I wrote this years ago and neglected to post it.

Sunday morning I was walking down to catch the 7:15 bus to the city to give a lecture. Yata drove by and hailed me: “Yugan! I have something good to show you.” She pulled into the parking lot, hopped out of the car, opened the trunk, and drew back the rug in the trunk to reveal a beautiful, full size headhunting knife in a wooden scabbard with a woven carrying sash.

As heartily as I root for the aborigines, I do understand the government’s reticence in promoting Tayal religion and tradition, which are based squarely on headhunting, especially in recent days, with feelings running so high over Vice President Lu’s racist slurs. Technically, I suppose, the knife she was showing me is illegal, which is why she had it hidden under the rug. It is longer than my forearm, which is past legal length in Taiwan (I mean the knife is past legal length, not my forearm.)

A tribesman further south lately has fired up his smithy and forged small scale knives of traditional shapes. I have obtained two, complete with wooden sheathes, and apparently, this encouraged him to go ahead and produce this full scale knife to see if I was interested. Yata was giving me the first chance to buy it. I picked it up to examine. Of course this is For Display Only, but I wanted to make sure it has a good heft. It has a good heavy back and is sharp enough to do what it was designed for.

As I was giving it a few swings, a busybody sightseeing lady came up behind me and stuck her nose in our conversation: “What have you got there? What are you going to do with that?”

Without turning around, I said, "We're getting ready to come out of the grass." Everybody in Taiwan knows that "出草 coming out of the grass" means to hunt heads. I gave the knife a few more swipes and put it back in the scabbard, to test the fit. Then I turned around to give the busybody sightseer an engaging smile, but you know what? She was nowhere to be seen.

臺北小市民生活歷史綴筆，公車站牌篇

民國六十幾年臺北公車站牌，直徑約五十公分的鐵餅，豎在鐵幹上，鐵餅離地大概一百九十公分左右吧，因為連我也抬頭看，很多人後退兩步，引領眺望，小朋友穩看不到的；路線號碼、站名、班次時間等等，全用手寫。字都很漂亮、很工整。

問題有兩個：一，我剛來時看不懂中文，牌子寫的漂亮工整對我沒用，看不懂還是看不懂。二，縱使看懂，誰知那些那麼多地名在哪處？甚麼成功國宅呀、檢驗所呀、幸安市場呀、台肥二村呀、福德宮呀，怎麼知道在哪裡？還有一種我最愛：：八德路口：：八德路那麼長，八德路的哪一個交叉口？

六十五六年開始聯營，站牌統一規格，手寫謎題站牌慢慢淘汰、不見了。現在倒有點懷念。可是始終弄不明白，臺北的土地公廟那麼多，光寫個「福德宮」，乘客該怎麼知道是哪一個土地公廟？

答案很簡單：就是這路公車經過的那個福德宮，保證無它！！

When I was a little boy, my parents taught me:

Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning;

Red sky at night, sailors’ delight.

To tell you the truth, it wasn’t very accurate in Illinois, and I assure you, it’s not much better in Taiwan. This morning at 5 the sky blazed a brilliant red for ten minutes or so, but the weather today was okay.

Just to be on the safe side, I take warning every time I see a red sky in the morning, just in case whoever invented that rhyme got it right. But so far so good.

Notice the moon in the upper left.

