawing investors, who care only about profits and nothing about local life. They built in places that cut off the flow of water. That proved disastrous.

I will be posting photos on Flickr. 

Contemporary Russian countour flying. In 1971, I was riding north on a winding road through the forests in the hills near Xuân Lộc, South Viet Nam, when suddenly a US Army LOH (pronounced Loach: Light Observation Helicopter) surprised us by appearing close overhead. He had flown up from behind us, about four meters off the road, and we had no idea he was coming. The pilot kept his LOH perfectly above the center of the road, the same height above the road up and down as it went through the hills, with forest hugging either side of the road. We were very impressed. Everybody knew all helicopter pilots were nuts, but that guy was good!!

This is what a LOH looks like.

You could knock one out of the air with a flyswatter.

Come unto me, my brethren and sistren, and I shall tell unto you the story of Joseph and the Goat of Many Colors.

In days of yore*, there lived a man named Jacob and he didn’t believe in planned parenthood, so he had boy child after boy child after boy child until finally he got one he liked. He liked this child so much that he named him Joseph, which in the language of the Israelites means Joseph. One day he found a goat with many colors, and as a sign of his special preference, gave said goat unto Joseph, which caused Joseph to put on airs. His brethren, sorely vexed, sold Joseph to a caravan for twenty shekels, killed the goat, cooked it, and told their father that alas, Joseph and the goat were murdered by some crazy Baptists from Westboro for eating figs, that they had buried Joseph and retrieved the remains of the goat. Jacob asked for a second serving.

Time passed. Many years later, Joseph, having been sold into servitude in Egypt, worked his way up to the ladder until he was CEO of Egypt. Whereupon there was a great famine in the land of Israel, whereupon the brothers decided to try their luck begging in Egypt, whereupon they were arrested for loitering and taken before the CEO, whereupon they recognized him not but he recognized them, whereupon he forgave them and fed them and everybody was happy again.

This story teaches us that selling your little brother into servitude is a shrewd investment, because you can not only earn twenty shekels, but many years later, in time of need, he will show his magnanimity by feeding your starving carcass. Smart move, big brothers. 

עֵז פַּסִּים

 * In days of yore mama’s mama’s mama’s to the Nth power mama.

A very unfortunate juxtaposition on the Google News page:

“Kesha is a singer and songwriter. It's time to end this perverted excuse for entertainment.”

Actually, I believe that was not a criticism of Kesha’s musical abilities, but rather a call from Kesha for an end to big game hunting for "sport".

LINK

讀通鑑，到永嘉三十年(西元四五三年)，宋太子劭弒太祖，諸王伐之；蕭斌勸曰：「人情未離，尚可決力一戰」，一股涼風吹過心頭：解嚴以來，臺灣政治人物，盡力分離人情，至今民眾不談建設，只管賣力罵人，不努力解決問題，只努力想惡毒的詞來攻訐異己。

We should take Donald Trump to one of those beaches where sharks have been appearing and settle once and for all who has the most odious mouth in the Northern Hemisphere.

But no, sharks are an essential part of the ecosystem, and I wouldn’t want to wish Trump on them. 

李登輝在日本說，「臺灣的麻煩都來自中國」，這是一句可以刻石鏤金的銘言，千真萬確。「教改」斷送臺灣下一代的主人翁的前途與競爭力，這分明是中國陰謀。李登輝執政時，臺灣正準備更上一層樓，全世界看準臺灣即將成為二十一世紀全球金融重鎮，甚至很多專家預估臺灣將會超過瑞士；但是因為街頭運動、無止的抗爭，民眾的力量分散了、眼界封鎖了，不再談建樹，只管罵國內的人，于是臺灣美好、富裕的前途成為泡影；這也是中國削弱臺灣的陰謀。

進入二十一世紀，世界各國向前奔跑，陳總統水扁先生的建樹在于分化，這一定是遵從中國的命令，因為如果臺灣團結，比較容易與北京談條件。但事到如今，時移境遷，臺灣越來越弱、中國越來越強，陳總統為中國渡過那段危險期。

不能說陳總統讓臺灣空轉八年，他確實有建樹：當年他計畫禁止布農族在傳統獵場打獵，讓他們當有錢人的嚮導，開放獵場給有錢人玩鎗、打獵；雖然沒有成功，但可見他多麼用心。他還把中正紀念堂的牌樓改寫成「自由廣場」，雖然聽起來有點像跳蚤市場，也是很有作為的一項建樹。而且他還有一個很了不起的貢獻，他為了保留「反核」這個非常重要的爭權資本，所以八年完全沒有處理能源問題，以至于現在另類能源方面，臺灣還跟不上很多非洲落後國家；這一定也是中國的陰謀。還有呢，他開放重機車進口，讓山村的人被吵的生活不安寧，這當然也是中國人搞出來的。比起陳總統的政績，十大建設算甚麼？

馬英九上臺，來勢洶洶，如果讓臺灣站起來，對北京很不利，所以不管他說甚麼、不管他做甚麼，很多民眾不問青紅皂白只管放開喉嚨罵：因為他是馬英九，所以他是錯的。罵馬的風氣又很成功地削弱臺灣，想也知道這也是中國人搞出來的。

所以感謝李登輝的偉大指導，我們了解，一切事情都是別人的錯；只要手伸直直指著別人，大吼大罵，不需要為自己的行為負責，都是別人的錯。這個意義很深，應該頒發諾貝爾和平獎給李登輝；我想，只要有人提名，北京方面一定會全力支持將諾貝爾和平獎給李登輝，因為這種思維對中國大陸太有利。只要臺灣民眾習慣這種思路，大陸收復臺灣，不必費吹灰之力，垂手可得。

Great moments in English teaching

In SAT vocabulary class, we came across ideology. I explained that ideology means doctrines that form or define a group, and that Lenin used the term to refer to indoctrinating people to put a political plan into effect.

