Maybe you can, after all.

During the Ching dynasty, the sorcerer in charge of烏魯木齊八蠟祠a government-sponsored temple in Urumqi was in his 80s. one night, he laid seven thousand coins under his bed, lay on top of it, and died peacefully in his sleep. When this was discovered, there was some discussion as to whether the sorcerer had left the money for his tomb. That night, the sorcerer appeared in dreams, saying, "I was in charge of a government temple, so my tomb should be supplied by the government. I scrimped and saved for years to collect that money. I want it put in my coffin. I will come back in my next life and pick it up myself.”

So maybe you can take it with you, after all.

The Viet Nam vet has quickly become an overworked stereotype in American literature. If any character was in Viet Nam, you know immediately that he is stressed out, messed up, suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

But this is at odds with the bulk of literature, in which battle joy is extolled. Beowulf and many Icelandic sagas are built on blood lust. In Quiet Flows the Don, two admiring characters listen enthusiastically to an old soldier tell once again of his exploits in battle.

Could there be something in the American psyche that is averse to violence? I managed to write that whole sentence without laughing. Stokley Carmichael hit the nail on the head: "Violence is as American as apple pie." Compare our cliché of the battered battle vet to The Red Badge of Courage, in which the protagonist is eager to prove himself in battle.

What happened? Americans still love violence, but mope after wars.

Part of the reason may be that the business of killing now is so remote and detached. A warfighter may die from a landmine he never saw placed as easily as from a missile fired from many miles away. In the days of knives and swords, savage hand-to-hand fighting necessarily put a face to the enemy, somebody you had to connect with (sorry about the pun). Even archers were not so far removed from their targets that they could not see them. Maybe the mind is satisfied by the physical exertion of hacking and grappling at close quarters in a way that pulling a trigger cannot replicate. We can deal with an enemy we can fight at close quarters; how do you cope with death raining from a bomber so far overhead you can't even see it?

Then there is the factor that those who returned from wars past were not the severely wounded. Earlier soldiers, if wounded, were killed off by infections and doctors. Now soldiers survive wounds that would have invariably fatal. Just as modern medicine can allow a cancer patient to suffer pain that would finish off an unattended person, crippled soldiers are more apt to survive now. Before, the soldiers who managed to return were, in a sense, all victors, and experienced the exhilaration of surviving near death.

Maybe we have advanced war technology so much that fighting has become psychologically intolerable. Hope so.

Some years ago, Jane Goodall startled everybody with her reports of chimpanzees hunting. Nobody had ever imagined such a thing before, but although skeptics demanded further proof, by and large this was eagerly seized on as justification for the conventional meat diet. Better to change our ancestry than our habits.

In Why We Run (2002), Bernd Heinrich says, "Studying hunting parties of male chimps at Gombe in 1995, Craig Stanford found them depleting one-firth of their prey population of colobus monkeys each year…. In just half a day of observing olive baboons in Kenya’s Amboseli Park, I once saw a troupe of about fifty individuals catch a hare, tear it apart, and eat it with great gusto."

If hunting has always been a trait of primate behavior, how could it have escaped observation for centuries?

The environment African primates live in has been disrupted by human activity for millions of years, desperately so for centuries. Perhaps hunting is a new behavior chimpanzees developed to cope with their restricted resources, and it has escalated greatly over the last decades.

The twins came.
A nice picture.

how a beagle sleeps on a hot summer day

after the typhoon

眼花

路上瞄到一台車上有寫
台北縣救雞隊
Huh??? 再看一眼
台北縣救難隊

Our maples don't wait for fall or cold weather. Summer is a fine time to shine.
I took this photo last week, a few days before the typhoon.

颱風天，適合在家裏溫暖閒暇，泡一盉好茶，聽外面風雨聲，想一些無聊問題…
想颱風…颱灣…想台灣對中華文化的靜默貢獻…想一想台灣寶島為大陸海岸折了多少颱風的銳氣。幾萬年來，數不盡的颱風由太平洋來襲，撞到台灣矗屹的山脈，失散威力，送豐沛雨水到對岸。有這屏障，長江下游才能穩定發展、河姆渡才能種稻、沿海才能繁榮。
臺灣的山陡峭參天，一般偌小的地，無偌高的山；臺灣的山沒這樣高，保護大陸效果差了，更何況倘使沒有臺灣，很難想像中國東南如何發展。

颱風…無聊…想臺灣…憂患。二十年前是臺灣最好時機。二十年前，大陸需要臺灣，但臺灣卻不需要大陸。現在大陸不需要臺灣，而臺灣不能沒有大陸。醒一醒吧。

颱風天，適合在家裏溫暖閒暇，泡一盉好茶，聽外面風雨聲，想一些無聊問題…

on the tenth, I wrote about a snake that visited. Many thanks, blogspot, now bloggers can upload photos from hard disk files, so here's one of the photos I took. Notice that this beauty's head is green, and there are dark markings behind the eyes.

Hello from Tlahuy
and Yumin

愛沒有對錯嗎？
從來沒有聽過感情受傷的人說「愛情沒有對錯」。說這一句的，一定是負心人傷無辜的人時，為自身的自私狡辯，除此之外，沒有人說愛沒有對錯。

張六接到詐欺集團電話：「你女兒在我們手中。」
六心奇之，甚麼時候生女兒，都不知道，自己以為只有兩個幼男，故回：「我女兒甚麼時候從美國回來？」
賊曰，「是你兒子從英國回來。」
各一笑，掛電話。

I'll be happy when rap goes out of fashion. Not only is it boring, but worse, it's pompous and affected.

It's too bad that Americans have to waste so much time and energy in battles over evolution and creationism. The Christians want to have it both ways: they want to believe what they choose to believe, and ignore what they choose not to believe.

Science is interlocking; the same principles that hold true for mechanics and physics also hold true for biology and thermodynamics. If your car runs when you put gas in the engine, the same basic principles govern that we descended from earlier organisms: early mammals, primitive primates, homo erectus, and so forth. You can't say that sparks fly upward and then claim some hocus-pocus mumbo-jumbo for the origin of fossils. That's just doublethink.

If the Christians are going to demand the teaching of creationism, why don't they demand that all the school maps be redrawn to accord with the bible? Somewhere the bible says that six parts of this earth is dry land, and only one part is water. I forget where it says that and I'm not going to waste time looking it up, but that's why Columbus sailed west to go east; he reasoned that if the globe is only one seventh water, the ocean certainly can't be very wide. So to be consistent, the Christians should either demand that school maps be redone to show very small oceans, or they should deny the existence of Columbus and the experience of anyone who has ever flown or sailed across the Pacific.

Of course facing facts and consistency are not something Christians are noted for. If they demanded strict acceptance of the literal meaning of the bible, a lot of laws would have to be rewritten. The Old Testament decrees that any farmer who plants two crops in the same field is to be stoned to death (my memory is a bit shaky on this one, but that's the gist of it). Get the legislators to work on this.

And the controversy about the ten commandments? More laws need rewriting, if we are to live faithfully according to the dictates of scripture. I don't read Hebrew, but Jewish scholars point out that the original commandment against adultery specified that you could not fornicate with another man's wife, but it was fine for a married man to fornicate with prostitutes. So if the Christians demand obedience to the literal scriptures, prostitution has to be legalized ASAP.

Naturally, Christians don't like to think about what the bible really says. Christians don't really like to think. Their attitude is simple: if you agree with my beliefs, you understand the word of god, but if you disagree with anything I say, you have been tricked by Satan. What a load of hogwash.

My old neighbor Jenny brings her 12 year old daughter Kaway to Wulai about once a month, to get out of the city, get some fresh air, make sure I’m eating, and fret over me.

Yesterday after lunch I was drowsing off as I chatted with Kaway. Discussing Hangzhou black fans, I explained to her that a folding fan you carry with you all the time wears out quicker than one you leave at home. To drive my point home, I told her, "When you carry your fan with you, it wears out when you stuff it in your mouth…" I meant pocket. We decided it was time for a nap. We each found a cool spot on the floor and were soon asleep.

I was closest to the front door. Yumin disturbed my nap with his barking. I tried to hush him without disturbing Jenny or Kaway. He hushed for a moment, then started barking again. I hushed him again, and again. I couldn't let him keep barking while Jenny and Kaway were still asleep, so I surged out the door ~~ funny, he seemed to be barking at the door. Then I noticed the qosun next to the front door steps. A qosun is a python with such beautiful patterns that its Chinese name is 錦蛇 jin she, the embroidered snake. This one was well over two meters long, and eager to get away from barking Yumin. I asked it to stay a moment longer while I got my camera. It quickly moved over to the embankment ~~ I held Yumin back. There it took up a strong defensive position amongst the ferns, draped across the slope, head up, mouth open. Yumin had his mouth open too, arf! Arf! Arf arf and arrrf! Tlahuy stayed close by my side, silent, ears up, eyes burning, alert, ready to protect me or support Yumin the moment he was needed.

