I love satellite photos. Look, there we are, that little green island over on the left about to be engulfed by a typhoon that's even bigger and badder than Katrina, that's Taiwan. But this typhoon isn't coming, we had one the same size just the other day, thank you, so Japan gets this one.

Chances are you won't hear about either of these typhoons, because they don't cause that much damage. Partly because we get lots of typhoons, big and small, every summer, and partly because – okay, this is a novel idea, I admit, so prepare yourself – they don't build cities below sea level. Ha ha ha, isn't that something?

But even if these typhoons did devastate cities, how much looting would there be? I predict, the same as in the last several dozen typhoons, the same as after the tsunami which killed 230,000 people: zilch, nada, squat, none.

America, America, listen to a Sri Lankan, Sajeewa Chinthaka, 36: "After the tsunami our people, even the ones who lost everything, wanted to help the others who were suffering. Not a single tourist caught in the tsunami was mugged. Now with all this happening in the U.S. we can easily see where the civilized part of the world's population is."

It should surprise no-one that New Orleans, located below sea level, got flooded in a storm surge. It should surprise no-one that New Orleans, where they used to train military medics for battle because of the abundance of gunshot wounds, approaches anarchy. But has anybody commented on the irony of some of our troops being sent to Iraq to spread democracy through the gun barrel, while some of our troops are rushed to one of our own cities to reinstate social harmony with orders to shoot to kill? What a glorious example of democratic society for all those uncivilized Ay-rabs to emulate. But this is not a shining city on a hill; this is a sinister city in a morass.

Maybe we really should take a moment to ask where the American dream leads, before we force it on others.

Here is what St Eph wrote:
News reports forecasted that Katrina would be a Force 5 storm. It wasn't as big as expected, that's all I know, plus I'm up to here in every horrible thing the networks can drag out; dead bodies SLAP RADIO OFF! Please pass the tea?

Well doesn't that make me cold and unfeeling. We're supposed to grieve along with the anchor-person... buy the products in the commercial... be appalled at the horrors... listen to the next commercial... then we all change gears with the "on a lighter note" story.

Like what, that makes it all go away? That's cold and unfeeling! How long should we care about these people, stricken by catastrophe, every detail lovingly dredged up for public consumption (full face photo of relatives wailing in grief a plus)~ I think the punctuation there is a question mark~ the answer is, until the media drops it? Oh, until the fund-raiser is over?!

The National Guard is being deployed in New Orleans after recent duty in Iraq. Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco said "These troops are battle-tested. They have M-16s and are locked and loaded. These troops know how to shoot and kill and I expect they will."

The lower the barometer, the stronger the typhoon (or hurricane). The one that swept by a couple weeks ago was 980. Katrina, which devastated New Orleans, was 940. Talim, which we are now enjoying, is 925. So why aren't you being flooded with disaster reports from Taiwan?

Mostly because we get several typhoons every year, so anything that can be blown away, got blown away years ago. Typhoons are nature's way of keeping the land clean.

Poor Louisiana. They are doomed by generations of levees and decades of work by the Army Corps of Engineer. About six months ago I read a magazine article ~ Natural History, I think ~ that predicted exactly what has happened to New Orleans. It seems the entire state of Louisiana is disappearing beneath the waves, thanks to upstream flood control. Maybe we should use some of the money we are spending to buy enemies in Iraq to rebuild New Orleans on higher ground.

Doesn't it ever rain in New Orleans? I saw videos online of the wind and rain there, which look pretty much like a regular typhoon, and people were just walking through it as if they did not know how to deal with rain. Don't they have raincoats or umbrellas? If they need umbrellas, let me know, because I could probably arrange to ship half a million within two weeks.

Sure is a lot of news from the Gulf Coast. As cousin Steve said, 200,000 can drown in Bangladesh, and everybody shrugs. What's newsworthy about that? The bridge panic in Baghdad created a stir because the good ol’ U S of A has spent billions of dollars to grant those people the freedom to trample each other; otherwise, who would care? A biting scene in Karel Capek's War with the Newts (1936) describes an international conference on the flooding engulfing Germany and China, the Chinese delegate rises to plead for help, as millions of Chinese have already drowned. The other delegates all ignore him. All attention is focused on Germany, because people are used to disasters happening in places such as China, so they are not noteworthy.

In the meantime, the wind blows, the rain rains, and I drink tea, because my class this evening was postponed, ha ha!

Despite living most of her life in San Marino, Mildred considered the place barbaric.
--Jonathan Kellerman, Bily Straight

子曰，參乎，吾道一以貫之。曾子曰，唯。門人問曰，何謂也? 曾子曰，夫子之道，忠恕而已矣。
斯章多曲說。貫，阮元曰，「行也、事也…. 此言孔子之道，皆于行事見之，非徒以文學為教…. 猶言壹是皆以行事為教。」貫或訛訓串，失之。貫者，為也、習也。
又，曾子出，門人問曰，何謂也?或為曾參門徒，謬。夫子弟子以曾參最幼，師在焉敢授徒？門人，于論語指夫子門人，即曾驂師兄也。
或曰，門人問以求解，尤謬。驂也魯。曾子出，門人問曰，何謂也?是師兄考他，「喂，小魯蛋，老師教你甚麼？」意在看驂懂不懂老師的教誨，而非為己求解。

約莫民國六十六七八年，臺灣一個陶匠遠赴印尼，取了一袋印尼白陶土回來試作茶具，印記『奉華』。我猶藏一茶砵。茶盉，說實在，普通而已，早已送人去了。
且說，陶匠拎著一袋白色粉料回來，進松山國際機場；海關打開袋子問，"這是甚麼？"
陶匠依印尼華僑陶匠術語回，"這是白泥。" 殊不知，毒梟黑話中，"白泥" 指的是海洛因….

Rebellion is fashionable. There is a difference between being rebellious and being obnoxious. Many who pride themselves on the former are merely the latter.

一個臆測
連雅堂臺灣通史論臺灣之名，曰，臺灣為岱員，於音寔似。然臺灣、岱員之由來，無說。臆之，霧社事件前，泰雅為臺灣首大族，且最早來臺，為泰雅、賽夏、鄒。泰雅/Tayal正音『達燕』；達燕、岱員、臺灣，或一音之變？

Suddenly, I love my job.

Reports of a large reptile, probably an alligator, have drawn crowds to a lake in the LA area. The LA Times (August 17) ran a photo of Mr Jay Young, an employee of an alligator farm, who has been hired to catch the alligator. He said, “At most, I can lose a couple of fingers.”

No matter how dreadful some classes are, I have never had to slog shoulder-deep through water concealing a large carnivore. (and I have never had to wear a cowboy hat, either.)

No matter how atrocious some classes are, I have never had to worry about losing "a couple of fingers."

Teaching English is great!

有人問我怎麼不入中華民國籍。 我來臺大半輩子，但是在美國生的，留個根吧。何況，色目高鼻在眾人眼中，永遠是外國人：陌生、疎誕。反正，我有外僑居留證，與國民身分證一樣好用，不同的只是，不當兵、不投票，如此而已。也罷。問我是甚麼人，真不知如何回答，也不放在心上。Yugan, 山地人也，talah nunux qloxyu nguhux na Tayal, nanaq la：syaqan。十八歲來華學中文，對臺北有一種特殊情感在，因為我覺得我跟臺北市一起長大。這是我的經驗。

時而想，我是美籍讀書人、老師，經驗如此。如果我是菲傭、越南新娘，感覺未必相同。我認識一位印尼女生，十分聰穎能幹：來臺北工作，證件被僱主扣壓，在家幫傭，在店顧生意，一個禮拜工作八十多小時。她對臺北人的看法，與我大相逕庭。

高雄泰勞暴動，我猜想臺灣所有的外勞都了解，說不定還暗中喝采叫好。

魯肅化干戈
網上傳來的，應是杜撰，不知出誰手，但中國字實在妙!

