Qalux said, One day when we were in junior high school, Iban and I wandered off to the city. We were down by the Taipei train station. We saw the 公保大樓 (health center, like workman’s comp) had a sign asking people to donate blood. We peeked in, and we saw that blood donors got some juice and some fruit, or maybe a sandwich. We were hungry, and of course we didn’t have money for food, so we thought that was a good idea. In those days Tayal didn’t have money, so we kids rarely bought anything. We hardly ever ate or drank anything purchased. We drank the water from streams and springs or what Mother had at home, and maybe at a festival we could sneak a drink of millet wine when nobody noticed. The food we ate, Mother fed us, we got fed at school, and we ate wild fruit and vegetables and fish when we were out playing in the jungle. But we almost never ate anything packaged, so those sandwiches and bottled juice looked exotic and very attractive. We were hungry anyway. Iban went to the window to donate blood first, and when he finished and got his snack, it was my turn and I donated blood. But before I finished, I heard a sound, I looked back, Iban had finished his snack and he fainted! Yugan, you know Iban didn’t have a good constitution so he fainted, and they gave him back his blood.

I’ve always thought he did that on purpose. He got the juice and the sandwich and they gave back his blood. You know Iban is clever.

中秋節可不可以靜靜地賞月？那天看到一篇報導：

台北市政府邀你熱鬧賞月。

熱鬧賞月，這不是自相矛盾嗎？

Happy Moon Festival! However, tonight when you admire the ‘moon,’ please be sure that what you are looking at is actually the moon. Sometimes a large egg rises in its place. I have proof: please note this photo I took on July 3 of this year. If that is not an egg rising over the mountains in Wulai, please tell me what it is.

Look carefully and do not be deceived by false moons!

本blog六月二十八日討論天葬，阿超建議我寫成英文。因為文化迥異，寫法要調整。

Say a wise teacher – someone you have learned a lot from, someone you trust absolutely – tells you there is a bomb in a package; believing there is a bomb does you no harm and is even beneficial to your daily routine; disbelieving there is a bomb does you no good. What would you do? Would you take the teacher’s word for it and be careful about the package? Or would you insist on jumping up and down on the package to see if it would explode?

I have no experience of reincarnation, but I have learned so much from the buddhas, if they say it is dangerous, that’s good enough for me. Living as though I will carry responsibilities from this life into the future does me no harm, and lends a useful check on various exuberances, so why not?

Buddhism holds that ego is the source of reincarnation. Your hold on your ideas, your pleasures and displeasures glue you into the cycle of reincarnation. Jehovah and Allah may be gods, Satan may be a demon, but they are so burdened by their egos that eventually they will be recycled; their lifespans may be unimaginably long to us, but sooner or later, their lives as gods and demons will end and they will have huge piles of karmic debts to deal with. The goal of being a Buddhist is to free yourself from this cycle. That said, it is worth noting that if a Buddhist are not working to free himself from this cycle, he has wandered from the path of Buddhism and is flopping hopelessly in mud.

Buddhists cremate the dead, a cleansing ritual. Tibet is a Buddhist nation, but there are not enough trees to cremate the dead, and how would you like to try to dig a grave in the rocky soil at five thousand meters? Due to their environment, Tibetans deal with their dead through what is called Sky Burials, or could even be called Vulture Burials. The dead are dismembered and laid out for vultures to clean up.

A Buddhist friend forwarded a series of photos of a Sky Burial, showing step by step the ritual by which the corpse is cut into pieces for the vultures. For Buddhists, this is a useful reminder of the impermanence of the flesh we love so dearly, and benefits the practitioner of the White Bones method.

However, the email came with the warning not to look at the photos while eating or after eating, for fear of wasting food.

This struck me as strange. For a meat-eater, one who has not progressed to being a vegetarian, what could be horrifying or repulsive about photos of an old man being prepared for Sky Burial? The photos look pretty much like any butcher’s counter. The Tibetan mortician dissects the corpse cut by cut, just like a butcher dissects a dead animal cut by cut.

To tell the truth, I think a butcher’s counter is more nauseating than a Sky Burial. In the photos, the corpse is an old man. Since he is Tibetan, I assume that when he died he was accompanied by his friends and family who comforted him and told mantras for him. After death, the man in charge of the burial respectfully prepared the corpse according to ritual, with a pious, sympathetic heart, telling mantras all the time, hoping that the dead would break free of the cycle of reincarnation to achieve total liberty and release from troubles and cares.

