Thursday, September 17, 2009

Back in the days when you had your choice between Hitler and Stalin, Chiang Kai Shek invited German drillmasters to train the ragtag recruits who were trying to repel the sadistic Japanese imperialists who were killing, raping, and pillaging China.

Some of these drillmasters stayed in China through the war, and afterwards declined to return to Germany in their Nazi uniforms, so they stayed put. When Mao conquered the mainland, these drillmasters figured, correctly probably, that German drillmasters, no matter how tepid or ardent their love for Hitler and the Nazis, would not fare well under a totalitarian communist regime, so when CKS moved to Taiwan, they packed their bags and moved too.

A drillmaster is, after all, a sort of teacher, and Chinese tradition pays profound respect to teachers, so the retired drillmasters were given homes and small stipends. There were only a few, and I never heard of any training ROC forces after the move to Taiwan, but there were a few of these old Nazis around Taipei; I would guess they have all died by now.

An old German soldier lived on 信義路 not far from where I lived in the early 70s. People said he lived quietly, modestly, harmlessly, and was a voracious reader, spending his last years among piles of books.

On the other end of the spectrum was an old Nazi living on 陽明山 Yangming Mountain, on the northern edge of Taipei. In the late 70s, Dave responded to an ad for a room for rent to foreigners only, and found himself renting a room from an elderly German with a heavy accent (in English; no Chinese).

The house was of a type almost extinct, 日本平房 wooden houses built during the Japanese Occupation of Taiwan to house the occupiers. They were built in Japanese style with Western windows and outer doors. When the Japanese surrendered, the houses were taken over and, very sensibly, kept in use, until they finally succumbed to age, termites, rot, typhoons that flew off with roof tiles, and sky-high land prices that made the land they stood on far too valuable for a one storey dwelling.
If you didn't mind the mosquitoes or rats, and the mold didn't bother you, they were quite pleasant to live in. I sought them out, and lived in three or four. So when Dave saw that the address on the ad led him to a Japanese wooden house, he was pleased, paid his rent to the old German promptly, and moved in without further ado.

At the crack of dawn the next morning, Dave was startled awake by a terrific racket. Crawling out of his room to investigate, he was alarmed to see his landlord, dressed in a complete Nazi uniform, wearing boots and goose-stepping up and down the hallway of the little house, screaming "Sieg Heil!" as he snapped off Nazi rigid-arm salutes. This went on for an hour, and was continued without break every morning that Dave stayed in the house, which was not long.

Understand that part of the shock was the idea of wearing shoes indoors. No civilized person enters a house shod, much less a wooden house! Dave said the floors banged like snare drums.

The landlord's only other passion in life was his chickens. He raised dozens of chickens in cages behind the house, and over and over again he explained to Dave that "These are good chickens, and you see why? Every one of them is WHITE, jah! White is the superior color! I will NOT HAVE chickens of any other color! No black chickens for me! I KILL the black chicken!! No red chicken, no brown chicken, only WHITE chickens, because WHITE is the superior color, jah! All mine chickens are WHITE, and ONLY WHITE, PURE WHITE!!”

Dave moved out after about ten days. He didn't have much money, but he couldn’t stand to stay in that house for a day longer than it took him to find other lodgings. "I'm no Jew, but for crying out loud I just couldn't stand that old freak!" He vowed revenge. He promised himself that one night he would sneak back to the house and spray-paint all the chickens some non-Aryan color. I suggested green. Dave thought that was a pretty good idea, and delighted himself by visualizing, over and over again, how horrified Herr Nazi would be to wake up one morning and discover that all his pure white chickens had turned green overnight. Dave would imitate a heavy Cherman accent, "Mine CHICKENS! Mine chickens zey haff turnt green, vat hass happened to mine VITE chickens, jah?" Unfortunately, Dave was a man of words, not action. I volunteered to buy the paint and go help spray; what self-respecting Serbian-American would pass up a chance to spray a Nazi's chickens green? But Dave contented himself with thinking how mortified old Herr Nazi would be to discover that his chickens were green, and nothing ever came of it. Too bad.




Saturday, September 12, 2009

據「百家姓」,「施」姓並不普遍,主要分佈在江、浙一帶,但施姓未列入百名大姓內。臺灣不少施族,鹿港尤多;社頭蕭姓校大,所以彰化諺語說,「社頭蕭一半,鹿港施了了。」

大約三十年前聽朋友說…菲律賓華僑,姓「施」的很多。一位菲律賓來的施先生說他很喜歡自由中國臺灣,因為他到處可以看到他一位遠親的大名,而且這位遠親呢,似乎是臺灣風雲人物。

我朋友費解。哪一個姓施的?剛好他們遇到挖馬路,施先生很得意地指路邊的牌子說,「你看!就是他!!」

牌子上面寫:
施
工
中

Thursday, September 10, 2009

能為夫子,其內省功夫必極深。能內省者,往往內向。內向者往往害羞。害羞者,往往與眾人相處澀戾,不知所以周旋應對。

臆之,夫子鑽于禮,以知禮便知措手置足。父母野合而生夫子,少也賤,想必多尷尬,與人交,惴惴憢憢也,不知如何唱答進退。又早失怙,無榜樣,故志學禮,『不學禮,無以立。』知禮則處群安、居眾無憂。


Wednesday, September 09, 2009

I can't let this date go by without some notice ~ 090909 ~ hurrah for nines.

Can you stand the excitement?

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Far be it from me to pretend I know (or care) anything about economics. Nonetheless, I was heartened to read the World Economic Forum's global competitiveness report, in which Taiwan ranks 12th globally, up from 17th last year, right above the UK and below Hong Kong. South Korea ranks 19th, the PRC 29th, and Serbia 93rd. Actually pretty interesting.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Overheard on the bus: 烏來線


釣客,站在公車司機後面:「前面的那一班是誰開的?我去年買的手機用了沒多久就掉了。很奇怪,為甚麼沒有人養白鷺鷥?你們公司有一台車,車牌123。我剛看到摩托車號碼345。你知道嗎?英文的「西瓜」是water melon。我過法院的時候,看到法官出來,可是沒看到犯人。現在晚霞沒有以前好看,可能是季節。你看誰比較厲害,馬祖或者超人?我頭髮前幾天剪過。如果你眼睛閉起來,有沒有辦法把車子開到臺北?現在星期天的遊客比以前多。很多老人走路用拐杖,可是我阿姨戴隱形眼鏡。你有沒有被性騷擾過?年輕人的字寫的不漂亮。聽說魏xx的車子今天保養,可是林xx今天休假。聽奧辦的很大,可是我一直搞不清楚,到底是誰參加比賽?聽障的人看得見嗎?是不是全部都連在一起?聽不見,那麼他們看得到嗎?熱天喝汽水很舒服,可是有人比較喜歡喝酒。你公車上有人心臟病發作的話,你怎麼辦?新店市公所的前一站是檳榔路,可是捷運沒有檳榔路的站。我站在你後面受不了。我下車。」

釣客下車。

司機:「我頭暈。…」

我以前跟阿超講過這位釣客,她終于領教了。
其實,想一想,釣客講話的內容,蠻像本blog.

Fisherman, standing right in back of bus driver: “Who's driving the bus in front of you? Last year I bought a cell phone but before long I lost it. I wonder why nobody raises egrets. Your bus company has a bus with 123 on the license plate, and I just saw a motorcycle with 345 on its plate. Do you know how to say 'hsi kwa' in English? 'Water melon.' I went by the courthouse and saw judges coming out, but I didn't see any criminals. The clouds at sunset aren't as pretty as they used to be, maybe it's the season. Who do you think would win in a fight, Matzu (the goddess of sailors) or Superman? I got a haircut a few days ago. If you shut your eyes, could you drive all the way in to Taipei? There are more passengers on Sundays now. A lot of people walk with canes, but my aunt has contact lenses. Have you ever been sexually harassed? Young people can't write good calligraphy. I hear Wei's bus is in the garage for maintenance today, but Lin has the day off. The Deaf Olympics are really big, but I can't figure out, who is participating in them? Can deaf people see? Is everything all connected? If they can't hear, can they see? Drinking soda pop on a hot day feels great, but some people like liquor. What would you do if somebody had a heart attack on your bus? The bus stop before Hsintien City Hall is Betel Road, but the subway doesn't stop there. Standing in back of you is really uncomfortable. I'm getting off here."
Fisherman gets off bus.
Driver: "I feel dizzy."

