臺灣的可愛，不按牌理出牌。

晨晚有課，下午沒事，吃了午餐到天母，想要揩茶，茶主不在，揩不成，沿天母溪往回走。剛走過振興醫院，看到步道邊雜草中坐著一頭鋸角黃牛。居然有人在台北市養黃牛 ~~ 我猜是養在陽台上，不是養在客廳(因為如果養在客廳，會擋電視的視線)。萬一小偷闖門而入，這個比看門狗更有嚇唬效果吧。不咬人，小心牠踩你一腳就是了。

好啦，都市裡遇到黃牛，就蹲下打招呼：放牛吃草，今天下午我有認同感。我打招呼，牠不理我，繼續吃牠的草。我給牠念佛。頓時牠草不吃了，低下頭聽佛號，不多時便掉眼淚：牠聽懂了。唸了一回，又有散步的人來看都市黃牛。我默默地叮嚀牠不要再來輪迴，往下一個揩茶目標去了。

大家可以放心了，阿公阿媽上了街頭抗議反分裂法，中共一定害怕的不得了，高幹都跑回家躲到床底下，不敢出來。

昨日台北街頭上的遊行浩稱百萬人，我懷疑。我中午進台北，反方向的人潮多，來烏來的人排長龍，往市區的人沒有比平常多。聚、散一百萬人需要一段時間，但是一點多，街上人似乎沒那麼多，六點都散的差不多了。有人說三十萬人，這有可能。三十萬人，一台遊覽車擠五十個，也有六千台遊覽車。有那麼多嗎?

絕沒有一百萬人遊行，但在大陸的台商，確有一百萬人。換言之，臺灣總人口，二十個人當中就有一個在大陸工作。他們如果突然失去目前工作，臺灣經濟立斃。政客空談獨立，商族容許砸飯碗嗎?

依我目測解散的民眾，大約八、九成以上為退休年齡的人，絕大多數從中南部來。有免費的台北半日遊、有便當、還送帽子T-shirt等等，在家裡閒著也是閒著，何樂而不為? 說不定還可以上電視。

似乎從來沒有聽說過有元首參加遊行示威；陳水扁可能是第一個。遊行中，有五百個憲兵作'人牆'保護他，有狙擊手，還有機關槍，為了保障他個人安全。另外有兩萬名警察維持秩序，公帑耗費龐大，真的有這個必要嗎? 沒有人認為這個活動有任何實際功效(除了造福攤販、旗幟帽衣、遊覽車、便當業者)。或許是扁宋會惹火了極右派(台聯、獨派等)，執政者必須演這齣戲，不然李登輝他老人家會生氣。

還好沒出事。消防隊員依他們的『自由意願』參加﹝翻成白話，上司為了討好上級都參加，你還想留在家裏陪妻子兒女嗎?﹞，所幸沒有發生火災，不然誰救?愛護臺灣時，不許愛護民宅。

有很多人傳反共傳單，這非常有趣。反共的頭號代表人物，蔣中正是也。縱然反共情緒那麼的激昂，為何不提出蔣公呢？ 支吾、支吾，這個嘛，啊，啊，這個真難為情…極右派說愛臺灣，不如說是反蔣。

實際問題根本不是反共，而是李登輝想當太皇國父老爺。陳水扁縱使沒有他自己想像的聰明，但也沒有笨到認為臺灣可能獨立。拿出反共的口號，指不過是障眼法，混淆視聽，騙老百姓而已。

You can't help suspecting there’s a lot going on behind the scenes. Shortly after voters in Taiwan repudiated the Taiwan independence movement's candidates, the PRC started getting worked up about their Anti-Secession Act. Can they be that stupid? I wonder.

Response to the Anti-Secession Act in Taiwan has been vocal and highly publicized. Several college students fearlessly pricked their thumbs with pins to squeeze out enough blood to sign their names in protest. Tactless reporters' awkward questions revealed that the students didn't really know what the Act is about, but They Love Taiwan (in Taiwan's current political climate, all asinine schemes, idiotic decisions, and half-wit plans are wildly applauded if they are presented under the banner of We Love Taiwan).

To protest the Act, a march was called, although I cannot figure out what good it was supposed to do. Maybe they thought that if they snarl up traffic in Taipei, the leaders in Beijing would tell their billion people, "We've decided we don't want to recover Taiwan after all.”

The planners of the march called for a million people, but I would guess the actual number of marchers was nowhere near even half that. I had to teach downtown, near the President's Office where the marchers converged: my class coincided with the march. The subway in to the city had no more people than it usually does at that time; rather, there were hordes of people leaving the city to enjoy a sunny day in a rainy spring. Long lines waited for the bus to Wulai. Attendance in my classes were normal, both during and after the march. None of our students were passing out leaflets or showed any sign of interest in the march. Embarrassment would be the word.