What a difference from the fate suffered by the poor animals destined to be stuffed down human throats! Butchers have very little care for the doomed. All animals cling to life and evade death; this is an immutable fact of evolution. To promote the survival of their species, all animals are attuned to the presence or danger of death. Flight or fight; they react with terror, fear, rage, anguish, or aggression. Meat animals such as pigs and cows are naturally predisposed to flight, so they struggle and cringe. If they do not cooperate in their murder, the butcher hits them, kicks them, and yells at them. Kosher murders intensify the poor creatures’ suffering. The butchers have no respect for their victims, and are in it only for the money, slice, chop, hack, look at this delicious piece of dead animal, bloody and ravished, just right for a steak, doesn’t that make you drool? Yummy yummy, dead pig! Yummy yummy, tortured chicken! Lick your fingers!

Sky Burials and a butcher’s counter, which one is more terrifying? Which one is more nauseating?

“Don’t ask me why I am a vegetarian; ask yourself why you’re not.”

Arrogance can be comforting, the belief that one is a blossom of cleverness springing from a dung heap of stupidity; a snug bit of emotional insulation. But it’s a risky delusion, leading to ill-preparedness, a sudden lack of balance, when reality comes crashing down and clever is no longer enough.

Jonathan Kellerman, Over the Edge

Hell no I won’t go!

overheard on the subway

三歲小女生：不要！不要！我不要去教會！

阿公：可是教會是耶穌的家。

三歲小女生：我要去我自己的家！

3 year old girl: No! No! I don’t want to go to church!

Grandfather: But that’s Jesus’ home.

3 year old girl: I want to go to my own home!

The news from Paris is that President Nicolas Sarkozy has begun to rein in generous benefits of powerful unionized workers with a speech demanding "a new social contract."

I’m all for it. Maybe we could get this guy to go to Washington and do the same thing for the exorbitant benefits Congress gives themselves.

澂送我兩個宜興盉。

其一，印中國宜興一九六一年，蓋緣印：千萬不要忘記階級鬥爭：(真是夠了！)，盉內底有龍鳳圖。

其一，印中國宜興一九六四年，蓋緣印：多快好省地建設社會主義：盉內底亦有龍鳳圖。

宜興盉玩了這麼多年，頭一次看到這種樣子。

Aaar, mateys, don't forget that the 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day, and with a will boys, all together with spirit, mateys, AAAAAARRRR!!

www.talklikeapirate.com

前幾天買了一本樂育堂講義，清黃元吉著，論修道、養生、煉丹(打坐)。現在才看了六章，可是收穫已多。我是佛弟子，想到「道」，往往想到熙熙攘攘的道教：廟會啦、乩僮啦、筊杯啦、七爺八爺啦、求財致富，卻忘記道家的成就很高、造詣很深。

樂育堂講義精湛幽邃，宜細讀：尤其因為我不熟悉道家內丹用語、概念，如「水火」：身為水意為火。當作一本心理學專書也可以，探討身心意識。我買的是三民書局版，戈國龍的注譯精闢。

無上因緣章第三曰：見世人非役志于富貴功名，即馳情于酒色財氣，吾心甚是憐憫。獨奈何有心拔度，而彼竟不知返也。且不唯不肯受度，反嘖有煩言，謂吾道為奇怪。噫！

在下後人由紺稟報天宮瑤池黃宗師：Nothing’s changed.

overheard in Bitan

碧潭

高中女生對著棲在鯨魚船上不動的蒼鷺叫： 飛！…飛！…喂，你很不給面子！

A high school girl being ignored by a heron perched on a docked boat: Fly! Fly! …. Hey, you’re not giving me any face!