When Yumin had barked enough, I carefully moved forward and scooped him into my arms. I apologized to the snake for bothering it, and for good measure told a couple mantras. The snake slowly, elegantly withdrew its head, and in a moment disappeared into the ferns.

Frightened fawns freeze ~ no, I'm not writing tongue twisters, I'm thinking over a problem, but while we're at it, let's hear you say that lickety-split five times: frightened fawns freeze. Many animals, especially the young, freeze and allow their stillness and coloring to protect them. Humans run. This indicates that the human being is predisposed to running, that 'in nature' enough of our human ancestors have been fleet enough of foot to leave behind their genes.

A modern human toddler, frightened by a dog, may cower and shrink, or seek refuge in adult arms. Those a bit larger may try to run away. Consider the circumstances which initiated these primordial reactions.

Fightened frawns fees. Frightened frawns fees. Aww, nuts.

Tali Lalun, rangi na Bulang Yugan, qimholan Barung, ptsal rgyas.

A young Tayal from 復興鄉 named Tali Lalun has his face tattooed in traditional style, the first new Tayal facial tattoo since the Japanese abolished the custom before World War II. This is a tradition worth reviving (perhaps without the prerequisites), one of the few tattoos that means anything.

An 11 year old boy in Utah went missing on a hike last week and was found unscathed four days later. Yahoo carried 31 photos of this event. Recently a high school student from Georgia disappeared during a graduation trip to the Caribbean; the news played for days. While I am happy the boy is safe, and hope for the safe return of the Georgia teen, I also look around the world.

At the same time, thousands of children in Uganda are being kidnapped by militias and crazies. Thousands more in India are sold into slavery. For the most part, they are forgotten by the American press, because they are far away from us. Also, they're not blonds. They are dark-skinned. They aren't so photogenic.

A bride in Georgia bolts before her wedding and turns up days later in New Mexico; the reporters almost outnumber the total population of that state. Meanwhile, girls from the former Soviet bloc are sold into prostitution, and we hardly spare them a glance. They may be fair-skinned blondes, but they're far away. They don't speak English.

Of course we are more aware of those around us, as we should be. We are more sympathetic since they are familiar. But this also leads us to think that only the US is of any importance. Then we neglect other lives and wishes, to our own detriment.

My thinking on this line was set off by this side note; unfortunately, I carelessly neglected to jot down the source. I believe this came from the LA Times Book Review from last year.
“A side note: a search of major English-language newspapers for stories about the Rwandan genocide turned up 185 such stories published from late April to late May 194. the majority of these stories appeared in overseas newspapers. Meanwhile, more than 2,000 stories about the Columbine killings appeared in the month following that event. Mathematically, that would seem to indicate that, for the English-language press, a murder in a suburban American high school is approximately 75,000 times more newsworthy than a genocidal killing in a central African country.”

Twelve students were murdered at Columbine; an estimated 507,000 Tutsis were murdered in Rwanda (http://www.hrw.org/reports/1999/rwanda/Geno1-3-04.htm#P95_39230), so one American high school student equates to 42,250 Tutsis. But the Tutsis aren't blond.

The United States is a land that prides itself as a beacon of freedom, aberrations such as McCarthyism and Dubyastrophe aside.

Among all the assorted variations of the American life, which group permits its members the least leeway in dress, behavior, and protocol? Your rat-race tie-wearing cubicle dweller? Nowhere near. The Amish? Guess again. Hara Krishna?

Three strikes, you're out. The most rigorous demands for conformity among any American groups are found in inner-city youth gangs. Jailhouse low-riding pants of an exact droop, the baseball cap at a carefully set angle, meticulously prescribed colors, precise formulas for speech and behavior, gangstas live inside their own rigidly defined mental jails.

So why is it that boys all over, trying to prove their uniqueness, originality, and freedom, slavishly imitate those poor encumbered souls?

Maybe for the same reason that their uncles, out to prove their individuality and wildness, slavishly buy Harleys.

Our founding fathers gave us so much freedom that we seek refuge in conformity.

To date, I have seen none of the Star Wars movies, not from intention, but from inattention. They may be fun, but better, I say, to err on my side than on the side of those people who focus their lives (if they are actually alive) on the movies.

雖曰六道輪迴，輪迴未必六道。西方淨土無惡道之名，何況有實；顯然無下三道。億萬年前，吾地球尚無人道，必亦無鬼道。他方世界或亦有七八九道輪迴，非余所知爾。

地攤貨，你一定買過，對不對?臺灣，說有任何一個有消費能力的人一生中從來沒有買過地攤貨、沒有吃過路邊攤，我不信。臺灣若沒有地攤、路邊攤，根本就不像臺灣了。既然大家都愛，為什麼法律要禁呢?

有人說攤子髒亂、妨礙秩序；這個簡單，稍管一下，不要管太多，問題不難解決。 比較不利的是，攤子逃稅，逃稅，任何政府痛恨惡絕。這方面，擺攤子給極多人謀生的機會，不須早九晚五，比較自由，對經濟、物品交流有很大的貢獻，但是勿容置疑，他們賺的是辛苦錢。（擺攤辛苦、錢賺不多，何以知之?簡單：從未聽說過哪一個議員擺地攤。容易撈錢的把戲，大官必然趨之若鶩，and vice versa。）

禁地攤，我還聽過一個更荒謬的理由：這樣一來，警察才有業績。立法不是為了公僕的業績;若是，有更簡單的方法讓警察有業績，例如規定有兩個鼻孔的人都要罰款，這樣的話，警察很容易有業績。我相信，警察不喜歡當壞人，抓這些攤民，但六法全書既有這麼一條不合理的規定，還是勉強執行一下。實在浪費警力。要你做主，你如何分配有限的警力？派警察去抓民眾支持的攤民呢？或者鎗械、煙毒犯？　

總而言之，如果沒有地攤，臺灣就不像臺灣，我們不必一味跟著麥當勞的文化侵略齊步走。法律可以容許夜市，禁止地攤、路邊攤就沒有道理。

紀曉蘭 閱微草堂筆記 云：表兄與一狐為友，狐自稱生于北宋初，表兄叩以宋代史事，曰，皆不知也。凡學仙者，必遊方之外，使萬緣斷絕，一意精修。如于世有所聞見，于心必有所是非；有所是非，必有所愛憎，則喜怒哀樂之情，必迭起循生，以消爍其精氣。神耗而形亦敝矣，烏能至今猶在乎？迨道成以後，來往人間，視一切機械變詐，皆如戲劇，視一切得失勝敗，以至于治亂興亡，皆如泡影。當時既不留意，又焉能一一記之？大都萍水相逢，煙雲倏散，夙昔笑言，亦多不記憶。

今出家人看新聞，不如斯狐。

Joshua上個月來的時候，我特地帶他去看新店北新路邊的攀岩牆，因為我們念高中的時候，我攀岩就是他教的。
剛好有一群全副武裝的人爬呀爬的(攀岩牆須要斜帶背十幾個鉤環嗎？不過，的確很帥，很有個爬山的樣子。) 我們看著他們爬，Joshua內行利眼，說，"這個牆，他們爬過很多次。但是這種爬法，比較不適合在山岩用。"
我跟Joshua說，"當初我學攀岩，主要是因為我喜歡山，想多花時間在山裡，也想增益遊山玩水的本領。後來沒怎樣爬，一則臺灣比較少可爬的峭壁，一則臺灣當時找不到第二個攀岩的，一則本身天賦不高，但最重要的原因是，當初我學攀岩，主要是因為我喜歡山，而我發現攀岩會自成一個目標，跟處在山岳中脫離關係。"現代攀岩牆，可以在大馬路邊，可以在室內冷氣房，與山巒脫解。
剛講完的時候，有一個人爬到牆頂。下一招，讓我驚訝不已：確保放繩，慢慢讓攀岩手從天緩降，完全不必下爬、rappel,我結舌。

一兩年前，全台原住民跆拳賽在烏來舉辦，很開心去給烏來隊加油，結果越看越氣：這是甚麼爛跆拳？中華跆拳本來打的不錯，怎麼槁成這種樣子？當時我想找烏來鄉長說，烏來隊讓我訓練一年，保證明年全國冠軍(因為每一隊打的實在太差，幾乎談不上一個:打:字，冠軍太簡單；一兩招也夠了。) 慎重其事，找鄉長前我先查了跆拳比賽規矩，愕然發現，好的招數，全都禁了，剩下容許打的，只有一些不痛不養的腳法。
對不起，武術本旨，救己殺人，如此而已。如果為了比賽怕把人打傷了，削除所有實力招式，這還成甚麼武術？乾脆叫它跆舞對賽算了。當年我們練武，參加比賽只不過是為了增加見識，判贏判輸，不是重點；重點是，有沒有功夫？招式有沒有殺傷力？萬萬不可為了比賽牽就武功。現在本末倒置。

Joseph Shipley points out that the telephone is linked in microseconds. There are more microseconds (60 million) in one minute than there were minutes (52.6 million) in the twentieth century.

