I feel very fortunate to live in Wulai where I can enjoy the beautiful scenery. But it goes beyond that. I have time to get out and ramble; I don't have to worry about bombs, landmines, or bandits; I have the stamina to romp over hill and stream.

This afternoon I walked up Silogan and down the other side, coming back from Rahaw.

I can show you the view, but you can't hear the eagles above, the birds in the trees, the waterfall, or the stream, and you can't smell the blossoms, trees, soil, or grass.

Written March 29, 1971, in Saigon:
Two Koreans were driving by in a pickup as we got home. I heard a terrific whine, and turned around in time to see the driver stall it in the middle of Ng. M. Chieu (the street we lived on, Nguyen Minh Chieu in Phu Nhuan, Saigon). In the front of the facing column was a truck of MPs. The K started to rev it up, but he killed it. He got out of the car and started complaining in English about "You say, 'Korean go home.'...." The other Korean melted away. This man locked his car. The MP stopped him. MP took him to the side, K started crying dry, stagger, MP walks to jeep. K calls MP out. MP outweighs K by 125#, guns, and clubs. K walks away, leaving locked car in the middle of the street with parking lights on. We (soldiers and I) push car back out of way, lifting to get around lamppost. Saigon Police and QC come. K comes back, more sober. Where's my car? Over there. How'd it get there? We carried it over. Demolition team comes. No bomb. Korean gets in. Everybody scatters for cover. K peals down the street, narrowly missing lampposts and pedestrians.

Early this morning a water buffalo charged down Ng. M. Chieu pursued by a jeep. Soldiers in BEQ (a US military post on the street) ducked inside their gate for cover, locking comrade out.

The ARVN Defense Institute tour of Indonesia, five VN delegates stayed on in Indonesia for another two days, but neglected to see 3 star General and twenty other officers off at the Indonesian airport. *** General was so mad he couldn't eat. When the late five returned to Saigon, the *** ordered that the whole staff of the Defense Institute go to Tan Son Nhut airport to welcome them. A girl clerk was to present them with a bouquet of flowers. So this morning, thirty jeeps and bus roar up Cach Mang street to TSN to welcome the late officers.

Yesterday I posted a photo of some marvelous creature racing across my living room. Firefly/黃麗螢 was the first to identify it as 蚰蜒 Scutigeromorpha, a house centipede:
http://www.ngensis.com/myriapod.htm
you can read more about it here:
http://godofinsects.com/museum/display.php?sid=1690
http://www.whatsthatbug.com/cent.html
http://pubs.caes.uga.edu/caespubs/pubcd/b1088-w.html
Hey, it eats cockroaches! Fortunately, I am far enough removed from other residences that I don't have those. But it's nice to know I've got a bodyguard just in case.

The little critter was making very good time across the floor. In The Variety of Life, Colin Tudge says, "a cheetah with the same ratio of speed to body length would break the sound barrier." Go gobble up those roaches, little buddy!

Thanks to Firefly, Tim, Angela, and Elliot for identification. And thanks to Francy for the suggestion that it is the offspring of a cockroach and a centipede.

PS: 蚰蜒，一ㄡ一ㄢboth二聲，又名蠼螋ㄐㄩㄝ二ㄙㄡ一，俗名錢龍、錢串子。Nice to meet you.

Most Americans probably know the children's joke:
A: What's red and black and has 14 pairs of legs?
B: I don't know, what?
A: I don't know either, but there's one crawling down your back.

I have no idea what this is, but it was crawling across my living room. It's red and black, has 14 pairs of legs, and measures about ten centimeters from front to back.

Can anyone identify it?

Abdul Rahman of Afghanistan is being prosecuted for converting to Christianity 16 years ago. He was arrested last month after his family, including his former wife and two teenage daughters, reported him to the police, who discovered him with a Bible.

Islamic comments are bizarre. "The Prophet Muhammad has said several times that those who convert from Islam should be killed if they refuse to come back," says Ansarullah Mawlafizada, the trial judge. "Islam is a religion of peace, tolerance, kindness, and integrity." This could go in the dictionary as a definition of doublethink.