On the riverbank at Bitan, Taipei

前幾天看完Vanity Fair (英國 William Thackeray著，1846年)，同一日也看完儒林外史，這兩本書我很愛，各看了三四遍。

上次讀Vanity Fair是七十六年的事，剛好二十年前，臺灣顛峰初期。因而想，二十年後，臺灣將如何？

論理，在陳總統手下，臺灣很快要失去獨立身份(不管有沒有名分)。可是也很難說：中華民國的命異常的韌。

說一句公道話，臺灣人─尤其閩南人─很愛把自己的主觀當事實，對現實則不聞不問。說臺灣撇開中華民國而獨立，只有極右派給自己洗腦才相信。

可是陳總統種種措施，走向結束中華民國的不歸路；換言之，很可能到最後讓臺灣回祖國懷抱的首要公臣，就是陳水扁。冷靜看目前局勢，臺灣回歸祖國，勢在必行。可是暫且不問統一是否必然的，我深深感覺到，在臺灣似乎沒有聽過人討論：如果與大陸統一，會怎麼樣？

如果與大陸統一，會怎麼樣？大家對斯問題就很鴕鳥。任何一個問題，潛在或顯現，採取越多角度思攷越好。一個人過馬路看到沙石車煞車失靈衝過來，不要站在那裡幻想擋得住大車，也不要幻想「我愛我自己，只要想像卡車不存在就沒事。」更不要想像「已經與我離婚的前夫會派艦隊來救我。」

如果與大陸統一，會怎麼樣？他們會把臺灣的人民全部殺光、片甲不留嗎？毛澤東已經死了，成吉思汗沒復活。他們要報復臺灣甚麼？已經不是那個時代。如果與大陸統一，會有一段適應期沒錯：直航北京、觀光、設廠、流行、商機、調職，各方面都要適應。可是想來想去，我想到最後吃虧的，只有執政黨大官：巨人走路有風，一下子變成侏儒，一定很難適應。難怪他們盡力反對。可是對一般老百姓，一旦適應了，應該發現視野擴展了，很多想法會變。

我不是說如果統一絕對沒有問題或growing pains，我也沒有說我的想法對，可是我說，臺灣不該一直逃避這個問題。

可是真的有一個問題：臺灣太小，丢到大陸，普通一聲吞沒了不見了。我覺得，我們現在需要討論，如何讓既定的局勢對我們最有力。我想到中國歷史常演的一齣戲，微弱無依無靠的小女子招入皇宮，勢薄力弱，看樣子只有被欺負的份，但動動腦，沒幾年皇上沒她食不甘眠不安，小宮女變成勢燄薰天，說一別人不敢說二，說「狗」連宰相也要吠幾聲。

四兩撥千斤，我相信臺灣有這個智慧，到時候大陸老大服服貼貼的、被臺灣玩在手掌心。可是我們需要正視問題，冷靜、深遠的思攷；要很現實，不要愚昧，不要主觀，不要幻想。這是現在執政者所辦不到的。他們只會煽動人民、愚弄人民、浪費巨款作一些沒有意義的「外交」、公投、軍購。

臺灣民主嗎？民「主」：人民是主人、人民主動。我們該動動腦筋吧。

The 臺灣蘭鵲 Taiwan magpie (scientific name, urocissa caerulea, Tayal name, sipekay) is a beautiful blue bird with an elegant long tail. Unfortunately, they are tasty and the long tail slows them down, so their numbers were declining before they got protected a dozen years back. Now there are more of them, but these birds are easier to hear than to see. They flit from tree to tree, are very sensitive, and don’t like to be seen. Their horrible squawk is in strong contrast to their beautiful appearance.

The weather was too glorious to do anything worthwhile, so the dogs and I went for a walk. A flock of about twenty sipekay was moving uphill. I stood in the middle of the road watching them. After a while, a motorcycle came by. On it were a boy and a girl, both about 20, obviously up from the city for a jaunt in the mountains. Seeing me standing in the middle of the road craning my neck looking uphill, they slowed down and looked at me curiously. I told them, “There’s a flock of blue magpies in that camphor tree. This is a good chance to see them.” They looked at me blankly, said, “Oh” and kept going.

What makes this even sadder is, if some singer or actress starred in a television special 蘭鵲之旅 A Visit to Blue Magpies, or something equally inane, the youngsters would be glued to their television sets.

+ Hey, that’s a spiffy hat. What kind is it?

= Bark.

+ …. Huh?

= Bark.

+ ……well, uh…. Woof woof! Arf arf! Now what the heck kind of hat is that?

l * * *

Tree bark hat made by 阿美Amis aborigines on the eastern coast of Taiwan. From Balahu.

構樹 broussonetia papyrifera (亦名楮樹。鹿愛吃此樹葉)

The 鶺鴒/wagtail is a small bird, about the size of a sparrow but with a longer tail. It has a yellow tummy and yellowish grey wings. Usually it stays around streams and wetlands.