Saturday, September 05, 2009

A lot of gesturing in Taipei these days. We are hosting the Deaf Olympics, so you see a lot of sign languages around. On my way to class, we were a bit early, so we sat in Dunkin' Donuts for some coffee and donuts. This is the Dunkin' Donuts across 忠孝西路 from Taipei Main Station. It turns out that many teams are lodging in the hotel next door. As I watched Russian athletes board their bus, and the Cuban team came back to the hotel, I couldn't help wonder at the changes.

When I was in college, I used to catch busses only a few steps from where I sat drinking coffee: a few steps, 35 years, and a million ways different. The building the Dunkin' Donuts is in was still many years in the future; when it was built, at 22 storeys, it was by far the tallest building in Taiwan, and people just off the train used to stand and gawk at it. In the early 70s, few buildings in Taiwan were over a dozen storeys. Where I waited 在騎樓下for the bus, a row of one and two storey buildings housed small stores, noodle shops, and odds and ends. The Cultural Revolution was still going on, so the slogan was 反共抗俄 Fight the Communists and Resist the Russians! Precious little chance of any Russian athletes coming to Taiwan then!

And it goes without saying that there was no Dunkin' Donuts then. That has just come to Taiwan in the last couple years, long after Reagan forced the gates open for Mickey D, American tobacco, and American liquor, which the government had not allowed, in order to protect the people's health. Mickey D, that is, not Dunkin' Donuts!!

Times have changed, and I wish the Russian team great success in the Deaf Olympics, although I have to say I hope the Cuban baseball team loses to Taiwan.

報紙頭條:「今晚台灣寫歷史」。指的是聽奧開幕典禮。很明顯想與北京奧運開幕典禮比,也很明顯沒得比。說實話:三年前,看倌知道有「聽奧」這回事嗎?恐怕世界眼光不在聽奧,光是這一點就輸北京奧運。

但又怎麼樣?人比人,會如何?認真辦、開心看成果,何必在乎寫歷史沒?

Thursday, September 03, 2009

For about 35 of the past 40 years, I have slept on tatami. In college, every time I moved to a new place I just plunked my two tatami on the floor, instant bed. Cheap, comfortable, good for your back, don't take up unnecessary space, easy to move. With care, tatami last for decades. Just don't let them get moldy, but if they do wear out, since they are mostly straw, they are highly biodegradable. Or use them as an archery target.

Last summer we were too busy to put the tatami out in the sun, and this July and August were very busy too. Last weekend, under the witheringly hot sun, looking at the weather forecast, I thought, great, sunny all next week. Even though we were busy from Thursday through Tuesday, I thought, no problem, look at the forecast, I can put them out under the strong sun Wednesday for several days, which should do the trick.

Ha ha.

Wednesday I woke up to bright sunshine. As I prepared to pull up the tatami, I noticed some clouds forming, and thought, never mind, a few clouds won't hurt.

By the time I got all eight tatami out onto the porch roof, the sun was obscured by a thick layer of clouds, but never mind, they were skimming along quickly.

Yes indeed, they were skimming along quickly, pulling along the really dark clouds behind them. At noon, I pulled the tatami back in off the roof just in time to avoid a shower. All afternoon, sunshine followed by rain sunshine rain sunshine rain. I put the tatami back down on the bedroom floor.

This morning was bright and sunny. The moment I thought, "Maybe I can sun the tatami," clouds gathered. Is there some message here?
An hour ago, the sun was shining merrily as the rain was pelting down gleefully. Which reminds me of the old English folk saying, "If it rains while the sun is shining, the devil is beating his wife with a leg of mutton." (no I did not make this up, I found it years ago in a Japanese book of Useful English Proverbs.) It doesn't make sense to me, which may be the point: sunshine rain doesn't make sense.

But there are compensations. Just now the full moon rose behind a limpid veil of mist. Happy中元.



Monday, August 31, 2009

Professor Falk has kindly replied to my comments in the previous post, concerning making slings and whatnot. Apparently, Bickerton was writing with considerable poetic license, because when Falk says "early hominids," she means really really early—in other words, before there were any tools at all (so the time span would be ~7.0-2.5 mya). Her remarks in Bickerton's book were a bit out of context.

Nonetheless, unrepentant, I still feel it very possible that tying and weaving could have been among the very earliest human technologies. Maybe intelligent really really early hominids with no tools to hack through the underbrush got snarled in vines often enough that the light bulb went off, and they thought, Hey, I can snarl other things with these vines, like my baby.

Okay, maybe not a light bulb three or four million years ago, but you get the idea. If you don't, I'll point you off into the jungle without a knife and you'll very quickly see what I mean.

And if you're not back in a couple weeks, I'll go looking for you. If I remember.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Anthropologists have long guessed that slings and carrying apparatus were among the earliest human technologies. I think this is highly probable. When you see vines tying each other, you get snarled in plant fibers, and tendrils hinder your movement, it seems apparent that an ancestor intelligent enough to invent speech and use tools should certainly have been intelligent to have gotten the idea of wrapping things together with vines, and eventually inventing knots.

But that requires you get outdoors, maybe even off the path. Professor Dean Falk, now at Florida State U, "pours scorn on the notion that baby slings were an early invention; she says if you believe that, go into any woodland and try making one out of natural materials." (quote: Bickerton, Adam's Tongue).

There are about a hundred steps from my gate down to the road. After I read Professor Falk's statement, I walked down the steps and counted five materials I could easily use to make a baby sling with nothing more than my fingers, teeth, and maybe two hours' time. If you allow me a hacking blade, more time, and a range of five minutes' walk from my house, there are at least a dozen materials I could make into baby slings without too much fuss.

Arthur C Clarke's First Law: "When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong." People today are so used to buying things that they have forgotten how to make them.

Exploring the Australian desert in 1861, Burke and Wills starved to death in a land where the Aborigines ate comfortably. When someone accustomed to buying ready-made products does not see available natural materials, that does not mean those materials do not exist.


Thursday, August 27, 2009

一直覺得很奇怪:棒,是粗木棍。說文無此字,但魏書˙尒朱榮傳:「人馬逼戰,刀不如棒。」北齊書˙瑯琊王儼傳:「其或遲違,則赤棒棒之。」
這麼個棒,如何變成口頭上的「好」?無稽之談,我推想,或許源于法文:好:bon。上海話,棒念baon上,與法語bon音相似,也許從租界傳入中文。

Friday, August 21, 2009

Seen on a tee shirt:
FOAMING
Because I am dangerous
Please do not approach

Thursday, August 20, 2009

阮籍‧大人先生傳:竭天地萬物之至,以奉聲色無窮之欲,此非所以養百姓也。

斯句雖言晉帝,卻正中現代廣告文化民眾之病。

Monday, August 17, 2009

This is bizarre. 90% of paper money in the US has traces of cocaine on it. ::Click here:::

Could this be taken as a sign that far too many Americans are trying to run away from themselves?

Friday, August 14, 2009

中華歷代聖賢自敬其意、克窮天理,留傳千則明訓、萬搬歷鍊,造福後世。固如斯,但後人亦必慎之:古人亦有謬論,前訓不無譾妄。其中謊誕之極,莫過于一句:心靜自然涼。呸!必先是北方體虛迂人言,深居黑龍江上游、八達嶺外漠,不知「熱」為何。

倘若心靜自然涼,古人發明扇子何為?晉‧崔豹‧古今注:「五明扇,舜所作也‧…殷高宗有雉尾扇」。難道舜心不靜耶?武丁復興,迺殷高宗也;伐鬼方、任傅說為相,可見為明主,豈可謂心不靜?