周師兄是怪胎一個，前世應該是福慧雙修，因為這世家境好，周有紈絝子弟樣，可是慧根非常深厚；很像窺基大師。他修密，進步迅速，但他要皈依時，上師說，「你皈依我，要聽話，要認真修行。我知道你還愛喝好酒；佛戒酒，也是因為飲酒時吸引無數小鬼薰酒氣，可是你現在沒辦法馬上戒，沒關係，上師我有本事，小鬼我先幫你擋，你就慢慢戒吧。我知道你還愛吃肉；佛戒殺，也是為了避免結惡緣、冤魂纏繞，可是你現在沒辦法馬上戒，沒關係，上師我有本事，冤魂我先幫你擋，你就慢慢戒吧。這些，上師都幫你作。可是無論如何，煙一定要戒；你要皈依我的話，煙一定要戒，要馬上戒。這是為甚麼呢？因為我如果接受你的皈依，我就要為你的生死負責；你生的時候，我必須好好教導你，教你如何修行，走上成佛之道；如果你比我先死，我當上師的有義務給你超渡、不讓你退轉。因此，如果你要皈依我的話，你無論如何，一定要戒菸，因為抽煙，氣脈不通；抽煙的人氣脈不可能通暢，尤其是中脈。抽煙的話，中脈堵住；如果中脈堵住，再高強的法力，也無法超渡，必定投胎下三道。所以，你要皈依我的話，煙一定要戒。」

我聽說過有自稱氣功師的人還抽煙，友問我，這樣能發動氣機嗎？猶如從前高雄市的愛河，污黑臭惡的髒水；不能說沒有水，可是那種水可以喝嗎？可以滋養生物嗎？有水沒錯，不過是名副其實的禍水。抽煙氣功師也許氣機勉強可動，可是還是遠離為妙。

更離譜的是，有人抽煙練武；抽煙練武，好比練鋼琴用磚塊敲手指。一切功法的基礎，在于吐納，肺血充尼古丁，吐納都是毒，武功自然不成。練外架，打二三十分鐘就氣喘如牛，能練甚麼？練內功，煙摧殘心肺、污塞氣脈、血濁氣滯、五臟潰六腑敗，武功自然不成。

抽煙瀟灑嗎？到癌症病房看有幾個瀟灑的吧。

美加字彙班：答案在美加部落格
study hard!

In the early 70s, we used to say that Mao Tsetung or Chou Enlai could walk down any street in Taiwan without anybody paying them any notice, because all photos, pictures, or representations of them were strictly forbidden. The Cultural Revolution was raging across the Strait, with Mao being elevated to divinity, and agitators, saboteurs, infiltrators, and frogmen were trying to bring the madness to Taiwan, so banning Mao made sense.

I never expected to see a picture of Mao in downtown Taipei, barring a change of flags. This bank on館前路 is advertising exchange for 人民幣RMB, the currency of the PRC. Times change!

說文，侖，恖也，从亼冊，會意。

按，亼，後多借「集」、「雧」為之。恖，俗訛作思，失之；囟心為恖，與田兦關。

論，議也，从言侖聲。

倫，類也。从人侖聲。

惀，欲知之貌。从心侖聲。

淪，小波為淪，从水侖聲。詩，伐檀，河水清且淪猗；傳，小風，水成文轉如輪也。

掄，擇也，从手侖聲。

綸，青絲綬也，从糸侖聲。

輪，有輻曰輪，無輻曰輇，从車侖聲。

蜦，蛇屬，黑色，潛于淵能興風雨；从虫侖聲。

从侖得聲字多有亼意。亼議為論、亼人成倫、亼恖為惀、亼絲成綬為綸、

亼輻為輪、亼雲為蜦，咸有亼意。

I am reading an excellent book, David W Anthony’s The Horse, The Wheel, and Language: How Bronze-Age Riders from the Eurasian Steppes Shaped the Modern World, an examination of the roots of the Indo-European languages. Discussing the early stage of copper use, he says, “At Floresti, on a tributary of the Seret River, the remains of a late Linear Pottery homestead, radiocarbon dated to about 5200-5100 BCE, consisted of a single house with associated garbage pits, set in a clearing in an oak-elm forest – tree pollen was 43% of all pollen.” One single sentence about a single site, a single house, seven thousand years old.

Think of that single homestead, alone in a clearing in a forest, that might have been home to a family for decades or even generations. In some ways they were similar to us; who of us is not a member of the homo sapiens family? But in other ways they were incomprehensibly different. Copper was new enough to be unknown to them; they lived with pottery vessels, implements of wood, stone, leather, and grass or cane. They must have been self-sufficient, with perhaps occasional meetings with other clans or tribes, but you can bet they didn’t have much in the way of social life. They would have had music and dance, and I conjecture the solstices were important days. For the most part, a familiar year round cycle of chores probably took up a lot of their time and energy, 如豳風七月所敘.

