The lower the barometer, the stronger the typhoon (or hurricane). The one that swept by a couple weeks ago was 980. Katrina, which devastated New Orleans, was 940. Talim, which we are now enjoying, is 925. So why aren't you being flooded with disaster reports from Taiwan?

Mostly because we get several typhoons every year, so anything that can be blown away, got blown away years ago. Typhoons are nature's way of keeping the land clean.

Poor Louisiana. They are doomed by generations of levees and decades of work by the Army Corps of Engineer. About six months ago I read a magazine article ~ Natural History, I think ~ that predicted exactly what has happened to New Orleans. It seems the entire state of Louisiana is disappearing beneath the waves, thanks to upstream flood control. Maybe we should use some of the money we are spending to buy enemies in Iraq to rebuild New Orleans on higher ground.

Doesn't it ever rain in New Orleans? I saw videos online of the wind and rain there, which look pretty much like a regular typhoon, and people were just walking through it as if they did not know how to deal with rain. Don't they have raincoats or umbrellas? If they need umbrellas, let me know, because I could probably arrange to ship half a million within two weeks.

Sure is a lot of news from the Gulf Coast. As cousin Steve said, 200,000 can drown in Bangladesh, and everybody shrugs. What's newsworthy about that? The bridge panic in Baghdad created a stir because the good ol’ U S of A has spent billions of dollars to grant those people the freedom to trample each other; otherwise, who would care? A biting scene in Karel Capek's War with the Newts (1936) describes an international conference on the flooding engulfing Germany and China, the Chinese delegate rises to plead for help, as millions of Chinese have already drowned. The other delegates all ignore him. All attention is focused on Germany, because people are used to disasters happening in places such as China, so they are not noteworthy.

In the meantime, the wind blows, the rain rains, and I drink tea, because my class this evening was postponed, ha ha!

Despite living most of her life in San Marino, Mildred considered the place barbaric.
--Jonathan Kellerman, Bily Straight

子曰，參乎，吾道一以貫之。曾子曰，唯。門人問曰，何謂也? 曾子曰，夫子之道，忠恕而已矣。
斯章多曲說。貫，阮元曰，「行也、事也…. 此言孔子之道，皆于行事見之，非徒以文學為教…. 猶言壹是皆以行事為教。」貫或訛訓串，失之。貫者，為也、習也。
又，曾子出，門人問曰，何謂也?或為曾參門徒，謬。夫子弟子以曾參最幼，師在焉敢授徒？門人，于論語指夫子門人，即曾驂師兄也。
或曰，門人問以求解，尤謬。驂也魯。曾子出，門人問曰，何謂也?是師兄考他，「喂，小魯蛋，老師教你甚麼？」意在看驂懂不懂老師的教誨，而非為己求解。

約莫民國六十六七八年，臺灣一個陶匠遠赴印尼，取了一袋印尼白陶土回來試作茶具，印記『奉華』。我猶藏一茶砵。茶盉，說實在，普通而已，早已送人去了。
且說，陶匠拎著一袋白色粉料回來，進松山國際機場；海關打開袋子問，"這是甚麼？"
陶匠依印尼華僑陶匠術語回，"這是白泥。" 殊不知，毒梟黑話中，"白泥" 指的是海洛因….

Rebellion is fashionable. There is a difference between being rebellious and being obnoxious. Many who pride themselves on the former are merely the latter.

一個臆測
連雅堂臺灣通史論臺灣之名，曰，臺灣為岱員，於音寔似。然臺灣、岱員之由來，無說。臆之，霧社事件前，泰雅為臺灣首大族，且最早來臺，為泰雅、賽夏、鄒。泰雅/Tayal正音『達燕』；達燕、岱員、臺灣，或一音之變？

Suddenly, I love my job.

Reports of a large reptile, probably an alligator, have drawn crowds to a lake in the LA area. The LA Times (August 17) ran a photo of Mr Jay Young, an employee of an alligator farm, who has been hired to catch the alligator. He said, “At most, I can lose a couple of fingers.”

No matter how dreadful some classes are, I have never had to slog shoulder-deep through water concealing a large carnivore. (and I have never had to wear a cowboy hat, either.)