由斯可知,心靜自然涼,不足睬矣。汗流浹背時,展扇納風,心靜不靜,無攸關焉。


Thursday, August 13, 2009


In my last post I discussed the American love of gadgets. If Americans love gadgets, Japanese have a positive obsession for organizing, categorizing, ranking, and stultifying. Anything the Japanese get their hands on, they have to set up rigid standards for it until they are sure it is devoid of the last shred of spontaneity.

Tea. Chinese tea is a relaxed but focused effort to enjoy the best possible brew you can make out of the tea leaves. The Japanese have formalized the tea ceremony to the point that they don't even know what swill they are drinking ~ before you write me nasty letters about that, taste Japanese tea, and then Chinese tea.

For Japanese, codification is everything. A friend who went to college in Japan said that the rival tea clubs in his university used to erupt into fisticuffs, and over what? The length of one of the tea implements, the hook to pull old tealeaves out of the pot if I remember correctly. I forget just which implement they were shedding blood over, but one faction said the handle should be two centimeters longer than the other faction's approved length, and this caused vicious brawls.

I could care less how long the implement is, just so the tea tastes good! But taste is not a consideration in 御茶道 ocha-do, the Japanese tea ceremony.

I started grade school in Illinois. We used to look forward to winter snow, so we could have snowball fights. If you grew up where it snows, you probably have similar good memories.

A good snowball fight is a lot of fun, and I can't recall anybody ever getting hurt.

The problem is, our snowball fights were spontaneous, unorganized, totally lacking rhyme or reason, and loads of fun. That is what the Japanese cannot tolerate.

The Japanese cannot tolerate spontaneity. Each winter in Hokkaido thousands of snowball teams compete in the Showa Shinzan Yukigassen, or Snowball Tournament, a carefully regulated event with rules, by-laws, and regulations up the bazootie. Seven member teams compete in three minute fights. They don't just pack the snow and fling like we used to. Their snowballs are machine made, and have to be between 6.5 and 7 centimeters in diameter. They wear specially designed snowball uniforms, including specially designed helmets with integrated face shields. Before the tournament, they analyze videos of rival teams, practice with polyethylene balls, and study strategy.

Of course there are winners and losers, and thus rankings, which is what, I suspect, is a primary motive for the contest. How can you possibly just go out and pack snow and hurl? You have to have carefully studied and rehearsed moves, machine packed snowballs, and most important, a hierarchy: rank!!

Before long, they will probably start Yukigassen-do, and have long-winded lectures about the zen of snowballs. If so, I hope I don't hear about it.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Americans love gadgets. If it is in any way possible to manufacture and sell a totally unnecessary gadget that performs some entirely superfluous function, something that you don't need any equipment for at all, Americans will do it, and other Americans will very happily shell out their hard-earned money and enthusiastically swear that the gadget is going to change their lives. For three or four days, that is, or until the next gadget appears on the market.

What could be simpler than doing a pushup? You just fall down on your face, and push yourself back up. That's so simple that even a football player can remember the sequence, right?

Well, I beg your pardon, ignoramus, that is not The American Way. The American Way, you cough up US$39.95 for a starter kit at Perfect Pushup and you get these scientifically designed handles that you place on the floor while you do a pushup so that you can be strong and be ready.

If you don't believe me, click here:::

In utter seriousness their ad informs us that the new, improved pushup device has reinforced construction and improved functionality, with 30% more ball bearings, reinforced internal workings, padded, slightly grooved, solid feel, and new off-road tire inspired tread which provides better ground connection and non-slip feature.

My dog, anybody who uses 'functionality' must be an expert!

When I said 'utter seriousness,' I was taking them on trust. Maybe they laugh their heads off every time anybody orders one.

Their motto says, "Be Strong. Be Ready."
Ready for what? You mean we're supposed to lug these stupid handles around everywhere so we can whip out a pushup or two at any moment? Come on, each handle weighs over a kilo!

Me, I hate pushups. When I want exercise, I can find better ways to build up a sweat than imitating a lizard on a rock.

If I had any brains, I would figure out some way to cash in on this. Let's see. What’s the simplest thing you can do? Okay, sleep. What can be simpler than sleep? Any possible way to invent a totally unnecessary gadget for sleep?

I'm afraid somebody already beat me to it. There's an electronic device called a Zeo Personal Sleep Coach that you strap onto your forehead before you hit the sack, I kid you not. How can you possibly sleep with that stupid electronic thing strapped onto your forehead?
(I suspect Zeo is short for Zero, the IQ of suckers who buy these things.)

But mark my words, this may catch on, and all patriotic Americans will shun anybody who commits the faux pas of trying to sleep without strapping on his/her Personal Sleep Coach.

Come on, try it yourself. If you can say "personal sleep coach" without cracking a smile, I think you may already中毒已深 be beyond hope. If so, say "bah, bah, bah" like a good sheep and get your credit card ready.

PS: The Zeo Personal Sleep Coach costs US$399.00!! Give me US$380 and I'll sing you a lullaby.

Monday, August 10, 2009


0942 AM
Originally uploaded by Yugan Dali
Let's not be superstitious, but at the same time, let's not be so incredulous that we deny the voice of experience.

Our ancestors did not think scientifically, so it is illogical to expect that they should have expressed themselves scientifically. If you want to understand what they were expressing, you have to try to understand what they were thinking.

Recently everybody enjoyed a good sneer at the superstitious folk of yore who were afraid of eclipses. Why of course in our enlightened times we know that an eclipses is simply a matter of the orbits of the earth and the moon around the sun.

No sooner had all right-thinking people sneered at the superstition when typhoon Morakot hit, roughly over the path of the eclipse two weeks earlier. This was not a big typhoon, only middle size, but what it lacked in wind it made up for in rain. About three meters in three days in the mountains down south, washing villages away and killing many people (how many is still unknown.) 22 died in the Philippines. In mainland China 1.5 million people were evacuated, 10,000 homes were destroyed, and over 400,000 hectares (1 million acres) of cropland were flooded, directly causing losses of about US$1.4billion.

浙江溫州Wenzhou in Chekiang/Zhejiang was particularly hard hit; some might remember that Wenzhou was smack in the middle of the total solar eclipse two weeks earlier, one of the best places on earth to view it, sorry it rained.

Is it possible that our ancestors were not as stupid as we think? Maybe over the years they noticed that after an eclipse, heaven and earth were out of kilter and strange things happened. Maybe disaster follows eclipses.

Consider the gravity of the situation, pun intended. The gravity of the sun and moon are strong enough to cause ocean tides and atmospheric tides, and to lift the surface of the earth closest to the moon 15 centimeters as it circles us. Everybody knows that tides are strongest at full moon and new moon. These are powerful forces.

Maybe these forces are powerful enough that, when aligned as an eclipse, they nudge the balance on earth just enough so that monstrous events follow.

As for me, come next eclipse, I'm going to be out there banging a drum and clanging the gong. Can't hurt to play safe.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

As I related in last Monday's post (July 27, 2009), the Search function on Blogger blogs does not function, and in my attempt to seek help, I discovered that there is no way to email Blogger or Google. Accordingly I wrote them a nice letter informing them of the malfunction, printed it out, placed it in an envelope, addressed it, put a stamp on it, and deposited it in a mail box. I am still waiting for a reply.

Things may improve in the future, though. I very kindly offered to apply for a gmail box for the Google company, assuring them that email is very convenient, and they would find it useful. Keep tuned for further developments.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

我平常吃得很淡。我是人,不是豺狼虎豹,不是貓,更不是狗,所以理所當然吃全素。說實在,我吃的相當素,很少吃加工食品、很少吃塑膠袋裝過的食品、很少吃印有條碼的食品(甜點例外!我不修苦行。)炒菜通常不用油,用茶炒菜,清淡可口,廚房又好整理。我與阿超捐血時捐血小板,所以每次要驗血;我每次很有把握,我血裏的油一定很低,甚至于我想,我的血油值不過關,恐怕全臺灣沒幾個能過關的。

沒想到昨天驗完血,護士小姐居然說,「你今天油值稍微高了一點。」雖然過關,可是我十分訝異。護士小姐拿兩個試管給我看,「這是你的、這是阿超的」;很顯然,我抽的血上面浮一層油。

怎麼可能!?我與阿超吃的都一樣,我的那層油從哪裏來?後來我們討論,想到中午吃完午餐,她吃一片Oreo餅乾,我吃四片。中午的事,到下午四點還有那麼明顯的差異。

四片Oreos就這樣。你想過嗎?日積月累,你放到身體裏,是甚麼樣的東西?