So how come I keep getting cut off?

OJ, MJ
Proven once again: justice is scarce in jury trials. Money talks.

Shame!

An old story popped into mind. This would have happened in about 1970. I heard it from someone related to the case.

Two local thugs figured Wanhua 萬華was getting too small for them. They got jobs as seamen, smuggled their swords on board, and jumped ship in San Francisco. Soon they were spreading the word through Chinatown. "We are the Wanhua Gang! This is now our territory, and we are going to get respect!"

A Cantonese restaurant owner very mildly told them, "We are very willing to show you our greatest respect. Please come to my miserable restaurant tomorrow night at 9 and we will have prepared for you what you require."

At 9 the next night, the Wanhua gang swaggered into the restaurant. The lights were on, but nobody was in. Then the lights went off, and the two black guys flown in from Chicago stood up behind the counter, whump whump whump.

They had never seen submachine guns in Wanhua.

Why is such an indispensable part of so many movies the bedroom scenes? Of course I know the answer. Sex means money, so naturally that means it is art, and sacrosanct.

But what do the bedroom scenes contribute to the plot, to our understanding of the characters or the story? If we have to witness all the everyday details of the characters' lives in order to understand them, then certainly every movie should have regular defecation scenes. Urination and defecation are at least as important to life as sex, and something all ages participate in. If we need to see the hero and heroine in bed together, then we ought to see the hero on the throne struggling to pass his Big Mac.

Not that I'm eager to see such scenes, or even willing. It's just a query.

Go stand an egg.

端午正午
喜嘻兮~~~~

It was an especially hot day. I was 18, working for Uncle Jim, delivering pizzas to the US Army in Viet Nam. I had made my delivery to a hooch on Long Binh, and was walking back to the Toyota. Some American soldiers were unloading supplies from a truck. They were surprised to see an American kid, and not a soldier. They asked me what I was doing, and I explained. Just then they were unloading a case of apples. In Viet Nam, you simply could not get apples, even on the black market. One of the soldiers reached down, picked up an apple, called, "Catch," and tossed it to me. I had not had an apple for months and months, and it would be years before I ate another. I polished it carefully on my shirt and munched happily all the way back to the truck.

Don't be a slave to money.
Make money your slave.

好感動

今天下午在外面工作，聽到群蚊討論，要發個感謝狀或扁額給我。上面寫甚麼呢，有兩派。 有一派主張提
惠我山蚊
另一派說，寫白一點，直接寫
西餐佳餚

At a pet store near NTU, I admired a violet snake in a terrarium. Then I saw a little baby mouse stumbling alongside, naked, its eyes unopened to death staring with unblinking eyes.

Some years ago, I was clearing out some underbrush. A field mouse rushed out onto the branch of a bush I had just chopped. She bristled and glared at me with burning eyes. In her mouth she held just such a baby mouse. I could have hewn her in half with a flick of my soqi. I have little love for rodents. Instead, I told her, Amitabha, I am sorry to destroy your house, please find somewhere else to live, and next time, don't come to this world as a rodent.

There are many snakes where I live. They are neighbors. I admire their beauty and grace. We get along fine. I know what they eat; sometimes I hear the frantic screams of their prey. But I could never own a snake and drop naked baby mice into its terrarium. That is monstrous.

The great athletic meet was held today. It rained hard all morning and through noon, so all the athletes very sensibly gathered under the tents for some very serious drinking. By the time the rain stopped, nobody was in any shape to compete, but the show must go on. The MC called for the 400 meter race, begged, pleaded, cajoled, and whimpered, and finally got some contestants lined up. The winner, Patu, completed the 400 meters in 6 minutes and 53.7 seconds. He might have been faster, but the judges said his coach, Agu, couldn't touch him to keep him moving in the right direction. They wouldn't even let Agu touch him when Patu fell down and started snoring. After a hurried discussion, the judges ruled that Agu's proposal to kick Patu awake would constitute touching, and was therefore forbidden, but they did ask him to think of something so the race could be finished. The other contestants had woven their way back to revive their team spirits, if you catch my meaning. The Tayal are great weavers. Agu rained gravel on Patu, but he didn't wake up until Halus dropped a bottle on his head just as Agu was reaching for a brick. Patu started chasing Halus. Halus crossed the finish line ahead of Patu, but was not a contestant, so did not win the race.

I have embroidered this story only a little bit.

Everybody wants to live a long life, but nobody wants to get old.

Susan Ertz said, "Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.”

something to be proud of(?)

-How did our Wulai village team do in the basketball tournament?
-We took third place. Tampya took first.
-Really? I thought Mangan would take first.
-No, they took second.
-And we took third. Not bad. …. Wait a minute. How many teams played in the tournament?
-Only three.
-So we took last place.
-Yes, but our team beat the others in drinking!

Somewhere along the line, I acquired a very unusual old stone trough for feeding pigs. Unlike most, it is round. Since I moved to Wulai, it has sat out in the yard gathering water, leaves, dirt, what have you. I have no pigs, but the dogs drink out of it.

Yang moved it closer to the walkway and made it the focus of a small view. He cleaned out the leaves and put in some蓋斑魚fish. Beautiful.

Last week I noticed some sort of bubbles or scum on the surface of the water. It had not evaporated a few days later. Judging I would rather not be overrun by snails or something, I got a leaf to clean them off. To my surprise, one of the fish attacked me. I realized I was intruding on her spawn, so very happily I threw away my leaf and prepared to watch them hatch.

The day before yesterday, Tlahuy went for a drink. Apparently the fish attacked his tongue. With a puzzled look, he moved around and cautiously drank out of the other side.

This morning, Yumin, very much at ease with the world in general, trotted up to the trough to lap up some water. He was too close to the spawn. He leapt backwards, all four feet leaving the ground, ears flapping. He crouched and growled at the water, with puzzlement written across his face. He circled around a few steps, ready to fight, and barked at the water: the canine solution for every problem. I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my rock.

While he was attempting to fathom this one, Tlahuy was listening to something. It must be raining hard back up in the higher mountains, because the announcement floated up faintly from the loudspeakers by the stream, far below: LEAVE THE STREAMBED IMMEDIATELY. In reply, Tlahuy said, "Woof.”

Yumin needed something to assuage his wounded pride, and that woof was just the thing. He took that woof and raced to the fence, barking furiously. He convinced Tlahuy, who started barking. In a trice, all the neighborhood dogs were barking furiously.

It would be funny if it weren't so much like international politics.

We had a great time during Joshua's visit, and I am happy to report that he has returned safely to hearth and home. I hope I never have to write a letter that says, for example,
Hi!
I just wanted to tell you what a great time we had during your husband's visit. We saw everything, hiked all over the mountains, swam in the stream, everything! It is my singular pleasure to inform you that he was having the time of his life, right up until the very minute that the python seized his leg. You may wish to tell the kids that Daddy's last words were 'Gddsgdm snayyy cough ami.' At least that was my first impression. I asked him to enunciate and reminded him of the significance of any statements he made under the circumstances, but that seemed to be his best effort. Imagine my sense of achievement when I deciphered his final utterance several days later: 'Get this g*dd*mn snake off of me.' I regret that, in the interests of historicity, I have no choice but to include profanities, but sometimes people forget themselves in the excitement of the moment. I do hope this will not tarnish the kids' memories of their dearly departed male parent.
There are plenty of unattached men out there, and with his insurance policies, you should be set up comfortably. Let me know how to dispose of his effects. I wish you all the best.

No, that's not the sort of letter I would like to have to write.

半缸的水才會響

進出烏來路上，常遇到改裝車。還沒看到車，先聽到把棟把棟的音樂。飆車的速度不一定比本地計程車快，但是動作很大，煞車、轉彎、排檔，無不小題大作。駕駛不用看，一定是沒氣質的小男生，而且可以判斷，買車的錢不是他憑自己的能力賺來的：跟家長伸手。

假設這樣堪稱威武，好歹只是氣車有力，不是坐裡面(如襁褓中的寶寶)的得意小毛頭。這有甚麼好得意的呢?

現代社會需要記取兩句古訓：

能忍，是大丈夫

男子漢大丈夫，敢作敢當

I strongly advise everybody NOT to apply for admission to the University of Minnesota.

According to Stephen Wilbers (Writing for Business, www.wilbers.com), "The University of Minnesota has decided to name its new 2,300 foot walkway 'the Scholars Walk' rather than 'the Scholars’ Walk.'"

Apparently, their reason is that "the scholars didn't actually own the walk; it was just being named for them." If so, what are we to do about statements such as "There's my bus"?

Minnesota is in a sad state (sorry) if their so-called institute of higher learning cannot punctuate even such a simple phrase. If this is the caliber of their logic, this is definitely not a school you want to go to.

Okay, all for now, gotta run now. I see a bus which I plan to board.