Here's a runner-up: "We will not let anyone interfere with our religious practices," declared cleric Inayatullah at Kabul's Pulakasthy mosque, one of the city's largest. "What Rahman has done is wrong and he must be punished." If it is not permissible to interfere with religious practices, why are they interfering with his religious practices? It is permissible to convert to Islam, but not permissible to convert from Islam. The Aljazeera website carried a convoluted explanation that it is not permissible to convert from Islam because Islam is right and everybody else is wrong. That's the gist of it. I practically strained my brain reading that one.

"What is wrong with Islam that he should want to convert?" asks an agitated Abdul Zahid Payman. "The courts should punish him and he should be put to death." A model of clarity and logic. Not to speak of compassion.

"Regardless of the court decision [whether or not he is hanged], there is unanimous agreement by all religious scholars from the north to the south, the east to the west of Afghanistan, that Abdul Rahman should be executed," Engineer Ahmad Shah Ahmad Zai told Asia Times Online on telephone from Kabul.

"We will not allow God to be humiliated," Abdul Raoulf, a member of the Ulama Council, Afghanistan's main clerical organization, told Associated Press. "We will call on the people to pull him into pieces so there's nothing left." IMHO, a god who is not humiliated by followers calling for the death of converts is not worthy of being called a god.

Days like this make me especially happy to be Buddhist. Amitabha!

當年毛主席想砸孔老二的店，現在是毛主席的子孫踴躍走資本主義路線，儒者慢慢又起頭。論語是挖不完的寶藏，但是要用心讀。夫子頭腦靈活的不得了，不要被高中課本的死板形象束縛了。故宮前的孔子象應該銷熔，順便把塑象的人吊起來打：污衊前賢。

污衊前賢，方法很多。在書店看到一本論語中英對照，還註明是2004年最新翻譯。著書的方法很特殊。編者好像把Legge十九世紀的便秘翻譯拿來強迫國中生背，然後叫他們默寫：憑半知半解的印象，配上初級英文，慘不忍睹。要出版英文書的話，最起碼應該了解英文的基礎文法，這樣要求不算太過分吧。

不過也有精彩文句。第一篇「學而」怎麼翻？Hoe Urh. 很特別吧。我家附近有時候可以聽到野豬的叫聲，我現在才明白，原來它們在朗誦2004年最新翻譯的論語篇名：Hoe urh, hoe urh, hoe urh!

越大未必越好。

聽說誠品在信義區開了分店，忍了很久。我進書店，好比酒鬼進酒巴：欲罷不能。唯一可救藥是，我愛看的是冷門書(超弦啦、婦好墓啦、岩畫啦、西伯利亞馴鹿族啦)，很難買到，一般書局沒有。我知道我不缺書，我知道我書架上很多書還沒看，可是…可是…進了書店就很難克制。總有好書…

終于進了巨大誠品。信不信由你，我逛了一個小時，連一本也沒買。問題在哪？雜而不精。他們甚麼都要賣，變成沒用心選書上架。例如，音樂部門賣樂譜；點子特別，一般書店不賣樂譜。結果賣的是一些基本Bach、Beethoven、Brahms鋼琴曲、電影主題曲、流行曲。所有樂器、所有種類，一兩百個譜。想買譜的人，這種早已有了，想買新的，在此沒有。中國文學部門不賣重要的工具書，也不賣專門的重要文獻：沒看到經籍篡詁，找不到三代吉金文存。

逛了一個小時，只覺得疲勞眼花。誠品大概要跟101的Page One打對臺。坦白說，我認為Page One只是大、貴，以地點取勝。

懷念大亞百貨四樓的站前誠品。那時很少空手歸。

I will now present you with scientific proof of the infallibility of democratic elections; that the election process winnows out the inept and selects the best and the brightest.

On the stock market, a fund manager who can beat the market by 3% is considered a star. However, on the average, US Senators beat the market by 12%. Remember that professional fund managers dedicate all their time and energies to the markets, and Senators have little time to spend on the market. This proves their superior powers.

This is a genuinely authentic scientific conclusion, reached by Georgia State University researchers. Makes you proud, doesn't it?