以前聽人說,你怎樣糟蹋你的身體,你的身體一五一十的還你,一丁點也不打折扣。

I am a human being, not a wild beast with jagged teeth and short intestines, so of course I am a su (Buddhist) vegetarian. Dessert excepted, I eat very little processed food, very little that comes in plastic, very little that comes with a barcode. Dessert excepted, of course. I'm not an ascetic.

My wife and I donate blood regularly. As we donate platelets, each time our blood is drawn and examined. Yesterday, to my great surprise, the nurse told me, "Today your blood is a bit oily." How could that be possible? I was still safely within the limits, but she showed me two test tubes, my blood and my wife's. Mine very clearly had a thick layer of oil floating on top.

Chao and I eat the same food, day after day. We discussed this, and realized that after lunch, she had eaten one Oreo cookie, and I had eaten four. (I was going to eat only three, but to fit the remaining pack into a vacuum jar, I had no choice but to eat a fourth.) (Honestly!)

Think about that. Only a few Oreos, eaten four hours before my blood was drawn. Think about what you feed into your face, day in and day out. What is it doing to your health? And some day, it'll all come back at you.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Mhway su kwari!
A typhoon may be forming. Brisk winds this morning, scudding clouds, spots of sunlight and silhouettes of clouds. I watched an eagle towering on an updraft across the valley, above Aqiq, over a kilometer away in a straight line. I thought: in all the time I have spent watching eagles soar, I have never seen one swoop down on prey. I have seen eagles with their talons full: a snake, a rodent, a squirrel. But I have never seen an eagle swoop.

I ruminated. Just then, the eagle dived on a steep swoop. I lost it against the background of the mountain about a hundred meters down, but I was satisfied. Hurrah! Many thanks to such an obliging eagle.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Recently someone mailed me a film, Chicken a la Carte, which won awards for short film in international contests.

The film is directed by Ferdinand Dimadura, produced in 2005. It shows two girls going into a fast food joint, ordering chicken, leaving a good portion uneaten on their plates, which is thrown into the garbage. The garbage collector fishes it out and takes it home to his slum where everybody enjoys the rotting chicken.

The synopsis says, "This short film shows a forgotten portion of the society. The people who live on the refuse of men to survive. What is inspiring is the hope and spirituality that never left this people." In other words, don't clean your plate, be wasteful and profligate so that wretchedly poor people may be beautifully hopeful and spiritual.

Excuse me, but that repulses me. I don't care how exotically full of hope or spirituality you think they are, I will bet you any money that those people would much rather live in nice, clean houses, wear nice, clean clothes, and eat nice, clean food. If you don't think so, fish some rotting chicken out of a garbage can and try eating it yourself.

Do not congratulate yourself on your insight, sympathy, philanthropy, and benevolence simply because you condescend to think those poor people are beautiful.

Instead, consider how you are contributing to their misery. Do you eat chicken? Chickens have to eat before they can be butchered for your benefit, right? So the producer buys food for them; people with money buy the food so that people without money can't afford food. It's a simple matter of unequal distribution of limited resources.

A farmer produces 1,000 tons of food (grain). This is sold to a chicken producer, who feeds it to chickens, to produce about 167 tons of food (chicken). If nobody ate chicken, there would be no incentive for the chicken producer to remove that thousand tons of food from the market, so it would be available to more people. I am operating on the assumption that 1,000 tons of food feeds more people than 167 tons of food.

If nobody ate beef, pork, poultry, fish, or other meat, there would be more than enough food for everybody in the world to eat healthily. If you have any conscience or concern for global hunger, stop eating all meat.

Do not patronize those poor people by saying their suffering is beautiful. Spit that meat out of your mouth so that they may live in dignity and eat properly.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

今人很少說「瀟灑」,現在也很少瀟灑的人。大家忙著cool,盲著cool,沒個性。要瀟灑,需要有自己的個性、有自己的主見。現代人要看廣告才知道自己想要甚麼:乖寶寶,廣告叫你怎樣你就怎樣:要cool!要有自己的個性!就乖乖cool、有自己跟大家一樣的個性,好帥。怎麼可能瀟灑呢?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The news tells us that the presidents of the Republic of China (Taiwan) and the People's Republic of China (mainland China) exchanged direct messages for the first time Monday since the two sides split 60 years ago — the latest sign of their warming relations. Warmer, warmer, Taiwan has lost the vigor and 朝氣 that made this little island a cultural and economic force for a few glorious years.

Thirty years ago, when the future of the Republic of China seemed particularly perilous, with the People's Liberation Army promising to wash Taiwan in blood, and their diplomatic offensive gathering steam, people here said that something really had to be done to ensure that the ROC lasted longer than the Yuan dynasty, founded by Genghis Khan, which lasted for 89 years (1279-1368). This is the 98th year of the Republic of China. Everybody respects the ROC's Founding Father 國父孫中山先生 Dr Sun Yet San, on both sides of the Straits. Maybe they're waiting for中華民國一百年 the century to pull the plug.

Stay tuned.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Here's a delicious irony for you. We all know that the Internet is the information superhighway, increasing communication, closing distances, and allowing for open exchange of ideas and greater interaction between all of us on this big blue planet Earth doesn't that just make you warm all over and bring tears to your eyes?

Last week I noticed that the Search function on this blog, and any other Blogger blog, doesn't work. If you go to their HELP function, you may post your complaint so that they can ignore it. That's about the extent of what you can do. I have been trying in vain to email Blogspot or Google to ask about this question, but to date, I have been able to find no way to email either organization. Now (despondent drum roll, please), you can write snail-mail to Google at

1600 Amphitheatre Parkway
Mountain View, CA 94043
you can phone them at +1 650-253-0000, and you can fax them at +1 650-253-0001, but to the best of my ability, I have been able to find no way to email them directly.

How's that for communication, interaction, and open exchange of ideas? Now you’ll excuse me while I find a postage stamp.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

「你的耳朵很複雜。他們都是泰雅所以他們的耳朵不漂亮。我是布農族,你看我的耳朵多好看。我們布農的耳朵都很好看。你的耳朵很複雜,所以你可以去很遠的地方。」

A quick guide to Taiwan aborigines: Tayal and Bunun tribe: a not entirely unbiased presentation

"Your ears are complicated. All these people, they are all Tayal tribe, so their ears don't look good. I am Bunun tribe, so see how good my ears look? We Bunun all have good-looking ears. Your ears are complicated, so that means you can go to faraway places."

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

This morning we had a partial, almost total eclipse of the sun. That's natural, but what was shocking was the weather. Usually if there's an eclipse or meteor shower or comet, you can bet your booties that if it doesn't rain in Wulai, it's overcast. Not today. The weather was gloriously clear, perfect for viewing the sun getting chewed by the big dog in the sky.

I used a very high-tech device to view the eclipse: a pinprick in one piece of cardboard to project the sun’s image onto another piece of cardboard. It worked great.

The eclipse began around 8:45AM here, and lasted until around 11. The sunlight was noticeably weaker, so the morning wasn't so hot as it would have been. During a solar eclipse, tree leaves throw unusual shadows. You can understand why this sort of thing freaked out our ancestors.