This noon I looked out and saw a wagtail walking across my 玄關/front porch. Not hopping, mind you, but walking, strutting even. You don’t see many wagtails around my place, and this is very definitely the first one I had ever seen taking a stroll past my front door. My three alert guardians were snoozing and didn’t notice when it walked right by them. I thought about getting the camera, but was afraid the bird would disappear, so I slipped out the door to watch what it would do.

What it did was keep walking straight out from the porch and onto the path. There, probably due to the uneven rocks, it displayed more typical wagtail behavior, wagging its tail as it strode from rock to rock, as bold as a lord. The dogs ignored both of us. The wagtail hopped down the stairs. Just as I was wondering if it was going to open the gate and let itself out, it took to the air and quickly vanished into the bamboo.

Come again, little friend, you’re always welcome. Just let me get my camera next time.

This post is for 字彙無敵 Unbeatable Vocabulary students:
Here are the answers to Vocabulary Lesson Eight ~ the Merica website just doesn't work very well.

= means synonym

X means antonym

aversion = disinclined X willing

bear = tolerate

bigotry = partial

blemish = spot

cliché = proverb

coin = mint

compassionate X relentless

echo = resound

entire X partial

entire = purely

flair X taper

hunch = slouch

impetus = stimulus

learn = study

peter out = taper X sprout

keep up the good work!

a modern Samaritan

with all due humility, I have to admit that I am the very soul of consideration and enlightenment.

On the bus, I saw a boy, about high school age, wearing a white tee shirt with a single word on it:

DORK

I very kindly asked him if he knew what it meant, and upon receiving a negative answer, explained it to him.

What would life be without helpful strangers?

臺北車站看到一個很大的英文標語 UN for Taiwan，實在不知道講甚麼，看不太懂。當然知道是入聯的事，可是UN為甚麼沒有冠詞？話又說回來, The UN for Taiwan又是甚麼意思？好像是不完整的片語說，為臺灣的聯合國~~真不知道這是甚麼英文。

歎。臺灣現在的政府都是搞這種事，自己覺得很有個樣子，可以騙騙阿公阿媽鄉下的阿土，可是拿出來在世界舞台上，不倫不類。

有沒有哪一位可以告訴我，臺灣為甚麼要加入聯合國？對臺灣有甚麼實質的好處？

講一個更現實的問題，臺灣一廂情願說要入聯，聯合國的門就會開嗎？美國反對、中共反對，其它國家會願意為臺灣去得罪兩個強國嗎？外交很現實；臺灣經濟威力大不如以前：現在世人眼中的臺灣，就是貪污聞名總統的地方；蘇貞昌、謝長廷、呂秀蓮、游錫昆，美其名只是小家璧玉，國際上站出來給人看的話，貽笑大方。國外已經很少報導臺灣的政治新聞，除非又是立委打架的醜態，因為執政者早已沒有威信，經過三一九鬧劇，當作癡人說夢，不報罷了。支持臺灣沒好處、不理臺灣沒壞處。非洲也許有幾個友邦，歐洲似乎沒有任何一個政府會支持臺灣加入聯合國，何必去硬著頭皮讓自己難堪？

政府花很多人力、很多錢搞公投，依我的意見，不如有點實際的建樹。換人做做看，請問，七年來作出多少實際建樹造福民眾？

+=+=+=+=

The UN for Taiwan可能是名詞片語吧：「給臺灣的聯合國」。語焉不詳。

The Tayal were originally headhunters; headhunting was a duty they owed their ancestors, and brought fertility to their fields. Traditional Tayal morals were very strict. A man who told a lie was expected to commit suicide (they didn’t have lawyers or candidates). Marriage was absolute: no fooling around, for men as well as for women.

Once I was sitting around with some Tayal, one of whom came from 宜蘭/Ilan, east over the mountains. He told me that one day ~~ I would guess this happened around 1930 or so ~~ his grandfather came home to find his grandmother in bed with another man. He immediately cut off both of their heads.

He was very proud of this. The other Tayal toasted and praised him. They were also proud of the moral standards of their tribe, even if standards are not quite so stringent any more.

old photo of Tayal (Atayal) man and wife

I am reading Vanity Fair for, I believe, the fourth time. Thackeray vividly describes society in London in the early 19^th century with cheerful cynicism.