This is something I wrote when I was 17, about a month after I had arrived in Viet Nam. My duty was to help deliver pizzas to US bases around the Viet Nam war zone. I'll explain that some other day. I should explain that driving through the rubber plantations was an eerie sensation, because they were so black within the rows, and because everybody knew the North Viet Namese Army regulars were in there. Here is what I wrote:
Yesterday I went out to Phuoc Vinh, a couple hours drive out of Saigon. It was kind of weird driving. You'd get into the country, and it'd be like you were on the lip of a huge saucer. It'd be flat to the horizon in all directions. Most of the time there wouldn't be a car in sight. Just shrubs on the horizon. These shrubs would eventually turn into villages, full of people (not crowds, really, but after the plains they seemed to be masses) then you’d hit the end of the village and suddenly you're on the lip of another saucer, and so on. We were riding along and I noticed a truck, US Army, on the edge of the road, looking rather sad, and a tank full of GIs over there by the road. Hi boys. Then some 15 minutes later, I saw that the lane about a kilometer in front of us had some barrels in it. By now, we were getting into the rubber plantation area – off a ways from the road, huge groves of rubber trees. As we neared the hole, it showed to be about 12 or 15 feet across, and circular. There were only a couple of feet on the side of undamaged road. We slipped by. The asphalt was all broken.
What's that? I asked the driver.
VC.
O really.
Yes. American (motion of cutting throat)
When was it?
Huh?
When?
Huh?
Khi nao?
O, long time ago – before, beaucoup VC – long time.
How long before VC go blooey there?
So the driver meticulously inscribes on his palm: 10-3-71.
Great, two weeks ago. Not a car in sight. Nothing but the rubber trees, the road, and the hole.

社會的潮流、流行，可真好玩。換個角度講，消費者很好騙。比酷，做你自己，買我們的產品你就可以跟三十二萬個人一模一樣做你自己！

寧願盲目效法美國流氓幾年前退流行的樣子，千萬不許有自己的風格。

法國人喝葡萄酒，眾所週知；他們喝葡萄酒的原因是，歐洲的水源污染太嚴重。幾百年前，他們發現喝水斃命，因此他們從小就喝葡萄酒。現在歐洲污染比以前嚴重多了，水更不能喝。

每次看到臺北人手上的法國礦泉水，就想到這個問題。我要買礦泉水的話，寧買埔里的，縱不純也比歐洲的好很多。

可是喂！喂！沒看到瓶子標籤嗎？這可是法國來的，是進口的，多氣派！多時髦！我們越喊「愛臺灣」，越要買進口貨。

Today Wulai was swallowed by thick fog that seemed to hold innumerable secrets. The birds and bugs were all silent, Tlahuy and Yumin spent the day sleeping in the doghouse, and wonder of wonders, the spa (泰雅達利) refrained from polluting the atmosphere with their vile junk music.

::the fog turned to rain at sundown, then the sky cleared to show a thousand bright stars. Then it rained again. I just love island weather!

前不久的全球商用英文能力檢定，日本最後一名，臺灣略高些。日本的英文本來是笑話(www.engrish.com)，但這裡有問題值得商榷：英文能力排在日本前面的國家，有幾個經濟比日本強？科技？藝術？

臺灣也是如此。英文沒有日本爛，但經濟、科技、藝術程度，未必輸給英文佼佼者。不免質疑，目前臺灣投下這麼多人力學英文，有多大的必要？

我當然感謝大家學英文，讓我添飽肚子，但目前學英文的風氣，像無頭蒼蠅，不知是指使國民最有效的策略，或者障眼法、轉移注意力。

The other day I saw a really spiffy hat. It was a Tayal man's hat, tightly coiled rattan, with mountain goat (serow) horns on the front.

Now that is a hat! A hat with style and personality, culture and history. Each one is handmade from scratch, and there are not many who retain the ancient skills. A hat with flair, for sure.

In the city, some parents intentionally put their kiddies' caps on askew in a bumbling attempt at cuteness. Cuteness should be spontaneous, not a meticulously planned do-or-die saccharine overdose.

Personally, I don't care for baseball caps. A forage cap, fine; a baseball cap, ugh. For some reason, in recent days everywhere I go I have come across adolescent boys wearing baseball caps at a carefully adjusted angle. Didn't that sort of thing go out of style in the last century? Perhaps they are attempting to define the uniqueness of their personalities, if they can be said to have such. I wasn't carrying a protractor, but I would bet that each of these youths had his hat at almost exactly the same angle, with the bill centered over the outside edge of the right eyebrow. Blindly conforming to out-of-date styles, they may be hoping to show the world that they are Cool and Being Themselves, sort of the way aging American yuppies ride identical Harley hogs to show that they Did It My Way and do not follow the beaten path.