Of course I couldn't let such an event go by without shooting dozens of nearly identical photos. For your edification, I have posted them on flickr: click here::

As I said, we got only a partial eclipse, although at the climax (height? acme? apogee? manatee? I forget the term), there was only a thin sliver of sun left. Across the straits, the lower reaches of the Yangtze River got the total eclipse. Good luck and smooth traveling to all the happy campers who trooped to Shanghai, Suchou, and Hangchou to view the great event; it rained all morning, all along the lower reaches of the Yangtze.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

昨天是阿姆斯壯登陸月球四十周年。其後兩年,本野人來華。當時聽很多人說,中秋節已不熱鬧了;自從阿姆斯壯登錄月球卻沒看到嫦娥,更沒見到玉兔搗藥,地球上的人失去信心,對中秋節不感興趣。

I came to Taiwan two years after Armstrong landed on the moon. A lot of people told me that the all the fun had gone out of the Middle Autumn Moon Festival ever since Armstrong went up there and he didn't see Chang E in her palace, he didn't see the rabbit pounding medicine. They figured, if she's not up there, if the rabbit's not up there, there's not much fun in the Moon Festival.

說不定嫦娥、玉兔在,只是不同時空、不同次元,凡夫肉眼看不見而已。

管它的,中秋節照過不誤。自己心中想嫦娥、玉兔便可。賞月喝茶吃月餅就好了。

Monday, July 20, 2009

My mother was trained as an artist, but during World War II, she served her country by drafting battlefield maps ~~ in the Pentagon, as a matter of fact. In the Eyes Only drafting room, she had her own special desk separated from the rest by a curtain. Her maps could be seen only by the Joint Chiefs of Staff and President Roosevelt.

When I was in the 4th grade, for various reasons she decided she needed a job, and found one drafting for CalTech Geology. Many stories there, but the one I am telling today involves my parents' decision that we kids didn't need to be entertained, we should be able to entertain ourselves. As a result, to this day I have never lived in a house with a television.

All well and good, but one momentous July day in 1969 we wanted one. The Eagle was on the moon, and man's first step on the moon was going to be broadcast live.

It turned out we were not the only ones who just said NO to television. Many of the geologists who were first in line for the moon rocks also did not have televisions (smart people can find better things to do with their time than watch the idiot box?), so someone brought a set to the Moon Lab, and we went to watch it there.
(It may be hard for people today to understand what an overwhelming honor it was for these scientists to be first in line for the moon rocks. They earned that honor by decades of dedicated labor and groundbreaking discoveries. I recall that Eugene Shoemaker was there, as was Andy Ingersoll, who if I remember correctly was at the time one of the world's two or three astrogeologists.)

I vividly remember the excitement in the room as Armstrong stepped onto the surface of the Moon. Not the excitement that we beat the Russkies, or isn't that cool, or we're Number One, but the excitement of geologists seeing, live, rocks on another planet, and who knew they were the first geologists ever to see, live, rocks on another planet. Pure intellectual excitement and bliss.

Frankly, I don't think anybody in the Moon Lab but Mom and I were watching Armstrong. The geologists were straining to figure out, in the blurry black and white telecast, just what they were seeing. They knew they would be getting their share of the first rocks ever brought back from the Moon, but first they wanted an idea of what they would be getting, and what else there was to see.

Forty years ago today. In light of all the toil the United States devoted to that incredible, historical effort, it is comforting to know that NASA erased all the original tapes of the momentous Moon landing: :click here:::

and here::


Saturday, July 18, 2009

宋、孟元老著「東京夢華錄」(東京指宋古都開封,非日本東京)序:太平日久,人物繁阜,垂髫之童,但習皷舞,班白之老,不識干戈。

勢類今臺灣。

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Something funny we have noticed is that on the bus down from the mountains, generally the tourists, who may visit Wulai once in a decade or a lifetime, pay little attention to the spectacular scenery along the way; rather, it is Chao and I, who live here, who have our noses glued to the window and take in every view. The tourists who drive race along the road as if they were afraid of seeing something.

Chao has lived here for over a year now, I for over twelve years. I have been up and down that road thousands of times and never get enough of its beauty. Every day we feel very lucky to live in such a wonderful place.

I love living in the mountains. I can't imagine ever living in a city again, knock on wood.

However, before you sell your apartment and head to the high places, allow me to remind you that living in the mountains is not only about sitting comfortably drinking good tea. There’s a lot of work involved. Sometimes I joke that if I didn't do any yard work for two months, I wouldn't be able to find the house. Only it's not really a joke.

飲水思源. When you turn on the faucet, water comes out. Do you know where it comes from?

I can tell you exactly where my water comes from, and know every step of the way from the spring to my house. In Wulai, you find your own water. Ours (I share water towers with a neighbor, Mr Fu) comes from a spring a ways up the jungle.

Sounds nice, but it does have its inconvenience. From time to time, I come home all sweaty and dirty, step into the shower, turn on the faucet, and … and nothing. That means I have to go find where a pipe burst or fell apart or whatever. (Which explains how I got lost in the jungle one night: there's an earlier post::)
The other day Mr Fu told me that although we had some water coming in, we had trouble with our pipes, so yesterday morning we set out. We found the problem and decided that a section of pipe had to be replaced. Fortunately, Mr Fu had a length of pipe, but he injured his hand recently, so I had the honor of dragging it to our worksite. It's not particularly heavy, but doing something like that gives you an appreciation of drag.
But when you've done work like that, a victorious shower is especially sweet. You've earned your water.

To reach our house from the road, we have a flight of over a hundred steps up a ravine. During the strong winds last Friday, one of the trees with a light attached to it blew down, so I had to replace it. I am afraid of electricity, so I did not relish the prospect of those wires, but it had to be done. I selected another tree and a spot to attach the light to, climbed up, and put the light in place.



In the winter, the work would be enjoyable, but in the summer, don't even mention the heat and humidity: the mosquitoes eat you alive. I sprayed repellent all over myself until I repelled myself, but the mosquitoes managed to find every cell of skin that was not smothered in repellent.

Of course, over time you do develop some immunity to mosquito bites, but caterpillar poison is still very noxious. So you may not want to live in the mountains full time. But when you come, at least keep your eyes open and look at the view.

Monday, July 13, 2009

I've always thought so myself

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Another witless musing: somebody from Virginia is a Virginian, somebody from Georgia is a Georgian, somebody from Hawaii is a Hawaiian, somebody from New York is a crass loudmouth oops I mean a New Yorker, but what do you call somebody from Nevada? A Nevadan? Is there such a thing as an Illinoisian? An Ohioan? A Vermonter? A Massuchusetter? An Arizone? An Oregoner? My spell checker has some of these words, but I don't think anybody uses them.

Chicagoan, Los Angelean, Bostonian, San Franciscan. We name people from cities more than from states.

Don't ask me what it all means.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

不景氣,大家很辛苦。最近看到很多原本生意很好的店都關門大吉,原因是甚麼?房租太貴,賺的錢不夠付房租。房東寧可把店家趕走,把房子空在那兒養蚊子,也不肯降價。

是不是所有房東都惡劣?有沒有好房東?傳說中聽說過有很好的房東、很體恤房客困境的房東,但本野人未見過就是了。

每次看好好的店家被房東攆走,可惜。我的建議,所有租賃房屋應強制加入調解會(檢舉規避者,賞)。如果有糾紛,例如房東硬把房子收回,必須先經過調解會,決定妥善與否。調解會看店家實際生意的狀況,可勒令房東降房租。總該挽救一些創業生機。

Thursday, July 09, 2009

ciboq Yukal Kayu
「我到洛杉磯,他們都講英文,我一個字都聽不懂,怎麼辦?我跟他們講我們原住民的話,他們都不理我。怎麼辦?我想去找Indian講話看看。」
"I went to LA and they all speak English there. I couldn't understand a word, so what could I do? I used our tribe's aboriginal language to talk to them, and they just ignored me? What could I do? I wanted to find an Indian and see if I could talk to them."