The president joined the march, protected by a human wall of five hundred military police, snipers, and machine gunners. (I have never heard of any president joining a protest march, but that's one of the things I love about Taiwan: things don't happen according to ordinary logic.) Most of the marchers were retired folk, bussed in from the countryside for the afternoon. They got free rides to Taipei in comfortable air conditioned buses, boxed lunches, hats, and other paraphernalia. There were very few young or middle aged people. A friend on the route of the march saw a total of two (2) foreigners. The whole affair was a pointless waste of tax money, staged for the far right, the overseas Taiwan independence people who love Taiwan from Houston, Diamond Bar, and Oklahoma City. Fortunately, after the march it took only about an hour for the marchers’ buses to clear out of Taipei (another clue that indicates to me that there were nowhere near the million marchers the government claims), so we didn't suffer much. Just our dignity.

Did you march in the parade?
戰國策 (燕一)
善為事者，先量其國之大小，而揆其兵之強弱，故功可成而名可立也。不能為事者，不先量其國之大小，不揆其兵之強弱，故功不可成而名不可立也。

Today is 花朝節
古人以二月十二日為 花朝節 即百花的生日
This is a nice tradition that is worth reviving.

This was written by Lloyd Chen 陳洛沂; thanks for permitting me to post this.
之一
台灣首富郭台銘的夫人乳癌去世, 才 55 歲.
郭老闆壓力絕對比郭夫人大吧...? 沒得解釋. 醫學還有太多無施力處...
唉, 郭老闆身價快一千億, 再多的財富, 也無法救他老婆一命.
我想, 若能用一兩百億換他夫人一命, 他會毫不考慮.

人生真奇怪, 奇怪的來, 莫名其妙的走.
來去都不是我們能決定.

我們也只能好好感受當下,
在開幕與謝幕間, 希望演出精彩.

之二
報載因為郭老闆之故, 台大醫院「破例」為郭夫人組一個跨醫院的醫療團隊. 錢不是問題.
........
只是感慨, 若非900 億的財富, 如何突顯出生命的美麗與哀愁...?
每天不知有多少人英年早逝? 又有誰關心過...
強烈的諷刺與冰冷的警醒.
忽然覺得時間是很寶貴、很寶貴的...
過客般的人生, 生命的脆弱與無常, 讓人不禁仰天長笑(嘯)!
哈哈

With great pride and pleasure I announce that I have secured from Zona permission to release, for the first time ever, the results of her momentous textual study of Hamlet. Meticulous textual research and painstaking examination with X-ray, infrared, ultraviolet, CAT, and MP3 imaging have revealed the truth behind Hamlet's famous soliloquy. It appears that in Shakespeare's original version, Hamlet's well-known vacillation and indecisiveness were caused mainly by a weak bladder (toilet humor being highly appreciated by the down-to-earth Elizabethans). At the time of this noted speech, Hamlet had been sharing beers with Polonius and Horatio, but the urinal was locked. Hamlet came to a dark wall in a deserted corner of the castle and uttered those famous, but later misinterpreted lines:
To pee or not to pee, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in mind to suffer
The stinks and airs of outrageous fart-tune ~~~~

Showdown
Wakes are very important to the Tayal. They are a time to get together, to mourn, chat, air grievances, make suggestions, affirm and negotiate bonds, socialize, work out problems, and build solidarity.

Saturday night was cold, near freezing when I got back to Wulai not long before midnight. There was a wake in progress. I joined a group of men sitting around a fire. I sat on a log and held my palms to the fire. Across the fire was Y, about 30, pretty well drunk. D came and sat on a chair behind me. D is about 45, rumored to have underworld connections. Both men are strong and tough.
Y called out D's name. D looked at him mildly. Y roared out his name again. D said, “Hello Y.”
Y hollered, "D! Do you know what you are?" D looked at him across the fire. "D! I'll tell you! You are a drunkard! That's what you are, you are a drunkard!" Everybody around the fire quieted down.
D stayed in his seat, but his tone was ominous. "What did you call me?"
"I called you a DRUNKARD!”
"Say that again! You say that again!" D's voice was rising. Everybody else was silent. The only other sound was the fire.
"You say one more sentence, Y, and you see what happens!" Y was defiant but kept his mouth shut.
"You say ONE MORE SENTENCE, Y, you just say ONE MORE SENTENCE! You know what will happen if you call me a drunkard?” D paused dramatically, and said,
"I'll go home and get drunk."