Then I remembered that ideologue came up on a recent SAT, so to prompt the students, I asked, “What do you call someone who is trying hard to push their ideology on you? They’ve got this whole set of ideas, they’re really doctrinaire, you just can’t talk reason with them, and they’re going to force you to accept this ideology whether you want to or not?”

And a boy piped up from the back of the room, “My Dad.”

今晚阿超的老師來山上，所以我坐公車回到大橋。山上住了十三年才買車，那十三年每次下臺北都坐公車來回。很久沒坐，可是一從捷運站出來，以前的感覺都回來了：沒有人排隊，剛剛過了一班，要等下一班。那就等吧，不然怎麼辦？心裏念著，前面那班一定是軋輅開的，不然誰飛那麼快？

車子終于來了，林師傅開247。進山路，很熟習的感覺都回來了，發現公車晃的跟轎車不同。

到了屈尺，感覺真的回到幾年前，那位十六個孩子的媽上車，依舊稍微刷卡，依舊沒有刷到，司機例行公事跟她說沒刷到，他們依舊抬槓幾句，然後老媽默然站在門口，到了民壯亭，不用按鈴就靠邊給她下車。天啊，劇本十幾年沒變！

越入山越熟習。到了龜山，司機靠邊停，往後面走去搖醒一位乘客，「你又要坐過站了！」年輕人睡眼惺忪揹著書包踉蹌下車。隧道口會車，前面那班果然是軋輅開的。好吧，開車辛苦，早點回家。

過了忠治，司機叫一個帶孩子的媽媽先把孩子叫醒，比較好下車。過了成功，車上只剩我一個乘客；林師傅記不記得我，不知道，依舊不講話。準備下車，看他方向盤的左手已經藏好一支菸，等最後一個乘客下車就點。

大橋下車，又是一個十分熟習的感覺，回山上真好！跟以前唯一不同的是，溪上多了一座很醜的吊橋放著光害。往回家走吧。

It’s not often I agree with Governor Perry, but this time he got it right. “I was highly offended by what Donald Trump said about John McCain and his years of sacrifice in a dirty, dingy, terrible prison in North Viet Nam. Donald Trump owes every American veteran, and in particular John McCain, an apology.”

Perry further said that Trump’s comments disqualify him from running for President and Commander in Chief. “If he cannot find it in himself to apologize to every veteran of this country, to every individual that has sacrificed and for the families of those young men and women who have died fighting for the freedom of this country, he does not have the character, the discipline, or the resolve to be the President of the United States,” Perry told Radio Iowa.

I strongly disagree with McCain’s politics, but I respect the man. What the odious Trump forgets is that McCain got captured because he was fighting on the front line, while Trump was evading service with draft deferments. The closest Trump got to military service was in his teens when he got kicked out of school for bad behavior and his wealthy father bought him a place in a military academy. He never served in the military and never came close to a war zone. “I don’t like people who get captured.” Trump ran so far and so fast that he never came near our own troops, much less even saw the enemy.

Aside from his other loathsome attributes, this attitude alone disqualifies him from running from President. How could he be Commander in Chief with this attitude? “I don’t like people who get captured.” Maybe if he became President, he would issue every soldier a pistol with orders to shoot yourself rather than get captured. 

如果你最近很忙，不建議看這齣「出境事務所」，因為看了第一集一定會想看第二集~~~~全戲二十集，很精彩：生動、好笑、有內涵。我也聽不懂客語，看字幕就好了。Now’s your chance to watch a really funny but thoughtful serial about a funeral home. You can also practice your Chinese, too, because the main dialect is Hakka, along with Mandarin and Minnan. I don’t know Hakka either, so read the subtitles.

一切都是國民黨的錯；馬英九做甚麼，都是錯的，連他今天穿哪一雙襪子，一定有人罵得很慘。所以我今天要嚴重批判：馬總統已經執政七年，為甚麼沒有把「棒倒」引進臺灣？限總統二十四小時之內給我一個讓我滿意的答覆，不然後果由他負責：如果沒有給我答案，我明天晚上拒絕吃冰棒，已表示我的憤怒！I would like to know why President Obama has been in office for nearly eight years now, and he has yet to make Bo-Taoshi the national sport of the United States. What does he think he is doing!? This PROVES that he wants illegal aliens to flood the country and open the doors for terrorists, and that he was born in Gibraltar. How could anybody possibly want to watch football when you can watch this?
(我本來就不太吃冰棒，可是做人，講話不要太絕，要給自己留個後路。)