Actually, in LA, I think they were speaking Spanish.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

臺北小市民生活歷史綴筆,紙扇篇
我畢竟是北方體質,剛來華,悶熱難耐。幸虧摯友唐模看我的汗不是流的,是噴出來的。于是乎他介紹他老師鄭曼卿的克熱法寶:杭州黑扇。

問題是,時值民國六十年,對岸文化大革命正熾,解放軍誓言要血洗臺灣,所以大陸製品一律屬匪貨,不得進口、不得買賣,若查獲就麻煩。可是嘛~~重金之下有勇商,政府也睜一隻眼閉一隻眼。要買匪貨,若沒有牽涉到顛覆中華民國、殺蔣公、若有熟人、若知道門路,就不難買。

唐模帶我到衡陽路一家文具行,我們選了一把素面黑扇,順便請老闆幫我刻姓名,沒記錯的話,價錢五十元(刻字不算錢)。

從此,杭州黑扇成為我生活必需品,到夏天,寸不離身。

黑扇本作的比較精細;曲線流暢豐厚,靠邊骨間在紙層中崁三顆紙星=共產黨。


命根
Originally uploaded by Yugan Dali

後來線條較直,三星不見了。(星或許代表王星記,我不清楚。當時說代表共匪. Click here::)

原來黑扇都是素面的,沒畫畫題字。素面俐落,可是有畫有字也很有趣。有的鈔唐詩,可以邊納涼邊朗誦詩詞,雅致有餘。

現在買的黑扇,大不如以前。揮幾下,紙落骨斷。還好,仍有幾把舊的可以用。沒有舊的,毛筆店都有空白扇,任君揮毫塗抹,或請好友尊師題字留念。

我心裏有個希望,希望臺灣入夏,人手一把好扇,可驅熱省電,環保又減碳。

需要講嗎?我們不是楚留香,開扇要徐然展啟,不要甩開。揮扇,應培養清涼、瀟灑、幽雅的儀態:開扇,不急不庸。一把好扇難得,該珍惜。

更多



Taiwan is horribly muggy in the summer. I wouldn’t have survived so long if not for my good friend, Tam Gibbs, a student of tai-chi master Chen Manching. Tam introduced me to Hangchou Black Fans.

As the name implies, the fans come from mainland China. In the early 70s, the Cultural Revolution was raging, and the PLA was swearing they would wash Taiwan in blood. All products from the PRC were strictly forbidden, with severe punishment for importing or selling them… unless you really needed something, something innocuous that did not threaten the stability of the government or the lives of the people or officials. You could always find what you needed.

Tam took me to a stationery store near the train station and we bought me a fan. It cost about NT$50, in those days US$1.25. The boss carved my name on it, for free.

Ever since then, I have had a fan clutched in my hot little hand every summer. Some have broken, some have worn out, some have been lost, but give me a fan for a c0ol breeze and summer survival.

For more fans, please go to my flickr and take a look back and forth.

Monday, July 06, 2009

I understand that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has resigned, and is looking around the internet for ideas about what to do in the future.
Hey, Candidate Palin, if you read this, the word you want is HERMITAGE. Find a nice isolated cave somewhere miles from the nearest microphone, computer, or telephone, and take a vow of silence.
祝:九十八年七月六日五點四三分一二秒。

Sunday, July 05, 2009

I have told before on this blog that the sibekay, 臺灣藍鵲 Taiwan Blue Magpie (Urocissa caerulea), was rare when I first moved to Wulai a dozen years ago, and visited our neighborhood only in the winter. Now they have become more common, and may be seen year round.

This morning my attention was attracted by a strange call. Apparently there was a juvenile sibekay in the tree out front, practicing its song, learning how to sing. I posted several clips on YouTube.



Another clip HERE:::

In the background of this clip :::CLICK::: you can hear cicadas and a byahoq 五色鳥 Muller's Barbet (Megalaima oorti).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6kV_QDCSA0

Another clip
HERE:::

In this clip, the sibekay has learned its song and sings like an adult. Hurrah!




This morning at one minute after 3AM is 09.07.05.03.01.

Stayed tuned to this blog for more vitally fascinating information!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Overheard on 高鐵 the Taiwan High Speed Rail
臺灣居然還有童工!

四歲小女生:「我今天休假,可是我明天還要上班。」

4 year old girl: "I've got a day off today, but tomorrow I have to go back to work."

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

語言不是理性的,是一種習慣,習慣成自然,就再也不去想它。可是偶而,把語言翻出來看一看,好玩。我們很多用語,用習慣了就不再思攷它了。

例如:出遠門要帶甚麼?當然帶行李。好了,為了遠行,這個「行」字很恰當,但「李」呢?

李不是一種水果嗎?出遠門多吃水果?或者現代人隨便說說?莫非「李」是它字的訓詁叚借?

行李一詞,其來久矣。左傳僖公三十年:
若舍鄭以為東道主,行李之往來,共其乏困,君亦無所害。
僖公三十年,西元前六三0年,可見斯詞歷史已有兩千六百多年。

說文,李,果也,从木子聲。段注
:古李理同音同用,故行李與行理竝見。

看樣子,行李當行理。這,有理吧。

眾所周知,李也是中國大姓。人口太多,難找出一個精确答案,可是中國最大的姓,大概是木子李。李姓總人口超過一億人,佔中國人的百分之八左右。

還好,因為自古有諺語說的好:李多人不怪。

Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Chief, Dali Watan, 我乾爸達利‧瓦旦 = 簡福源 = 山田樣, has been ailing for a couple years, with heart trouble mainly, but also problems with his red blood cells. He was admitted to the hospital a month ago, and spent two weeks in Intensive Care. Finally, they decided it was time to bring him home. He passed away late last night. His 78th birthday is Tuesday, the 30th.

We will miss him sorely.

It's hard to imagine what a different world Wulai was when he was a boy. The men of his father's generation were headhunters; Dali was of the first generation not to win a tattoo for his face by bringing home heads. Taiwan was occupied by Japanese warlords until he was in his early teens. The first airplane flew over Wulai when Dali was in grade school (click here:::). Once a week a supply truck came to the village, the only motor vehicle on the road, and there were no paved roads anywhere near Wulai. Because of the power station, a few of the Japanese offices had electricity, but nobody else. Some of the Tayal went to 新店 (Hsintien, on the outskirts of Taipei) once a year to buy things. What is now a half hour bus ride to Hsintien was a morning's hike; now crowded with high-rises, Hsintien was then a small farming village (no paved roads there, either). Wulai had a population of about 250, almost entirely Tayal aborigines, most of whom had never been out of the mountains.

Dali saw immense changes during his long, productive life. He excelled in school and got much more education than most people in Taiwan then, especially aborigines, so he was chosen as a leader. He served as Headman of Wulai Village, County Councilman, and Wulai Township Mayor, among other posts. (also: click here::)

Times were different when he took office, so he often had to use his fists to make his point with old headhunters and soldiers back from serving in the front lines of the Japanese Imperial Army during WWII. He was notorious for his hard work and exacting standards. He earned respect both within the tribe and beyond.

He was devoted to his tribe and his village, and worked for decades to help the Tayal and improve their lives. People remember him as a hard, principled, trustworthy man.

As for me, without Dali's help, I would not have the chance to live in Wulai.

Yaba, talakay sunun su Yugan ru Sabiy, ngihuy inlungan simu. Mhwaysu su balay. Amitabha.

Friday, June 26, 2009

It's not fair. Click :::here::: and click on the red square, and hold. Dodge the blue boxes without touching the border lines. Apparently Air Force fighter pilots can last for over two minutes.

I have played this off and on for months. Once I broke 13 seconds, but usually I get wiped out between 11 and 12 seconds. The other day I broke 12 seconds, and was so proud that I showed the site to Chao.

She tried it on her computer. Within a minute, I heard, "Oh, how nice, 14 seconds." 14 seconds?? A fluke, to be sure.

A few moments later, she asked me to look at her computer screen again: 14.587 seconds. Beginner's luck, it won't last.

Seconds later, she brightly announced, "Oh, that's nice, 15 seconds."

I asked her to turn off the game and do something serious, more befitting an adult.