文娟不知道從哪聽來一句，很妙
“這個社會不是離婚率太高; 是結婚率太高.”

“Society's problem is not that the divorce rate is too high; it is that the marriage rate is too high.”
Wenchuan told me this one, but forgot where she heard it.

I'll never get rich

My best ideas are never money makers.
Scenario for a commercial:
The raving corporal with the toothbrush mustache watches as ranks of swastika-adorned soldiers goosestep by, all wearing six inch stilettos. At the reviewing stand, their rigid right arms shoot up to the roar of:
HIGH HEELS!

If any woman's shoe company ran a commercial like that, there would be snipers shooting into their offices from all the nearby buildings and trees.

"Hypocrisy is the compliment vice pays to virtue."
Christopher Hitchens

登山客遇大雨，不知道怎麼辦，害搜索隊費心血、體力、時間去救。
登山客被救，一點感激之心都沒有，只罵氣象局報氣象不準。
我覺得奇怪。登山客不會抬頭看天嗎？為甚麼要聽氣象報告才知道梅雨季會下大雨？不懂梅雨季，看雲也看不懂，遇大雨不會應付，還好意思登山，奇也!!
下次就把他們留在上面好了。

I am having a new path put in from my gate to the front door. Yang, the landscaper, works indefatigably. The other night he finally called it a day when he ran out of cement at about 9. We sat under a tree, drinking tea and chatting. Mrs Yang, who comes along to help, saw that the wheelbarrow was blocking the dogs' path in and out. She moved it off to the side to allow them freer access.

A few minutes later, Yumin trotted up. He took two steps up that little path and froze in his tracks. He took up a fighting stance and started barking furiously. I said, "He's just putting on a show to remind us that he is watching out for our safety." He kept barking into the darkness with ferocity and determination. "There may be a wild dog out there," I ventured. Yumin obviously saw something, and was working himself into a frenzy to protect us at any cost. Yang said, "Maybe you'd better go see what it is.”

I picked up a flashlight. Yumin moved between me and the danger. He was determined to defend me from any suspicious moves made by that upturned wheelbarrow crouching in the darkness by the side of his path.

有一個獨生子嬌生慣養。資智、外貌、體能各方面平平，但因為他爸爸也是單傳，把他當心肝寶貝，孩子自大不恭。
這個孩子唸幼稚園大班的時候，有一天趁爸爸坐捷運上班，帶了爸爸的駕照到幼稚園炫燿，說他自己開車來上課，有駕照為證，甚至說他是宇宙裡面唯一會開不步的人，除了他之外，其它的駕照都是假的，相信是真的人會受到處罰。口沫橫飛，小班的小毛頭聽的一愣一愣的，還信以為真。大班的同學半信半疑。小一的學長，有幾個跟他掙，面紅耳赤，他就是堅持說是自己的駕照。小二、三的略懂事，早已看穿了，但又看他兇巴巴蠻橫的樣子，想，老師或家長遲早會修理他，不管了。大人看覺得好幼稚，很好笑。只有他老師比較擔心，這個孩子將來怎麼虛懷若谷、學習廣博知識，長成成熟穩重的人，對社會有貢獻、養育智慧呢?搖頭；小小的年紀就這樣，將來怎麼辦？

每次教徒跟我傳教的時候，這是我的感覺。還相信祂的那張駕照.....

FIGHT POLLUTION
The planet you save may be your own.

Last fall after heavy rains, the bridge connecting the houses across the river down the valley in Chengkung got washed away. The residents walked across the old suspension bridge while the authorities put in a temporary bridge for their cars.

After Chinese New Year we had a couple of weeks of heavy rain, and the temporary replacement bridge got washed out. A replacement replacement bridge was installed.

Monday night thunder and lightning brought torrential rains, and guess what? the temporary replacement replacement bridge was swept away. Now residents are waiting for a temporary replacement replacement replacement bridge.

I feel like a witness to performing art: The Dance of the Bridges, A Lesson in Impermanence.

The gods want those people to walk more.

today is 050505, and it is 5:55 .... 說有多無聊~~~~~

Hi, this is Yugan, writing on June 6, 2006. Did anybody actually come back here to see if I really made a note on 050505?

ha ha, made you look.

真無聊

You've gotta love the Brits

Here are some of the parties running in their election:
The New Millennial Bean Party
The Dungeons, Death, and Taxes Party
The Church of the Militant Elvis
The Short Fat Solicitor Party

I try to keep myself unsullied by ads, but sometimes they slip in on me. A Toyota ad tells me, “It will take you as far as your mind wants to go.”
That's wonderful. My mind wants to visit galaxies billions of light years away, to see the emergence of our continents from the sea eons ago, to watch the Himalayas powder into the sea. A car is going to take me there?
Do the advertisers take us for unimaginative idiots? Ok, I retract that question, the answer is too obvious.

It's been thirty years since North Viet Nam conquered the Republic of Viet Nam, but it remains to be seen who will be the final victor. Saigon is building up a vigorous economy while Hanoi remains mired in cement-brain dogma. Mark my words, some day the South will buy out the North, and it may not take too long, either.

This morning I watched five eagles soaring together over the mountains. They gather only at this time of the year. What a treat, to watch these magnificent birds circling and towering against a soft blue sky over rich green peaks.

無論支持誰，當作佈棋來分析，不得不承認，連戰大陸行這招實在漂亮。
陳水扁上國際新聞版時，除了319鬧劇外，只有夜郎自大，惹事生非。呂副總統潑婦罵街，唯恐天下不亂。台獨人士拜靖國神社，得意洋洋丟人海外。立委似乎只會打架。臺灣政壇聞名國際，如此而已，在國際輿論，唯有連戰設法解決問題(儘管這可能是陳連演黑臉白臉戲)。

明 張鼐 與姜箴勝門人
諦觀年來士大夫風尚愈趨愈下。鰓鰓惟異己者是除，私人是引。楚人為楚人出缺，秦人為秦人營遷；不論官方，不談才品。目中豈復有君父，而堪以服天下，挽世運乎?

像不像臺灣目前政壇?

若人欲了知自性，探痛究本。

It is a little known fact that Francis Scott Key was accompanied on his historic mission by his close Hispanic friend Jose, who was very short and extremely nearsighted. As he watched the bombardment of Ft McHenry, Key was concerned that his dear friend might not be able to witness the fighting, whereupon he uttered those immortal words:
Jose, can you see?

Stand back! Give me space, ladies and gentlemen, for I am about to make a contribution to the English language!
I have just finished eating one of those delicious banana + mango hybrids. As I was musing on the predicament that there is no name for them in English, inspiration struck! Bango!

While I'm at it, allow me to express my extreme dissatisfaction with the authorities at the MRT, Taipei's subway. I refer to the blue line, the 板南 Bannan Line. Anybody with the least bit of sense would know that that should be the YELLOW line. Who ever saw a blue Banana?

I mean, the fruit can be called a bango. Bango was not the sound of inspiration striking. The sound of inspiration striking is 昆陽昆陽昆陽.

On my way to the bus stop I passed three little first grade boys trying out two sets of roller blades. They had scrapes on their elbows and foreheads to attest to their progress. As I walked by, they called out, “Yugan! Where are you going?”
”To class. Do you know how to stop once you get going?”
“No.”
“Be careful, or else your parents will have to go down to the plains to find you.”
“Yugan, where are your dogs?”
“They are watching the house for me.”
“Yugan, when will you come back?”
“Tonight, after class.” I called out in English, “Be careful and have fun,” and kept going. I heard one of the boys exclaiming, “Yugan can speak English!”
“Really?”
“Yes, he just said something in English.”
They called after me, “Yugan, can you speak English?”
I said (in English), still going down to the bus “Of course, it's my native language.”
A voice drifted down, almost out of earshot ~ “I laaaaah byoooo!” Showing off his English: I love you. (don't get too sentimental. He probably has no idea what it means, beyond being English.)
Kids here know I'm different. They try to figure out why my eyes are different from anybody else in Wulai's, but they've seen me here all their lives, so they just accept that Yugan-with-the-dogs is a friend of my parents, our neighbor, a different sort of Tayal, that's all. Kids accept. It's only later that they learn to differentiate.

Golden Rule
Them that has the gold makes the rules.
~anonymous
金科玉律：金玉滿堂之家，治科定律。

一剎那三世
人生剎那剎那過。每剎那所見、所想、所決定、所選擇，含三世：過去、現在、未來。過去的經驗、習氣，決定如何面對當下、如何處理眼前事物、如何看待、如何反應。而每一剎那的處置，帶入未來，影響將來。故云，點點滴滴造成習慣，習慣造成個性，個性造成命運。
墨子說，未來不期，已過不留。
有人一生沒有活過。懵懵懂懂過日子，眼下的人生，從來沒有用心處理過。心在過去與未來中，但實際上從來沒有活過。馬馬虎虎過一生，行尸走肉，只是還有一口氣在時，沒封棺而已。

Have you ever noticed how casually smokers flick their butts on the ground wherever they are? In their hearts, to smokers our beautiful earth is nothing but an ashtray.