Thackeray describes a trip to Germany: “Even to think of the Rhineland makes one happy. At this time of summer evening, the cows are trooping down the hills, lowing, with their bells tinkling, to the old town, with its old moats, and gates, and spires, and chestnut trees.”

Although I have never been to Europe, I think I know how to update this lyrical passage: “At this time of summer evening, the tourists are trooping down the hills, lowing, with their cell phones tinkling, chiming, and thumping, to the old town, with its old malls, and golden gates, and star bucks, and internet cafes.”

an interesting way to look at it

It is probably in President Bean’s best interests to collapse the Republic of China before his term ends next year and his immunity runs out, so he does not have to face prosecution for his crimes.

一個字從語言甲翻成語言乙，或許照字面上翻譯正確，可是用法上、含意上，可能大相徑庭。一方面是因為語言表達法不同，另一方面，來自文化不同。

語言表達法不同，中國話說「雨很大」，若直譯英文The rain is very big，不知所云。英語 It’s raining hard，它是下雨硬，這是中文嗎？

(注：「很」不等于very; very比較像「非常」。一般中文的「很」，于英文不譯便了。)

因為中國人都喜歡好彩頭，討個吉利，所以有成功高中、成功大學，大家都喜歡這類名號。幸當時教育部將成功大學譯音為Cheng Kung University。若譯Success University, 意味迥異，因為在英語文化，取Success University之類的名字，保證學店無疑。沒有為甚麼，文化、習慣不同而已。

但有時候特殊歷史背景讓大家感受不同。例如臺北有機店取名「棉花田」，華人會聯想棉紗、綿延、農村稻香等各種正面的想法。若直譯Cotton Fields，在美國人心中產生很多很恐怖的聯想，因為美國的經驗，知道種棉花摧殘土壤敗壞生態，而棉花田在美國從前是剝削黑奴殘酷不人道的地方，直到現在仍是剝削貧民、蹂躪黑人、囚犯、弱勢團體的地方。

種棉花很傷生態；美國南方的農田，十九世紀種很多棉花，差點摧毀了整個生態，所以我一直感覺到有機店取名「棉花田」是一個非常奇怪的選擇。

前文提到語言不同所造成的問題。再如「公司」，眾所周知，英文是company，很簡單。可是用法不同。英文的company，汎指公司的全部人、財、器、屋、營業。中文可以說，「我們公司在路口那棟大樓的三樓，」但此句若講our company，意味整個公司在那棟的三樓，之外沒有其他據點。此例，若公司有其它營業場所，英文應講our office。

因為中、英文相差太遠，所以縱使簡單的字，也有陷阱。例如「花」, flowers，應該夠簡單吧？種花，倘譯plant flowers，很容易出問題。其一、plant只是將植物種植下去，然後是grow。其二，在英文，只有開花才叫flowers；很多人陽台上種萬年青、馬拉巴栗、元寶樹之類的綠色植物，說是「種花」，可是在英文要說是plants，因為沒有花朵。

烏來商圈賣的紀念品寫「烏來往事」，加英文Wulai Story。第一，國字很美，加英文字，我覺得並沒有增加美的效果，尤其因為一般選擇的英文字型呆板、沒有美感。第二，華人寫英文，通常亂大寫；英文不是每一字要大寫，此例story可以小寫。但大問題在于第三：Wulai story在英文沒有甚麼意義。一個紀念品上寫Wulai story，一般英語native speaker不知所云，因為這是中文，不是英文。英文可以寫memories of Wulai (Sabiy的精簡翻譯)。但不可寫成 In Memory of XX，因為這個意思是，追念亡者！

Eminent good sense

Wulai mountains: steep.

Taiwan summers: murderous heat.

We’ve been having even more rain than usual in Wulai this year. Mornings may start, as today, yesterday, the day before, and so on, with the sun shining brightly, then presto, come noon you get lots of thunder and lightning, rain, rain, and more rain. Even though we are enjoying the beginning of ‘fall,’ and the humidity has dropped to 65%, the sun, when it is out, oppresses like molten lead. Nonetheless, hardy souls pedal their bicycles up to Wulai from the city.