Try it yourself and see. But please, if you break 12 seconds, just keep it to yourself, okay? I don't need to know about that.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Long ago, I heard a story about a state dinner that took place in Washington DC some time before WWII. A politician found himself seated next to a Chinese guest. Trying to make conversation, when the soup was served the American pointed and asked, "Likee soopee?" The Chinese guest smiled and nodded. When the main course was served, the American pointed and asked, "Likee foodee?" The Chinese dinner partner beamed and nodded. And so on, course after course.

After dinner, the evening's speaker was presented: the Chinese guest. He rose and gave an eloquent speech in flawless English. When he was finished, he sat down, smiled to his American dinner partner, and asked, "Likee speechee?"

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

overheard in Wulai
「我頭上有玉米嗎?」

"Do I have corn on my head?"

Monday, June 22, 2009

As I was working outside this afternoon, Yumin suddenly bolted off and ran into the jungle, barking his beagle head off. Okay, no big deal, happens all the time. From his bark, I could tell he was not barking at a dog or a person. Tlahuy and Byajing stayed by my side, totally bored, so I did not pay much attention to Yumin, until he kept barking for so long that I figured I ought to go take a look. I figured, he either had a squirrel, a cat, or a snake, but if it was a squirrel or cat, the other two dogs would have been raising a ruckus with him.

Sure enough, Yumin was barking at a snake under some taro leaves. I tried to keep Yumin off it, or at least get him to quiet down. I did not permit Byajing to attack from the rear, either. Tlahuy, wise old doggie, did not see any point in bothering the snake.

The snake is a 臭青公 King rat snake, Elaphe carinata, over two meters long. Sorry, I didn't drag it out to measure it. But this is where the story gets interesting.



As its name implies, the 臭青公 King rat snake, or Stink rat snake, is named for its smell. When provoked, it acts like a skunk. This everybody knows.

However, 乾爸達利‧瓦旦 Dali Watan told me years ago that there are two kinds of臭青公. When provoked, most let off a terrible smell; in Tayal, these are called qimunix. But there is another kind which, when provoked, does not put out a stench, but rather hisses and swells itself up; in Tayal, these are called qor.



In these clips, you can hear nothing but Yumin, me, and the cicadas, but the snake was hissing and swelling, but it did not let out the odor; it was a qor.

Now, I have never seen this difference in behavior noted in any books or reference materials, but the Tayal (aborigine) language differentiates between these snakes, based on their behavior (assuming one is not a subspecies of the other). The sad thing is, most young Tayal just call this a qosun, the 錦蛇 striped tailed rat snake, elaphe taeniura, and the words qor and qimunix have fallen out of use.

Semantics aside, I couldn't get Yumin to stop barking. Finally I had to pick him up and carry him home bodily. He's not a light beagle.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Tsou hunter, early 20th century

= Yugan, the Tsou鄒 tribe thinks they are great hunters, but do you know that's not the truth?

+ It's not?

= No, of course, how could it be the truth? The only great hunters are we 布農族 Bunun hunters.

+ Oh, I believe you, I believe you.

= No, it's true! But the Tsou tribe, they do not know how to hunt at all.

+ No?

= No, absolutely not! But they never brush their teeth, you see. All Tsou tribesmen are dirty.

+ What's that got to do with it?

= You see, when they aim at a squirrel, they point their gun at the squirrel, and they concentrate so hard that their mouth falls open. Then the squirrel sees those two dirty yellow buck teeth, and thinks, Oh, look, there are two kernels of corn there for me to eat! And the squirrel scampers up the barrel of the gun to eat the corn, and the Tsou catch them that way.

+ Oh really.

= Absolutely! You see, the Tsou don't know how to hunt at all. That's how they do it.

+ Oh, I believe you, I believe you.



photo: Bunun hunters, early 20th century

Thursday, June 18, 2009

photo: Paiwan hunters, early 20th century
= That's a nice necklace you have on. Is it Paiwan排灣?

+ It's actually Lukai魯凱, but Paiwan, Lukai, they're just about the same.

= But not many Lukai do this kind of work.

+ Yugan, there's not much difference between the Lukai and the Paiwan tribes. The Paiwan sneer at the Lukai and say, You are really swarthy! The Lukai sneer back at the Paiwan and say, You are even swarthier!

= But the Lukai have bigger eyes.

+ Yugan, that's the truth! The Lukai have such big eyes that they can see in the dark.

= Their eyes collect light better?

+ Yes, that is so. The Lukai say they are great hunters, but do you know the story behind it? When we Amis or the Paiwan or the Tayal go into the mountains to hunt, we have to track down game, it's very difficult, but for the Lukai, it's different.

= How so?

+ The Lukai go into the mountains at night, and their eyes are so big, they're like lights shining in the darkness. The flying squirrels see the light and are so dazzled that they fall out of the trees and die. The deer see the light and are so dazzled that they run into trees and kill themselves. The boars see the light and are so dazzled that they run into boulders and break their necks. So you see, Yugan, the Lukai are not really great hunters, it's just that their eyes are so big, and shine so brightly in the darkness of night, that all they have to do is go pick up the dead animals.

= So that's the story behind their hunting.

+ It is! Of course, I'm not prejudiced.

= Of course not, because it's the truth.

+ The absolute truth! You know, Yugan, that even though I am Amis, my wife is Lukai, just like Qalux's wife Naluwan, she's from the Lukai tribe too. One time I was visiting my wife's tribe. It was night. I was sitting outdoors. I heard a strange sound coming towards me. It went kwiiii kakkakak kwiiii kakkakak and it was coming closer and closer, kwiiii kakkakak! I saw two lights shining in the darkness, coming closer and closer to me! I thought, Is this a human being, or is it something inhuman or supernatural? The lights came closer! And Yugan, do you know what it was?

= I have no idea.

+ It was my father-in-law coming home drunk! He had been out drinking with his buddies and he was so drunk that he put on the wrong flip-flops. He had a plastic flip-flop on one foot and a wooden one on the other, so he was making this strange noise as he walked, kwiiii kakkakak kwiiii kakkakak! And he's Lukai, so he has these HUGE eyes, and they were shining in the darkness and frightening me! I really didn't know if it was a human being or a ghost! But it was my father-in-law!

= I see!

+ But of course I'm not prejudiced.

= Of course not, because it's the truth.

Monday, June 15, 2009

I just saw a book title: How to Be Happy. Tremendous! Can you get a refund if you're not happy when you finish reading it?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The 景頗/Jingpo/Kachin have fought long and hard against the Burmese military junta. Now the junta plans to transform all such ethnic groups, including the Kachin Independence Army of the Kachin Independence Organization, Kokang, Shan, and Wa, into Border Guard Forces. Click here:::

I don't know the ins and outs, but this could be a face-saving deal. The Kachin, Karen, and other groups have fought the junta to a standstill, and this may be a way to grant them autonomy without admitting that they have earned their independence. If they could defeat the ethnic armies, the junta would never negotiate with them; but decades of fighting have proved that the junta can't subjugate their minorities.

I hope this turns out well. The civil war in Sri Lanka is finally over. With luck, Burma will enjoy peace too. And then prosperity.

leading the manau
Originally uploaded by Yugan Dali

Saturday, June 13, 2009

I have found what has got to be, hands down, the world's funniest website: Vegetarians Are Evil. Here you are warned against 'Deadly Poisonous Soybeans,' and informed that 'Vegetarianism is Child Abuse.' The site lists such famous vegetarians as Pol Pot, Genghis Khan, and Hitler, but how could they forget Stalin, Satan, Mao, Theodore Roosevelt, Ronald Reagan, Ronald McDonald, Calvin Coolidge, Jack the Ripper, Bonny and Clyde, and other famous, violent vegetarians? I laughed so hard my stomach hurt.

One thing I believe this site has proved conclusively. They ask, Are vegetarians more intelligent? If you look through this site, you will answer with a resounding YES!!

Friday, June 12, 2009


The last job in the world I would want would be a miner. I cannot imagine making my living by crawling into the earth and waiting for it to fall in on my head. I express my great respect and sympathy for all miners by using mined products as sparingly as possible.

Pit mining murders miners, strip mining murders the earth. But it turns out that there is a type of mining worse than either of these: mountaintop removal coal mining.