How can something as common as a baseball cap possibly suggest individuality?

picture from Lpgan Ke' na Tayal. Mhway!

Perhaps the most outrageous event in America of recent years is the protests Christians hold at the funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq. The Christians gather to insult the bereaved family, shouting that they celebrate every time an American is killed in Iraq and that the dead soldiers go straight to hell, because god hates homosexuals. If that is not warped, is that is not sickening, then I do not know what is warped or sickening.

Suppose Christ really died on the cross for others' sins; suppose that these young Americans really died in Iraq for others' sins; that makes them at least as holy as Jesus Christ.

I am waiting for mainstream American churches to voice their outrage at these sick people dragging the bible through filth.

I hear nothing.

When it was discovered that many of the terrorists on September 11 had lived in the US, Americans asked, If they know us, why don't they love us?

For narrow minded bigots, familiarity breeds contempt. Furthermore, in the US, they may have seen the world's richest society frittering life away on television, cars, and malls while much of the world goes hungry; the adoration of drugs, sex, and violence; the mindless materialism in the world's most wasteful society.

Certainly nobody reading this will imagine this is meant to condone terrorism or say that that is all there is to America. But the United States is a society dedicated to the inflation of the ego, and we have to understand that we are not idolized by everybody, and why.

qabu ru gbubu
Traditionally Tayal men wore hats made out of tightly coiled rattan. The hats leaked, so in October and November, they collected the fruit of the qabu tree (野柿, wild persimmon) before it was fully ripe. They mashed the fruit and let it ferment (rot, if you prefer). After a few weeks, they worked the goo into the hat, waterproofing it and producing a beautiful reddish brown color.

When the men were home, they left their hats on the rack over the cooking fire to smoke. When they went to the plains to deal with the Chinese, buying rice, salt, and other necessities, the hat was their measure.

清溪遇暴雨，水便混淆，岸土沖入水流，下面的久腐淤土翻上，增益生命力。若要清溪永遠清澈，鋪水泥；縱使水流，缺乏生命力。

心識也是如此。

=誦心經、金剛經開智慧。
=看不懂裏面寫的。
=你放心，真正看懂了就成佛了。沒成佛勢必看不是很懂。起碼把字句粗略搞清楚。
=能懂多少就算多少？
=對。其實，經裏的道理太深，表層意識無法了解。好比我畫一個圓圈、一個三角、一個正方，感受不同，可是也很難明明白白地說那個不同感受在哪，因為象徵是深層意識的語言。
=那麼經裏說的是象徵嗎？
=我說的是比喻。心經、金剛經，你可以想成是像電腦程式，我們看，00110100011101，完全看不懂，因為不是對我們這種意識說話。可是輸入電腦，電腦就能有作用。心經、金剛經誦久了，深層意識吸收，就靈活了，開花結果。
=所有誦心經、金剛經的人都開智慧嗎？
=當然要看慧根深淺。老子不是講過嗎？「上士聞道，勤而行之；中士聞道，若存若亾；下士聞道，大笑之。不笑不足以為道。」可是總有好處。

=怎麼誦經？
=有沒有聽過人唱文章？以前讀書，是用唱的不是用唸的。可是誦文章，音可以拉長，自己高興就好了。誦經有木魚打拍，一敲一字，不然共修會亂。調子呢，隨你自己，一個人誦的話，自己高興就好了；共修盡量和大家的調，最忌諱搶拍子，次之，慢拍子；要整齊。不要太詭異的調子，但要唱出自己的心得、感受，不要死跟著維那。有的寺廟唱「平板音」，那是根本不懂誦經；死板音，對不起諸天護法。
=換句話說，沒有固定的調子，不像教堂的音樂。
=唱讚有固定的調子，誦經沒有。西洋比較愛規矩，中國文化自由自在；教徒守誡不達誡，佛子守戒但不守約束，所以唱誦也很自由。只要和。
=和為貴。
=還有很重要的一點，用鼻子換氣。千萬不要用嘴巴嗆氣，身體會搞壞。共修的話，換氣的時候可以用默念念過字句，慢慢用鼻子換氣，切莫用嘴換氣！
=用鼻子換氣慢。
=慢沒有關係。最好的唱誦法，用鼻子吸飽氣，唱誦時振舌不振唇，誦到肺裏氣全吐完了，再徐徐由鼻孔吸飽氣。這叫做金剛念誦，是養氣之道。真正要誦經的話，用金剛念誦最好。