No matter how atrocious some classes are, I have never had to worry about losing "a couple of fingers."

Teaching English is great!

有人問我怎麼不入中華民國籍。 我來臺大半輩子，但是在美國生的，留個根吧。何況，色目高鼻在眾人眼中，永遠是外國人：陌生、疎誕。反正，我有外僑居留證，與國民身分證一樣好用，不同的只是，不當兵、不投票，如此而已。也罷。問我是甚麼人，真不知如何回答，也不放在心上。Yugan, 山地人也，talah nunux qloxyu nguhux na Tayal, nanaq la：syaqan。十八歲來華學中文，對臺北有一種特殊情感在，因為我覺得我跟臺北市一起長大。這是我的經驗。

時而想，我是美籍讀書人、老師，經驗如此。如果我是菲傭、越南新娘，感覺未必相同。我認識一位印尼女生，十分聰穎能幹：來臺北工作，證件被僱主扣壓，在家幫傭，在店顧生意，一個禮拜工作八十多小時。她對臺北人的看法，與我大相逕庭。

高雄泰勞暴動，我猜想臺灣所有的外勞都了解，說不定還暗中喝采叫好。

魯肅化干戈
網上傳來的，應是杜撰，不知出誰手，但中國字實在妙!

諸葛亮出使東吳遊說吳蜀聯合抗曹之事。周瑜嫉妒諸葛亮的才智，總想找藉口殺他，在一次宴會上，周瑜故意對諸葛亮說：“孔明先生我吟一首詩你來對，對的出有賞，對不出以殺頭問罪如何？”諸葛亮從容笑到：“軍中無戲言，請都督說。”周瑜大喜，開口便道：

有水便是溪，
無水也是奚，
去掉溪邊水，
加鳥便是雞。
得志貓兒勝過虎，
落坡鳳凰不如雞。

諸葛亮聽罷，隨口便道：

有木便是棋，
無木也是其，
去掉棋邊木，
加欠便是欺。
龍遊淺水遭蝦戲，
虎落平陽被犬欺。

周瑜聽了大怒，但礙於有言在先，不便發作，便又出一句：

有手便是扭，
無手便是醜，
去掉扭邊手，
加女便是妞。
隆中有女長得醜，
百里難挑一個醜。

諸葛亮聽了知道這話是在嘲笑自己的夫人黃阿醜長得醜，便立即應道：

有木也是橋，
無木也是喬，
去掉橋邊木，
加女便是嬌。
江中吳女大小喬，
曹操銅雀鎖二嬌。

周瑜知道這話是在奚落自己的夫人，怒髮沖冠，幾次都想發作。

劍拔弩張之時，魯肅在一邊和了句：

有木也是槽，
無木也是曹，
去掉槽邊木，
加米便是糟，
當今之計在破曹，
龍虎相鬥豈不糟！”

詩罷眾人一齊喝彩。周瑜見有人從中和解，無奈只好收場。

千年彈指已過，故人化為黃土，而魯肅化干戈為玉帛的做法卻一直流傳在中國的歷史。

但願我們的生活當中也能有一些“魯肅”喔!!

Ling went back to her hometown, Rohan(羅漢門、內門 in Kaohsiung), also home of bananas, litchis, and lungan (龍眼dragon eyes, rong ngan). She sent me a crate of lungan from her uncle's trees. Delicious, sweet, I am turning into a big dragon eye. The refrigerator is full and there are still some left. I took some to yaba, Dali Watan. This morning I took another bunch to Fu. He was sitting in his favorite seat, in the corner of his living room, with windows behind him and to his right.

Standing outside his dogs' protective zone, I called out to him through the window, "Wuuuuuuaaaay, Fu, I need your help!"

"What's up?"

I held up the lungan. "Ling sent me a crate of lungan, and I need you to help me eat some."

"Thank you, thank you! Come in and sit down. You've got long legs, Yugan, because the water just boiled and I am making tea."

I have zero resistance to freshly made tea, so I slipped in the door, shutting Tlahuy and Yumin outside. We drank the tea and discussed the merits of various teas. A ruckus outside disturbed us: Tlahuy trying to get in the door. "Good boy," I called, cup in hand, "I'll be out before long."