The US Environmental Protection Agency defines mountaintop removal:

"Mountaintop removal/valley fill is a mining practice where the tops of mountains are removed, exposing the seams of coal. Mountaintop removal can involve removing 500 feet or more of the summit to get at buried seams of coal. The earth from the mountaintop is then dumped in the neighboring valleys."

The process is the stuff of dreams for heroes like Ronald Reagan or Dubya: first the mining company clears all the plants and wildlife from the mountaintop, then they blast off the top couple hundred meters of mountain with explosives, dig the coal out with automated machinery that keeps people and jobs off the worksite, dump the waste all over the nearby environment, process the coal, and smile all the way to the bank.

By 2003, coal company permit maps show that they had destroyed 700,000 acres: 284,000 hectares. How big is that? 700,000 acres (love these online conversion machines) is 1093 mi² = 2830.87km2 which doesn’t help me a whit more than it does you. For a comparison that I, at least, can understand, the台北基隆都會區 Taipei Keelung metropolitan area is 2,457.1253 square kilometers, so the mining companies confess to devastating an area larger than Taipei and Keelung together. Too big.

That does not include the nearby valleys and downstream ecosystems buried and annihilated, or unreported damage. Way too big.

Does that bother you? Start here: I love mountains
留個青山在~~~


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Today I sawed down a utility pole.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Overheard going into the jungle
Amis: 你買那個甚麼?
Yugan: 掃把。
Amis: 買掃把幹甚麼?地上滾一滾,灰塵就起來了。

Amis: What’s that you've bought?
YD: A broom.
Amis: What do you need a broom for? Just roll around on the ground and you'll pick up all the dust that way.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Taiwan is a great place for vegetarians, and it just got even better.

First, why a great place? Three reasons. Taiwan has a lot of mainstream Buddhists who are 素/su vegetarians. That means no animal products whatsoever, and none of the 葷fetid vegetables: onions, garlic, leeks, scallions. For more on this, please see this post, and you may want to read this post::: The second reason is that for decades, Taiwan has been gourmet paradise, albeit unsung. Taiwan is home to over twenty million finicky eaters who demand the best cuisine, and thousands of restaurants working hard to provide that. The third reason is that Taiwan has a wide variety of luscious fruits and delicious vegetables. I remember reading somewhere that Taipei's markets usually stock an average of eighty varieties of fruit and vegetables. Average. And that doesn't begin to tell you how good everything tastes. Climate, soil, Chinese farming techniques developed over millennia, plus demanding consumers.

Why do I say it just get better? Read this:::: the Department of Health has announced strict new labeling standards for vegetarian food, violation of which may result in fines up to NT$200,000 (about US$6,100). Including 葷/fetid vegetables (see above) or dead animals in vegetarian food may result in fines of up to NT$300,000 (over US$9,000), and if the crime is repeated within a year, the producer's license will be revoked.

So if you want to eat well, come to Taiwan!

Sunday, June 07, 2009

一蜂嚼樹葉,俯首見狼群獵鹿。蜂思之,若群蜂齊攻,必大獲鮮血鮮肉。于斯歸巢謁蜂王,與論之,蜂王曰:善!蜂王招群蜂,計攻鹿,群蜂曰:善!蜂擁而出,以攻鹿,不料鹿竟逃脫。

歸巢論功過,一蜂曰,蜂雖多卻小,鹿雖寡但巨,小不敵巨。吾有一計,乃請眾蟲合攻,若克,論功授肉。

群蜂曰:善!

一老蜂執杖而前,曰,善則善矣,但不宜造次。宜循次。

蜂王曰,何謂循次?

老蜂對曰,眾蜂無紀,臨敵必亂。以不教蟲戰,是謂棄之。大王若招眾蜂攻獵,應由小漸大;先獵小牲,兔鼠之輩;克,則獵羊;克,而後獵鹿,是謂循次。

蜂王曰:善!于斯四方招蟲:蝎、蚋、虼、蚊、蠅、蠲、蟊、蛭、蠹、虻、蝨、蠆、蝗、螟蛉、蟑螂、蜈蚣、蚰蜒、蜘蛛、蜾蠃、螞蟻、,無不致。蜂王諭旨,皆歡喜信收,列隊成陣出征,迅速獵獲一鼠,凱旋而歸,蜂王論功賜肉。各蟲依序受肉,再拜頓首,欣然回窩享用。

鼠肉食罄,眾蟲浩浩蕩蕩出征,迅速獵獲一兔,凱旋而歸,蜂王論功賜肉。各蟲依序受肉,再拜頓首,欣然回窩享用。

兔肉食罄,眾蟲浩浩蕩蕩出征,迅速獵獲一羊,凱旋而歸,蜂王論功賜肉。各蟲依序受肉,再拜頓首,欣然回窩享用。

羊肉食罄,眾蟲浩浩蕩蕩出征,循次計果然靈驗,鹿雖大,寡不敵眾,雖欲逃脫,插翅難飛,卒為眾蟲所獲。眾蟲歡喜若狂,凱旋而歸,蜂王論功賜肉。各蟲依序受肉,再拜頓首。但蜈蚣上殿拜受賜肉時,不料老蜂執杖而前,曰,且慢!

蜂王問,何事?

老蜂對曰,蜈蚣今不當賜肉。

蜂王曰,蜈蚣驍勇善戰,陷陣破敵,因何而不賞?

老蜂對曰,請問大王,今所獵為何獸?

蜂王曰,今獵鹿矣。

老蜂對曰,正是。自古聖賢曰,蜈蚣不受鹿。


蜈蚣
Originally uploaded by Yugan Dali

Saturday, June 06, 2009

As I have reported here and here (and here too) on this blog, as soon as Byajing came, Tlahuy and Yumin fell in love with her. She is a sweet little dog, and adores her two big brothers. But I am thinking, maybe we ought to get another puppy girl, maybe she needs some more female influence in her life.

This morning I was working outdoors near a kyumin茄苳 tree I planted years ago. Yumin walked up to the tree, sniffed, lifted his leg, and whoosh. A moment later, Tlahuy walked up to the tree, sniffed, lifted his leg, and whoosh. A moment later, Byajing walked up to the tree, sniffed, lifted her leg, and whoosh…. Mmm, Byajing dear… that’s not ladylike…



Friday, June 05, 2009

If you don't know both languages thoroughly, it's not a good idea to get cute with transliterations. Consider the vegetarian cafeteria chain 明德, literally Bright Virtue or, from Great Learning大學之道,在明明德,在新民,在止於至善; the path to great learning is to elucidate bright virtue, to keep the people up to date, and to stay in the greatest good.

Ok, so if they had stuck with a simple transliteration, Ming De or Mingteh, all would have been fine, but some genius got the bright idea of trying to make it sound like English: Minder…
The Urban Dictionary defines Minder as "a muscle brain who defends/protects a criminal or shady operator from other criminals/shady operators and also does his employer's dirty work in general."

Also, in Australia, minder means minda, which is an insult school children use to mean idiot, retard.

So shut up and eat your vegetables, or else, pinhead!

Thursday, June 04, 2009

In memory of all the lives, talent, hope, and possibilities that were crushed twenty years ago today.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Smoke gets in your eyes
Before the beginning of the 19th century, British imperialists found they could make a killing (literally) if they grew opium in India and sold it in China. On June 3, 1839, the mandarin 林則徐/Lin Tzehsu confiscated British opium and started burning the stock. It took forty days to burn all of it, which gives you an idea of the amount of drugs the British were selling. The British, who constantly assure us of their superior ethics and higher morals, responded to the Chinese burning of their stash by sending an army and instigating the Opium War.

Now June 3 is celebrated (or ignored) as 禁煙節/ Opium Suppression Day, and is also a day to remind everybody of the dangers of smoking.

Today is 170 years since Mandarin Lin started burning the British exploiters' opium. Now is a good day to resist ruining your health by smoking American exploiters' tobacco.

Monday, June 01, 2009

A dread condition, congenital exhibitionism among letter-carriers.