是不是有人想篡改歷史？某人這樣跟我講：「抗戰結束的時候，美國原來要讓臺灣跟琉球一樣，要獨立成自己的國家。可是當時因為麥克阿瑟在日本太忙，他請蔣中正暫時接管一下臺灣。沒想到，來不及讓臺灣獨立，蔣中正已經佔了臺灣，所以不能獨立。」

「你說不能像琉球一樣獨立？」

「對。」

「琉球甚麼時候獨立過？」

「本來要讓它獨立，可是因為蔣亂搞，就不給它獨立。」

我覺得臺灣現在有個很大的問題：很多人的想法與事實嚴重脫節，卻以為自己的幻想有說服力。只要稍知二十世紀歷史的話，就知道上述言論毫無事實根據。還有人說，臺灣有危機的話，日本一定會出軍打退解放軍讓臺灣獨立；這已不是理性的思攷。我們需要的是冷靜、理智的建設性的思攷，不要再浪費時間、精神在狂想上。

捷運廣告台北文學季，現在正在進行，活動名稱秋之興。也許我搞錯了，我以為現在是春季。

廣告說文學的好處，「泡妞工具」、「跟很多人談戀愛」。我們現代台北人真的這麼沒水準嗎？

Raran ga, ciboq ta la, ini baqi mguy, ini baqi mxan~小時候，不知道甚麼是累，不知道甚麼是痛。那時Tali Watan種柳丁，我們趁他不在的時候去偷，二三十個小孩子一起去偷，他知道是誰，可是沒辦法抓，頂多到家來向父母抱怨，只有這個辦法，可是沒用。然後我們到tlahuy sulu ngasan su，你家後面那個坡不是很陡嗎？我們到上面，爬竹子，然後往下跳，抓下一個，再彈去抓下一個。桂竹彈性很好，我們就跳、跳、跳。

Tnaq yabic bi. 你們是不是學飛鼠那樣跳?

Aw, 就是這樣在竹子頂端跳。小孩子可以，大人太重。Ini usu liquy。

好可惜，我很動心，聽起來很好玩。像泰山。

對，就像泰山，可是往下。真的很好玩。我們那時還小，根本不懂得怕。我們泰雅小孩比非洲野人還要野。現在的小孩不行，可是以前我小時候，我們實在有夠野。

Aw, Yulaw, snhyun gu isu! Raran ga, 大概二十幾年前，musa ku rgyax 中部 mosay, tring Musya 進去那條路，baq su ga?我聽到很多小孩在笑，好像玩得很興奮。結果，我看到有一棵樹長在山坡上，那棵特別高。它最外面的樹枝上有wasin或爬藤，我看不清楚，七八個小孩抓著爬藤盪出去，好像盪鞦韆一樣~~那個坡很陡，他們盪到最高的地方，離地少說有一百公尺，萬一爬藤斷，他們再往外甩，也有兩百公尺的高度。我看了傻眼。光看到會怕。

Yugan，你放心，他們一定不怕，因為他們是泰雅。我們泰雅小孩比非洲野人還要野。

bullcacky… make that, bushcacky
At the National Newspaper Association, Bush just said, "Democracies don't war." That's so nice to know. Now will someone explain to me what is going on in Afghanistan and Iraq?

The other day I received a catalog from a book seller in England. The catalog was printed in Italy and mailed from Sweden to this American bookaholic in Taiwan. Last year I bought a book from them; the credit card company (wherever they are) debited my Taiwan dollar account for so many euros, and the book was shipped to me from a warehouse in Belgium. Now I would like to ask, where do the concepts of state and sovereignty fit into our modern world?

On September 11, terrorists from several nations proved that you don't need a state to wage war, leading Bush to frantically rush about seeking somebody to attack. He chose Iraq, because it's a family tradition to invade Iraq for oil, but he could just as well have chosen Yemen or Botswana. I personally still think he should have invaded Canada; they had as much to do with 9/11 as Iraq, they're a lot closer and more convenient, and it would be easy to train our troops to speak Canadian ("All right, everybody, repeat after me: 'eh?'") The only obstacle being that attack Canada doesn't rhyme as well as attack Iraq.