Somebody said, “The truly educated never graduate.”

I don't see it. The imbeciles in the Taiwan independence movement have made fools of themselves by worshipping at the Yasukuni Shrine in Tokyo, dedicated to all Japanese imperial soldiers who gave their lives in the fight against freedom, democracy, and human rights.
Have they considered how this might go over with ol' Dubya, the current president of the US? I quote from the White House biography of his father, George H W Bush, 41st President of the US.
The youngest pilot in the Navy when he received his wings, he flew 58 combat missions during World War II. On one mission over the Pacific as a torpedo bomber pilot he was shot down by Japanese antiaircraft fire and was rescued from the water by a U. S. submarine.
Do they expect that they will win points with Our Revered Leader by worshipping at the shrine of the guys who tried to kill his father? Saddam didn't even aim a gun at Dubya's daddy, and look what happened to him!

Let's Go Hiking!
I've got news for the experts, the ones who say there are 22 species of poisonous snakes in Taiwan. Make that 23. Recently someone caught a cobra in the mountains near the city (碧潭山), about two meters long, thicker than my bicep. Problem is, it wasn't our usual cobra (naja naja atra). It evidently came in from Southeast Asia in a load of logs.

God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.
~Anonymous

長久以來，我感覺到我認識的男人中，越是熱中台獨，越可能是大男人主義；說要台灣獨立，但是不准女性獨立:女人的存在，是為了要服務男人的。

台聯立委說抗戰期慰安婦是自願的、樂在其中的，這不僅是對慰安婦莫大的侮辱，而是對所有女性，甚至所有的人的人格的欺辱。我們為甚麼要忍受這種靈魂污染？民主是為了讓大官污衊我們的心靈嗎?

Thirty years ago, when discussion on the topic was forbidden, I noticed that the only people who were in favor of Taiwan independence were the landlords, the rich people who had lost their peasants when the KMT gave the land to the farmers. The landlords were reimbursed for their land, so they became wealthy, but they had lost their power, and Taiwan independence was a way for them to regain their dominance. In those days, the little guy was happy with the KMT, because he was able to buy shoes for his kids, and they had a better future ahead than toiling in the paddies and banana plantations for the landlords. The landlords never forgave the KMT, and poured money into opposition.

Since it became a hot topic, I have noticed that the more a man is in favor of independence, the more likely he is to be a male chauvinist who longs for the good old days when children obeyed their fathers and women obeyed their sons, husbands, and fathers.

During World War II, the Japanese, male chauvinists par excellence, dragged women from captive territories, mostly Korean and some from Taiwan, to serve as prostitutes for the imperial soldiers. They were euphemistically called comfort women.

Taiwan Independence leaders recently caused a furor by making a pilgrimage to worship at Japan's Yasukuni Shrine, the shrine to all Japanese soldiers who died fighting for imperialism, colonialism, fascism, aggression, and against democracy and human rights. Japan's actions during World War II were discussed. A Taiwan Independence legislator defended Japanese disregard for common decency by announcing that the comfort women from Taiwan went willingly and happily.

I rest my case.

台聯在日本靖國神社奴顏婢膝的表現，令人感覺他們真正的心願，不是臺灣獨立，而是希望臺灣又可以作為日本的殖民地、再一次享受作次等國民的滋味。

無恥。

Conversations you don't want to hear

I had errands to run near 師大/NTNU, so I stopped in the 仁X自助餐 X Cafeteria(All you Can Eat for 69NT). The lady behind the counter and a fat man (who looked a bit unbalanced) were screaming at each other.
Why don't you serve the food I want to eat?
I told you not to come back, why are you here again?
Because I want to see if you made the dishes I want!
I told you not to come back!
Her son, about 7, was walking back and forth between the tables bouncing a basketball. Her other son, just old enough to walk, was amusing himself by throwing chopsticks on the floor, which his mother patiently retrieved, as she continued her screaming match.
Regretting my choice of cafeterias, I chose a seat as far away from the counter as I could, right outside the kitchen. Between the shouting, I could hear the kitchen staff exclaiming:
Rat! Rat!
Go away, don't come over.
Hand me the lettuce.
When are you going to cook something I like to eat?
Rat! Rat!
Stay away! Stay away from me!
I don't want to see you here again!
Don't let it climb up onto the counter ~~ bang bang bang ~~ get it off the counter!
Look, there's another one.
Go away!
Just take your lunch and eat at home, don't come here anymore!
Have you washed the squash?
The rat left.
Which one?
The one that ran across the counter.
Oh, because there's still one under the sink.
Hand me the hot pepper.
Rat, rat!
What kind of food do you serve? Why don't you serve the food I like?
Is it the same one?
Just go home!
I'm not sure. Where are the tomatoes?
Rat, rat!
Another one?
Yes, look over there.
You're right.
Don't slam the door when you leave!
Why shouldn't I? Your food is all cold!
Is it still under the sink?
I told you to stay off the counter! ~~ bang bang bang ~~ Go away!

Fortunately, it is a vegetarian cafeteria, so I didn't have to worry about the ingredients of my lunch. Having paid my 69NT, I was entitled to go back for seconds, but the ambience was so overpowering that I bolted my food and bolted.

Better than April Fool's

From an article I am editing:
The American flag is sometimes called “Starts and strips.”

臺灣的可愛，不按牌理出牌。

晨晚有課，下午沒事，吃了午餐到天母，想要揩茶，茶主不在，揩不成，沿天母溪往回走。剛走過振興醫院，看到步道邊雜草中坐著一頭鋸角黃牛。居然有人在台北市養黃牛 ~~ 我猜是養在陽台上，不是養在客廳(因為如果養在客廳，會擋電視的視線)。萬一小偷闖門而入，這個比看門狗更有嚇唬效果吧。不咬人，小心牠踩你一腳就是了。

好啦，都市裡遇到黃牛，就蹲下打招呼：放牛吃草，今天下午我有認同感。我打招呼，牠不理我，繼續吃牠的草。我給牠念佛。頓時牠草不吃了，低下頭聽佛號，不多時便掉眼淚：牠聽懂了。唸了一回，又有散步的人來看都市黃牛。我默默地叮嚀牠不要再來輪迴，往下一個揩茶目標去了。

大家可以放心了，阿公阿媽上了街頭抗議反分裂法，中共一定害怕的不得了，高幹都跑回家躲到床底下，不敢出來。

昨日台北街頭上的遊行浩稱百萬人，我懷疑。我中午進台北，反方向的人潮多，來烏來的人排長龍，往市區的人沒有比平常多。聚、散一百萬人需要一段時間，但是一點多，街上人似乎沒那麼多，六點都散的差不多了。有人說三十萬人，這有可能。三十萬人，一台遊覽車擠五十個，也有六千台遊覽車。有那麼多嗎?

絕沒有一百萬人遊行，但在大陸的台商，確有一百萬人。換言之，臺灣總人口，二十個人當中就有一個在大陸工作。他們如果突然失去目前工作，臺灣經濟立斃。政客空談獨立，商族容許砸飯碗嗎?

依我目測解散的民眾，大約八、九成以上為退休年齡的人，絕大多數從中南部來。有免費的台北半日遊、有便當、還送帽子T-shirt等等，在家裡閒著也是閒著，何樂而不為? 說不定還可以上電視。

似乎從來沒有聽說過有元首參加遊行示威；陳水扁可能是第一個。遊行中，有五百個憲兵作'人牆'保護他，有狙擊手，還有機關槍，為了保障他個人安全。另外有兩萬名警察維持秩序，公帑耗費龐大，真的有這個必要嗎? 沒有人認為這個活動有任何實際功效(除了造福攤販、旗幟帽衣、遊覽車、便當業者)。或許是扁宋會惹火了極右派(台聯、獨派等)，執政者必須演這齣戲，不然李登輝他老人家會生氣。

還好沒出事。消防隊員依他們的『自由意願』參加﹝翻成白話，上司為了討好上級都參加，你還想留在家裏陪妻子兒女嗎?﹞，所幸沒有發生火災，不然誰救?愛護臺灣時，不許愛護民宅。

有很多人傳反共傳單，這非常有趣。反共的頭號代表人物，蔣中正是也。縱然反共情緒那麼的激昂，為何不提出蔣公呢？ 支吾、支吾，這個嘛，啊，啊，這個真難為情…極右派說愛臺灣，不如說是反蔣。

實際問題根本不是反共，而是李登輝想當太皇國父老爺。陳水扁縱使沒有他自己想像的聰明，但也沒有笨到認為臺灣可能獨立。拿出反共的口號，指不過是障眼法，混淆視聽，騙老百姓而已。

You can't help suspecting there’s a lot going on behind the scenes. Shortly after voters in Taiwan repudiated the Taiwan independence movement's candidates, the PRC started getting worked up about their Anti-Secession Act. Can they be that stupid? I wonder.