Is it possible to ride an expensive bike wearing comfortable clothing? Apparently not; there seems to be an unwritten law that the more money you spend on your bicycle, the more gaudy and uncomfortable your outfit has to be. If you see someone pedaling along wearing nice, comfortable, loose cotton clothing in pastel colors, you can be sure their bike is only mediocre, or worse. People with custom built carbon frames are evidently required to deck themselves out in clothing so tight that it’s a wonder their blood can circulate, and in colors and patterns designed to sear the retinas of anyone within eyesight. As Frazz said, the amazing thing about the invention of the biking helmet is that no matter who wears one, no matter how you wear one, they always look dorky.

On the road from the city, packs of bikers toil along under the purgatorial sun, (which it must be admitted is preferable to the diluvial rain or the hellish lightning.) Thus the four I saw struggling uphill in the heat the other morning from Laga towards Tampya. But wait, what is this? Each rider had a styrofoam box jury-rigged to his back with the red plastic string ubiquitous in Taiwan: anybody in Wulai would recognize those boxes, these bicyclists were carrying boxes of the famous local popsicles. Popsicles and bicycles. Now there is a good combination! Hot? Tired? Why, just stop by the roadside and pluck a popsicle out of the cache on your back: stop and slurp.

昨天在中時電子報看到一個新聞

入聯公投惹美出惡言 謝長廷說要怪馬

有一個讀者投意見(#28)罵美國，說美國不要管臺灣的事；接著下一句說如果臺灣有事，美國就要來救。

這個意見令人無奈：又教美國人不要管台灣的事，又說台灣有事就要美國來救。換句話說，要把事情搞砸，美國不可以勸；事情果然爆發，要美國人救，這是甚麼邏輯？

我在台已三十多年；十大建設、台灣奇蹟，都親眼目讀過。七年來，換人做做看，沒看過實際建樹，反而經濟、外交、教育每下愈況，政府只有喊一些沒有用的口號。這兩三年，每次回國，美國人知道我住台灣，馬上反應：”If Taiwan gets into any trouble, America is absolutely not going to do anything! If they’re so stupid, that’s their problem. If they make trouble, why should our soldiers die for them?” 以前在美國人眼中，台灣是勇敢抵抗毛澤東與蘇俄的小島，是經濟小強國；現在在美國講台灣，只想到以貪污，惹事生非的政權；美國在Iraq已經很頭痛，絕不會、絕沒有義務救台灣。

謝怪馬，陳怪蔣；我很誠摯地希望台灣政人長大。事情是綠派自己鬧大的，純粹是自己的責任。敢作敢當，不要一值怪別人。不要一直幻想別人會收你的爛攤子。

PS:如果臺灣有事，叫美國人來救之前，應該教陳總統的兒子回來保衛臺灣。

哈哈哈

“Always to be right, always to trample forward, and never to doubt, are not those the great qualities with which dullness takes the lead in the world?”

William Thackeray, Vanity Fair (1848), Chapter 35

I have never lived in a house with a television. I do not read newspapers. At most, I glance at the headlines on Yahoo or the International Herald Tribune.

People say, You are out of touch. Then they bury their heads in the newspapers as they ride the subway to read all about overgrown, overpaid, undereducated athletes far, far away, too busy to notice the people around them. People say, You are out of touch, as they put on their headphones to drown out the sounds of the world around them.

Hikers revel in paying top dollar for the most expensive (read: prestigious) hiking boots they can find. I still wear the footwear my parents gave me at birth. Any moment in the mountains, I can shut my eyes and describe in detail the texture, temperature, and feel of the ground I stand on.

It’s a miracle I ever get any work done. Here’s a photo Sabiy took of me a couple weeks ago when I was cleaning up after a typhoon. A large limb had crashed down on the path out back, so I was trying to chop it up to drag away. My dogs showed their solidarity with me by milling around me while I was trying to swing my headhunting knife. As if that wasn’t enough, the neighbor’s Andy came over and promptly sat on my feet.

一般說「仙」如何？「不食人間煙火。」仙是如此，若能修到成神，可想而知，必然對人間飲食不感興趣。人家口中「美食」，于祂如糞土。

這幾天月圓，佛家行盂蘭盆，民間說中元普渡是也。看到有人拜啤酒，很不以為然：酒肉，于正神如尿屎，躲都來不及，別想要祂們靠近；拜酒拜動物屍體，招徠的不善。

有人說要請好兄弟喫喝。第一，無形眾生應該用正法渡；拜酒肉乃教他們留在鬼道繼續受苦，他會感激嗎？第二，拜酒拜肉，好兄弟來，于我，我雖然不排斥鬼神道的朋友，可是寧與佛菩薩、羅漢、正神打交道。你要找人幫你看家，你要十個正直警察來呢？或者一個頑劣流氓？拜酒拜肉，等于趕走警察引賊入室。

The moon wiggled, not me.

we had an eclipse tonight, and this is the photo that came out of my rock-steady camera brace.