The modern state is simply that: it is modern in a post-modern world, and it is a state, not an immutable entity ordained by god. I believe that the concept of the modern state no longer fits the realities of a world in which many companies have larger budgets than many countries; when cell phones, faxes, and the internet stride across borders; when everybody's environment is peppered with people bearing a spectrum of passports; when – I'm not going to give any more examples, just look at the world today and tell me how hidebound concepts of statehood benefit anybody. This is especially important for Taiwan. A serious problem here, which is becoming a threat to Taiwan's status quo, is that political leaders have never updated their thinking past about 1955. All references are to a mythical society in never-never land; political strategies are designed for conditions which they imagine existed in about 1920, and 1920 looks better and better with every passing year. Much time and energy are wasted hashing over conditions that may or may not have existed generations ago. If the Taiwan business community's heads were filled with as much bilge as the administration's, most of the population would still be plodding barefoot through rice paddies, staring at a water buffalo's tail. If the leaders here don't open their eyes and look at the 21st century, they are in for a very rude awakening.

Sometimes you have to shut your mouth before you can open your eyes.

昨天寫臺灣的情形，很難過，可能太悲觀。莫懼，本野人有妙法嚇住共匪。喂、喂，胡先生，請你冷靜地思攷一下：臺灣的老百姓是天下最刁鑽的人，你真的想管嗎？

一個美國朋友剛從大陸回來：她精通中文，深入民間，到處跑。她提到，從烏魯木齊到喀什(Kashgir)不遠，「坐火車十一個小時就到。」對呀，在臺灣住久了，忘記臺灣有多小。她在新疆遇到一個司機，老家在甘肅，他說「很近，開車一個星期就到。」

我們心中認為臺灣很重要，很容易忘記，在大陸人眼中，兩千三百萬人不算多；臺灣問題要解決，但不是一個天大的問題。(在世人眼中，以為臺灣的首都是曼谷。)

這方面，我覺得臺灣需要警惕。崇拜日帝軍閥的李登輝以為自己比中共大，執政者以為能夠刷招數，大家都要服服貼貼。陳水扁廢統，還有人高興地說，美國沒甚麼反應，好像還ok啦；我擔心的就是美國沒甚麼反應。好比太太鬧脾氣，老公在旁邊看，冷冷的沒甚麼反應；這個老公心裡只有想：離婚吧，把這個聒噪的瘋婆子休了，討個安靜，日子比較好過。

很多老百姓儍愣愣的，完全不懂世局：幾年前中共為了甚麼事情(我忘了)火大了，看似解放軍快要出動收臺灣，局面非常緊張。臺灣的老百姓如何處置此千鈞一髮的危機？…大家都在排隊買Hello Kitty最新商品，沒有意識到刀口已經在脖子上。

那次僥倖沒死。現在還有人以為美國永遠會來救。以前是看在蔣公、民主、文革的分上；現在美國如果再出軍，不是把軍隊陷到伊朗，便是去救蘇丹。但事實上，軍隊黏著于伊拉克泥淖裡，無力往它處發威，Bush再想黷武，也不敢卯上解放軍。尤其在，Bush總統已經公開說陳水扁是son of a b|||ch{王(2x4)蛋}。

美國政府的國債，有一半在北京；換言之，美國經濟生死大權已經操在北京手中。你認為美國會攷慮為了一個區區的臺灣砸自己的經濟嗎？如果回答「也許有這種可能性，」您一定是首一次來到這個地球，完全不了解人性，對美國歷史一無所知。

我個人認為，臺灣最麻煩的問題是，現在臺灣從政的人，思想停留在六七十年前。他們沒有辦法看到眼前的局面，怎能為將來作出長遠計畫？　

中華軍隊不比當年的健兒，現在局勢與三十年前不同，現在世人眼中的臺灣，不是勇敢抵擋共匪的民主保壘，而是鬧三一九、立委群架的笑話。中共要換我們的國旗，恐不必花一天的功夫，不算太難。不是他們不敢用力解決臺灣問題，而是寧讓我們自己爛，到時候來收拾殘局，人家還會感謝。