Their night skies were not dimmed by light pollution, their air was pure and fresh. They saw rivers such as we have never seen, full of fish, and forests full of wild beasts, to eat and be eaten by. No chocolate for them, no tea, no potatoes, not even wheat or rice. They knew no roads, probably no bridges, certainly no stores, no money, no writing, but daily they used a thousand skills and tricks for survival that our ancestors forgot dozens of generations ago.

What will people seven thousand years from now say about our modern life?

All reasonable people must certainly agree that of all the creatures on this planet, for beauty, grace, dignity, and character, none can compare with the gorillas. Unfortunately, these most excellent creatures are endangered. The good news is that an unexpectedly large number of lowland gorillas has been discovered: click here::

News to warm our hearts!

Pinbtwan originally means 堆積, to pile up, in Tayal (or Atayal, the Austronesian Taiwan aborigine language spoken in Wulai); it is similar to American wampum. Living in the mountains far from the sea, the Tayal valued seashells as a rare curiosity. Shell beads, called gaha, were made from蛼蟝 clam shells by coastal tribes such as the 葛麻蘭Kamalan, ground with stone tools.

The beads were collected, strung, and woven onto cloth backgrounds, and served as money, as wampum did among the Algonquian Amerindians. Of course the Aborigines did not have a money economy, but tangible wealth was useful on special occasions. For example, the pinbtwan were used as wergild, in other words, as compensation for injuries or injustices. As the Tayal were headhunters, from time to time they killed the wrong person – hey, nobody’s perfect, everybody makes mistakes! The aggrieved party’s relatives would come seeking revenge, so the accused might hang a pinbtwan outside his village, as a sign of apology, responsibility, and compensation. If the pinbtwan was offered, the revenging party was obliged to accept it, at least as the start of negotiations, rather than rushing in and killing everybody they could.

When Japanese warlords occupied Taiwan (first half of the twentieth century), one day’s wages was a strand about 20 cm long. You can see that a pinbtwan such as this would take a long time to accumulate!

The pinbtwan was also made into skirts, called lugus gaha, but they were probably too heavy to wear. Or you would have needed a couple of pairs of suspenders.

Source: Watan Kahat/鄭光博

後漢書列女傳：陳留董祀妻者，同郡蔡邕之女也，名琰字文姬，博學有才辯，又妙于音律。適河東衛仲道，夫亡無子，歸寧于家。興平中，天下喪亂，文姬為胡騎所獲，沒于南匈奴左賢王。在胡中十二年，生二子。曹操素與邕善，痛其無嗣，乃遷使者以金璧贖之，而重嫁于祀。

極按：蔡琰本字昭極，琰者昭也，後避帝諱改文姬。

在胡中十二年，昭姬博學，于斯應習匈奴禮；才辯，應通匈奴語；妙于音律，應曉匈奴樂；多少經歷、多少喜怒哀樂，史書一句「在胡中十二年」帶過。

而曹操念蔡邕情，以金璧贖之，歸漢始立傳。時，多少男女沒于異方不得歸，其身世埋沒，無人知曉，如石扔大海，連漣漪也無。

Of all the misdoings of which former President Chen is accused, perhaps the one that has caused the greatest popular frustration is not even covered in the penal code: due to his ideological hangups, he refused to permit the Taipei Zoo to import some pandas that the PRC was offering us. (Apparently he felt this necessary to emphasize his independence. Or something. Dog knows.)

Now the oligarch is out of office, the pandas are coming, and the people are happy. Power to the panda…. uh, power to the people!

overheard in the jungle

「我女兒到澳洲去學英語 – 自己去，不是跟團─我以為會失蹤。沒想到，她又回來了！」

“My daughter went to Australia to learn English – she went by herself, not with a group. I thought she would disappear for sure, but what do you know, she found her way home again!”