Recently I read a series of articles about achieving inner peace. The methods included having a massage, going jogging, listening to soft music, eating pizza with strawberry ice cream. You have to make allowances, because this was an article in the New York Times, and dog knows there is precious little inner peace to be found in New York, but it struck me that all the ideas in the article involved putting your mind at rest or taking a break, but I’m not sure if those are really inner peace.

Inner peace means that your mind is free of contradictions, conflicts, and disharmony. Inner peace is not something you achieve in five minutes by eating some special food or hearing some musical notes. You have to untie the knots and straighten out the kinks. It’s a monumental task with pain, struggle, and industry, real blood, sweat, and tears. Approaching inner peace requires you be brutally honest with yourself, something humanity in general, Americans in particular, and New Yorkers in extremity, are loath to do.

But you won’t sell many magazines by saying so.

教育，國之本；國家興衰、社會成敗、家庭和舛，關鍵在于教育。

教育是百年大業，所以在部長杜正勝教授英明領導下，教育部把大學院校經費刪減了，叫各個學校行政單位不要花心思去想如何將下一代的主人翁教育成優秀國民，而要想盡辦法撈錢。這麼先進的理念，一般人是不容易理解的。

北藝大的空降部隊新校長朱宗慶先生遇到此棘手問題，一點也不畏縮，反而勇敢地伸出雙手，跟校友要錢。上行下效，朱校長虛懷若谷，誠摯學習陳總統的模樣，舉辦「募款餐會」，這是令人多麼欣慰的決策！

參加「募款餐會」的校友，每位規定樂捐兩千五百元；因為怕校友錯失良機，所以各科系的教授一一打電話要請校友把錢吐出來。盛會通知太重要，不容助教替教授聯絡。

每一科系規定要認幾桌，大致以該系學生校友多寡而定。可是各位讀者要了解，再「換人做做看」的執政黨領導下，教育單位非常懂得斟酌，靈活因財施壓。電影系，在北藝大人數不多，卻被迫認二十桌。該系人士矇瞽不明，抱怨沒那麼多人，認不了那許多桌，領導人員指出正確的方向，回：你們電影系的人一定認識很多影劇圈的人，他們都很有錢，叫他們來就好了。

聽到這番事，筆者眼淚雙行，感動的不得了，眼界這麼廣、思緒這麼睿智的人負責臺灣教育大事…… 臺灣完蛋了。

East and West, I

A generalization: the West analyzes, breaking things up into specialties. China looks for common ground, 找關係.

Westerners eat with knife and fork; a knife cannot perform the duty of a fork, and vice versa. Chinese eat with chopsticks, which are interchangeable.

East and West, II

Now Taiwan is paved, so people convey heavy loads on pushcarts. Using a pushcart assumes flat, even surfaces. Thirty years ago, the 扁擔 / shoulder pole was still ubiquitous in Taiwan, because you can carry one anywhere your feet will carry you.

Way back then, an American friend in Taipei watched a man carrying two heavy bags of rice on his bamboo shoulder pole, and turned to me with a sigh. He said, “I’ll never figure the Chinese out. They carry one hundred pounds of rice with one piece of bamboo, and a mouthful of rice with two pieces of bamboo.”

On the escalators at Taipei’s subway stops, stand right walk left; if you don’t walk up or down the escalator, stand to the right and leave the left side open for those walking.

As I walked up the escalators in Taipei Main Station, pair by pair of high tech sports shoes hove into view on the right. I was struck by the way people nowadays spend handfuls of money to buy elaborately designed sports shoes, for the purpose of standing on an escalator as it carries you along.

People of our day are certainly the least active in the history of humanity. For thousands of generations, our ancestors walked everywhere they went; eventually some could afford the luxury of riding horseback, but even that is hard exercise. Our ancestors achieved everything through bodily might; now we rely exclusively on machines. We are too quiescent to even walk down an escalator. But never before in the history of humanity has so much attention, research, or energy been devoted to the making of shoes for athletic pursuits.