諸葛亮出使東吳遊說吳蜀聯合抗曹之事。周瑜嫉妒諸葛亮的才智，總想找藉口殺他，在一次宴會上，周瑜故意對諸葛亮說：“孔明先生我吟一首詩你來對，對的出有賞，對不出以殺頭問罪如何？”諸葛亮從容笑到：“軍中無戲言，請都督說。”周瑜大喜，開口便道：

有水便是溪，
無水也是奚，
去掉溪邊水，
加鳥便是雞。
得志貓兒勝過虎，
落坡鳳凰不如雞。

諸葛亮聽罷，隨口便道：

有木便是棋，
無木也是其，
去掉棋邊木，
加欠便是欺。
龍遊淺水遭蝦戲，
虎落平陽被犬欺。

周瑜聽了大怒，但礙於有言在先，不便發作，便又出一句：

有手便是扭，
無手便是醜，
去掉扭邊手，
加女便是妞。
隆中有女長得醜，
百里難挑一個醜。

諸葛亮聽了知道這話是在嘲笑自己的夫人黃阿醜長得醜，便立即應道：

有木也是橋，
無木也是喬，
去掉橋邊木，
加女便是嬌。
江中吳女大小喬，
曹操銅雀鎖二嬌。

周瑜知道這話是在奚落自己的夫人，怒髮沖冠，幾次都想發作。

劍拔弩張之時，魯肅在一邊和了句：

有木也是槽，
無木也是曹，
去掉槽邊木，
加米便是糟，
當今之計在破曹，
龍虎相鬥豈不糟！”

詩罷眾人一齊喝彩。周瑜見有人從中和解，無奈只好收場。

千年彈指已過，故人化為黃土，而魯肅化干戈為玉帛的做法卻一直流傳在中國的歷史。

但願我們的生活當中也能有一些“魯肅”喔!!

Ling went back to her hometown, Rohan(羅漢門、內門 in Kaohsiung), also home of bananas, litchis, and lungan (龍眼dragon eyes, rong ngan). She sent me a crate of lungan from her uncle's trees. Delicious, sweet, I am turning into a big dragon eye. The refrigerator is full and there are still some left. I took some to yaba, Dali Watan. This morning I took another bunch to Fu. He was sitting in his favorite seat, in the corner of his living room, with windows behind him and to his right.

Standing outside his dogs' protective zone, I called out to him through the window, "Wuuuuuuaaaay, Fu, I need your help!"

"What's up?"

I held up the lungan. "Ling sent me a crate of lungan, and I need you to help me eat some."

"Thank you, thank you! Come in and sit down. You've got long legs, Yugan, because the water just boiled and I am making tea."

I have zero resistance to freshly made tea, so I slipped in the door, shutting Tlahuy and Yumin outside. We drank the tea and discussed the merits of various teas. A ruckus outside disturbed us: Tlahuy trying to get in the door. "Good boy," I called, cup in hand, "I'll be out before long."

As we were discussing the water supply, a perennial topic in Wulai, another ruckus disturbed us: Tlahuy managed to slip in through the door. I shooed him, but he wouldn't budge. I lifted him into my arms and deposited him outside the door. "Good boy, I'll be out before long."

Fu's grandson attempted to pick up a teapot. We quickly disarmed him. "Oh, how big he's grown!" Fu told me how much his grandparents spoil him. Ms Fu went out to clip me some yam leaves. Tlahuy slipped in. I went to pick him up, but the Fus said, "Tlahuy is such a loyal dog, let him in, because he will just sit quietly beside you. He just wants to be with you." So Tlahuy sat beside me as Fu changed the tea. "Good boy, I'll be finished before long."

Tlahuy sat quietly. We laughed and said, "What a loyal dog he is! Not like Yumin the beagle! Yumin just runs around and makes mischief all day long! He runs all over, not like loyal Tlahuy."

Ms Fu brought me a pumpkin she grew herself. "Don't waste it," I said. "Keep it and cook it yourself, because if it can't be eaten raw, stir-fried, or scalded, I don't know how to cook it.” Tlahuy sat faithfully by my side. Heaven only knows where Yumin was, probably out doing something naughty: beagles!

Fu is rightfully proud of his bananas, growing on the slope behind his seat. He has twenty trees bending under heavy bunches of bananas. I made a mental note to be especially nice to the Fus, in the hopes of getting a bunch of those bananas. There are not many bananas in Wulai: a little bit farther north or higher on the mountain and they wouldn't grow. The bananas grown here that I have eaten are so sweet, so succulent, firm but yielding, you would remember them on your deathbed, and be reluctant to leave the cruel world behind.

Just then a head appeared in the window behind Fu: Yumin, tongue out, ears flying. Somehow he had managed to climb the wall, and was attempting to come in through the window. He slipped down the wall. My expression caused Fu to turn around, just in time to see Yumin make another effort, eyes wild, mouth wide open, like something out of Jaws, only with big floppy ears. The third time he made it to the sill and was attempting to clamber in through the window, determination blazing in his eyes: "I want to be with Pa."

I felt like the stereotypical Irishman of the short stories who pawned the alarm clock and now his wife's shawl and is trying to concentrate on drinking down the proceeds, while his children huddle outside the public house, piteously whimpering, "Pappy, Pappy, won't you please come home?"

學習、翻譯中英文最棘手的問題是，這兩種語言表達方法截然不同。舉例：英文用名詞的句子，中文用動詞表示。
He's a Buddhist. 他學佛。
I'm a vegetarian. 我吃素。
He's an air conditioner repairman. 他幫人修理冷氣。
She is a careful driver. 她開車很小心。
She's a good actress. 她很會演戲。
He's a good cook. 他很會煮菜。
His wife is a lousy singer. 他太太唱歌很難聽。
從前幫學生看他的翻譯，一句 He's a good swimmer 翻 "他是很個好的游泳選手。"
他參加比賽嗎？
好像沒有。
沒參加比賽，能算選手嗎？
學生拿起筆，改成 "他是很個好的游泳者。"
我叫他唸。順口嗎？
不順。
如果你寫信給朋友，你會怎麼寫？
他很會游泳、他游泳很幫。
就這樣嘛!

現在新店客運烏來線的公車，從烏來出發到台北車站，不堵車的話，單程大約要一個小時十分鐘。自己開車，習慣開山路的人，五十分、一個小時就可以到。

Losin退伍的時候，民國六十二年，烏來到新店的路窄，來往車少，Losin與Haxa開計程車，主要在烏來裡面跑。美軍仍駐臺，他們最喜歡帶美國阿兵哥，因為只要你開的快，錢多多。他們烏來台北車站來回的時間，平均一小時五分鐘：來回，不是單程…

那時路窄，未拓寬，鄉界還要過隧道。有一次Haxa進去，才發現一個天才在隧道裡尿尿，車子就擱在那兒。Haxa將天才的車撞到隧道外，賠了兩萬元。六十二年，兩萬元是上班族半年的薪水。

他們現在年紀大了，比較收歛。

Chengkung bridges falling down, falling down

I am losing count. The latest replacement replacement replacement bridge at Chengkung got wiped out again last weekend. How many is that now?

I may be mistaken, but I was under the impression that Pakistan was a Muslim nation, and that Muslims don't eat pork.

If that is the case, I wish somebody would explain to me why the Pakistani embassy in Washington DC is built to look like a mosque surmounted by a humongous rind of pork.

西瓜西瓜我愛西瓜，夏日吃西瓜，是莫大的享受。有古詩為證：
西瓜消夏炎 快樂勝神仙

吃了西瓜肉，西瓜皮怎麼辦呢？外層硬皮削掉，白皮切細片，加辣椒炒竹筍，人間美味。

可惜，削下的綠皮還不知道怎麼吃。

問：消夏炎古詩何出？
答：蘇軾刑賞忠厚之至論

a somewhat meaningless story

Once when I visited Mom when she lived in Honolulu near the beach, with jet lag, I woke up early in the morning and went to Waikiki, which was almost deserted. I love lolling around in the ocean or a stream. I was floating around when I heard a woman speaking loudly in German. She was a middle aged tourist, walking alongside her husband, who nodded, ja mine darlink, ja ja ja. Nonstop; she barely stopped for breath. Not fast or hysterical, just steady. She kept it up as they arranged their hamper neatly on the beach, and waded into the water. I figured she would shut up soon, but I was mistaken! She kept her head out of the water and talked nonstop as she swam. Her husband swam alongside, ja mine darlink, ja ja ja. I was sitting on a diving platform then, open mouthed. They were coming closer! As they swam towards the diving platform, I couldn't stand it any longer, and dove into the water. I practiced underwater swimming for the rest of my stay in the ocean.