An interesting, perhaps overlooked part of the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics was the sign in the auditorium that said, in English: Welcome my friends. Innocuous enough, but the Chinese merits a closer look. It is actually the first line of Confucius’ Analects, 有朋自遠方來不亦樂乎(“When friends come from afar, is that not a joy?”), written in standard, not communist simplified characters. One performance on the opening program was 孔子弟子三千人 The Three Thousand Disciples of Confucius.

Does anybody remember the Cultural Revolution? 打倒孔家店、打倒孔老二, the communists had a huge campaign to eradicate Confucianism. You may as well try to eradicate human nature. It’s good to see that they are coming to their senses. More power!

Taiwan’s former President Chen Shuibian announced yesterday that he will ‘stop lying.’ Should we believe him?

The Swiss Ministry of Justice has formally requested the ROC (Taiwan) government to investigate the legality of a deposit Chen made to a Swiss bank of US$30 million; it seems that they may wish to extradite him to stand trial for charges of criminal conduct. Chen says that the money was left over from his last campaign, and that his wife deposited it without his knowledge. It’s all her fault, he says, I didn’t know anything about it. True love always makes me sort of makes me feel all mushy, how about you?

Referring to another corruption scandal in which he is implicated (one of dozens, can’t keep track of them all without a score card), Chen announced, “I did not get a share of the money.” I guess that clears him entirely.

In the meantime, the rest of his party (the Democratic Progress Party) is saying they wish he would die. Friendship and loyalty always make me feel sort of mushy.

In the long run, Chen’s lasting legacy may be a renewed social emphasis on good taste, ethics, and virtue. After the eight years of studied crassness, thuggerry, and intentional boorishness in Chen’s regime, people in Taiwan now are calling for better 品德 literally taste-virtue, good conduct and morals, in all facets of public and private life. Power to the people!

星期一我正式成為一個現代人，因為我手機掉了。手機通常一兩個禮拜才用一次，幸虧半小時內發現了、停話了。昨天買新機，順便查，停話前有沒有電話？有，電話09*6510564；新電話才開機，這個號碼的人打電話問我是誰，然後馬上掛斷。好吧，我今天撥09*6510564，響了很久，昨天那男子終于接了，說，Hello?我說，請問，星期一下午四點四十六分有人用這支號碼打電話給你，你知道是誰嗎？他回答，聽不懂。我接下去, Somebody phoned you from this number at 4:36 on Monday afternoon. If you know who that is, please tell him to return the phone immediately, because it is stolen property and I am reporting this to the police… 對方沒聲音，接著我說，如果不還我這支電話，我把手機的序號報中華電信他們就可以察是誰在用，所以趕快還。突然，對方聽懂國語，說了幾聲「我知道我知道…」

若想用英文裝蒜，也要看清對方。

Restaurant sign, below the Chinese language name:

tsafkaerb efac iniugnil nailati

Somebody should inform the sign painter that traditionally, English words are arranged from left to right, ton thgir ot tfel.

Today I officially became a modern person: for the very first time, I lost my cell phone.

Note: I got the cell phone for Mayoko when she stayed in Taiwan, and inherited it when she left. I use it, on the average, maybe once every two weeks. Don’t worry.

計程車排班，剛好前面三台有人坐，我到的時候輪到一台又舊又不太乾淨的車，可是不好意思越過去坐後面那台新亮的車，只好硬著頭皮上車。一坐好就後悔，煙味很濃，真臭！路上我心想，付錢坐車從甲到乙何必這麼不舒服？下次遇到這種情形，寧可趕快下車：總該有權利選擇吧。臭！

司機老爺聽廣播，罵國民黨的；後來轉台聽閩南語流行歌曲。聽著，我想，閩南語流行歌曲都一個樣子，聽過一首就聽過一萬首，聽到第一樂句就知道下一樂句怎麼唱。不用聽第一樂句吧，每一首都一樣。