臺灣很多人以為美國、中共要看我們的臉色。臺灣目前的處境，像似兩艘驅逐艦中間有竹筏，撐筏的小子拿他的撐筏竹竿敲左邊的軍艦，沒反應；敲右邊的軍艦，沒反應；搓掌自喜，說，你看，他們不敢對我怎麼樣！

大約民國六十七八年，一個蛙人跟我講了這麼一個故事。當時中共最怕的是「國民黨特務」，嚴防自由中國的蛙人進入大陸進行任務。
「新蛙人第一次進大陸，我們的規矩，要去看一場電影，把電影票帶回來，才算畢業，才能算是真正的蛙人。
「晚我一期的一個兄弟進了大陸，完成了任務，看了電影，得意忘形，想吃一碗麵。坐下來叫，『老闆，來一碗陽春麵。』共匪自稱無階級，哪有人叫老闆？而且，陽春麵是臺灣的講法。
「把他打的快死，留一口氣，等著清晨遊街槍決，先帶到屠宰場，暫時把他掛在肉鉤上，就是那種在菜市場賣肉攤販掛肉用的大鐵鉤，從掖下肋骨進，從背部肩胛出。反正早上就要槍斃，暫時掛放而已。
「他們沒有人留守看他。他們沒料到，這位兄弟性子可是硬得很，不服氣。不知道是怎麼弄的，他竟然從鐵鉤掙脫了，爬到河翻下去，游到集會點。我等了一個晚上，沒看他蹤影，不知道出了甚麼事，可是以為他一定是死了，怎麼樣也意想不到，天快亮，我正好準備回營報告，就看到他順著河流漂來，趕緊跳下水救。
「他那個手後來沒用了，可是命保住了。」

信耶穌得永生。
普庵祖師說，佛法是甚麼事，速求易得？
只要喊一聲「讚美主，」你就讚美主了。
設壇懸幡、燃燈點香、建寺養僧、繞佛頂禮、唱贊念佛、持戒修律，這些是助緣；縱然重要，可是不重要。梁武帝無功德，你的心在哪？

聖經給你很多答案：答案有了，只要信就好了，不用思攷。佛法給你很多答案，然後問你，哈哈傻瓜，你以為答案是真的嗎？

信基督確是比較簡單。
沒有答案，不能進步。放下答案，才能進步。

Who says Republicans are dumb?

One Republican Vice president was a lawyer named Quayle. Today's Republican Vice President shoots a lawyer instead of a quail.

Okay, now I'll try to stop the Cheney jokes. but it's difficult.

Different Strokes for Different Folks
Women must be smarter than men: you rarely see women fishing. Women rarely spend fistfuls of bills for expensive equipment and spend hours and hours to try to outwit a fish you could buy for a couple coins – a fish! This may come as a surprise to you, but fish are not high up on the intelligence ladder. Higher than snails, granted, but hardly challenging when matching wits.

But there are benefits to fishing – not for the fish, but who cares about them? Fishing provides busy city people with much needed relaxation, and generally entails getting out of the city, walking to the stream, seeing some trees, and breathing some fresh air while you smoke. Of course birding provides all those benefits, plus you have to use your eyes and your brain, and you don't pollute streams with lost lead sinkers. Or kill anybody.

All the benefits and challenges of fishing evaporate at those square cement fishing ponds. What can be the joy of sitting by an ugly cement pond where you know there are fish waiting to be caught? I used to think that that was the ultimate in a futile waste of time. Then one day I passed one of those hideous ponds and saw spectators outside! There were actually people who could find nothing better to do with their lives than stand by the road watching somebody fishing in an esthetically disastrous cement pond.

My mind boggled. Something had to be done! I steeled my will! I resolved to go to a pond and WATCH THOSE PEOPLE WATCHING the people fishing at an ugly cement fish pond.

Before I could put my dramatic plan into action, Balahu bested me. She said that when I go to watch those people watching people fishing at an ugly cement fish pond she will come to watch me watching them watching them fishing. I am floored in utter admiration: genius!

But then I discovered that we lag behind the United States. In the United States, they have entire television channels that show nothing but programs of people fishing. You can sit in your own living room, on your own sofa, and watch somebody standing by a stream proving that he is smarter than a fish. See how advanced they are there? No wonder the US won the Cold War! How could the Soviets compete with a country that televises a man standing practically motionless with a fishing pole in one hand and a can of beer in the other?

