A door isn’t a door if you don’t close it properly.

Why not?

Because then it’s a jar. 

新店一家牙醫診所徵助理，限女性；應徵電話，他們第一句問，年齡超過二十五歲嗎？如果答案是「超過」，立即甩電話。牙醫助理上班穿短裙、高跟鞋，病人來看診，牙醫送許多贈品，如牙膏、牙刷等等。

其來有自：沒有德也要有術，可是看過一次的人很少去第二次，因為牙醫技術很差。連最簡單的洗牙，好像在刮肉。加上，看牙醫的人難免有點緊張，小姐穿高跟鞋走來走去，聲音很刺耳。

道德仁義，非禮不成。

~~~禮記曲禮上

這句多麼妙、多麼豐富！

Is it true that D J Trump has donated millions to NAMBLA, an organization promoting pedophilia and pederasty? Could be, could not be, we have no way of knowing until he releases his tax returns. What's taking so long?

“ the more advanced the athlete, the less of a role practice plays….  within an Olympic team tiny differences in performance are unlikely to be the result of training: these athletes train together, with the same coach, day in and day out. Those milliseconds come from somewhere else. "

I never tell my students “practice makes perfect.” Nobody’s perfect, nobody speaks their own language perfectly, and if you think you have to be perfect, you can never open your mouth. I used to tell my students, “practice makes progress,” but I’ve learned better now. If practice made progress, this lady I know would be an opera goddess, but no matter how much she sings, she always sounds like a mental patient receiving dental care without anesthesia.

LINK

Google translation

Chinese

今年元夜時，月與燈依舊。

ENGLISH

Night yuan this year, with the lights still.

Chinese

你那邊幾點？

ENGLISH
Why is the time in your place?

中正堂魚池岸，兩三歲男童狂哭。

母親說，「那是給魚吃的，不是給你吃的。」

父親說，「你又不是魚，你吃魚飼料幹嘛？來來來，吃糖果，不要吃魚吃的東西。」

By the fishpond at CKS Memorial, a toddler crying wildly.

Mother: That’s food for the fish, it’s not for you.

Father: You’re not a fish, why would you eat fish food? Never mind, have some candy, don’t eat fish food. 

蔡英文要作秀，向原住民道歉：當然，意思是摸黑國民黨。

但是聽說族人不高興，因為參加典禮時，禮刀不准帶進去。自古，「群臣侍殿上者不得持尺寸之兵」，有安全考量。但是進去見總統的代表都是精挑細選的，應該沒有問題，似乎可以想個權變之法，例如刀鞘用布條封住，殿上不許拔刀。男子盛裝不帶刀，真的有點怪怪的。

LINK

看到新聞了嗎？

開往桃園機場的遊覽車撞欄失火，造成廿六人死亡，結果發現司機酒駕。

臺南一位仁兄喝了六瓶啤酒，開車撞死了一位保全、撞壞了消防栓、還撞到停路邊的好幾台轎車，還渾然不知。

漢人好可愛，都很喜歡喝酒。

。

每次聽人說，「原住民很可愛」，我的毛豎起來，因為我知道接下來要開始講原住民喝酒的故事。是嗎？原住民只有喝酒嗎？臺灣只有原住民喝酒嗎？

說「原住民很可愛」，是讓自己站在甚麼位置？高高在上。

有的漢人非常關心原住民、深入了解原住民文化，我從來沒聽過這種人說「原住民很可愛」。(說實話，從平起平坐的地位深入了解原住民文化的漢人，鳳毛鱗爪；許多研究員研究時，站在很高的位置，如同研究細菌一樣。)

現今臺灣把原住民當政治資本。如果看倌認為臺灣沒有種族歧視、漢原平等，我保證看倌是漢人。

我不否認部落酗酒問題嚴重。但須問，為甚麼部落有酗酒問題？光復前，日本人給漢人槍，漢人把原住民當獵物。光復後，經濟現代化，幾千年培養出來的體魄、傳統生活技能沒有「經濟效益」；傳教士進部落，告訴族人，所有傳統信仰都是魔鬼的騙局、若穿傳統服裝就要下地獄、若唱傳統歌謠就要下地獄；好心的山服社進部落，告訴族人，所有外面世界的東西你們都必須學習，所有你們世界裏的東西我們都不想學習除了那個小米酒以外可不可以再來一杯？

原住民變成主流社會的玩偶，你們好可愛，唱一首「阿里山的姑娘」娛樂我們、跳一支舞娛樂我們、把姊妹女兒賣來娛樂我們、講講笑話娛樂我們、我們來寫劇本扭曲你們的文化來娛樂我們。原住民能不酗酒嗎？

。

看倌，我剛寫那句：「漢人好可愛，都很喜歡喝酒，」你的感受是甚麼？

Pretty interesting: names that are going extinct.

LINK

Here’s a story I collected from the Web, written by someone named Gunny.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. 

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! 

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! 

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE! 

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" 

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl. 

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother. 

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!" 

"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!" 

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans." 
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, 

"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !! 

Q: How do you get a Serb to set a world record doing push-ups?
A: Tell him, Do ten slowly and then stop.

LINK

This is so prophetic, it’s spooky. For everybody’s sake, let’s hope it doesn’t come true:

“As democracy is perfected, the office of the President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their hearts’ desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.” 

– H L Mencken (1880 – 1956)

It never fails. Give a homeless person some money, and he’ll head straight to the nearest liquor store. Watch what happens when the donor follows.

布施很難。拿錢給街遊，掉頭就往酒品店跑，滿載而歸。布施的人追蹤，如影片所示…

結果發現街遊把錢拿去買吃的，送給其它街遊。窮人比較了解布施的重要，也比較能真布施。

至于為甚麼這位先生會淪落為街遊，是因為父母生病，孝子細心照顧，不料雙親相繼往生，孝子儲蓄也沒了，因為請假照顧父母所以工作也沒了。
LINK

無言~~

The only sport played on the moon is golf. On February 6, 1971, Alan Shepard hit a golf ball. 

If we keep building golf courses on earth, eventually our planet will look like the moon.

很合理吧

謝謝大家！我們「論語洋解，古思今想來翻傳」新課發表很順利，希望參加的人都有收穫。也希望大家不要忘記報名，九月十六日開課！星期二晚上七點到九點四十分，共十八周的課程。本週報名有優惠！

Tuesday night was a big step in a new direction for me. Instead of teaching English, I hope to teach Confucianism in community colleges. Last night I held a demonstration class. It went very well.

司機吃到飽，每月只要一千五，

但是想知道地址電話，要另外計費

。

夫：我清理磁碟。

婦：啊？？喔，我以為你說，「我請妳吃鱉。」