Response to the Anti-Secession Act in Taiwan has been vocal and highly publicized. Several college students fearlessly pricked their thumbs with pins to squeeze out enough blood to sign their names in protest. Tactless reporters' awkward questions revealed that the students didn't really know what the Act is about, but They Love Taiwan (in Taiwan's current political climate, all asinine schemes, idiotic decisions, and half-wit plans are wildly applauded if they are presented under the banner of We Love Taiwan).

To protest the Act, a march was called, although I cannot figure out what good it was supposed to do. Maybe they thought that if they snarl up traffic in Taipei, the leaders in Beijing would tell their billion people, "We've decided we don't want to recover Taiwan after all.”

The planners of the march called for a million people, but I would guess the actual number of marchers was nowhere near even half that. I had to teach downtown, near the President's Office where the marchers converged: my class coincided with the march. The subway in to the city had no more people than it usually does at that time; rather, there were hordes of people leaving the city to enjoy a sunny day in a rainy spring. Long lines waited for the bus to Wulai. Attendance in my classes were normal, both during and after the march. None of our students were passing out leaflets or showed any sign of interest in the march. Embarrassment would be the word.

The president joined the march, protected by a human wall of five hundred military police, snipers, and machine gunners. (I have never heard of any president joining a protest march, but that's one of the things I love about Taiwan: things don't happen according to ordinary logic.) Most of the marchers were retired folk, bussed in from the countryside for the afternoon. They got free rides to Taipei in comfortable air conditioned buses, boxed lunches, hats, and other paraphernalia. There were very few young or middle aged people. A friend on the route of the march saw a total of two (2) foreigners. The whole affair was a pointless waste of tax money, staged for the far right, the overseas Taiwan independence people who love Taiwan from Houston, Diamond Bar, and Oklahoma City. Fortunately, after the march it took only about an hour for the marchers’ buses to clear out of Taipei (another clue that indicates to me that there were nowhere near the million marchers the government claims), so we didn't suffer much. Just our dignity.

Did you march in the parade?
戰國策 (燕一)
善為事者，先量其國之大小，而揆其兵之強弱，故功可成而名可立也。不能為事者，不先量其國之大小，不揆其兵之強弱，故功不可成而名不可立也。

Today is 花朝節
古人以二月十二日為 花朝節 即百花的生日
This is a nice tradition that is worth reviving.

This was written by Lloyd Chen 陳洛沂; thanks for permitting me to post this.
之一
台灣首富郭台銘的夫人乳癌去世, 才 55 歲.
郭老闆壓力絕對比郭夫人大吧...? 沒得解釋. 醫學還有太多無施力處...
唉, 郭老闆身價快一千億, 再多的財富, 也無法救他老婆一命.
我想, 若能用一兩百億換他夫人一命, 他會毫不考慮.

人生真奇怪, 奇怪的來, 莫名其妙的走.
來去都不是我們能決定.

我們也只能好好感受當下,
在開幕與謝幕間, 希望演出精彩.

之二
報載因為郭老闆之故, 台大醫院「破例」為郭夫人組一個跨醫院的醫療團隊. 錢不是問題.
........
只是感慨, 若非900 億的財富, 如何突顯出生命的美麗與哀愁...?
每天不知有多少人英年早逝? 又有誰關心過...
強烈的諷刺與冰冷的警醒.
忽然覺得時間是很寶貴、很寶貴的...
過客般的人生, 生命的脆弱與無常, 讓人不禁仰天長笑(嘯)!
哈哈

With great pride and pleasure I announce that I have secured from Zona permission to release, for the first time ever, the results of her momentous textual study of Hamlet. Meticulous textual research and painstaking examination with X-ray, infrared, ultraviolet, CAT, and MP3 imaging have revealed the truth behind Hamlet's famous soliloquy. It appears that in Shakespeare's original version, Hamlet's well-known vacillation and indecisiveness were caused mainly by a weak bladder (toilet humor being highly appreciated by the down-to-earth Elizabethans). At the time of this noted speech, Hamlet had been sharing beers with Polonius and Horatio, but the urinal was locked. Hamlet came to a dark wall in a deserted corner of the castle and uttered those famous, but later misinterpreted lines:
To pee or not to pee, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in mind to suffer
The stinks and airs of outrageous fart-tune ~~~~

Showdown
Wakes are very important to the Tayal. They are a time to get together, to mourn, chat, air grievances, make suggestions, affirm and negotiate bonds, socialize, work out problems, and build solidarity.

Saturday night was cold, near freezing when I got back to Wulai not long before midnight. There was a wake in progress. I joined a group of men sitting around a fire. I sat on a log and held my palms to the fire. Across the fire was Y, about 30, pretty well drunk. D came and sat on a chair behind me. D is about 45, rumored to have underworld connections. Both men are strong and tough.
Y called out D's name. D looked at him mildly. Y roared out his name again. D said, “Hello Y.”
Y hollered, "D! Do you know what you are?" D looked at him across the fire. "D! I'll tell you! You are a drunkard! That's what you are, you are a drunkard!" Everybody around the fire quieted down.
D stayed in his seat, but his tone was ominous. "What did you call me?"
"I called you a DRUNKARD!”
"Say that again! You say that again!" D's voice was rising. Everybody else was silent. The only other sound was the fire.
"You say one more sentence, Y, and you see what happens!" Y was defiant but kept his mouth shut.
"You say ONE MORE SENTENCE, Y, you just say ONE MORE SENTENCE! You know what will happen if you call me a drunkard?” D paused dramatically, and said,
"I'll go home and get drunk."

這個年代的好處是，大官玩的，百姓也可以玩的。當然，條件不一樣；除非練拳，就沒有像立委有那麼多機會拳打腳踢，道館裡不准甩杯子。但是原則上，州官可以放火，現代民主老百姓也可以放火，平等平等。

因此，我最近在想，大官想宣布獨立當國父，那麼我由紺又何不宣布獨立、當起國父呢? 臺灣，把它當『國家』已經小的可憐，我就把我家這塊地當成『斌司各弩司人民專制獨立永遠歡樂大國』，以突顯臺灣之大(相對的)。我身兼數職；國父、偉大領袖、終生絕對獨裁、國民、工友。忠臣Tlahuy當宰相、國防部長，Yumin任新聞局長。其他如下；
本國國號:斌司各弩司人民專制獨立永遠歡樂大國：The Great Independent People's Eternally Happy Dictatorship of Pinsknus
本國國民: 46億口；一人、二狗、許多田鼠鼴鼠尖鼠、若干冬眠蛇、數百甲蟲、幾千蚊子與孓孑、多萬蚯蚓，其餘為微生物。以上為定居戶；流動戶為鳥、蝴蝶、松鼠、飛屬、蝙蝠、螃蟹、烏龜等。
本國國旗：等邊七角形，各角外掛月桃包的紅糯米飯糰；旗面為紅、綠、紫直條文，上有藍、黃斑點；中間畫有標準形宜興紫砂茶壺一把，壺內有青餅普洱茶。以上為秋冬國旗。春夏國旗是圓面金色，上題四紅字: 招財進寶。國軍旌旗；長方形白色，無圖。
本國官方語言:泰雅語、國語、英語、塞爾維亞語，但尊重一切境內國民的語言， 只要不超出泰雅語、國語、英語、塞爾維亞語之外。嚴禁Tamil語。
本國國歌:對欣然服從偉大領袖。
曲: 同 “祝你生日快樂”
詞:　我服從領袖、
絕對服從領袖、
欣然服從領袖、
我服從領袖！
本國面積:　207坪。
本國地理位置:國防秘密，不可洩漏。
本國史地：本國原屬亞熱帶雨林，原始國民為kuy, mku, kumay, batung, batung naxut, yabic, qniq (sibekay, tkrat, byahoq, sliq, kaweh, zyut, gwari), bagun, bisu, ngarux, bzoq, mit, bara等。後經泰雅前輩墾為梯田，有水牛。後廢耕，值本 國父來居住， kneiring laga, talah la, 于甲申年冬至獨立為斌司各弩司人民專制獨立永遠歡樂大國,一切諸天大眾、天龍八部、人非人等歡喜踴躍，天女散花。
本國交通、郵政、貨幣：本國沒有交通、郵政、貨幣。
本國法律：目前只有兩條：第一；絕對服從偉大的領袖（國父&工友）。第二，唱卡拉ok判唯一死刑。　

如何？　煞有其事吧！經美國Pentagon國防部war game專司的模擬，如果斌司各弩司宣布獨立的話，中華民國海軍陸戰隊與中華人民共合國人民解放軍將聯手用武力收復國土，但因為斌司各弩司國土太小，位置又是秘密，連gps也找不到，到最後胡錦濤與陳水扁因為打不過，只好投降，俯首稱臣….. 算了，跟那些政治人物搞在一起，謝了，我由紺才不幹!! 我看，不要獨立好了，還是過著清閒悠哉的日子比較好。　

唯一的問題是，已經訂好的國旗，該怎麼處理?

