Language is funny.

My Puyuma (Pinuyumayan) male friends address me as Ali, the proper way adult males address each other. But in Tayal, ‘ali means bamboo shoot, and at first it was confusing: why are they calling me bamboo shoot?

We were talking with Malivan, Puyuma tribe, about tradition and cultural transmission. He made a particularly good point, so Chao said, “Balay.”

He was a bit taken aback, and asked, “What did you say?”

She explained, “Balay is Tayal for truly, verily, well spoken.”

He smiled and said, “I thought you said Ngalay, Puyuma for spit, or nonsense.” 

迷彩車 Taitung style camouflage.

Slaqi Ulay! 太棒了！ 烏來下雪了！Incredible! Snow in Wulai!

被颱風摧殘不到半年後，烏來下雪了，真奇妙。Less than six months after a disastrous typhoon, it snows in Wulai. Bizarre, but welcome. 

LINK

眾所周知，由于臺灣社會、概念的變遷，二十年來出現了「外籍新娘」。有多少外籍新娘就有多少動聽的故事，有歡喜、有悲劇、有愛情、有憎恨、有和睦、有睽離。我一個鄰居每次開口，他的外籍新娘好像看著白馬王子，用愛慕的眼神看著他，十年來不變；我另一個鄰居常常被外籍新娘打，雖然婦比夫輕二十公斤、矮個頭，但是出手毒辣，又快又準。有的公婆把新娘當公主伺候，有的公婆將新娘當奴隸、野狗使喚。

外籍新娘必須完全入境隨俗，沒聽說過有任何一個家庭鼓勵新娘傳她的語言、習俗、想法，卻一律要求她們徹底融入中華文化的巨大川流。我認為很可惜，臺灣很喜歡說是「多元化的社會」，但是我看到的「多元化」是「與世界接軌」的同義詞，意思偏向沖淡固有文化傳統、盲目追從西方。如果重視外籍新娘的文化，可以讓我們社會更豐富；母親的血脈受尊重，孩子身心更健康；而且會培養出多少雙語的人才。(從小講兩三種語言的孩子平均智商很高。)

請想：如果義大利人移民美國拋棄自己文化，完全融入美國文化，我們現在就沒有pizzas可以吃，多可惜！(當然情形不完全相同，因為義大利移民美國比較少mail order brides或外籍新娘，比較多全家移民；但是新血總讓文化大放異彩。)

說穿了，外籍新娘本來就矮了一截，這大家都知道。比較少人知道的事情是，七八年前政府開始重視新住民的遭遇，開始注意新住民的適應、生活。我怎麼知道呢？因為我也算外籍配偶，常常被邀請參加國語、閩南語訓練班、烹飪班、剪裁班，甚至也被邀請參加土風舞班，合唱團，但是我回絕了，因為我知道沒有人想看到這種事情發生。我們外籍配偶常常被照顧，不定期電話訪問、登門探訪（有趣的是，有一次來訪的是我一位好友的女兒，我還記得她五、六歲的樣子，後來反而來看看我有沒有遇到家暴、虐待。放心，沒有!）

還有一件事情一般民眾比較漠然不關心，是這次選舉選出了第一屆新住民立委！生于柬埔寨，嫁到彰化的林麗蟬投入社會服務多年，現在當選了不分區新住民第一屆立委！這位了不起的女士將善用立法委員的身分為外籍配偶謀取福利，真是大好消息。

For a wide variety of reasons, over the last twenty years a large number of men in Taiwan have been marrying brides from overseas, especially Thailand, Indonesia, Viet Nam, and mainland China. Their stories run the gamut from my friend whose wife, even after ten years’ marriage, looks at him like he’s a knight in shining armor, to another one of my friends whose wife beats him every time she feels like it. Some families treat their foreign brides like imported treasures, others like slaves or dogs.

These wives are expected to conform to local norms. I have never heard of a family encouraging their foreign wife to speak her own language or carry on her original customs. I think this is a great loss. If America had forced its Italian immigrants to forsake their old habits, where would we find pizza to eat? (The situation is not entirely identical, since most Italians immigrated with their entire family. But new blood always makes a culture vigorous, with the obvious exception of the scion of German and Scottish immigrants, Donald Trump. But let’s not get started on that sorry piece of lard.)