Sticking your head in the water shuts off sound pretty effectively. Her husband should have given it a try.

八八過後才有七七。先是爸爸節，之後才有情人節，再過一周就阿彌陀佛，中元普渡，鬼門要關。這個順序，另人深思。

枷鎖
重刑犯坐牢，一天有二十三小時關在牢房裡，一小時運動，而運動是在一個長十公尺寬五公尺的水泥地，四面高牆矗立，可以散步，其他不准。你說他沒有運動嘛，他有運動。

電視也是如此。通常只準你乖乖服從它，不準你思攷‧十幾二十分一個廣告，不許深思。說有益智節目，是有啦，但是還是一刻二刻就有廣告，擾斷思緒。

I never tire of the view. Wulai 烏來大桶山, August 7.

難道納利颱風的教訓還不夠明顯嗎？ 從烏來到新店二十幾處坍方，其中只有一處可說是天然、與道路較無關的，其餘全屬人為，因為開路造成土石流。

政府學乖了嗎？唯恐不消公款，不計生態，依舊到處開山路。子孫可憐。

Last night when I came home after class, halfway through my shower the water pressure dropped. I quickly rinsed myself off. Sometimes typhoons knock apart pipes, and it may take a day or so for the water tower to empty. (In Wulai, you find your own water. Our pipes go from the water tower up to a cement tank by the road above. That's a concrete tank 蓄水池 about three meters cubed. From there up our pipes go half a kilometer to a spring.)

This morning, the dreaded call came through my window: Yugan! No water! I was expecting it this time. I had thought we would be tracking off through the jungle to find where the pipes came apart, but this time was different. A mudslide had half-buried the cement tank. The road had been cleared yesterday, but our pipes were thrashed in the slide. Various people from the Tribe were trying to figure out how to get water home. Being barefoot, I got the honor of picking a way across the knee-deep mud to the reservoir. Then I pointed out the best steps for my neighbors. All of our dogs did a magnificent job of getting in the way. I uncovered some of the pipes.

A smaller pipe leading from the tank's main pipe had been snapped off, and sprayed us with water as soon as I uncovered it. "It could be worse," I cheerfully told the neighbors. "ven though the sun is boiling hot, we have nice cool mud and water to work in." Nothing could be done unless we patched that hole, but the pressure from a three inch pipe spurting out a half-inch hole is terrific. Fu went home to find something to stop the hole, and I came back for more plumbers' tape, and to phone Sinkang with the cheerful news that his shack was getting flooded.

An American would rush to the hardware store to buy a plug specially designed for a pipe snapped in a landslide; here people use their ingenuity. Fu came up bearing a Hello Kitty refrigerator magnet, impervious but flexible enough to mate the curve of the pipe. I was afraid it fit a bit too nicely. We passed the tape cordoning the remains of the last mudslide, sort of like police crime scene tape. I cut off a section of that. Fu wrapped the pipe with a layer of tape, placed Hello Kitty over the hole, and wrapped the rest of the yellow tape around the pipe until it was all gone. Then he tied it up with strips cut off an old acrylic sweater; the stretch keeps everything tight, and the acrylic will last forever. When we turned on the water again, not a drop leaked out.

We had a discussion: was the slide caused by the road or by the wanton cutting of trees? Both, I think, and in both cases, the government is the culprit. The mudslides that terrorize Taiwan are man-made, brought to us by courtesy of the government in its haste to spend tax money.

We were lucky. The other head of our pipe had twisted itself out of the mud, so we quickly found it and attached a pipe to lead down to our towers. The whole thing took less than three hours, including shoveling an embankment to keep water from drowning Sinkang's shack and fiddling with connections to our water towers. There I was happy for the thick coating of mud covering my legs and arms, because our water towers, under the shade of trees by the bamboo grove, is Mosquito City.

When I got home and rinsed myself off, I was thinking, there's a certain satisfaction in wrangling your own water pipes. Or is that just rationalization?

Boiling hot sun this morning, pouring rain at 2PM. Good old Taiwan weather.

武之上者，至于無形，隨機應變，應勢自至。若師『留一手』，必非上乘拳法，傳之無益，佚之無損。

問：不解，請進之。

答：招術無高下，唯中用而已，時中而已矣。雖正拳前踢，若得其宜，足以破萬招。

For years I have abided by the principle that vigorous writing is concise. In choosing a word, a short word is more vigorous than a long word, so if several words are appropriate, choose the shortest. Remove suffixes: choose use over utilize.

I am rethinking my ideas. Maybe I should bring my writing in closer step with the times. Music characterizes the spirit of the age. Rap is nothing if not pretension and posturing. Therefore, in my writing, I will no longer say:
I used the black pot for this tea.
I will say:
I performed the utilizificationment of the black pot for this tea.

Ya, dooood, you da man!
Barf.

Are you happy?

Today we emphasize happiness so strongly that it almost becomes a source of stress; look at how many people commit suicide on December 26th. It is worth remembering that the word is related to happen and happenstance, and that originally happiness was considered a situation fortune might at times permit: a happenstance.

Nathaniel Hawthorne: "Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."

You can't buy your way into happiness. But you sure can try. If nothing else, you make the loan companies happy.

An open letter to my 86 year old Mother
Dear Momosaurus,

This has been on my mind for some time, and now is the time to discuss this, because I think you have been neglecting your social duty. Indeed, this is your duty to America, and all it stands for, and you have not been doing your part.

In the interests of society, Mom, I think you ought to go buy a car. You can still ride the bus to work and walk to the supermarket, but when you go to church on Sunday, you ought to drive.

Then, when you've had the car for 3 or 4 years, you can sell it to a used car lot. This is your duty. Otherwise, where are the used car salesmen going to get cars to sell and tell people, "This beauty was owned by a little old lady who only drove it to church on Sunday"?

This is your duty, Mom! What would become of America if all the old ladies relied on public transport? The used car market would totter, and the economic consequences for the nation ~ indeed, for the entire world ~ would be dire.

Verily, what would become of American society if used car salesman could not tell their customers that cars had been driven by little old ladies to church on Sunday? Morals would teeter, and when the market tottered, we'd be in a fine fix!

If you're going to do this properly, you're going to have to get one of those Caddies the size of the Queen Mary, and lower the seat so you can just barely peer over the steering wheel. I know this is asking a lot of you, but as part of the War on Terrorism, sacrifices are called for. Just don't ask a Bush to go fight.

一個很奇怪的現象。
閩南人在臺灣兩三百年，而閩南語全然不受臺灣語(南島語系的語言，非漢人的藏漢語系方言)影響，十分奇怪，因為通常人到一個新環境，極容易吸收土語詞彙。Columbus到美洲第一天，日記裡已使用印地安詞canoe(拼木舟)。這是正常現象。但在臺灣，除了地名，漢人完全不接納臺灣語的影響，可能在世界上是孤例。是不是閩南人極端保守的個性使然，不知。臺灣閩南人用語中，法文的詞彙反而比臺灣語多，真奇怪。

反正，臺灣向來就是不按牌理出牌。

Maybe you can, after all.

During the Ching dynasty, the sorcerer in charge of烏魯木齊八蠟祠a government-sponsored temple in Urumqi was in his 80s. one night, he laid seven thousand coins under his bed, lay on top of it, and died peacefully in his sleep. When this was discovered, there was some discussion as to whether the sorcerer had left the money for his tomb. That night, the sorcerer appeared in dreams, saying, "I was in charge of a government temple, so my tomb should be supplied by the government. I scrimped and saved for years to collect that money. I want it put in my coffin. I will come back in my next life and pick it up myself.”

So maybe you can take it with you, after all.

