Various ruminations on flying Boston > Detroit > Osaka > Taipei
The more convenient computers make flying, the less convenient Homeland Security makes flying.
It’s wonderful. Now you can choose your seat online, check-in, and even print your own boarding pass, right at home. But any efficiency wantonly gained there is valiantly shot to pieces by Security.
In fairness, the Security people in Detroit and Boston are far more civil than those in LA, if that’s saying much. At LAX, nobody is allowed on the plane until you are thoroughly humiliated and peeved. Boarding a plane in Taiwan for the US is simple and swift, but the planes don’t get bombed out of the sky. If it can be done here, why not in the US?
It may be worth noting that Homeland Security was thrown together slap-dash in post 9/11 panic by a bunch of junior staffers who didn’t know much about bureaucratic structure, benefits, pensions, channels, procedures, or incentives. This may have something to do with morale and attitude. Bush should have outsourced the job to India
Note to presidential candidates: you can be sure of winning votes from frequent flyers if you promise to reform Homeland Security at the airports.
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When I passed security in Boston's Logan airport, the boarding line was not moving an inch. Soon a flight attendant came out and asked if anyone spoke Chinese. No one else volunteered, so they took me onto the plane. Sprawled in a seat was a young man, about 30, with an oxygen mask. His father sat on his right, rubbing ointment and massaging him. His mother expressed grief. The flight crew was stymied, because none of them could speak a word of English. The young man spoke Mandarin, but his parents’ dialect was very difficult to understand. Maybe 江西?
Apparently while he was boarding the plane, the young man collapsed. He revived with oxygen, but was still weak. He said he had no previous condition, no medication, no premonition of his collapse, but obviously he couldn’t make the long flight around the world. A flight attendant pointed out the man’s hands. That startled me. I have never seen anything like that on a living person. His hands, backs, palms, and wrists, were waxy white. Something was seriously wrong. His father massaged some color back into his hands, but flying was out of the question. With his father’s ministrations, the young man’s hands looked waxy yellow instead of waxy white. I assured him that he would be put onto a flight as soon as he was healthy enough to fly, but he couldn’t risk going aloft in that condition. He tried to stand, and sat back down after a moment. His parents pummeled me with questions; I reassured them, promised medical attention, and that their luggage would be taken care of.
A very buoyant firefighter / medic boarded the plane, a young African-American who exuded confidence and good cheer. We helped the patient to the door of the plane and loaded him into a wheelchair, and off he went. I have no idea what that was about, but those hands really spooked me. They looked more like white candle wax than living flesh.
Good luck, wherever you are.
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Northwest Airlines gets you where you want to go, but don’t ask for legroom or wiggle room. At least their food has improved vastly. The last time I flew NWA, the food was so bad I simply could not place it in my mouth.
No in-flight meals for domestic flights, though. American airlines save money by cutting back services and staff benefits, so that they have more money to spend on CEO bonuses.
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Perhaps the only good thing to come out of 9/11 to the flyer is that they are much more careful about luggage now. That, plus computerization and scanning barcodes, provides much better luggage service than before. I haven’t seen statistics, but I suspect there is much less lost luggage now.
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Airplanes seem to have improved, too. Maybe I’m just lucky, but it seems to me that flying is much smoother now than before.
When I was 17, bound for Viet Nam, the flight from SF to Honolululu was so rocky that I wondered how much worse the war could be than the flight. Things on my table danced throughout the whole flight, from take off to landing. This month, flying from Taipei to Boston, I encountered barely a bump, and flying back through stiff winter headwinds, we were jostled for maybe a grand total of two minutes, all put together.
FYR: Boston to Detroit, about two and a half hours. Detroit to Osaka, fourteen hours, longer than you want to sit confined in a narrow seat. Osaka to Taipei, two hours and some.
Planes are more efficient; this is good and it is bad. When I flew to VN, we hopped from SF to Honolulu to Guam to Manila to Saigon, hop by hop, because passenger jets couldn’t fly that far without refueling. Now you can fly over 10,000km from Detroit to Osaka without stopping to stretch your legs or get the kinks out of your back. When we reached Osaka, my bottom was numb.
14 hours. In addition to various programs, there were four inflight movies. I had thought that the big screen at the front of the cabin was a thing of the 1980s, but they still exist on NWA. I didn’t pay much attention. The first was an impressively clever animation of a rat chef. What is it with Disney and rats? Mickey Rat, now rat chef.
The next was a National Geographic documentary about polar bears and elephant seals (what’s the difference between an elephant seal and a walrus?). As with all NG documentaries, the photography was stunning. They showed a polar bear swimming in pursuit of a seal – filmed from below!! What kind of dedication is that? Can you imagine diving in the Arctic? And no WAY I’m getting in the water when there’s a hungry polar bear hunting.
Wonder how many photographers got eaten in the filming.
Following was an awful pre-teen horror movie about something I didn’t pay attention to, and then a film about a Jane Austen book club, in which the characters read Jane Austen to reinforce their own prejudices and cultural biases.
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I thoroughly admire Japanese esthetics and have been deeply influenced by Japanese art, but that doesn’t mean I have to like Japanese airports. Japanese can produce beauty, but they seem incapable of producing anything grand.
Kansai International, Osaka’s airport, may be big, but the spirit is petty and insular.
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正如陳總統的其他措施一樣,演給鄉下老人看也許賣座,可是國際上沒人理;在國外,似乎沒有人用中正機場的綠名。一則蔣中正是二十世紀重要人物;桃園,誰聽過?一則對西洋人來說,Taoyuan這個音極繞口,念不出來。ㄩㄢ元圓園,我當初練了好幾個月才有人聽懂。所以我看過的,在國外全用Taipei不用Taoyuan.
不如不改。
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Boarding in Detroit was quiet and orderly. When we landed in Osaka, the Japanese got off and were replaced by a whole plane full of travelers returning to Taiwan. When they called for boarding, predictably, chaos ensued. People lined up in every which way, shouting instructions back and forth, joking, laughing, pushing luggage, arranging clothes, playing games, and in general creating pandemonium.
It felt wonderful to come home!