Everybody knows that foreign wives in Taiwan do not occupy a very high position. What is less well known is that over the last six or seven years, the government has been making an effort to take care of foreign spouses. I know this because I have been invited many times to take lessons in Mandarin and Minnan, to learn how to cook, to learn how to sew, and even to join a folk dance club and a choir. I didn’t, probably much to the relief of the concerned authorities. But I have been visited by social workers to make sure I am not having trouble adjusting or being abused.

Something that has gone almost entirely neglected in the election last Saturday was that the first Foreign Spouse Legislator was elected, Ms Lin Lichan who married in to Taiwan from Cambodia (sorry, I do not know her Cambodian name; the news didn’t bother to report it.) This is wonderful news. I am confident she will do all in her ability to help foreign spouses in Taiwan. Just don’t ask me to sing in a choir. 

(PS: I wish to apologize to all pigs for calling Trump a piece of lard.) 

Got on board a westbound seven forty seven

Didn't think before deciding what to do

All that talk of 燒餅油條, 臭豆腐 and KTV

Rang true, sure rang true

Seems it always rains in northern Taiwan-oh

Seems I've often heard that kind of talk before

It always rains in Wulai, but girl, don't they warn ya

You’ll mold, man, you’ll mold

Off to work, umbrella overhead

Everything’s wet, I’m soaking wet

I'm getting fat, I'm overfed

I wanna get dry

It always rains in Taiwan-oh, but girl, don't they warn ya

You’ll mold, man, you’ll mold

Will you tell the folks back home I’m drying out?

Saw the sun for a few minutes yesterday

Please, don't tell 'em how wet I am

Don't tell 'em how wet I am

Gimme a break, gimme a break

Seems it always rains in northern Taiwan-oh

Seems I've often heard that kind of talk before

It always rains in Wulai, but girl, don't they warn ya

You’ll mold, man, you’ll mold~~

蔡英文當選了，中華民國第一任女總統，不簡單。未來四年的路不好走，祝她健康、平安。Tsai Yingwen has won the presidential election. I was amused by the New York Times headline, Taiwan votes for a new leader, widely expected to be female. They make it sound like somebody’s been doing ultrasound scans, oh, it’s going to be a female. We knew years ago that Tsai is a woman, thank you. She’s got a hard four years ahead of her. Good health and good luck to her. 

這次選舉有點怪。國民黨好像放水；中南部的情形我不了解，但至少在新北市、臺北市，到處都是蔡英文的宣傳，幾乎看不到朱立倫的。每次出門看到好幾台蔡英文的宣傳車，還沒看過朱立倫的。

民進黨是不是又在鬧派系？沒看到蘇貞昌、謝長廷、游錫堃等大老出來賣力支持，反而是自豪無黨籍的臺北市長柯先生出來幫她拉票。可能也是他們兩位微妙的關係，柯市長野心不小，不想得罪老英，蔡英文想拉攏他吧。(呂秀蓮與陳水扁也沒出來，大概只有朱立倫希望他們為蔡英文加油吧。)

臺灣老迷信被利用的很漂亮。幾十年來，不知道多少國家做過多少研究，證明賄選就是浪費錢，完全不會影響選舉，除非是很小規模的，例如村長、鄉民代表之類的。可是這個鬼在臺灣還是有賣點。前幾天從信箱裏掏出一張民進黨發的文宣，強調檢舉賄選獎金的龐大金額、提拱完整的檢舉賄選的表格，還幫你寫好了地址、免郵資，只差沒幫你填寫「賄選人：國民黨」。用意很清楚吧！我們有多清白！他們骯髒！他們賄選！他們骯髒！說實話，誰那麼白癡，會想浪費那個錢？

民進黨、國民黨無止盡的鬥，或許很多選民已經厭煩了，所以這次出現很多以前沒聽過的黨：不是新黨、親民黨、台聯這些，還很多甚麼軍公教黨、時代力量黨、民國黨、天宙和平統一家庭黨、陽光大聯盟、信心希望聯盟，真是五花八門。有天同黨、大同黨、中國大同民主黨、中國大同統一黨，有客家黨但是也有中華客家黨，需要分清楚！樹黨之外，還有個「虎黨」(不是胖虎黨)，可是好像沒有「狗黨」。但是有中華民國機車黨，我很不好意思問，你們很機車嗎? 但是這麼多小黨出來，一方面讓我想起以前臺灣的商界，沒有人要當職員，每一個人想當老闆；但另一方面，看藍綠僵局已經膩了，兩黨也沒甚麼人才，換換新人算了。

Tomorrow (January 16) Taiwan holds a presidential election. Tsai Yingwen (DPP) has been campaigning full time for five years, so she looks like a safe bet, especially since the KMT seems to have practically forgotten there’s an election. Taipei is covered with her posters, flags, and photos, but you can barely find one of Chu Lilun, the KMT candidate.