這個年代的好處是，大官玩的，百姓也可以玩的。當然，條件不一樣；除非練拳，就沒有像立委有那麼多機會拳打腳踢，道館裡不准甩杯子。但是原則上，州官可以放火，現代民主老百姓也可以放火，平等平等。

因此，我最近在想，大官想宣布獨立當國父，那麼我由紺又何不宣布獨立、當起國父呢? 臺灣，把它當『國家』已經小的可憐，我就把我家這塊地當成『斌司各弩司人民專制獨立永遠歡樂大國』，以突顯臺灣之大(相對的)。我身兼數職；國父、偉大領袖、終生絕對獨裁、國民、工友。忠臣Tlahuy當宰相、國防部長，Yumin任新聞局長。其他如下；
本國國號:斌司各弩司人民專制獨立永遠歡樂大國：The Great Independent People's Eternally Happy Dictatorship of Pinsknus
本國國民: 46億口；一人、二狗、許多田鼠鼴鼠尖鼠、若干冬眠蛇、數百甲蟲、幾千蚊子與孓孑、多萬蚯蚓，其餘為微生物。以上為定居戶；流動戶為鳥、蝴蝶、松鼠、飛屬、蝙蝠、螃蟹、烏龜等。
本國國旗：等邊七角形，各角外掛月桃包的紅糯米飯糰；旗面為紅、綠、紫直條文，上有藍、黃斑點；中間畫有標準形宜興紫砂茶壺一把，壺內有青餅普洱茶。以上為秋冬國旗。春夏國旗是圓面金色，上題四紅字: 招財進寶。國軍旌旗；長方形白色，無圖。
本國官方語言:泰雅語、國語、英語、塞爾維亞語，但尊重一切境內國民的語言， 只要不超出泰雅語、國語、英語、塞爾維亞語之外。嚴禁Tamil語。
本國國歌:對欣然服從偉大領袖。
曲: 同 “祝你生日快樂”
詞:　我服從領袖、
絕對服從領袖、
欣然服從領袖、
我服從領袖！
本國面積:　207坪。
本國地理位置:國防秘密，不可洩漏。
本國史地：本國原屬亞熱帶雨林，原始國民為kuy, mku, kumay, batung, batung naxut, yabic, qniq (sibekay, tkrat, byahoq, sliq, kaweh, zyut, gwari), bagun, bisu, ngarux, bzoq, mit, bara等。後經泰雅前輩墾為梯田，有水牛。後廢耕，值本 國父來居住， kneiring laga, talah la, 于甲申年冬至獨立為斌司各弩司人民專制獨立永遠歡樂大國,一切諸天大眾、天龍八部、人非人等歡喜踴躍，天女散花。
本國交通、郵政、貨幣：本國沒有交通、郵政、貨幣。
本國法律：目前只有兩條：第一；絕對服從偉大的領袖（國父&工友）。第二，唱卡拉ok判唯一死刑。　

如何？　煞有其事吧！經美國Pentagon國防部war game專司的模擬，如果斌司各弩司宣布獨立的話，中華民國海軍陸戰隊與中華人民共合國人民解放軍將聯手用武力收復國土，但因為斌司各弩司國土太小，位置又是秘密，連gps也找不到，到最後胡錦濤與陳水扁因為打不過，只好投降，俯首稱臣….. 算了，跟那些政治人物搞在一起，謝了，我由紺才不幹!! 我看，不要獨立好了，還是過著清閒悠哉的日子比較好。　

唯一的問題是，已經訂好的國旗，該怎麼處理?

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND
I wrote this in 1984.
He didn't realize what he was buying, just as the store owner didn't realize what he was selling. By an incredible stroke of luck, Frank, the infinite skeptic, while poking through a small Iraqi junk store, bought Aladdin's original lamp.

He found out, though, at the hotel that evening, when he polished the lantern. A huge, rolling billow of smoke poured out of the lantern. A genie attired in green turban, red vest, and yellow silk pants stepped out of the clouds and bowed to the awestruck Frank.

"I am the genie of the lantern," the genie rumbled. “Tell me what you desire. Your wish is my command."

Frank, dumbfounded, found his tongue at last. He whispered, "Well, I'll be damned!”

Poof.

恍然beagle者
悟了! 為甚麼Yumin那麼愛亂跑? 當然部分是因為他是純種皮狗，但我終於了悟了，他的名子也有關係。 Yumin是泰雅名，是紀念乾爸Dali Watan的叔叔，大獵人Yumin而取的，字是茄苳的意思，很多泰雅取這個名子。
可是Yumin用漢人口音，音偕『遊民』…. 難怪!!!

起碼，沒甚麼業障吧

Does the administration take us for fools?