The Viet Nam vet has quickly become an overworked stereotype in American literature. If any character was in Viet Nam, you know immediately that he is stressed out, messed up, suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

But this is at odds with the bulk of literature, in which battle joy is extolled. Beowulf and many Icelandic sagas are built on blood lust. In Quiet Flows the Don, two admiring characters listen enthusiastically to an old soldier tell once again of his exploits in battle.

Could there be something in the American psyche that is averse to violence? I managed to write that whole sentence without laughing. Stokley Carmichael hit the nail on the head: "Violence is as American as apple pie." Compare our cliché of the battered battle vet to The Red Badge of Courage, in which the protagonist is eager to prove himself in battle.

What happened? Americans still love violence, but mope after wars.

Part of the reason may be that the business of killing now is so remote and detached. A warfighter may die from a landmine he never saw placed as easily as from a missile fired from many miles away. In the days of knives and swords, savage hand-to-hand fighting necessarily put a face to the enemy, somebody you had to connect with (sorry about the pun). Even archers were not so far removed from their targets that they could not see them. Maybe the mind is satisfied by the physical exertion of hacking and grappling at close quarters in a way that pulling a trigger cannot replicate. We can deal with an enemy we can fight at close quarters; how do you cope with death raining from a bomber so far overhead you can't even see it?

Then there is the factor that those who returned from wars past were not the severely wounded. Earlier soldiers, if wounded, were killed off by infections and doctors. Now soldiers survive wounds that would have invariably fatal. Just as modern medicine can allow a cancer patient to suffer pain that would finish off an unattended person, crippled soldiers are more apt to survive now. Before, the soldiers who managed to return were, in a sense, all victors, and experienced the exhilaration of surviving near death.

Maybe we have advanced war technology so much that fighting has become psychologically intolerable. Hope so.

Some years ago, Jane Goodall startled everybody with her reports of chimpanzees hunting. Nobody had ever imagined such a thing before, but although skeptics demanded further proof, by and large this was eagerly seized on as justification for the conventional meat diet. Better to change our ancestry than our habits.

In Why We Run (2002), Bernd Heinrich says, "Studying hunting parties of male chimps at Gombe in 1995, Craig Stanford found them depleting one-firth of their prey population of colobus monkeys each year…. In just half a day of observing olive baboons in Kenya’s Amboseli Park, I once saw a troupe of about fifty individuals catch a hare, tear it apart, and eat it with great gusto."

If hunting has always been a trait of primate behavior, how could it have escaped observation for centuries?

The environment African primates live in has been disrupted by human activity for millions of years, desperately so for centuries. Perhaps hunting is a new behavior chimpanzees developed to cope with their restricted resources, and it has escalated greatly over the last decades.

The twins came.
A nice picture.

how a beagle sleeps on a hot summer day

after the typhoon

眼花

路上瞄到一台車上有寫
台北縣救雞隊
Huh??? 再看一眼
台北縣救難隊

Our maples don't wait for fall or cold weather. Summer is a fine time to shine.
I took this photo last week, a few days before the typhoon.

颱風天，適合在家裏溫暖閒暇，泡一盉好茶，聽外面風雨聲，想一些無聊問題…
想颱風…颱灣…想台灣對中華文化的靜默貢獻…想一想台灣寶島為大陸海岸折了多少颱風的銳氣。幾萬年來，數不盡的颱風由太平洋來襲，撞到台灣矗屹的山脈，失散威力，送豐沛雨水到對岸。有這屏障，長江下游才能穩定發展、河姆渡才能種稻、沿海才能繁榮。
臺灣的山陡峭參天，一般偌小的地，無偌高的山；臺灣的山沒這樣高，保護大陸效果差了，更何況倘使沒有臺灣，很難想像中國東南如何發展。

颱風…無聊…想臺灣…憂患。二十年前是臺灣最好時機。二十年前，大陸需要臺灣，但臺灣卻不需要大陸。現在大陸不需要臺灣，而臺灣不能沒有大陸。醒一醒吧。

颱風天，適合在家裏溫暖閒暇，泡一盉好茶，聽外面風雨聲，想一些無聊問題…

on the tenth, I wrote about a snake that visited. Many thanks, blogspot, now bloggers can upload photos from hard disk files, so here's one of the photos I took. Notice that this beauty's head is green, and there are dark markings behind the eyes.

Hello from Tlahuy
and Yumin

愛沒有對錯嗎？
從來沒有聽過感情受傷的人說「愛情沒有對錯」。說這一句的，一定是負心人傷無辜的人時，為自身的自私狡辯，除此之外，沒有人說愛沒有對錯。

張六接到詐欺集團電話：「你女兒在我們手中。」
六心奇之，甚麼時候生女兒，都不知道，自己以為只有兩個幼男，故回：「我女兒甚麼時候從美國回來？」
賊曰，「是你兒子從英國回來。」
各一笑，掛電話。

I'll be happy when rap goes out of fashion. Not only is it boring, but worse, it's pompous and affected.

It's too bad that Americans have to waste so much time and energy in battles over evolution and creationism. The Christians want to have it both ways: they want to believe what they choose to believe, and ignore what they choose not to believe.

Science is interlocking; the same principles that hold true for mechanics and physics also hold true for biology and thermodynamics. If your car runs when you put gas in the engine, the same basic principles govern that we descended from earlier organisms: early mammals, primitive primates, homo erectus, and so forth. You can't say that sparks fly upward and then claim some hocus-pocus mumbo-jumbo for the origin of fossils. That's just doublethink.

If the Christians are going to demand the teaching of creationism, why don't they demand that all the school maps be redrawn to accord with the bible? Somewhere the bible says that six parts of this earth is dry land, and only one part is water. I forget where it says that and I'm not going to waste time looking it up, but that's why Columbus sailed west to go east; he reasoned that if the globe is only one seventh water, the ocean certainly can't be very wide. So to be consistent, the Christians should either demand that school maps be redone to show very small oceans, or they should deny the existence of Columbus and the experience of anyone who has ever flown or sailed across the Pacific.

Of course facing facts and consistency are not something Christians are noted for. If they demanded strict acceptance of the literal meaning of the bible, a lot of laws would have to be rewritten. The Old Testament decrees that any farmer who plants two crops in the same field is to be stoned to death (my memory is a bit shaky on this one, but that's the gist of it). Get the legislators to work on this.

And the controversy about the ten commandments? More laws need rewriting, if we are to live faithfully according to the dictates of scripture. I don't read Hebrew, but Jewish scholars point out that the original commandment against adultery specified that you could not fornicate with another man's wife, but it was fine for a married man to fornicate with prostitutes. So if the Christians demand obedience to the literal scriptures, prostitution has to be legalized ASAP.

Naturally, Christians don't like to think about what the bible really says. Christians don't really like to think. Their attitude is simple: if you agree with my beliefs, you understand the word of god, but if you disagree with anything I say, you have been tricked by Satan. What a load of hogwash.

My old neighbor Jenny brings her 12 year old daughter Kaway to Wulai about once a month, to get out of the city, get some fresh air, make sure I’m eating, and fret over me.

Yesterday after lunch I was drowsing off as I chatted with Kaway. Discussing Hangzhou black fans, I explained to her that a folding fan you carry with you all the time wears out quicker than one you leave at home. To drive my point home, I told her, "When you carry your fan with you, it wears out when you stuff it in your mouth…" I meant pocket. We decided it was time for a nap. We each found a cool spot on the floor and were soon asleep.

I was closest to the front door. Yumin disturbed my nap with his barking. I tried to hush him without disturbing Jenny or Kaway. He hushed for a moment, then started barking again. I hushed him again, and again. I couldn't let him keep barking while Jenny and Kaway were still asleep, so I surged out the door ~~ funny, he seemed to be barking at the door. Then I noticed the qosun next to the front door steps. A qosun is a python with such beautiful patterns that its Chinese name is 錦蛇 jin she, the embroidered snake. This one was well over two meters long, and eager to get away from barking Yumin. I asked it to stay a moment longer while I got my camera. It quickly moved over to the embankment ~~ I held Yumin back. There it took up a strong defensive position amongst the ferns, draped across the slope, head up, mouth open. Yumin had his mouth open too, arf! Arf! Arf arf and arrrf! Tlahuy stayed close by my side, silent, ears up, eyes burning, alert, ready to protect me or support Yumin the moment he was needed.