奇怪。三十年前聽閩南語流行歌曲，就是這個樣子，一點也沒有演變、進步。我以前一個室友愛聽文夏，也一樣。想一想，臺灣流行歌，似乎停留在一九四0年代。之後，頂多只是增添一些電子效果，六七十年來，沒變、沒進步。

我很慶幸：扣除在路邊暫看大選數票結果外，我過去一年內，看電視的時間加起來大概不到三分鐘。就是那天在小餐廳吃晚餐，老闆的媽媽看連續劇。我上次看連續劇，二十幾年前吧，結果發現現在的一模一樣。演員一看就是打扮漂漂亮亮的演員，髮型、穿著、舉止就是在演戲，不是自然人；布景就像布景，不像生活環境；台詞呆板，劇情刻板，看了幾眼我大概知道整個戲怎麼演(太太！我對不起妳！媽！妳不能死！)

奇怪。臺灣人才這麼多(包括演戲、撰文、服裝、燈光、攝影)，嗜連續劇如命的人那麼多，為甚麼臺灣的連續劇死不進步？

奇怪。有人幾十年來，都聽同一首歌；有人幾十年來，都看同一個連續劇。

不解。問阿超，她講的有理。七十年前的臺灣是農業社會，生在哪一個農村也死在哪一個農村；不需受教育、不需往外求發展、不需面臨日新月異的科技、不需接受挑戰，安穩安定，爸爸爺爺怎麼過就怎麼過。可是臺灣光復後，社會進步太快，變化太大。有人不能面對新局面、不能接受變化、害怕進步，看到社會變遷則心懷恐懼，所以就找個安穩不變的假象，抓住它，如洶海中抓救生圈一樣，只怕抓不住，怕失去它，不許它改變。看第一集知道第幾集打扮成醫生的演員穿白色袍子脖子掛聽診器站在病床看著演家屬的演員表演哭戲，比火車站時刻表還可靠，在陌生、不能適應的社會裡，靠得住，給人一種安全感。

有理。可是下次遇到煙臭的計程車，我還是打算跳車。

The Beijing Olympics have gotten off to a great start, I hear. The planning, architecture, and opening ceremony of the Olympics have shown that China is once again a major player on the world stage. People in Taiwan are waking up to this, and taking pride in the accomplishments of cousins across the Strait. Of course we all piously preach that we keep politics out of sports, but let’s be realistic. With all those bigwigs in Beijing, isn’t this a great opportunity for some informal negotiating and posturing? Everybody can get together, get to know each other, compare outlooks, sketch out plans and positions, and find common grounds for discussion. Sure beats shooting at each other, if you ask me.

A squabble about the name of the team from Taiwan was solved amicably. In the 1980s, when both the PRC and the ROC wanted to compete and claim sovereignty, a compromise was reached: the Taiwan team would be called 中華台北 Chinese Taipei. However, the press in the mainland have already referred to the team as 中國台北, so that had to ironed out. The PRC authorities have promised that they will call our team中華台北, but what are you going to do if you have tens of thousands of fans rooting for the中國台北 baseball team?

President Ma would have gone but for the delicacy of his position. The PRC would hardly call him the President of the ROC, and he could hardly allow himself to be called The Leader of Renegade Taiwan or something. Several senior KMT have accompanied the team to Beijing, where they were given seats of honor by President Hu of the PRC, above all the other heads of state and diplomats. President Hu wished the Chinese Taipei team well, “Your strong athletes will certainly perform well, with the advantage of playing on the home field.” He assured the Taiwan delegates that the people of the mainland would be rooting for our teams.

This was magnanimous, crafty, clever, thoughtful, conciliatory, whatever you call it, but people in Taiwan are moved. The right wing DPP, which chose not to go to the Olympics and preferred not to take this golden chance to parley with the PRC, is making sour noises, but that was to be expected, and nobody pays them much attention.