So you can stand there motionless.

But hey! it looks athletic! Like the four wheel drives people drive around the city.

誰牽誰，我看不出來；狗鍊一頭是黃金獵犬，另一頭是穿著入時的二十幾歲小姐，手上拿了一個小畚斗。狗蹲作痾勢，小姐趕緊在犬臀後屈膝把畚斗放狗屁下，謹承屎寶。

看到斯景，想起儒林外史第十六回，常久流亡在外的匡二相公，終于回到家，父親久臥病牀，兒子細心照顧；匡二相公，字超人。書上說：

太公道：「我要出恭，快喊你娘進來。」母親忙走進來，正要替太公墊布；匡超人道，「爹要出恭，不要這樣出了；象這布墊在被窩裏，出的也不自在。況每日要洗這布，娘也怕薰的慌，不要薰傷了胃氣。」

太公道，「我站的起來出恭倒好了；這也沒奈何。」

匡超人道，「不要站起來，我有道理。」連忙走到廚下端了一個瓦盆，盛上一瓦盆的灰，拏進去放在牀面前，就端了一條板櫈，放在瓦盆外邊；自己扒上牀，把太公扶了橫過來，兩隻腳放在板櫈上，屁股緊對著瓦盆的灰。他自己鑽在中間，雙膝跪下，把太公兩條腿，捧著肩上，讓太公睡的安安穩穩，自在出過恭。

時髦姑娘注重衛生，固然是功德。愛護禽獸、養育寵物、維護衛生，都極好。可是我總準此繩墨：愛獸不得愈愛親。

古人孝父母之心，今人孝狗，有過之。

The latest spam scam is a pitiful call for money. It says

I have been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.

Yes, I believe all forms of medical treatment have been defiled.

We spent our Saturday getting clobbered by Typhoon Sepat/聖帕. Trees broke and bamboo snapped. Four sheets of metal came flying in from some unknown location uphill to enliven our day. I really wish The Authorities would give typhoons soft, gentle names, like Lamb or Bambi. Last time they named one 象神 Elephant King, and it trampled us.

Photos by Sabiy/超.

Behu sent a postcard from Vancouver. Somewhere in British Columbia he encountered a Taiwanese man running a teashop, and reports he seemed “alone.”

What a torment for a delicate tea soul! I can imagine the poor wretch suffering day by day until finally he descends into a perpetual dusk shrieking, gibbering, and muttering the same mortal formula over and over again: “No sugar! No milk! No lemon in tea! No! No! No sugar in tea, No sugar in tea, no no no sugar in tea tea teaeeeeeeeeeeewoooooo no milk in teahehehehehehe!”

What demon planted in his ill-fated brain the suicidal wish to open a teashop in a land with close ties to England and the US? Poor man.

Did you see the headline?

Rove to leave White House Aug. 31

I think that proves the old saying that rats desert a sinking ship.

I wrote this in 2001.

It could be worse

Some baby-boomers are mortified by memories (or even worse, photos) of their behavior in the 70s: platform shoes and disco. But it could be worse. What if you were Chinese? If you have memories of the People’s Republic in the 70s, you were not one of the millions wiped out during the Cultural Revolution. So you did the right things: you waved the Sayings of Chairman Mao ¾ the Little Red Book ¾ with inane enthusiasm as you competed in singing the Great Helmsman’s praises. When you were not taking potshots at other Red Guard factions, you would prove your utter devotion by reciting from memory Mao’s quotes backwards, lickety-split. After you had denounced your elders for some trifling misstep, you would ecstatically swoon at the sight of an Old Peasant ¾ Mao’s repository of all wisdom (never mind that the Old Peasant pined for the KMT, and the days before the Saving Star of Humanity starved 30 million peasants to death out of spite). Every time you blew your week’s pay on a Big Mac for your son, you would be haunted by recollections of screaming in unison, WE WILL GIVE THE RUNNING DOGS OF AMERICAN IMPERIALISM A RESOUNDING SLAP IN THE FACE!! You would cringe at the memories of moldy oldies, like “Daddy’s Affection, Mommy’s Affection, are nothing compared to Chairman Mao’s Affection.” My dog! What would you do if your kids found out about that one!? Crawl into a hole, I imagine, and hope for merciful asphyxiation before their laughter had subsided.