As we were discussing the water supply, a perennial topic in Wulai, another ruckus disturbed us: Tlahuy managed to slip in through the door. I shooed him, but he wouldn't budge. I lifted him into my arms and deposited him outside the door. "Good boy, I'll be out before long."

Fu's grandson attempted to pick up a teapot. We quickly disarmed him. "Oh, how big he's grown!" Fu told me how much his grandparents spoil him. Ms Fu went out to clip me some yam leaves. Tlahuy slipped in. I went to pick him up, but the Fus said, "Tlahuy is such a loyal dog, let him in, because he will just sit quietly beside you. He just wants to be with you." So Tlahuy sat beside me as Fu changed the tea. "Good boy, I'll be finished before long."

Tlahuy sat quietly. We laughed and said, "What a loyal dog he is! Not like Yumin the beagle! Yumin just runs around and makes mischief all day long! He runs all over, not like loyal Tlahuy."

Ms Fu brought me a pumpkin she grew herself. "Don't waste it," I said. "Keep it and cook it yourself, because if it can't be eaten raw, stir-fried, or scalded, I don't know how to cook it.” Tlahuy sat faithfully by my side. Heaven only knows where Yumin was, probably out doing something naughty: beagles!

Fu is rightfully proud of his bananas, growing on the slope behind his seat. He has twenty trees bending under heavy bunches of bananas. I made a mental note to be especially nice to the Fus, in the hopes of getting a bunch of those bananas. There are not many bananas in Wulai: a little bit farther north or higher on the mountain and they wouldn't grow. The bananas grown here that I have eaten are so sweet, so succulent, firm but yielding, you would remember them on your deathbed, and be reluctant to leave the cruel world behind.

Just then a head appeared in the window behind Fu: Yumin, tongue out, ears flying. Somehow he had managed to climb the wall, and was attempting to come in through the window. He slipped down the wall. My expression caused Fu to turn around, just in time to see Yumin make another effort, eyes wild, mouth wide open, like something out of Jaws, only with big floppy ears. The third time he made it to the sill and was attempting to clamber in through the window, determination blazing in his eyes: "I want to be with Pa."

I felt like the stereotypical Irishman of the short stories who pawned the alarm clock and now his wife's shawl and is trying to concentrate on drinking down the proceeds, while his children huddle outside the public house, piteously whimpering, "Pappy, Pappy, won't you please come home?"

學習、翻譯中英文最棘手的問題是，這兩種語言表達方法截然不同。舉例：英文用名詞的句子，中文用動詞表示。
He's a Buddhist. 他學佛。
I'm a vegetarian. 我吃素。
He's an air conditioner repairman. 他幫人修理冷氣。
She is a careful driver. 她開車很小心。
She's a good actress. 她很會演戲。
He's a good cook. 他很會煮菜。
His wife is a lousy singer. 他太太唱歌很難聽。
從前幫學生看他的翻譯，一句 He's a good swimmer 翻 "他是很個好的游泳選手。"
他參加比賽嗎？
好像沒有。
沒參加比賽，能算選手嗎？
學生拿起筆，改成 "他是很個好的游泳者。"
我叫他唸。順口嗎？
不順。
如果你寫信給朋友，你會怎麼寫？
他很會游泳、他游泳很幫。
就這樣嘛!

現在新店客運烏來線的公車，從烏來出發到台北車站，不堵車的話，單程大約要一個小時十分鐘。自己開車，習慣開山路的人，五十分、一個小時就可以到。

Losin退伍的時候，民國六十二年，烏來到新店的路窄，來往車少，Losin與Haxa開計程車，主要在烏來裡面跑。美軍仍駐臺，他們最喜歡帶美國阿兵哥，因為只要你開的快，錢多多。他們烏來台北車站來回的時間，平均一小時五分鐘：來回，不是單程…

那時路窄，未拓寬，鄉界還要過隧道。有一次Haxa進去，才發現一個天才在隧道裡尿尿，車子就擱在那兒。Haxa將天才的車撞到隧道外，賠了兩萬元。六十二年，兩萬元是上班族半年的薪水。

他們現在年紀大了，比較收歛。

Chengkung bridges falling down, falling down

I am losing count. The latest replacement replacement replacement bridge at Chengkung got wiped out again last weekend. How many is that now?