Last year's presidential race between the incumbent Chen-Lu ticket versus Lien-Sung was closely contested and highly suspicious. An intensifying scandal threatened to give the election to Lien-Sung. The day before the election, a ludicrous assassination attempt brought in sympathy votes. Chen and Lu were standing in the back of a jeep; a bullet allegedly entered through the windshield, although the security agent in the front seat did not notice it; the bullet scratched Chen's stomach lightly, hit Lu in the knee, and rebounded into Chen's suit pocket (I forget the details: not worth remembering), and it all happened so suddenly they didn't even realize they had been shot until Chen noticed blood (or ketchup) on his shirt. Tell me you've been shot in the knee and you don't even notice.

The armed forces by and large back Lien-Sung; an alert on election day confined men to their bases, nullifying their votes. There was a suspiciously high number of invalidated ballots, something like ten times the normal rate. Chen and Lu won the election by 28,000 votes (the population of Taiwan is about 23 million). There were many other irregularities. People demanded explanations.

The administration now has announced that they have found the shooter, a year after the event. They claim the assassination attempt was the work of a certain man who committed suicide by drowning, and confessed all in a suicide note which his family burned, so sorry, you can't see that either.

Unfortunately, the family of the deceased has denied the government's allegations. They claim that the man committed suicide because of mounting debts, and that he had nothing to do with the so-called assassination attempt. The administration wants the family to apologize.

But oh yes, we believe you! We believe you! Just like we believe bullets can do fancy gymnastics and end up in your pocket. We believe because we know how much the administration cares for us and extends a helping hand to the poor and the disadvantaged, just like after last year's landslides when they insulted the victims.

There are few lepers in Taiwan, but there are some. For decades their community has been sheltered in a sanatorium in a suburb of Taipei. The Subway is spreading out there, and wants that land for a terminal, so the administration plans to knock down the sanatorium, scatter the lepers, and put them in hospitals around Taiwan. The lepers say they do not need hospitals, they need fresh air and freedom from exertion to keep their health. They have begged the administration to let them stay together, to keep their community whole, but point out that they have difficulty supporting themselves: if possible, they would prefer to stay where they are, since their sanatorium is a historical building. Enter Vice President Lu Hsiu-Lien, that soul of sympathy and concern for the disadvantaged. They pled with her, and she responded, "What makes you think you can afford to reimburse us for the subway?"

Nothing like a little sympathy for the unfortunate. But that's only a couple dozen votes, so who cares?

At least they don't call it compassionate conservatism.

Did you know? One third of the world's saxophones are made in Taiwan. President Clinton has a custom saxophone handmade in Taiwan, and on his recent visit, he was presented with another, specially inscribed with a quote from Dr Martin Luther King.

And the saxophone said, Waa waaa waaahhhh ~~~~

This is what I call real literature, probing the innermost recesses of the soul, seeking the ultimate truth of human existence: from Riptide, by Catherine Coulter:

The sheriff left after an hour, a chocolate chip cookie in his hand. Adam knew it was chocolate chip. He could smell the chocolate from twenty yards and was salivating.

Author! Author!

聽天由命
If the last weeks of rain have not moistened the soil sufficiently, it will never be moist. With that thought in mind, I placed various wildflower seeds I had collected in a bowl, and, pondering where to scatter them, headed for the front gate.

I proved the validity of my constant warning to guests, to watch out for the second step down, that it may be slippery when it is wet. My feet shot out from underneath me so briskly that I was carried free of the steps and plummeted down the side. Fortunately, it is only a couple meters, and fortunately, the bowl did not get cracked, but when I stopped, I discovered that the question of where to sow the wildflower seeds had been resolved.

If all goes well, before long I will have a streak of wildflowers growing below the steps.

十分無聊
來母、泥母、娘母字(換言之，ㄌ、ㄋ開頭的字)有一個奇怪的特點：可以接各種介音、尾音. 例如，ㄇ可以接ㄢ、一ㄢ、ㄡ、一ㄡ (慢、面、某、謬), 但國字沒有ㄇㄩ音；ㄈ可接ㄢ但不能接一ㄢ等等：其實，國語音很有限。只有來母、泥母、娘母甚麼都可以接:哪、訥、乃、內、腦、耨、南、嫩、囊、能、倪、捏、鳥、牛、年、您、娘、寧、奴、娜、農、女、虐；拉、樂、來、雷、勞、樓、嵐、郎、冷、裡、倆、列、撩、留、連、林、梁、零、爐、羅、巒、倫、隆、閭、略、淋、攣。　
夠無聊吧　
但是為甚唯獨來母、泥母、娘母變化那麼多呢？