I hope you noticed that eight minutes after eight this morning was 080808:08.08, 發發發發發!

Yes, I am aware that I got all worked up about this on July 7 last year and on June 6 the year before. You can count on equally fascinating observations all the way through December 12, 2012, 121212.
After that, I am not sure what I will do for jollies.

That, of course, may be a moot point, because the Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012, the date the solstice sun aligns with the center of the Milky Way, an event that takes place once every 25,800 years. After that, another cycle of the Mayan calendar may be calculated, but some say that the world will end on that day. I am pessimistic enough to believe that we will have no such luck, but if the world does end on that date, you will finally have an end to this blog. Keep your fingers crossed.

Overheard on the Wulai Bus

泰雅司機： 阿伯要在這站下車嗎？

老先生： 對，我到這一站，我要去看牙齒。

泰雅司機： 怎麼了？

老先生： 我要拔牙齒，你相信不相信，我八十二歲，還要拔牙齒！

泰雅司機： 要拔就多拔幾顆嘛！

老先生： 不行，不行，假牙很貴！

泰雅司機： 乾脆裝豬牙！

老先生： 豬牙？

泰雅司機(很認真)：是呀，可以在下面裝兩顆豬牙，等它長出來很好看！(用手比豬的獠牙。)

老先生(笑)：要等甚麼時候才能長？

泰雅司機：很快！你是老豬，我只是小豬，你一定長得比我快！

老先生笑嘻嘻下車。

Bus driver (Tayal tribesman): Sir, do you want to get off at this stop?

Old man: Yes, I want off at this stop, I am going to the dentist’s.

Bus driver: What’s wrong?

Old man: I have to have a tooth pulled. Can you believe that? I’m 82 but I still have to have a tooth pulled.

Bus driver: If you’re going to have one pulled, you may as well have a bunch taken out.

Old man: That won’t do, false teeth are expensive.

Bus driver: Then have boar’s tusks put in.

Old man: Boar’s tusks?

Bus driver (very earnestly): Yes, you can have two tusks put in on the lower jaw, and when they grow, they’ll look great! (using his fingers to demonstrate how the tusks would look growing out of his mouth)

Old man (laughing): It would take a long time for them to grow.

Bus driver: Not long! You’re an old boar, but I’m just a young boar, so yours would grow much faster than mine!

Exit old man, laughing cheerfully.

Television is the thief of time.

小祖宗回家了！As I reported earlier on this blog, my little 臺灣土狗Taiwan Mountain Dog, Byajing, was in the hospital. As it happened, the day Denise the Vet came for the dogs’ annual shots, Byajing had a fever. Her condition was not stable, so she went to Denise’s veterinary hospital (三重佳佳獸醫院), where her condition confounded the best and most experienced veterinarians in Taiwan. She had a fever but no diarrhea, low red blood count, this, that, and a dozen other problems that nobody could figure out a cause for. However, she was slowly mending, but she was also pining. Byajing is, after all, a mountain dog, and she needs dirt, grass, wind, and sunshine. She also needs Tlahuy and Yumin, so today we went to fetch her. She came back, Tlahuy and Yumin were very happy to see her, they had a happy reunion, but she is still weak.

We are especially grateful to Denise for all her care, skill, concern, and love for our befuddling little Byajing, as well as to all the veterinarians, doctors, and professors who worked so hard to bring her back to health. What she needs now is a rest at home with her brothers.
We still don’t know just what happened to her. I recalled that the night before Denise came, there was a small qimbahu 龜殼花 poisonous snake by the front door. I prodded it it on its way with a cane of bamboo as Yumin barked. When it slipped away into the grass, Yumin and Byajing went to take a closer sniff. I speculate that the snake, a small one, may have nicked Byajing, not enough to alarm her, but enough to put a drop or two of poison into her system. The vets say there is a 60% chance that this is what happened, but we may never know for sure.

Just so she recovers!

Many people claim they are thinking when actually all they are doing is searching for excuses to protect their preconceptions and fixed ideas.