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND
I wrote this in 1984.
He didn't realize what he was buying, just as the store owner didn't realize what he was selling. By an incredible stroke of luck, Frank, the infinite skeptic, while poking through a small Iraqi junk store, bought Aladdin's original lamp.

He found out, though, at the hotel that evening, when he polished the lantern. A huge, rolling billow of smoke poured out of the lantern. A genie attired in green turban, red vest, and yellow silk pants stepped out of the clouds and bowed to the awestruck Frank.

"I am the genie of the lantern," the genie rumbled. “Tell me what you desire. Your wish is my command."

Frank, dumbfounded, found his tongue at last. He whispered, "Well, I'll be damned!”

Poof.

恍然beagle者
悟了! 為甚麼Yumin那麼愛亂跑? 當然部分是因為他是純種皮狗，但我終於了悟了，他的名子也有關係。 Yumin是泰雅名，是紀念乾爸Dali Watan的叔叔，大獵人Yumin而取的，字是茄苳的意思，很多泰雅取這個名子。
可是Yumin用漢人口音，音偕『遊民』…. 難怪!!!

起碼，沒甚麼業障吧

Does the administration take us for fools?

Last year's presidential race between the incumbent Chen-Lu ticket versus Lien-Sung was closely contested and highly suspicious. An intensifying scandal threatened to give the election to Lien-Sung. The day before the election, a ludicrous assassination attempt brought in sympathy votes. Chen and Lu were standing in the back of a jeep; a bullet allegedly entered through the windshield, although the security agent in the front seat did not notice it; the bullet scratched Chen's stomach lightly, hit Lu in the knee, and rebounded into Chen's suit pocket (I forget the details: not worth remembering), and it all happened so suddenly they didn't even realize they had been shot until Chen noticed blood (or ketchup) on his shirt. Tell me you've been shot in the knee and you don't even notice.

The armed forces by and large back Lien-Sung; an alert on election day confined men to their bases, nullifying their votes. There was a suspiciously high number of invalidated ballots, something like ten times the normal rate. Chen and Lu won the election by 28,000 votes (the population of Taiwan is about 23 million). There were many other irregularities. People demanded explanations.

The administration now has announced that they have found the shooter, a year after the event. They claim the assassination attempt was the work of a certain man who committed suicide by drowning, and confessed all in a suicide note which his family burned, so sorry, you can't see that either.

Unfortunately, the family of the deceased has denied the government's allegations. They claim that the man committed suicide because of mounting debts, and that he had nothing to do with the so-called assassination attempt. The administration wants the family to apologize.

But oh yes, we believe you! We believe you! Just like we believe bullets can do fancy gymnastics and end up in your pocket. We believe because we know how much the administration cares for us and extends a helping hand to the poor and the disadvantaged, just like after last year's landslides when they insulted the victims.

There are few lepers in Taiwan, but there are some. For decades their community has been sheltered in a sanatorium in a suburb of Taipei. The Subway is spreading out there, and wants that land for a terminal, so the administration plans to knock down the sanatorium, scatter the lepers, and put them in hospitals around Taiwan. The lepers say they do not need hospitals, they need fresh air and freedom from exertion to keep their health. They have begged the administration to let them stay together, to keep their community whole, but point out that they have difficulty supporting themselves: if possible, they would prefer to stay where they are, since their sanatorium is a historical building. Enter Vice President Lu Hsiu-Lien, that soul of sympathy and concern for the disadvantaged. They pled with her, and she responded, "What makes you think you can afford to reimburse us for the subway?"

Nothing like a little sympathy for the unfortunate. But that's only a couple dozen votes, so who cares?

At least they don't call it compassionate conservatism.

Did you know? One third of the world's saxophones are made in Taiwan. President Clinton has a custom saxophone handmade in Taiwan, and on his recent visit, he was presented with another, specially inscribed with a quote from Dr Martin Luther King.

And the saxophone said, Waa waaa waaahhhh ~~~~

This is what I call real literature, probing the innermost recesses of the soul, seeking the ultimate truth of human existence: from Riptide, by Catherine Coulter:

The sheriff left after an hour, a chocolate chip cookie in his hand. Adam knew it was chocolate chip. He could smell the chocolate from twenty yards and was salivating.

Author! Author!

聽天由命
If the last weeks of rain have not moistened the soil sufficiently, it will never be moist. With that thought in mind, I placed various wildflower seeds I had collected in a bowl, and, pondering where to scatter them, headed for the front gate.

I proved the validity of my constant warning to guests, to watch out for the second step down, that it may be slippery when it is wet. My feet shot out from underneath me so briskly that I was carried free of the steps and plummeted down the side. Fortunately, it is only a couple meters, and fortunately, the bowl did not get cracked, but when I stopped, I discovered that the question of where to sow the wildflower seeds had been resolved.

If all goes well, before long I will have a streak of wildflowers growing below the steps.

十分無聊
來母、泥母、娘母字(換言之，ㄌ、ㄋ開頭的字)有一個奇怪的特點：可以接各種介音、尾音. 例如，ㄇ可以接ㄢ、一ㄢ、ㄡ、一ㄡ (慢、面、某、謬), 但國字沒有ㄇㄩ音；ㄈ可接ㄢ但不能接一ㄢ等等：其實，國語音很有限。只有來母、泥母、娘母甚麼都可以接:哪、訥、乃、內、腦、耨、南、嫩、囊、能、倪、捏、鳥、牛、年、您、娘、寧、奴、娜、農、女、虐；拉、樂、來、雷、勞、樓、嵐、郎、冷、裡、倆、列、撩、留、連、林、梁、零、爐、羅、巒、倫、隆、閭、略、淋、攣。　
夠無聊吧　
但是為甚唯獨來母、泥母、娘母變化那麼多呢？

惠澂 came today, to give me five 紅豆杉fir saplings. He has dozens. I planted some last year, gave some to friends, and wanted more, so today he brought me five more. I planted three as soon as he left. At least it was only drizzling by then.

The other two firs I am holding for Qalux, who wants to plant them by his new house, but as he has not even begun construction, I decided to put them in larger pots for the time being. To top off the pots, I went to the irrigation ditch to dredge up some sludge. In the ditch I found a nice large turtle. Its shell is somewhat larger than a sheet of A4 paper. I was holding it and admiring its healthy, shiny shell, bright eyes, and red neck markings, when Yumin pranced over to see what I was up to. I held the turtle to him so he could have a look, too. He was puzzled. Then the turtle, from inside its shell, opened its mouth. You could practically hear Yumin exclaim "Gadzooks! It lives and breathes!" He was astonished, and went into his unknown-prey mode, which attracted Tlahuy. I soothed the turtle and lightly placed it back in the water. Tlahuy and Yumin watched in puzzlement. Yumin seemed to be telling Tlahuy, "No, it's not a rock, it opened its mouth, really!"

Sigh
明 李流芳 遊虎丘小記
虎丘，中秋遊者尤盛。士女傾城而往，笙歌笑語，填山沸林，終夜不絕，遂使虎丘化為酒場，穢雜可恨。予初十日到郡，連夜遊虎丘，月色甚美，遊人尚稀，風亭月榭間，以紅粉笙歌一兩隊點綴，亦復不惡，然終不若山空人靜，獨往會心。

對手
一個小女生家裏吃蛋糕。吃完蛋糕的時候，媽媽把買蛋糕附送的塑膠刀丟進垃圾桶，叫小女生拿去丟掉。等垃圾車的時候，小女生發現了那把刀，她從來沒看過那麼利的刀子，就偷偷地留起來了，當作利器。巷口有一棵茁壯的九芎，小女生聽過爸爸說九芎的木頭很硬。她拿著她的塑膠刀對九芎說，”這個很利，你害怕了吧!”

beagle days
Intuition develops. Without knowing why, I suddenly walked over to the back door and looked out onto the back porch. Yumin was very quietly pulling the hose out of the bucket I keep full of water for them to drink. “YUMIN!” I shouted. He flinched so heartily that his ears flew up. Without looking back at me, he dropped the hose and very softly, very deliberately walked about two meters away from the bucket, where he sat down primly, still not looking at me. He sat for a moment, and then spotted an imaginary intruder. He leapt to his feet, and barking and howling, charged off into the bamboo.

This is a true story. I have not invented a word of this.

In the early 80s, two wives in a small village in Hualien, on the eastern coast of Taiwan, were pregnant at the same time. The couples were such good friends that, following an ancient Chinese tradition, the parents 指腹為婚 agreed that if they had one boy and one girl, they would marry each other. Sure enough, in 1982 a boy, Chan, and a girl, Wenhui were born, and raised with the expectations that one day they would get married.