I still can’t figure out why candidates need English language slogans, since none of the electorate read only English and cannot read Chinese. Perhaps it indicates a lack of confidence in one’s own culture. Anyway, Tsai’s slogan, “Light up Taiwan” made a friend of mine think she was advocating arson. At first glance, I thought it was “Light up, Taiwan,” inviting everybody to have a smoke. If Chu has an English slogan, I haven’t seen it.

An interesting facet in a pretty boring election is the sudden appearance of a whole slue of little parties. I think that indicates people are sick of both the KMT and the DPP, their endless bickering, and lack of talent. Maybe another little party could inspire people. But the election is already a pretty foregone conclusion.

very peculiar indeed

前不久在萬隆打鐵店訂做了一把刀，現在我把鞘做好了。木頭是莫拉克颱風的漂流木，很細，但不知道甚麼木。鐵線槌平成條。帶子 指織孟加拉傳統麻線。Recently I had a knife made at a small smithy. Now I have finished the sheath. The wood is driftwood, I'm not sure what. I hammered wire flat for the holders. The belt is finger woven from hemp twine made in Bangladesh.

當過五年專職候選人、花下巨款，蔡英文競選總統勢在必得。不知道在這倒數幾天，她會不會停下來想一想：這真的是我要的嗎？

當總統沒那麼容易。在臉書常看到很多支持她的人說，只要國民黨下臺，臺灣的問題都解決了。一旦老英當了總統，問題沒有解決，他們能接受嗎？尤其這八年訓練民眾集體霸凌總統，如果已經養成習慣了，不管誰掌櫃、不問做得怎麼樣，就是照這八年的模式不問青紅皂白指著鼻子罵，怎麼辦？

臺灣許多問題很嚴重，沒有那麼容易解決。陸客已經是臺灣經濟一項很重要的財源，蔡英文「保證」她當選不會減少；她有甚麼把握？當然，如果到現在她還沒有跟北京協調，她根本沒有當總統的條件；可是支持她的人能接受嗎？

北京軍事策略遙遙領先美國，俄羅斯落後更多，而蔡英文說要臺灣自製潛水艇；這種二十世紀的軍事思想，先不談，要問，臺灣做不出潛水艇引擎，如何自製潛水艇？培養工程師、機械師，不是一兩年的事，潛水艇何時能做出來？莫非要做腳踏式潛水艇？

老英當了總統，臺灣還會有邦交嗎？聽說有邦交的二十幾個國家中，有二十個想要跟台灣斷交，是北京看在中華民國的面子上不准；不要說二十個，如果十個與中華民國斷交，我們再也不能在東門看到很多稀罕國旗，生活會少了一些滋味。

還很多教育、環保、就業、毒品、經濟等等問題，諸如此類，一旦她當選，全落在她的頭上。希望她有心理準備。天佑臺灣。

排灣+卑南木雕大師鹿樣年終出清存貨，我買了兩把小刀。有百步蛇的是排灣，另一個卑南。The Paiwan + Pinuyumayan master carver Ljuyan is holding an end of year clearance sale, so I bought two small knives. The one with the snake is Paiwan, the other Pinuyumayan.

跨年放煙火，放完拍拍屁股回去。其它污染不談，連紙盒子也不順手拿回去丟。People from the city shoot off fireworks for new year's and then just leave their rubbish.

Frankly, with all the hype, I’m a bit surprised that no optometrist has named their shop STARE WARES.

I was reading about people getting stabbed in Israel. I have no plans to visit Israel, but I was thinking, Wow, if I ever went, I wouldn’t want to be mistaken for a Jew and get stabbed. 

Then I came up with a great solution: I could wear a big 卍 on my back so everybody would know I’m a Buddhist.

A moment later I thought, No, that might not be such a great idea after all…