I may be mistaken, but I was under the impression that Pakistan was a Muslim nation, and that Muslims don't eat pork.

If that is the case, I wish somebody would explain to me why the Pakistani embassy in Washington DC is built to look like a mosque surmounted by a humongous rind of pork.

西瓜西瓜我愛西瓜，夏日吃西瓜，是莫大的享受。有古詩為證：
西瓜消夏炎 快樂勝神仙

吃了西瓜肉，西瓜皮怎麼辦呢？外層硬皮削掉，白皮切細片，加辣椒炒竹筍，人間美味。

可惜，削下的綠皮還不知道怎麼吃。

問：消夏炎古詩何出？
答：蘇軾刑賞忠厚之至論

a somewhat meaningless story

Once when I visited Mom when she lived in Honolulu near the beach, with jet lag, I woke up early in the morning and went to Waikiki, which was almost deserted. I love lolling around in the ocean or a stream. I was floating around when I heard a woman speaking loudly in German. She was a middle aged tourist, walking alongside her husband, who nodded, ja mine darlink, ja ja ja. Nonstop; she barely stopped for breath. Not fast or hysterical, just steady. She kept it up as they arranged their hamper neatly on the beach, and waded into the water. I figured she would shut up soon, but I was mistaken! She kept her head out of the water and talked nonstop as she swam. Her husband swam alongside, ja mine darlink, ja ja ja. I was sitting on a diving platform then, open mouthed. They were coming closer! As they swam towards the diving platform, I couldn't stand it any longer, and dove into the water. I practiced underwater swimming for the rest of my stay in the ocean.

Sticking your head in the water shuts off sound pretty effectively. Her husband should have given it a try.

八八過後才有七七。先是爸爸節，之後才有情人節，再過一周就阿彌陀佛，中元普渡，鬼門要關。這個順序，另人深思。

枷鎖
重刑犯坐牢，一天有二十三小時關在牢房裡，一小時運動，而運動是在一個長十公尺寬五公尺的水泥地，四面高牆矗立，可以散步，其他不准。你說他沒有運動嘛，他有運動。

電視也是如此。通常只準你乖乖服從它，不準你思攷‧十幾二十分一個廣告，不許深思。說有益智節目，是有啦，但是還是一刻二刻就有廣告，擾斷思緒。

I never tire of the view. Wulai 烏來大桶山, August 7.

難道納利颱風的教訓還不夠明顯嗎？ 從烏來到新店二十幾處坍方，其中只有一處可說是天然、與道路較無關的，其餘全屬人為，因為開路造成土石流。

政府學乖了嗎？唯恐不消公款，不計生態，依舊到處開山路。子孫可憐。

Last night when I came home after class, halfway through my shower the water pressure dropped. I quickly rinsed myself off. Sometimes typhoons knock apart pipes, and it may take a day or so for the water tower to empty. (In Wulai, you find your own water. Our pipes go from the water tower up to a cement tank by the road above. That's a concrete tank 蓄水池 about three meters cubed. From there up our pipes go half a kilometer to a spring.)

This morning, the dreaded call came through my window: Yugan! No water! I was expecting it this time. I had thought we would be tracking off through the jungle to find where the pipes came apart, but this time was different. A mudslide had half-buried the cement tank. The road had been cleared yesterday, but our pipes were thrashed in the slide. Various people from the Tribe were trying to figure out how to get water home. Being barefoot, I got the honor of picking a way across the knee-deep mud to the reservoir. Then I pointed out the best steps for my neighbors. All of our dogs did a magnificent job of getting in the way. I uncovered some of the pipes.

A smaller pipe leading from the tank's main pipe had been snapped off, and sprayed us with water as soon as I uncovered it. "It could be worse," I cheerfully told the neighbors. "ven though the sun is boiling hot, we have nice cool mud and water to work in." Nothing could be done unless we patched that hole, but the pressure from a three inch pipe spurting out a half-inch hole is terrific. Fu went home to find something to stop the hole, and I came back for more plumbers' tape, and to phone Sinkang with the cheerful news that his shack was getting flooded.