Of course, people have different ideas about what's fun. I think sparring is great fun, but I understand it scares some people. Even I don't go as far as my old friend Ruben. His idea of having a good time on Saturday night was squaring off with a buddy and taking turns kicking each other in the stomach. ("It's good for you! And it doesn't hurt too much, the first twenty or thirty kicks! Especially if you take off your shoes!") Given a choice between watching a professional basketball game and spending the same amount of time playing mahjong, I believe I would drink rat poison, but some people seem to enjoy them (the games, not the poison). In my opinion, one of the greatest joys of life is working out a difficult composition by Bach or Telemann on the recorder, but I know this is not for everybody.

Fun is subjective. So is beauty: pigs think pigs are beautiful. Not everyone may agree with me when I say that Taiwan is one of the earth's most beautiful places (at least, the parts that aren't covered with tombs, developments, or factories, or the government hasn't built roads across or tried to improve the scenery), and that Wulai is one of the most beautiful places in Taiwan. But this is what I believe.

Come visit these beautiful mountains before more useless roads are built to destroy the ecosystem, and before the local authorities beautify the environment further. People from all over the world are astonished at the ugliness of the statues and sculptures with which the authorities degrade the esthetic environment of Wulai.

I have lived here for nine years now, and every day I marvel at the never ending play of sunlight, cloud, and wind on mountain, jungle, sky, and stream.

From time to time as afternoon fades into dusk, a flock of about a hundred egrets flies up and down the valley. I don't know why they do this. The flight is one of the most beautiful sights to be seen. The flock stretches out, closes up, extends into a line, wheels, groups, spins, races south, races north, rushes straight up, whirls, and flies off towards the waterfall. Depending on their height and angle, the white flock may suddenly disappear against the cloudy sky; turning this way makes them appear larger, rolling that way changes them into dots. I have no idea why they do this or how they coordinate their movements. It is worth dropping everything to watch.

One beautiful afternoon I stood enraptured as the flock engaged in its airobics (pun protected by copyright). The beauty of the scene was marred by the muffled sound of some cretin sightseer closeted in the conference room at the spa downhill, singing vulgar karaoke noise at the top of his lungs. Maybe he even had one of those karaoke televisions where you can look at scenery on the screen as you pollute your surroundings. God forbid that he stop that wretched caterwauling, look outside, and see the beauty of the world. It might make him human again.

坐捷運，每一次聽到公告：「如果發現火災情形」，我百思不解，「火災」跟「火災情形」有甚麼不同？如果失火，是否有義務先判斷是「火災」或者「火災情形」，再決定要不要救火？如果是火災，而不確定有沒有到火災情形，要不要救火？希望有關單位指點。

現代科技真好：電話可以拉近人與人的距離。
今天中午接到一通電話。先是一個男的跟我講，「你等一下。」(閩南語話)
接著，一個年輕人跟我喊，「爸爸!」
我十萬分驚訝。我有兒子嗎？甚麼時候生的？我感動得只能說，「咦？」
他說，「爸爸，爸爸!你趕快救我!」
一般人突然發現有兒子，一定很振奮，可是我很冷靜。我問，「你是我兒子嗎？」
他說，「爸爸，你趕快救我!」
我說，「But if you were my son, you'd be able to speak English, wouldn't you?」
他説，「蛤?」
我說，「You mean you've forgotten how to speak English?」
他說，「你去洗。」
我說，「Yes, that's a good idea, I think I will. A nice hot shower on a cold day sounds great. Thanks for the suggestion.」
他說，「你去洗」就掛斷了。
我們的交流雖然只有短短幾句，卻很深入。我被一個完全不認識的人叫爸爸，而且他還好心建議我去洗，真貼心。
誰說現代人感情淡薄？

語言不是理性的，是習慣性的。但是有時候很怪。
開關，開的相反詞是關，對不對？
開燈，燈就亮；關燈，燈不亮；開燈的相反詞是關燈，對不對？
開門、關門，開門的相反詞是關門，對不對？
那麼請問，開心的相反詞是…關心??

難怪大官喜歡說他們關心我們~~