When Yumin had barked enough, I carefully moved forward and scooped him into my arms. I apologized to the snake for bothering it, and for good measure told a couple mantras. The snake slowly, elegantly withdrew its head, and in a moment disappeared into the ferns.

Frightened fawns freeze ~ no, I'm not writing tongue twisters, I'm thinking over a problem, but while we're at it, let's hear you say that lickety-split five times: frightened fawns freeze. Many animals, especially the young, freeze and allow their stillness and coloring to protect them. Humans run. This indicates that the human being is predisposed to running, that 'in nature' enough of our human ancestors have been fleet enough of foot to leave behind their genes.

A modern human toddler, frightened by a dog, may cower and shrink, or seek refuge in adult arms. Those a bit larger may try to run away. Consider the circumstances which initiated these primordial reactions.

Fightened frawns fees. Frightened frawns fees. Aww, nuts.

Tali Lalun, rangi na Bulang Yugan, qimholan Barung, ptsal rgyas.

A young Tayal from 復興鄉 named Tali Lalun has his face tattooed in traditional style, the first new Tayal facial tattoo since the Japanese abolished the custom before World War II. This is a tradition worth reviving (perhaps without the prerequisites), one of the few tattoos that means anything.

An 11 year old boy in Utah went missing on a hike last week and was found unscathed four days later. Yahoo carried 31 photos of this event. Recently a high school student from Georgia disappeared during a graduation trip to the Caribbean; the news played for days. While I am happy the boy is safe, and hope for the safe return of the Georgia teen, I also look around the world.

At the same time, thousands of children in Uganda are being kidnapped by militias and crazies. Thousands more in India are sold into slavery. For the most part, they are forgotten by the American press, because they are far away from us. Also, they're not blonds. They are dark-skinned. They aren't so photogenic.

A bride in Georgia bolts before her wedding and turns up days later in New Mexico; the reporters almost outnumber the total population of that state. Meanwhile, girls from the former Soviet bloc are sold into prostitution, and we hardly spare them a glance. They may be fair-skinned blondes, but they're far away. They don't speak English.

Of course we are more aware of those around us, as we should be. We are more sympathetic since they are familiar. But this also leads us to think that only the US is of any importance. Then we neglect other lives and wishes, to our own detriment.

My thinking on this line was set off by this side note; unfortunately, I carelessly neglected to jot down the source. I believe this came from the LA Times Book Review from last year.
“A side note: a search of major English-language newspapers for stories about the Rwandan genocide turned up 185 such stories published from late April to late May 194. the majority of these stories appeared in overseas newspapers. Meanwhile, more than 2,000 stories about the Columbine killings appeared in the month following that event. Mathematically, that would seem to indicate that, for the English-language press, a murder in a suburban American high school is approximately 75,000 times more newsworthy than a genocidal killing in a central African country.”

Twelve students were murdered at Columbine; an estimated 507,000 Tutsis were murdered in Rwanda (http://www.hrw.org/reports/1999/rwanda/Geno1-3-04.htm#P95_39230), so one American high school student equates to 42,250 Tutsis. But the Tutsis aren't blond.

The United States is a land that prides itself as a beacon of freedom, aberrations such as McCarthyism and Dubyastrophe aside.

Among all the assorted variations of the American life, which group permits its members the least leeway in dress, behavior, and protocol? Your rat-race tie-wearing cubicle dweller? Nowhere near. The Amish? Guess again. Hara Krishna?

Three strikes, you're out. The most rigorous demands for conformity among any American groups are found in inner-city youth gangs. Jailhouse low-riding pants of an exact droop, the baseball cap at a carefully set angle, meticulously prescribed colors, precise formulas for speech and behavior, gangstas live inside their own rigidly defined mental jails.

So why is it that boys all over, trying to prove their uniqueness, originality, and freedom, slavishly imitate those poor encumbered souls?

Maybe for the same reason that their uncles, out to prove their individuality and wildness, slavishly buy Harleys.

Our founding fathers gave us so much freedom that we seek refuge in conformity.

To date, I have seen none of the Star Wars movies, not from intention, but from inattention. They may be fun, but better, I say, to err on my side than on the side of those people who focus their lives (if they are actually alive) on the movies.

雖曰六道輪迴，輪迴未必六道。西方淨土無惡道之名，何況有實；顯然無下三道。億萬年前，吾地球尚無人道，必亦無鬼道。他方世界或亦有七八九道輪迴，非余所知爾。

地攤貨，你一定買過，對不對?臺灣，說有任何一個有消費能力的人一生中從來沒有買過地攤貨、沒有吃過路邊攤，我不信。臺灣若沒有地攤、路邊攤，根本就不像臺灣了。既然大家都愛，為什麼法律要禁呢?

有人說攤子髒亂、妨礙秩序；這個簡單，稍管一下，不要管太多，問題不難解決。 比較不利的是，攤子逃稅，逃稅，任何政府痛恨惡絕。這方面，擺攤子給極多人謀生的機會，不須早九晚五，比較自由，對經濟、物品交流有很大的貢獻，但是勿容置疑，他們賺的是辛苦錢。（擺攤辛苦、錢賺不多，何以知之?簡單：從未聽說過哪一個議員擺地攤。容易撈錢的把戲，大官必然趨之若鶩，and vice versa。）

禁地攤，我還聽過一個更荒謬的理由：這樣一來，警察才有業績。立法不是為了公僕的業績;若是，有更簡單的方法讓警察有業績，例如規定有兩個鼻孔的人都要罰款，這樣的話，警察很容易有業績。我相信，警察不喜歡當壞人，抓這些攤民，但六法全書既有這麼一條不合理的規定，還是勉強執行一下。實在浪費警力。要你做主，你如何分配有限的警力？派警察去抓民眾支持的攤民呢？或者鎗械、煙毒犯？　

總而言之，如果沒有地攤，臺灣就不像臺灣，我們不必一味跟著麥當勞的文化侵略齊步走。法律可以容許夜市，禁止地攤、路邊攤就沒有道理。

紀曉蘭 閱微草堂筆記 云：表兄與一狐為友，狐自稱生于北宋初，表兄叩以宋代史事，曰，皆不知也。凡學仙者，必遊方之外，使萬緣斷絕，一意精修。如于世有所聞見，于心必有所是非；有所是非，必有所愛憎，則喜怒哀樂之情，必迭起循生，以消爍其精氣。神耗而形亦敝矣，烏能至今猶在乎？迨道成以後，來往人間，視一切機械變詐，皆如戲劇，視一切得失勝敗，以至于治亂興亡，皆如泡影。當時既不留意，又焉能一一記之？大都萍水相逢，煙雲倏散，夙昔笑言，亦多不記憶。

今出家人看新聞，不如斯狐。

Joshua上個月來的時候，我特地帶他去看新店北新路邊的攀岩牆，因為我們念高中的時候，我攀岩就是他教的。
剛好有一群全副武裝的人爬呀爬的(攀岩牆須要斜帶背十幾個鉤環嗎？不過，的確很帥，很有個爬山的樣子。) 我們看著他們爬，Joshua內行利眼，說，"這個牆，他們爬過很多次。但是這種爬法，比較不適合在山岩用。"
我跟Joshua說，"當初我學攀岩，主要是因為我喜歡山，想多花時間在山裡，也想增益遊山玩水的本領。後來沒怎樣爬，一則臺灣比較少可爬的峭壁，一則臺灣當時找不到第二個攀岩的，一則本身天賦不高，但最重要的原因是，當初我學攀岩，主要是因為我喜歡山，而我發現攀岩會自成一個目標，跟處在山岳中脫離關係。"現代攀岩牆，可以在大馬路邊，可以在室內冷氣房，與山巒脫解。
剛講完的時候，有一個人爬到牆頂。下一招，讓我驚訝不已：確保放繩，慢慢讓攀岩手從天緩降，完全不必下爬、rappel,我結舌。

一兩年前，全台原住民跆拳賽在烏來舉辦，很開心去給烏來隊加油，結果越看越氣：這是甚麼爛跆拳？中華跆拳本來打的不錯，怎麼槁成這種樣子？當時我想找烏來鄉長說，烏來隊讓我訓練一年，保證明年全國冠軍(因為每一隊打的實在太差，幾乎談不上一個:打:字，冠軍太簡單；一兩招也夠了。) 慎重其事，找鄉長前我先查了跆拳比賽規矩，愕然發現，好的招數，全都禁了，剩下容許打的，只有一些不痛不養的腳法。
對不起，武術本旨，救己殺人，如此而已。如果為了比賽怕把人打傷了，削除所有實力招式，這還成甚麼武術？乾脆叫它跆舞對賽算了。當年我們練武，參加比賽只不過是為了增加見識，判贏判輸，不是重點；重點是，有沒有功夫？招式有沒有殺傷力？萬萬不可為了比賽牽就武功。現在本末倒置。

Joseph Shipley points out that the telephone is linked in microseconds. There are more microseconds (60 million) in one minute than there were minutes (52.6 million) in the twentieth century.