In 1986, when the children were about 4, an earthquake of such power struck Hualien that the village was buried. Chan threw himself on top of Wenhui to protect her, but rescuers dug out both unconscious and severely wounded, but still alive. Chan was sent down the coast to a hospital in Taitung; Wenhui's injuries were more serious, so she was sent to Taipei.

When Chan regained consciousness, the nurse told him that the entire village had been destroyed, including his parents: he was the only survivor. He was adopted by new parents, given a new name, and began life again. He didn't believe he was the only survivor. He felt, deep in his bones, that Wenhui was still alive. He had no way to find her. When he entered high school, he searched the lists of new high school students in Hualien, but did not see Wenhui's name.

When Wenhui regained consciousness, the nurse told her that the entire village had been destroyed: she was the only survivor, but fortunately her parents had been away, on the other side of Taiwan. The lucky family was reunited. They began life again, but stayed in Taipei, where Wenhui went to high school.

During the eleventh grade, both Chan and Wenhui chose to attend the same summer camp, because of its theme of herbal medicine. Eight hundred high school students were in the camp, so they were divided into groups of eight. Chan and Wenhui were in the same group. They hit it off immediately, even before they knew each other's names. Wenhui is a pretty common name, so Chan wasn't sure if it was his Wenhui. With his new name, Wenhui did not recognize Chan.

A skit was planned, in which Chan and Wenhui were chosen to perform as boyfriend and girlfriend. During the rehearsal, the girlfriend was supposed to tie an apron on her boyfriend, so Wenhui tied Chan's apron on, with the exact some movement and tie she had used when they had gone to kindergarten together. Chan knew immediately that, beyond a doubt, this was his Wenhui, so he said, "Wenhui, don't you recognize me?" Violins and roses, and they have been together ever since, through college and beyond.

For Valentine's Day, Chan gave Wenhui a yellow rock. When they were three, Wenhui had plucked it from the stream and given it to Chan. He has treasured it ever since.

問: 檳榔西施英文怎麼說?
答: 美國連檳榔都沒有，哪有檳榔西施？如果一定要翻，可以翻成betel beauty 吧.
問：Betel beauty？太抬舉。
答：那麼betel beetle 如何？

學佛的美國人不多，所以時常有人鼓勵我開『佛學英語』課。對這種建議，一直存疑。

何謂佛學英語?中翻英，最令譯者死不暝目，莫過於佛書。東西觀念差異之大，是一個問題。佛法基于「緣起性空」；其中只有「起」字勉強可以翻譯成英文。加上佛法眾多名相是梵音，從「南無」到「阿耨多羅三藐三菩提」，如何翻成「英文」？

講這些的前提是，上佛學英文的學子，英文已經流俐，說聽寫讀能力已到美國大學程度。既然如此，還是很吃力。若要加強語文能力，學外文不如把中文學的透徹一點（透徹、徹悟，不是「水清」的澈）。佛經的中文很深，夠你去研究。不要說研究，字音正確就很好了。我們最常念的彌陀經，從頭到尾念對的佛子並不多。

問題很多。有人受內地口音影響，把般若的若念ㄖㄟˇ，因為來台法師，有的不會念ㄖㄜˇ（車、蛇念ㄔㄟ、ㄕㄟˊ）。
很多佛弟子該破音時不破，不必變音時很刻意變。解字，廣韻蟹韻，胡買切、曉也；同韻又佳買切、講也說也脫也散也（又出卦韻古隘切除也、同韻胡懈切曲解）。依此，解脫的解念ㄐ一ㄝˇ才對，但很多佛弟子很用心念錯，讀ㄒ一ㄝˋ。何必？
（案：字書韻書不詳處，可訪民語。各方言將了解的解讀g見母，無hㄒ例）

該區別就不區別。供養的養讀三聲、四聲，差很多。論語為政:子游問孝，子曰，今之孝者是謂能養(一ㄤˋ)，至於犬馬，皆能有養(一ㄤˇ)，不敬，何以別乎? 廣韻養韻(上聲)，餘兩切，育也樂也飾也。又漾韻(去聲)，餘亮切，供養。晚輩奉養長輩的養應讀四聲，養畜生的養才讀三聲。很多人偏念ㄒ一ㄝˋ脫、供一ㄤˇ。

土，他魯切，ㄊㄨˇ，夠簡單吧，但也有人硬念ㄉㄨˇ。也許是依據土的另一音；廣韻姥韻、徒古切、土田地主也、本音吐。(此反切幾不見經傳)。第一，徒古切音ㄉㄨˋ，不是ㄉㄨˇ(徒，定扭，全濁)。第二，很明顯本音ㄊㄨˇ，不須牽強讀癖音。第三，把『地主』音用於淨土、佛土，十分不妥。
為甚麼那麼用心念錯呢?可能是未了標誌內行、與眾不同、得到他人不及的祕傳。可能吧。用心念錯不如用心修行。

這是華語問題，至於英語呢，如果一般英語還不熟，何必強求『佛學英語』?

佛重心法。拈花微笑時，釋迦說哪一種語言?在美國弘法多年的宣化上人，英文不大會，洋弟子一群一群來。不是為了他的語文能力，而是因為他有修行。眾人自然服膺威德。

但由此可看出台灣佛教界的一個問題:一頭熱。很多佛子太熱心，有甚麼就抓甚麼，不深思熟慮。你會開車好發個心幫師父開車，你會煮飯好發個心幫師父煮飯，你會雕刻好發個心我們開個佛像雕刻班，你會做麵包好發個心我們開個佛教麵包班。

熱心、發心固然好，但重點還是那個『心』字。一切起心動念觀察的清清楚楚才要緊。太投入外在活動往往是逃避內在乾坤。加上，佛法畢竟不是我執重的宗教，我們不強迫世人接受我們的教義，我們不必向全世界的人佈道說，只有我們對，其他人都錯。佛度有緣人。

更何況，你學英語渡誰？你以為西洋人有那麼好渡嗎?宣化上人的經驗談是:
＂登天難　也不難
教公雞生蛋　也不難
教美國人學佛法　真是難！＂
憑你幾句英文，一點修行，就能弘法？連釋迦在這裡傳此難信之法，是為甚難！不如實實在在地修行，一旦有成就，弟子自己上門，不勞你學英文，也不勞我開班。

一個便秘的人，你不能說他沒有東西，因為他確實滿滿的；不能說他沒內涵，因為他裡面真的很充實。問題是，裡面的東西…..

You learn something every day.

I have a friend named Tohuy. I had thought that was a variation of thuy, fat, but it turns out that the Tayal name Tohuy comes from the Chinese 土匪 tufei, bandit.

Well, if you don't want to name your son Bandit, you could always name him after my neighbor Putaq. Putaq means vomit, barf.

No, I don't know why his parents named him that, but it's a pretty common name.

It's finally here

Happy new year to one and all!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
到彼岸. 阿彌陀佛.

Thank heavens, the Monkey year is just about over.
I decided to spice lunch with the seeds of a flower that has bloomed, a fifteen minute walk through the jungle. I stuffed a plastic bag in my pocket, strapped on my laraw (番刀, headhunting knife), and headed out. Tlahuy rushed over as soon as I opened the door, but Yumin was making mischief in parts unknown. Shortly before we reached the flowers, Tlahuy suddenly tensed. His hackles rose and he growled at a thicket. I didn't see anything, but walked by very gingerly. I gathered my seeds and started home. We passed that thicket without incident, but twenty paces on, he suddenly started staring intently uphill. Now, there had been a dog or something, Tlahuy would have been on him immediately, but Tlahuy just stared uphill, his whole body tense. I noticed that the shrubbery had been pressed down by something large and heavy. As I stood there looking, something large and heavy moved in the bushes above us. I didn't see it clearly, but it was a boar, about the size of a golden retriever, which means it would weigh at least as much as me. It moved and sank deeper into the bushes, avoiding confrontation. What amuses me about the incident is how my laraw leapt into my hand the moment it moved. The scabbard is tight, to keep the knife from falling out in our rough terrain, but that laraw was ready in a nanosecond. I looked at my laraw with a puzzled smile ~ how did this get here?~, apologized to the boar, and turned homeward.

At breakfast, a woman asked her husband, “I suppose you know what day it is?” Her husband cringed internally, but told his wife, “Of course I know what day it is," thinking, omidog, I forgot our anniversary again! On his lunch break, he ordered flowers, chocolate, and a beautiful blouse to be sent to home immediately.
When he got home, his wife said, "Oh my, thank you for the gifts! Those make this the most memorable Groundhog's Day ever!”

And a happy one to you, too.

捷運上，一個三十幾歲的男的坐我旁邊，看起來是外勞，越南人吧。一坐下來就從外套口袋裡拿出一份用舊報紙包的東西，小心地打開，拿出了一張照片，一個穿ao dai (越南禮服)的婦女與兩個幼小的孩子，一站，兩站，到第三站才把照片放回舊報紙，收到口袋裡了。
要過年了。