An American would rush to the hardware store to buy a plug specially designed for a pipe snapped in a landslide; here people use their ingenuity. Fu came up bearing a Hello Kitty refrigerator magnet, impervious but flexible enough to mate the curve of the pipe. I was afraid it fit a bit too nicely. We passed the tape cordoning the remains of the last mudslide, sort of like police crime scene tape. I cut off a section of that. Fu wrapped the pipe with a layer of tape, placed Hello Kitty over the hole, and wrapped the rest of the yellow tape around the pipe until it was all gone. Then he tied it up with strips cut off an old acrylic sweater; the stretch keeps everything tight, and the acrylic will last forever. When we turned on the water again, not a drop leaked out.

We had a discussion: was the slide caused by the road or by the wanton cutting of trees? Both, I think, and in both cases, the government is the culprit. The mudslides that terrorize Taiwan are man-made, brought to us by courtesy of the government in its haste to spend tax money.

We were lucky. The other head of our pipe had twisted itself out of the mud, so we quickly found it and attached a pipe to lead down to our towers. The whole thing took less than three hours, including shoveling an embankment to keep water from drowning Sinkang's shack and fiddling with connections to our water towers. There I was happy for the thick coating of mud covering my legs and arms, because our water towers, under the shade of trees by the bamboo grove, is Mosquito City.

When I got home and rinsed myself off, I was thinking, there's a certain satisfaction in wrangling your own water pipes. Or is that just rationalization?

Boiling hot sun this morning, pouring rain at 2PM. Good old Taiwan weather.

武之上者，至于無形，隨機應變，應勢自至。若師『留一手』，必非上乘拳法，傳之無益，佚之無損。

問：不解，請進之。

答：招術無高下，唯中用而已，時中而已矣。雖正拳前踢，若得其宜，足以破萬招。

For years I have abided by the principle that vigorous writing is concise. In choosing a word, a short word is more vigorous than a long word, so if several words are appropriate, choose the shortest. Remove suffixes: choose use over utilize.

I am rethinking my ideas. Maybe I should bring my writing in closer step with the times. Music characterizes the spirit of the age. Rap is nothing if not pretension and posturing. Therefore, in my writing, I will no longer say:
I used the black pot for this tea.
I will say:
I performed the utilizificationment of the black pot for this tea.

Ya, dooood, you da man!
Barf.

Are you happy?

Today we emphasize happiness so strongly that it almost becomes a source of stress; look at how many people commit suicide on December 26th. It is worth remembering that the word is related to happen and happenstance, and that originally happiness was considered a situation fortune might at times permit: a happenstance.

Nathaniel Hawthorne: "Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."

You can't buy your way into happiness. But you sure can try. If nothing else, you make the loan companies happy.

An open letter to my 86 year old Mother
Dear Momosaurus,

This has been on my mind for some time, and now is the time to discuss this, because I think you have been neglecting your social duty. Indeed, this is your duty to America, and all it stands for, and you have not been doing your part.

In the interests of society, Mom, I think you ought to go buy a car. You can still ride the bus to work and walk to the supermarket, but when you go to church on Sunday, you ought to drive.

Then, when you've had the car for 3 or 4 years, you can sell it to a used car lot. This is your duty. Otherwise, where are the used car salesmen going to get cars to sell and tell people, "This beauty was owned by a little old lady who only drove it to church on Sunday"?

This is your duty, Mom! What would become of America if all the old ladies relied on public transport? The used car market would totter, and the economic consequences for the nation ~ indeed, for the entire world ~ would be dire.

Verily, what would become of American society if used car salesman could not tell their customers that cars had been driven by little old ladies to church on Sunday? Morals would teeter, and when the market tottered, we'd be in a fine fix!

If you're going to do this properly, you're going to have to get one of those Caddies the size of the Queen Mary, and lower the seat so you can just barely peer over the steering wheel. I know this is asking a lot of you, but as part of the War on Terrorism, sacrifices are called for. Just don't ask a Bush to go fight.