So how come I keep getting cut off?

OJ, MJ
Proven once again: justice is scarce in jury trials. Money talks.

Shame!

An old story popped into mind. This would have happened in about 1970. I heard it from someone related to the case.

Two local thugs figured Wanhua 萬華was getting too small for them. They got jobs as seamen, smuggled their swords on board, and jumped ship in San Francisco. Soon they were spreading the word through Chinatown. "We are the Wanhua Gang! This is now our territory, and we are going to get respect!"

A Cantonese restaurant owner very mildly told them, "We are very willing to show you our greatest respect. Please come to my miserable restaurant tomorrow night at 9 and we will have prepared for you what you require."

At 9 the next night, the Wanhua gang swaggered into the restaurant. The lights were on, but nobody was in. Then the lights went off, and the two black guys flown in from Chicago stood up behind the counter, whump whump whump.

They had never seen submachine guns in Wanhua.

Why is such an indispensable part of so many movies the bedroom scenes? Of course I know the answer. Sex means money, so naturally that means it is art, and sacrosanct.

But what do the bedroom scenes contribute to the plot, to our understanding of the characters or the story? If we have to witness all the everyday details of the characters' lives in order to understand them, then certainly every movie should have regular defecation scenes. Urination and defecation are at least as important to life as sex, and something all ages participate in. If we need to see the hero and heroine in bed together, then we ought to see the hero on the throne struggling to pass his Big Mac.

Not that I'm eager to see such scenes, or even willing. It's just a query.

Go stand an egg.

端午正午
喜嘻兮~~~~

It was an especially hot day. I was 18, working for Uncle Jim, delivering pizzas to the US Army in Viet Nam. I had made my delivery to a hooch on Long Binh, and was walking back to the Toyota. Some American soldiers were unloading supplies from a truck. They were surprised to see an American kid, and not a soldier. They asked me what I was doing, and I explained. Just then they were unloading a case of apples. In Viet Nam, you simply could not get apples, even on the black market. One of the soldiers reached down, picked up an apple, called, "Catch," and tossed it to me. I had not had an apple for months and months, and it would be years before I ate another. I polished it carefully on my shirt and munched happily all the way back to the truck.

Don't be a slave to money.
Make money your slave.

好感動

今天下午在外面工作，聽到群蚊討論，要發個感謝狀或扁額給我。上面寫甚麼呢，有兩派。 有一派主張提
惠我山蚊
另一派說，寫白一點，直接寫
西餐佳餚

At a pet store near NTU, I admired a violet snake in a terrarium. Then I saw a little baby mouse stumbling alongside, naked, its eyes unopened to death staring with unblinking eyes.

Some years ago, I was clearing out some underbrush. A field mouse rushed out onto the branch of a bush I had just chopped. She bristled and glared at me with burning eyes. In her mouth she held just such a baby mouse. I could have hewn her in half with a flick of my soqi. I have little love for rodents. Instead, I told her, Amitabha, I am sorry to destroy your house, please find somewhere else to live, and next time, don't come to this world as a rodent.

There are many snakes where I live. They are neighbors. I admire their beauty and grace. We get along fine. I know what they eat; sometimes I hear the frantic screams of their prey. But I could never own a snake and drop naked baby mice into its terrarium. That is monstrous.

The great athletic meet was held today. It rained hard all morning and through noon, so all the athletes very sensibly gathered under the tents for some very serious drinking. By the time the rain stopped, nobody was in any shape to compete, but the show must go on. The MC called for the 400 meter race, begged, pleaded, cajoled, and whimpered, and finally got some contestants lined up. The winner, Patu, completed the 400 meters in 6 minutes and 53.7 seconds. He might have been faster, but the judges said his coach, Agu, couldn't touch him to keep him moving in the right direction. They wouldn't even let Agu touch him when Patu fell down and started snoring. After a hurried discussion, the judges ruled that Agu's proposal to kick Patu awake would constitute touching, and was therefore forbidden, but they did ask him to think of something so the race could be finished. The other contestants had woven their way back to revive their team spirits, if you catch my meaning. The Tayal are great weavers. Agu rained gravel on Patu, but he didn't wake up until Halus dropped a bottle on his head just as Agu was reaching for a brick. Patu started chasing Halus. Halus crossed the finish line ahead of Patu, but was not a contestant, so did not win the race.

I have embroidered this story only a little bit.

Everybody wants to live a long life, but nobody wants to get old.

Susan Ertz said, "Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.”

something to be proud of(?)

-How did our Wulai village team do in the basketball tournament?
-We took third place. Tampya took first.
-Really? I thought Mangan would take first.
-No, they took second.
-And we took third. Not bad. …. Wait a minute. How many teams played in the tournament?
-Only three.
-So we took last place.
-Yes, but our team beat the others in drinking!

Somewhere along the line, I acquired a very unusual old stone trough for feeding pigs. Unlike most, it is round. Since I moved to Wulai, it has sat out in the yard gathering water, leaves, dirt, what have you. I have no pigs, but the dogs drink out of it.

Yang moved it closer to the walkway and made it the focus of a small view. He cleaned out the leaves and put in some蓋斑魚fish. Beautiful.

Last week I noticed some sort of bubbles or scum on the surface of the water. It had not evaporated a few days later. Judging I would rather not be overrun by snails or something, I got a leaf to clean them off. To my surprise, one of the fish attacked me. I realized I was intruding on her spawn, so very happily I threw away my leaf and prepared to watch them hatch.

The day before yesterday, Tlahuy went for a drink. Apparently the fish attacked his tongue. With a puzzled look, he moved around and cautiously drank out of the other side.

This morning, Yumin, very much at ease with the world in general, trotted up to the trough to lap up some water. He was too close to the spawn. He leapt backwards, all four feet leaving the ground, ears flapping. He crouched and growled at the water, with puzzlement written across his face. He circled around a few steps, ready to fight, and barked at the water: the canine solution for every problem. I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my rock.

While he was attempting to fathom this one, Tlahuy was listening to something. It must be raining hard back up in the higher mountains, because the announcement floated up faintly from the loudspeakers by the stream, far below: LEAVE THE STREAMBED IMMEDIATELY. In reply, Tlahuy said, "Woof.”

Yumin needed something to assuage his wounded pride, and that woof was just the thing. He took that woof and raced to the fence, barking furiously. He convinced Tlahuy, who started barking. In a trice, all the neighborhood dogs were barking furiously.

It would be funny if it weren't so much like international politics.

We had a great time during Joshua's visit, and I am happy to report that he has returned safely to hearth and home. I hope I never have to write a letter that says, for example,
Hi!
I just wanted to tell you what a great time we had during your husband's visit. We saw everything, hiked all over the mountains, swam in the stream, everything! It is my singular pleasure to inform you that he was having the time of his life, right up until the very minute that the python seized his leg. You may wish to tell the kids that Daddy's last words were 'Gddsgdm snayyy cough ami.' At least that was my first impression. I asked him to enunciate and reminded him of the significance of any statements he made under the circumstances, but that seemed to be his best effort. Imagine my sense of achievement when I deciphered his final utterance several days later: 'Get this g*dd*mn snake off of me.' I regret that, in the interests of historicity, I have no choice but to include profanities, but sometimes people forget themselves in the excitement of the moment. I do hope this will not tarnish the kids' memories of their dearly departed male parent.
There are plenty of unattached men out there, and with his insurance policies, you should be set up comfortably. Let me know how to dispose of his effects. I wish you all the best.

