這兩天在少輔院舉辦成長營。每次看到這些孩子,我深深感受,他們不是壞種,而是倒楣:絕多數的倒楣,是生長家庭從來沒教過他們怎麼做人。有的院生說,進了少輔院之前,從來不知道有對、錯這種事。一旦捲入漩渦,想要自拔可沒那麼容易。
跟他們溝通、跟他們相處只有兩個字:「付出」:不求回報。我們比較正常家庭出來的人,很難想像他們的生活。舉一例就夠了:一個很有才華的學生從小受家暴,遍體鱗傷,但他有一天居然說,爸爸對他比對哥哥好。怎麼可能!?他說,哥哥小學時,爸爸都把哥哥鍊在狗籠子裏。
所以他們有一道一道的牆,不是那麼輕易地讓你進入他的心。
但是不能放棄。一個院生,一年半來,我每次跟他講話、給他打氣、一直找他就對了,而他頂多淡淡地回我一聲:「嗯」然後轉過頭。這兩天門開了:這次活動,他一再拉著我講話、有說有笑、勾肩搭背。
能為他們付出,是莫大的福氣。但也很累!星期五活動結束,回家只想趕快睡大頭覺。
回家、洗澡、睡!齁~~~~
旺!
齁~~~~
旺!
四點。傳來了狗吠聲。盡量不理它。可是一直吠,不只一個,還有一個太熟悉的聲音:我們家的皮狗Yumin。認出了另一個聲音是Byajing,但他們吠的很不尋常。
我出去叫他們,叫了幾聲,他們不回。這就怪,因為Byajing通常一定衝回來報到。只好拿起手電筒,循聲音去找。他們在竹林裏,叫的很奇怪:不是吠蛇、吠貓、吠野狗。我又叫了幾聲,決定很無奈,要過溪溝入竹林。好想睡。到了一個地方,離他們二十步吧,但再過去很難走,烏漆摸黑,竹林太密,甚麼也看不到。我好想睡。我又叫了幾聲,說我要回家啦!就回家躺了。
回家躺了,他們還吠,我也睡不著。五點多,撒毖也被吵醒。Byajing沒回。我們商量,一定要去看看。撒毖留在溪溝的這邊,我過去看看。還好那塊竹林我很熟,不然即使帶手電筒也馬上迷路。西嶺上有月,但竹林裏全黑。到難走的地方,只能硬著頭皮下去。我離他們大約七、八步時我就停下來了,因為我不知道他們吠甚麼。我再叫他們,他們突然停下來了,不出聲。這時有點緊張,因為我猜可能是山豬,如果是山豬,而山豬惹火了,我在竹林中難躲。我拔刀,等。
一個很重的動物往右邊上坡衝,只看到Yumin白白的尾巴端在追。Byajing回到我身邊。我想,好了,兩位平安,我回家。
走過竹林,才要過溪溝,手電筒沒電,熄了。我嚇了一跳;早一分鐘熄的話,要嘛我爬著回來,要嘛坐下等天亮,因為實在太暗。菩薩保祐。撒毖幫我照,我過了溪溝。
Byajing跟了。皮狗年紀大了,我們快到山門,他也來了。安全起見,我給他上了狗鍊。回到家已經六點了,我就跟Yumin講,不能這樣,要注意安全‧…他已經睡著了….
Punishment doesn't seem to do much good, except to slake our thirst for vengeance. But it doesn't solve a lot of problems.
We just got back from a two day activity at the Reformatory. I believe that these boys are not bad, they just need to be taught, because nobody has ever taught them right from wrong.
You figure out where you would like your tax money to go: to lock up people so they become more hardened criminals, or invest in counseling, teaching, therapy, whatever it takes to make them useful, productive citizens. It is difficult, but it can be done. It should be done.
The boys in the Reformatory are all teenagers, and I have yet to meet one who comes from a normal family. They surround themselves with walls and walls, for protection. You can't ask to see results. But you do. I have made a point of greeting one brooding boy, saying good words to him, trying to talk with him, cheer him up. For a year and a half, he said little more than "Uh" and then turned away. But these two days, a door opened: as soon as they entered the activity area, he rushed over to hug me, joked with me, slapped my back, sat next to me to chat, and smiled all the time.
Volunteering at the Reformatory is wonderful, but it's also exhausting. When we got home, we wanted nothing more than a good night's sleep. We hit the sack and were soon sound asleep. Sound asleep. Sound. Sound. Arf arf. At 4, I was awakened by persistent barking, but I didn't recognize it. It was far enough away to ignore, but another voice chimed in, a suspiciously beagly voice. I dragged myself out of bed to go outside and call, but there was no response. Not good, because Byajing invariably responds.
I finally decided that I had to go look. I got the best flashlight, the one I got after the time that snake fell on my head :: click:: and followed their barking. I reached a streambed that borders a bamboo grove. Very reluctantly, I crossed the dry streambed and entered the pitch black bamboo grove, following the sound. At least it's too cold for snakes to be very lively. Black as a coal mine. It's a good thing I know that grove so well, or I would have been lost in a minute, flashlight or no.
The dogs were not barking at a snake, a cat, or a stray. What is more unusual, Yumin was growling, and he almost never growls. I reached a spot about twenty paces from them across very difficult terrain. I called a few more times, and told them I wanted to go home to bed. I did.
But I couldn't sleep. The barking continued, and at about 5, Sabiy woke up. She was also worried that Byajing was not responding, so we got our flashlights, I strapped on my laraw (headhunting knife), and got a leash and a saw, just for good measure.
I told Sabiy to wait on this side of the streambed, and entered the bamboo grove. I crossed the difficult part, and figured I was about ten paces from them. I called again, and they stopped barking. There was a tense silence. I was concerned that they had a boar, and if it charged, maneuvering would be quite difficult amongst the thick bamboo. I drew my laraw.
After a minute or more, suddenly I heard a large animal crashing uphill off to my right, and saw Yumin's white tail in hot pursuit. Byajing came to my side. Finally! I called Yumin again and headed home.
Just as I reached the side of the streambed, my flashlight died. Grief! If that had happened one minute earlier, I would have had to either crawl back, or sit down and wait for dawn. Crossing the bamboo in pitch dark is out of the question. But Sabiy lit the streambed for me with her flashlight, and we headed home.
Yumin is, after all, getting on in years, so he trotted up behind us, evidently forsaking his foe. I put the leash on him just to make sure, and we came home. When we reached the house, I gave him a little talk: You're getting on in years, you have to pay more attention to safety, it can be dangerous…. Yumin was already fast asleep.
At least somebody got some sleep!