No, that's not the sort of letter I would like to have to write.

半缸的水才會響

進出烏來路上，常遇到改裝車。還沒看到車，先聽到把棟把棟的音樂。飆車的速度不一定比本地計程車快，但是動作很大，煞車、轉彎、排檔，無不小題大作。駕駛不用看，一定是沒氣質的小男生，而且可以判斷，買車的錢不是他憑自己的能力賺來的：跟家長伸手。

假設這樣堪稱威武，好歹只是氣車有力，不是坐裡面(如襁褓中的寶寶)的得意小毛頭。這有甚麼好得意的呢?

現代社會需要記取兩句古訓：

能忍，是大丈夫

男子漢大丈夫，敢作敢當

I strongly advise everybody NOT to apply for admission to the University of Minnesota.

According to Stephen Wilbers (Writing for Business, www.wilbers.com), "The University of Minnesota has decided to name its new 2,300 foot walkway 'the Scholars Walk' rather than 'the Scholars’ Walk.'"

Apparently, their reason is that "the scholars didn't actually own the walk; it was just being named for them." If so, what are we to do about statements such as "There's my bus"?

Minnesota is in a sad state (sorry) if their so-called institute of higher learning cannot punctuate even such a simple phrase. If this is the caliber of their logic, this is definitely not a school you want to go to.

Okay, all for now, gotta run now. I see a bus which I plan to board.

文娟不知道從哪聽來一句，很妙
“這個社會不是離婚率太高; 是結婚率太高.”

“Society's problem is not that the divorce rate is too high; it is that the marriage rate is too high.”
Wenchuan told me this one, but forgot where she heard it.

I'll never get rich

My best ideas are never money makers.
Scenario for a commercial:
The raving corporal with the toothbrush mustache watches as ranks of swastika-adorned soldiers goosestep by, all wearing six inch stilettos. At the reviewing stand, their rigid right arms shoot up to the roar of:
HIGH HEELS!

If any woman's shoe company ran a commercial like that, there would be snipers shooting into their offices from all the nearby buildings and trees.

"Hypocrisy is the compliment vice pays to virtue."
Christopher Hitchens

登山客遇大雨，不知道怎麼辦，害搜索隊費心血、體力、時間去救。
登山客被救，一點感激之心都沒有，只罵氣象局報氣象不準。
我覺得奇怪。登山客不會抬頭看天嗎？為甚麼要聽氣象報告才知道梅雨季會下大雨？不懂梅雨季，看雲也看不懂，遇大雨不會應付，還好意思登山，奇也!!
下次就把他們留在上面好了。

I am having a new path put in from my gate to the front door. Yang, the landscaper, works indefatigably. The other night he finally called it a day when he ran out of cement at about 9. We sat under a tree, drinking tea and chatting. Mrs Yang, who comes along to help, saw that the wheelbarrow was blocking the dogs' path in and out. She moved it off to the side to allow them freer access.

A few minutes later, Yumin trotted up. He took two steps up that little path and froze in his tracks. He took up a fighting stance and started barking furiously. I said, "He's just putting on a show to remind us that he is watching out for our safety." He kept barking into the darkness with ferocity and determination. "There may be a wild dog out there," I ventured. Yumin obviously saw something, and was working himself into a frenzy to protect us at any cost. Yang said, "Maybe you'd better go see what it is.”

I picked up a flashlight. Yumin moved between me and the danger. He was determined to defend me from any suspicious moves made by that upturned wheelbarrow crouching in the darkness by the side of his path.

有一個獨生子嬌生慣養。資智、外貌、體能各方面平平，但因為他爸爸也是單傳，把他當心肝寶貝，孩子自大不恭。
這個孩子唸幼稚園大班的時候，有一天趁爸爸坐捷運上班，帶了爸爸的駕照到幼稚園炫燿，說他自己開車來上課，有駕照為證，甚至說他是宇宙裡面唯一會開不步的人，除了他之外，其它的駕照都是假的，相信是真的人會受到處罰。口沫橫飛，小班的小毛頭聽的一愣一愣的，還信以為真。大班的同學半信半疑。小一的學長，有幾個跟他掙，面紅耳赤，他就是堅持說是自己的駕照。小二、三的略懂事，早已看穿了，但又看他兇巴巴蠻橫的樣子，想，老師或家長遲早會修理他，不管了。大人看覺得好幼稚，很好笑。只有他老師比較擔心，這個孩子將來怎麼虛懷若谷、學習廣博知識，長成成熟穩重的人，對社會有貢獻、養育智慧呢?搖頭；小小的年紀就這樣，將來怎麼辦？

每次教徒跟我傳教的時候，這是我的感覺。還相信祂的那張駕照.....

FIGHT POLLUTION
The planet you save may be your own.

Last fall after heavy rains, the bridge connecting the houses across the river down the valley in Chengkung got washed away. The residents walked across the old suspension bridge while the authorities put in a temporary bridge for their cars.

After Chinese New Year we had a couple of weeks of heavy rain, and the temporary replacement bridge got washed out. A replacement replacement bridge was installed.

Monday night thunder and lightning brought torrential rains, and guess what? the temporary replacement replacement bridge was swept away. Now residents are waiting for a temporary replacement replacement replacement bridge.

I feel like a witness to performing art: The Dance of the Bridges, A Lesson in Impermanence.

The gods want those people to walk more.

today is 050505, and it is 5:55 .... 說有多無聊~~~~~

Hi, this is Yugan, writing on June 6, 2006. Did anybody actually come back here to see if I really made a note on 050505?

ha ha, made you look.

真無聊

You've gotta love the Brits

Here are some of the parties running in their election:
The New Millennial Bean Party
The Dungeons, Death, and Taxes Party
The Church of the Militant Elvis
The Short Fat Solicitor Party

I try to keep myself unsullied by ads, but sometimes they slip in on me. A Toyota ad tells me, “It will take you as far as your mind wants to go.”
That's wonderful. My mind wants to visit galaxies billions of light years away, to see the emergence of our continents from the sea eons ago, to watch the Himalayas powder into the sea. A car is going to take me there?
Do the advertisers take us for unimaginative idiots? Ok, I retract that question, the answer is too obvious.

It's been thirty years since North Viet Nam conquered the Republic of Viet Nam, but it remains to be seen who will be the final victor. Saigon is building up a vigorous economy while Hanoi remains mired in cement-brain dogma. Mark my words, some day the South will buy out the North, and it may not take too long, either.

This morning I watched five eagles soaring together over the mountains. They gather only at this time of the year. What a treat, to watch these magnificent birds circling and towering against a soft blue sky over rich green peaks.

無論支持誰，當作佈棋來分析，不得不承認，連戰大陸行這招實在漂亮。
陳水扁上國際新聞版時，除了319鬧劇外，只有夜郎自大，惹事生非。呂副總統潑婦罵街，唯恐天下不亂。台獨人士拜靖國神社，得意洋洋丟人海外。立委似乎只會打架。臺灣政壇聞名國際，如此而已，在國際輿論，唯有連戰設法解決問題(儘管這可能是陳連演黑臉白臉戲)。

明 張鼐 與姜箴勝門人
諦觀年來士大夫風尚愈趨愈下。鰓鰓惟異己者是除，私人是引。楚人為楚人出缺，秦人為秦人營遷；不論官方，不談才品。目中豈復有君父，而堪以服天下，挽世運乎?

像不像臺灣目前政壇?

若人欲了知自性，探痛究本。

It is a little known fact that Francis Scott Key was accompanied on his historic mission by his close Hispanic friend Jose, who was very short and extremely nearsighted. As he watched the bombardment of Ft McHenry, Key was concerned that his dear friend might not be able to witness the fighting, whereupon he uttered those immortal words:
Jose, can you see?

Stand back! Give me space, ladies and gentlemen, for I am about to make a contribution to the English language!
I have just finished eating one of those delicious banana + mango hybrids. As I was musing on the predicament that there is no name for them in English, inspiration struck! Bango!

While I'm at it, allow me to express my extreme dissatisfaction with the authorities at the MRT, Taipei's subway. I refer to the blue line, the 板南 Bannan Line. Anybody with the least bit of sense would know that that should be the YELLOW line. Who ever saw a blue Banana?

I mean, the fruit can be called a bango. Bango was not the sound of inspiration striking. The sound of inspiration striking is 昆陽昆陽昆陽.

On my way to the bus stop I passed three little first grade boys trying out two sets of roller blades. They had scrapes on their elbows and foreheads to attest to their progress. As I walked by, they called out, “Yugan! Where are you going?”
”To class. Do you know how to stop once you get going?”
“No.”
“Be careful, or else your parents will have to go down to the plains to find you.”
“Yugan, where are your dogs?”
“They are watching the house for me.”
“Yugan, when will you come back?”
“Tonight, after class.” I called out in English, “Be careful and have fun,” and kept going. I heard one of the boys exclaiming, “Yugan can speak English!”
“Really?”
“Yes, he just said something in English.”
They called after me, “Yugan, can you speak English?”
I said (in English), still going down to the bus “Of course, it's my native language.”
A voice drifted down, almost out of earshot ~ “I laaaaah byoooo!” Showing off his English: I love you. (don't get too sentimental. He probably has no idea what it means, beyond being English.)
Kids here know I'm different. They try to figure out why my eyes are different from anybody else in Wulai's, but they've seen me here all their lives, so they just accept that Yugan-with-the-dogs is a friend of my parents, our neighbor, a different sort of Tayal, that's all. Kids accept. It's only later that they learn to differentiate.

Golden Rule
Them that has the gold makes the rules.
~anonymous
金科玉律：金玉滿堂之家，治科定律。

一剎那三世
人生剎那剎那過。每剎那所見、所想、所決定、所選擇，含三世：過去、現在、未來。過去的經驗、習氣，決定如何面對當下、如何處理眼前事物、如何看待、如何反應。而每一剎那的處置，帶入未來，影響將來。故云，點點滴滴造成習慣，習慣造成個性，個性造成命運。
墨子說，未來不期，已過不留。
有人一生沒有活過。懵懵懂懂過日子，眼下的人生，從來沒有用心處理過。心在過去與未來中，但實際上從來沒有活過。馬馬虎虎過一生，行尸走肉，只是還有一口氣在時，沒封棺而已。

Have you ever noticed how casually smokers flick their butts on the ground wherever they are? In their hearts, to smokers our beautiful earth is nothing but an ashtray.

Somebody said, “The truly educated never graduate.”

I don't see it. The imbeciles in the Taiwan independence movement have made fools of themselves by worshipping at the Yasukuni Shrine in Tokyo, dedicated to all Japanese imperial soldiers who gave their lives in the fight against freedom, democracy, and human rights.
Have they considered how this might go over with ol' Dubya, the current president of the US? I quote from the White House biography of his father, George H W Bush, 41st President of the US.
The youngest pilot in the Navy when he received his wings, he flew 58 combat missions during World War II. On one mission over the Pacific as a torpedo bomber pilot he was shot down by Japanese antiaircraft fire and was rescued from the water by a U. S. submarine.
Do they expect that they will win points with Our Revered Leader by worshipping at the shrine of the guys who tried to kill his father? Saddam didn't even aim a gun at Dubya's daddy, and look what happened to him!

Let's Go Hiking!
I've got news for the experts, the ones who say there are 22 species of poisonous snakes in Taiwan. Make that 23. Recently someone caught a cobra in the mountains near the city (碧潭山), about two meters long, thicker than my bicep. Problem is, it wasn't our usual cobra (naja naja atra). It evidently came in from Southeast Asia in a load of logs.

God was my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.
~Anonymous

長久以來，我感覺到我認識的男人中，越是熱中台獨，越可能是大男人主義；說要台灣獨立，但是不准女性獨立:女人的存在，是為了要服務男人的。

台聯立委說抗戰期慰安婦是自願的、樂在其中的，這不僅是對慰安婦莫大的侮辱，而是對所有女性，甚至所有的人的人格的欺辱。我們為甚麼要忍受這種靈魂污染？民主是為了讓大官污衊我們的心靈嗎?

Thirty years ago, when discussion on the topic was forbidden, I noticed that the only people who were in favor of Taiwan independence were the landlords, the rich people who had lost their peasants when the KMT gave the land to the farmers. The landlords were reimbursed for their land, so they became wealthy, but they had lost their power, and Taiwan independence was a way for them to regain their dominance. In those days, the little guy was happy with the KMT, because he was able to buy shoes for his kids, and they had a better future ahead than toiling in the paddies and banana plantations for the landlords. The landlords never forgave the KMT, and poured money into opposition.

Since it became a hot topic, I have noticed that the more a man is in favor of independence, the more likely he is to be a male chauvinist who longs for the good old days when children obeyed their fathers and women obeyed their sons, husbands, and fathers.

During World War II, the Japanese, male chauvinists par excellence, dragged women from captive territories, mostly Korean and some from Taiwan, to serve as prostitutes for the imperial soldiers. They were euphemistically called comfort women.

Taiwan Independence leaders recently caused a furor by making a pilgrimage to worship at Japan's Yasukuni Shrine, the shrine to all Japanese soldiers who died fighting for imperialism, colonialism, fascism, aggression, and against democracy and human rights. Japan's actions during World War II were discussed. A Taiwan Independence legislator defended Japanese disregard for common decency by announcing that the comfort women from Taiwan went willingly and happily.

I rest my case.

台聯在日本靖國神社奴顏婢膝的表現，令人感覺他們真正的心願，不是臺灣獨立，而是希望臺灣又可以作為日本的殖民地、再一次享受作次等國民的滋味。

無恥。

Conversations you don't want to hear

I had errands to run near 師大/NTNU, so I stopped in the 仁X自助餐 X Cafeteria(All you Can Eat for 69NT). The lady behind the counter and a fat man (who looked a bit unbalanced) were screaming at each other.
Why don't you serve the food I want to eat?
I told you not to come back, why are you here again?
Because I want to see if you made the dishes I want!
I told you not to come back!
Her son, about 7, was walking back and forth between the tables bouncing a basketball. Her other son, just old enough to walk, was amusing himself by throwing chopsticks on the floor, which his mother patiently retrieved, as she continued her screaming match.
Regretting my choice of cafeterias, I chose a seat as far away from the counter as I could, right outside the kitchen. Between the shouting, I could hear the kitchen staff exclaiming:
Rat! Rat!
Go away, don't come over.
Hand me the lettuce.
When are you going to cook something I like to eat?
Rat! Rat!
Stay away! Stay away from me!
I don't want to see you here again!
Don't let it climb up onto the counter ~~ bang bang bang ~~ get it off the counter!
Look, there's another one.
Go away!
Just take your lunch and eat at home, don't come here anymore!
Have you washed the squash?
The rat left.
Which one?
The one that ran across the counter.
Oh, because there's still one under the sink.
Hand me the hot pepper.
Rat, rat!
What kind of food do you serve? Why don't you serve the food I like?
Is it the same one?
Just go home!
I'm not sure. Where are the tomatoes?
Rat, rat!
Another one?
Yes, look over there.
You're right.
Don't slam the door when you leave!
Why shouldn't I? Your food is all cold!
Is it still under the sink?
I told you to stay off the counter! ~~ bang bang bang ~~ Go away!

Fortunately, it is a vegetarian cafeteria, so I didn't have to worry about the ingredients of my lunch. Having paid my 69NT, I was entitled to go back for seconds, but the ambience was so overpowering that I bolted my food and bolted.

Better than April Fool's

From an article I am editing:
The American flag is sometimes called “Starts and strips.”